Nancy Pelosi gives commencement speech at California’s Notre Dame De Namur University

[Votto]

Nancy Pelosi gave a commencement speech at California’s Notre Dame De Namur University saying, "Graduating students, I come to you today to beg you to save democracy from the fascism from President...........um.............................I can't even speak his name anymore, but you know who I am talking about, right? Even though he cannot run again, all you need to do is vote against him in the midterms and we will ride the impeachment train into the sunset like last time, followed by a myriad more felony convictions that will no doubt be followed by angry voters with guns, just like last time, otherwise, democracy will the doomed, doomed I say, DOOOOOOOMED!!!" Now I known what you are thinking, how can we vote and win when "you know who" already won the Presidency to destroy democracy? All I can say is, just stop thinking and let us do that for you, because you obviously need some help here. Just stop it!!!"

Nancy continued. "Anyway, I just want to thank Notre Dame University, which is a Catholic university, the opportunity to stand up here and give a 4-hour speech on the evils of voting Republican. It really means a lot to me, being a Catholic myself. For Catholics need to stand up for what God would want and vote accordingly. because the democrat party is the party of our Lord and Savior. Now I know what you are thinking, why would I vote for the democrat party when we all want abortion, right? I mean, we not only want it legal, but we want all of you to pay for it, every penny of it. But we know that all this talk about abortion being evil is pure hogwash, which is why I am up here today. After all, would the Catholic church allow me to get up here and give a speech if they really believed that abortion was infanticide? I mean, we are talking over 60 million unborn babies exterminated, not even the Nazis murdered as many. So, if the church really believed their own teachings about this being infanticide, I assure you I would not be here today."

"Ok, Ok, let me try to explain this another way. Abortion is like illegal immigration. Sure, on the books illegal immigration is technically illegal, and laws should be enforced accordingly. But we all know that those laws were passed long ago by out of touch men who were wallowing in systemic racism and sexism, so, we just ignore those laws, just like the Catholic church is ignoring their teachings regarding abortion by having he me here to speak to you today. Those official Catholic teachings were also passed by a bunch of out of touch white conservative sexist men who were also systemically racist, so there is that. Besides, if Jesus were here today, he would lovingly perform another miracle by aborting your baby just like he raising people from the dead or healing someone from a sickness back in the day. And you can trust me because I know that like I know how to trade and buy stocks. I get all my information from the powers from above!!"

No word yet on how many out of touch Jesus hating white men who were also systemically racists were in the audience to hear the 4 hour speech. All that we do know is the stock market hit a new all-time high after Nancy had shared some of her stock tips with the audience.