It Only Hurts When I Laugh
Comic gold.There is currently in print a Ted Cruz coloring book for children. This is the cover. It is called "Cruz To The Future," and that cover has birds and bushes and soon-to-be-extinct monarch butterflies...and Ted, with a blue suit and a porn-clown smile, shooting a Double Fonzie at a tree.
Oh, the tree. Dear God and Sonny Jesus, the fa-chrissakes tree.
The roots spell out "ROOTS," but look suspiciously like the Flying Spaghetti Monster (bless His noodly appendage). Then there's grass, a fact given away by the large "GRASS" etched in the grass - get it? "Grass"..."Roots"...so clever - before we move up the trunk (labeled "TEA PLANT") which eventually bifurcates into two separate branches.
This is all very deep. I hope you're keeping up.
The main branch, which is branded with the legend "U.S. CONSTITUTION," leads to several leaves with labels on them. "Opportunity" and "Diversity" are two leaves, "Freedom" and "Inclusion" are two others...but then we reach higher to find a leaf that reads "Lower Taxes," and one other, the highest of them all, that reads, "White House." Which is hilarious, if you think about it.
Wait, sorry, I said, "think."
The other branch is branded with the legend, "TEN COMMANDMENTS." There are but two leaves sprouting from this branch: "Free Enterprise," and above it, "Gun Rights." Take a second and come to grips with that little slice of psychotic Christian Dominionist nonsense.
Yeah, that happened.