Do you spank your kids?

[KLSuddeth]

Its all about choice.

Every decision that any human being makes results in a reaction, be it positive or negative. I beleive that it is referred to as the Law of Cause and Effect.

I teach my children that for every decision they make, they have to be damn sure that they're ready for the reaction it is going to result in.

Adults would do well to learn this simple Rule/Law as well.

 

[_dmp_]

Originally posted by DKSuddeth
No, we have a decaying moral youth because these kids are being beat as a form of discipline instead of being taught that good behavior has better rewards. And I did not say to avoid corporal punishment, a spanking can certainly be warranted from time to time, just not as a primary tool.

So - back when kids were being spanked more, say, 40 years ago, we were morrally on 'higher ground' than now? Yet it's (the reduction) of spanking which is causing this decay? say wha?

Originally posted by DKSuddeth
I can ALSO promise you that most of those 'gang' kids that you are referring to are receiving neither positive or negative reinforcement. There are many example of inner city kids that become decent citizens because of a good positive home. More so than those who are in fear of a belt.

Translation: I have no real data to back this up, so I'll speculate on the condition of the kids' homelives.

At least when dmp speculates, he makes it obvious that he is doing so. "I'd wager" is a term he uses often.

Originally posted by DKSuddeth
Pacifism DID solve some things, as evidenced by Doctor King, however, I didn't say that we shouldn completely withhold corporal punishment, it just shouldn't be your primary form of teaching behaviour.

(shrug). Nobody is advocating beating kids for spilling juice...I am advocating spanking kids when they cross a line...

Originally posted by DKSuddeth
When all you have is fear of physical abuse, you've failed the greatest teachings that god gave mankind.

Who said anything about 'all'.

Look - I can't make this any more clear...

Beating kids is bad. Spanking kids appropriately is the BEST way in may instances. Kids who were never spanked generally face a MUCH harder road when it comes to learning life-lessons...establishing from an early age what is right...and what is wrong. That's from MY experience. Wonder why I get laudatory comments about how well my kids behave when we leave them w/ sitters? It's because we spank them.

My mom used to have a boss...This is how he raised HIS kid....they were STEEPED in 'Positive Reinforcement'.

The kid had a glass jar in the kitchen. When the kid did something GOOD, they put a piece of candy in the jar. When the kid misbehaved, they took out a piece. At the end of the week, he'd get to consume the jar's contents. This kid's parents failed him. Bigtime.

 

[DKSuddeth]

So - back when kids were being spanked more, say, 40 years ago, we were morrally on 'higher ground' than now? Yet it's (the reduction) of spanking which is causing this decay? say wha?

why do you only concern yourself with half of my point? I've told you three times now, I'm not advocating withholding any form of physical discipline. I'm telling you that if physical discipline is your primary form of behavioural instruction you only enforce not getting caught. The pattern that you are trying to portray as the problem is wrong as these are kids that are not getting POSITIVE reinforcement either.

Translation: I have no real data to back this up, so I'll speculate on the condition of the kids' homelives.

then get a new translation dictionary

I didn't do any research on this for the hell of it. You've read my wifes life as a child. Mine was nowhere near as bad but I dealt with a father who felt that negative reinforcement was a much better teacher than a positive reinforcement. All it taught me was that my father didn't know a hell of alot.

Nobody is advocating beating kids for spilling juice...I am advocating spanking kids when they cross a line...

Now, if you'll realize that this is pretty much what I'm saying as well.....

Wonder why I get laudatory comments about how well my kids behave when we leave them w/ sitters? It's because we spank them.

great, so your kids behave because of the fear of a spanking. why don't they behave because they like to?

 

[KLSuddeth]

QUOTE]The kid had a glass jar in the kitchen. When the kid did something GOOD, they put a piece of candy in the jar. When the kid misbehaved, they took out a piece. At the end of the week, he'd get to consume the jar's contents. This kid's parents failed him. Bigtime.[/QUOTE]


And youre point is.....? Seems that youre talking apples and oranges. Actually, I cant even find the relavence. Rewards with candy, toys or THINGS in general are not a good system.

Im speaking of reward insofar as every action has an equal and opposite REaction. Reward insofar as choosing the correct path (for lack of better terms at this time), rather than choosing a destructive path and having to deal with the repercussions of such.

bottom line - regardless what the point of that site is, its sick.
To see a child cowered down in fear is just sick. 'satirical' or otherwise. Being a parent, I could barely look at it. Thats the beauty about the internet though. If I dont want to look at something or talk to someone, I can click off.

click.

 

[Johnney]

good lord delete this thread already.

 

[5stringJeff]

Well... KL, I am very sorry that you went through what you did. My father was somewhat heavy-handed with me until I was about 8 or 9. Looking back, I understand why we was that way with me - it was the only way he knew how to get a point through my head.

About spanking... I have to agree with remie. I don't think that spanking, as a means of negative reinforcement, is a bad tool to use, when the occasion warrants. I'm not sure I know too many people that advocate beating their kids, though. I will say, though, that positive reinforcement is always the best way to go, if it's possible to use it. However, I have found (in my short 1 1/2 years of being a stepparent) that sometimes you have no choice but to use negative reinforcement - spanking, yelling, lecturing, etc.

 

[The Beaver]

As a father of an 8 year daughter I would never, and I mean never lay a hand on her. Words are so much more powerful than the fist. I have been blessed with a very, very well behaved little girl. This might be a result of having mid-wives deliver her in our home and the fact that my wife breast-feed our child for two and half years. This kid is very bright, very good-looking (I must say) and again is very well adjusted for a child from divorced parents. On the few ocassions I've had to set down the rules, I've always done it with total respect without ever raising my voice. I do it through reason, explaining why I'm saying what I'm saying and the reason I'm saying it. You don't need to belittle the child (this causes a very low self esteem) just to prove a point. What I have observed is; when I see people hitting, or yelling at their children it usually comes from the hate they (parents) have for themself. They hit their kids because it makes them fill powerful, like power they never had in their life up until the time they had kids. There's never a time when you should hit your children (and I'm not talking about a swift tap on the butt).

My thinking comes from me being hit (and believe me when I say I deserved it) as a pre-teen all the way through highschool. Although I never was beat or physically hurt, (maybe my pride)but
I received alot of "swats" from teachers, PE coaches, guardians, but never from my parents. I vowed during this time in my life that if I ever had kids I would never hit them, and I have stuck with that and always will. I had friends that were beaten very hard and suffered physical and mental damage because of it. Most of those people are either in prison or dead. And I'm not kidding! Violence besets violence. Its real. The best way I can account for the feelings I have is that I don't have to get my anger out on my kids. I don't need to elevate my desire for control over my kids. I don't need to enhance or feed my ego by hurting someone half my size just because I can.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe that there is a difference between right and wrong. There is a time for punishment. There are consequences for bad behavior. Again, this can easily be accomplished if you have the desire to think through your actions.

 

[KLSuddeth]

Very well put!