Bill Clinton meets Jesus (joke)

[notmyfault2020]

--thought I would share this with General.

I commented in another section of the forum on how amazing it is that u can get away with murder literally when you "have a name" in the US (not that I'm implying there is credible evidene this particular person murdered anyone..)

In any case, God is no respecter of persons so that name isn't going to get him anywhere with the Judge when he dies..


"But... but I am Bill Clinton! Do you know even know who I am?" says Bill to Jesus after death.

"It is you who do not know who I am" says Jesus

"You wouldn't dare send me to Hell!"

"You have sent yourself."

"No.. no.. I don't want to go. Isn't living with Hitlery.. I mean Hillary.. isn't that enough punishment to make up for all my sins of lying and making $$ off the taxpayers and.. well, that Broderick thing.. I mean, we're talking Hillary!"

"Well, I can kind of see your point--- but it doesn't exactly work that way"

"Um... Ok, how about I give you a million dollars?"


(Sorry, God, if you don't appreciate my little joke)

 

[Votto]

God: "You are going to hell Bill"

Bill: "Going"? Can you define the word going for us?"

LOL.

 

[rightwinger]

--thought I would share this with General.

I commented in another section of the forum on how amazing it is that u can get away with murder literally when you "have a name" in the US (not that I'm implying there is credible evidene this particular person murdered anyone..)

In any case, God is no respecter of persons so that name isn't going to get him anywhere with the Judge when he dies..


"But... but I am Bill Clinton! Do you know even know who I am?" says Bill to Jesus after death.

"It is you who do not know who I am" says Jesus

"You wouldn't dare send me to Hell!"

"You have sent yourself."

"No.. no.. I don't want to go. Isn't living with Hitlery.. I mean Hillary.. isn't that enough punishment to make up for all my sins of lying and making $$ off the taxpayers and.. well, that Broderick thing.. I mean, we're talking Hillary!"

"Well, I can kind of see your point--- but it doesn't exactly work that way"

"Um... Ok, how about I give you a million dollars?"


(Sorry, God, if you don't appreciate my little joke)

You need to work on your punch lines

 

[BULLDOG]

--thought I would share this with General.

I commented in another section of the forum on how amazing it is that u can get away with murder literally when you "have a name" in the US (not that I'm implying there is credible evidene this particular person murdered anyone..)

In any case, God is no respecter of persons so that name isn't going to get him anywhere with the Judge when he dies..


"But... but I am Bill Clinton! Do you know even know who I am?" says Bill to Jesus after death.

"It is you who do not know who I am" says Jesus

"You wouldn't dare send me to Hell!"

"You have sent yourself."

"No.. no.. I don't want to go. Isn't living with Hitlery.. I mean Hillary.. isn't that enough punishment to make up for all my sins of lying and making $$ off the taxpayers and.. well, that Broderick thing.. I mean, we're talking Hillary!"

"Well, I can kind of see your point--- but it doesn't exactly work that way"

"Um... Ok, how about I give you a million dollars?"


(Sorry, God, if you don't appreciate my little joke)

Is that what MAGAs think is funny?

 

[rightwinger]

Is that what MAGAs think is funny?

MAGA thinks slipping on a banana peel or pie in the face is funny

They really don’t have much of a concept of humor

 

[BULLDOG]

MAGA thinks slipping on a banana peel or pie in the face is funny

They really don’t have much of a concept of humor

That's funnier than that goofy crap in the OP.

 

[notmyfault2020]

God: "You are going to hell Bill"

Bill: "Going"? Can you define the word going for us?"

LOL.

LOL

or any of the other words in that sentence (the word Sentence can mean 2 different things, for sure)

I really got to the libs here, didn't I?

laugh..

 

[rightwinger]

LOL

or any of the other words in that sentence (the word Sentence can mean 2 different things, for sure)

In terms of your future as a joke writer

Don‘t quit your day job

 

[konradv]

--thought I would share this with General.

I commented in another section of the forum on how amazing it is that u can get away with murder literally when you "have a name" in the US (not that I'm implying there is credible evidene this particular person murdered anyone..)

In any case, God is no respecter of persons so that name isn't going to get him anywhere with the Judge when he dies..


"But... but I am Bill Clinton! Do you know even know who I am?" says Bill to Jesus after death.

"It is you who do not know who I am" says Jesus

"You wouldn't dare send me to Hell!"

"You have sent yourself."

"No.. no.. I don't want to go. Isn't living with Hitlery.. I mean Hillary.. isn't that enough punishment to make up for all my sins of lying and making $$ off the taxpayers and.. well, that Broderick thing.. I mean, we're talking Hillary!"

"Well, I can kind of see your point--- but it doesn't exactly work that way"

"Um... Ok, how about I give you a million dollars?"


(Sorry, God, if you don't appreciate my little joke)

C-

 

[notmyfault2020]

"But... but I am Hillary Clinton! Do you know even know who I am?" says Hillary to Jesus after death.

