Economic Models explained with Cows- 2008 update

[Dr Grump]

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.


COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.


NAZISM
You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...


TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.


ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven
cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows,
with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,
leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then
buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.


A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty
times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.


A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.


A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.


A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.


AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
Both are mad.


AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....



AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.



A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

 

[editec]

Maine

You have two cows.

They freeze

You sell ice cream until that runs out, then you move South and take any kind of work you can get.

Generations later, your grandchildren retire wealthy and move back to Maine to get back to their roots.

They buy fancy cows that don't give much milk but are pictuesque as hell.

They open up a local dairy store and import icecream and milk from New Jersey. They sell it to touristas as Made in Maine, the way life should be.

Their children go to the local schools and get a crappy education.

A cold snap hits and their ice-cream and milk business dies for a lack of tourists gullible enough to think their overpriced lactate products are worth the extra money.

Those kids read the handwriting on the wall (slowly, and with great difficulty-- remember, they went to Maine schools) so they move out West while the Mainer and the Mrs. Mainer grow old and slowly go broke in a quiet town.

Eventually everyone in Maine that can still afford it, buys their milk from China or someplace