"It is you who do not know who I am" says Jesus

"You wouldn't dare send me to Hell!"

"You have sent yourself."

"No.. no.. I don't want to go. Isn't living with Bill all these years enough punishment to make up for all my sins of lying and making $$ off the taxpayers and.. well, that Blackberry-smashing thing.. I mean, we're talking Bill Clinton !"

"Well, I can kind of see your point--- but it doesn't exactly work that way"

"Um... Ok, how about I give you a million dollars?"


(Sorry, God, if you don't appreciate my little joke)

Hey, we could just insert ANY politician's name here, couldn't we?

and their sick spouses and/or friends who benefit from the corruption of same (Read Peter Schweizer's books)

 

[rightwinger]

"But... but I am Hillary Clinton! Do you know even know who I am?" says Hillary to Jesus after death.

"It is you who do not know who I am" says Jesus

"You wouldn't dare send me to Hell!"

"You have sent yourself."

"No.. no.. I don't want to go. Isn't living with Bill all these years enough punishment to make up for all my sins of lying and making $$ off the taxpayers and.. well, that Blackberry-smashing thing.. I mean, we're talking Bill Clinton !"

"Well, I can kind of see your point--- but it doesn't exactly work that way"

"Um... Ok, how about I give you a million dollars?"


(Sorry, God, if you don't appreciate my little joke)

Hey, we could just insert ANY politician's name here, couldn't we?

and their sick spouses and/or friends who benefit from the corruption of same (Read Peter Schweizer's books)

Seriously, you should not publicly display your joke writing ability

 

[notmyfault2020]

I'll have to come up with a joke about Maxine Watters meeting Jesus

hard to fathom, actually.. Poor Jesus

 

[Cellblock2429]

--thought I would share this with General.

I commented in another section of the forum on how amazing it is that u can get away with murder literally when you "have a name" in the US (not that I'm implying there is credible evidene this particular person murdered anyone..)

In any case, God is no respecter of persons so that name isn't going to get him anywhere with the Judge when he dies..


"But... but I am Bill Clinton! Do you know even know who I am?" says Bill to Jesus after death.

"It is you who do not know who I am" says Jesus

"You wouldn't dare send me to Hell!"

"You have sent yourself."

"No.. no.. I don't want to go. Isn't living with Hitlery.. I mean Hillary.. isn't that enough punishment to make up for all my sins of lying and making $$ off the taxpayers and.. well, that Broderick thing.. I mean, we're talking Hillary!"

"Well, I can kind of see your point--- but it doesn't exactly work that way"

"Um... Ok, how about I give you a million dollars?"


(Sorry, God, if you don't appreciate my little joke)

/——/ Hint: In the future, don’t tell people you’re going to tell them a joke. That ruins the spontaneity. Just tell the joke. No stand up comedian starts a routine by saying I’ve got some jokes for you about...

 

[rightwinger]

Can I play?

Everyone who voted for Trump meets Jesus when they die

Jesus says....... Get the Fuk outta here!

 

[g5000]

A Trump supporter dies and goes to heaven.

God: You lived a good life so I will grant you a completely honest answer to any question you have.

Trumper: Who really won the 2020 election?

God: Biden, in a fair election.

Trumper: This goes even higher than I thought.

 

[notmyfault2020]

Can I play?

Everyone who voted for Trump meets Jesus when they die

Jesus says....... Get the Fuk outta here!

That says something about a person.. putting Jesus in the same sentence as the F word

You yourself appear to be on your way to Hell (not saying that just bc I don't like your politics either, but because.. See first part of my post here

 

[g5000]

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

Trump replied, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

 

[g5000]

A man died one day and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, “What are all those clocks?”

St. Peter replied, “Those are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie-clock. Every time you lie the hands on the clock will move.”

“Oh,” said the man as he pointed at one of them, “Whose clock is that?”

St. Peter replied, “That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

“That’s incredible, ” said the man.

St. Peter pointed to another clock, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life.”

The man was impressed, and then asked, “Where’s Donald Trump’s clock?”

St. Peter said, “His clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”

 

[notmyfault2020]

A Trump supporter dies and goes to heaven.

God: You lived a good life so I will grant you a completely honest answer to any question you have.

Trumper: Who really won the 2020 election?

God: Biden, in a fair election.

Trumper: This goes even higher than I thought.

only one problem

God doesn't lie

true story

 

[g5000]

Obama, Hillary Clinton and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, “Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned and what you believe in.”

God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?”

Obama thinks long and hard, looks God straight in the eye, and says, “I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen.”

God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Obama, and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Clinton and says, “And what do you believe?”

Clinton ponders for a while and then says, “I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Obama I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I’ve always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American.”

God is greatly moved by Clinton’s eloquence, and he offers her a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Trump and says, “And you, Donald, what do you believe?”

Trump replies, “I believe you’re in my seat.”