American Coastopia!

[freeandfun1]

Please note that the blog site that I have linked to, DOES NOT agree with the following diatribe. It was sent to him by a Clintonista friend of his.

American Coastopia!
11/2/04

Ladies and gentlemen, you needn't fret anymore. We have decided that we can't live in the United States anymore, because so many of you in the "heartland" are so full of shit. We were all going to move to various other countries, but then we thought - why should WE move?

We are tired of rednecks in Oklahoma picking the leader who will determine if it is safe for us to cross the Brooklyn Bridge. We are sick of homophobic knuckle-draggers in Wyoming contributing to the national debate on our gay marriages. So we have done the only thing we could.

We seceded.

May I present to you: AMERICAN COASTOPIA.

That's right, American Coastopia. The states of Washington, Oregon and California are joining us on one coast, and we will provide all of New England. In the middle of the country, we have taken Iowa and Illinois, mostly because we need the fine produce of Iowa's soil, and the museums in Chicago are fabulous.

The other dot is New Orleans, which you don't deserve. American Coastopia needs a place to gamble, and the locals want nothing to do with you.

Sure, you can visit, but it isn't part of your country anymore.

I can sense your worry. Who will get all the banks? You can fucking have most of them, because we're taking downtown and midtown Manhattan back, turning the whole thing into a giant artist colony replete with movie studios and progressive think tanks. Wall Street and other financial institutions will be relocated to Charlotte, which we believe will suit your needs better. Frankly, the good folks in Manhattan are sick of being a terrorist target for your benefit.

A word about our politics. Abortions will be safe and legal in American Coastopia, and homosexual men and women will be free to marry at their discretion. We will have our own currency, and trade with any countries we want. Everyone will have health care. Everyone will have an identity card. Homelessness and unemployment will be
virtually unknown. We believe in a meritocracy and a huge chasm between church and state. 100% of our cars will be hybrid by 2006.

Yes, we're taking all the people that ever created everything beautiful. Yes, we're taking all the funny people too. All the sculptors, architects, surgeons, philosophers, violinists and fishermen. You should have treated them better when you had them.

We have no pledge of allegiance, but I can say this: I am no longer from your United States of America. I belong to American Coastopia, the United States of My Friends, the Nation of Two: my wife and I. We hold our noses as we fly over you. We are sickened by the way you treat people that are different from you. The rest of the world despises America, and we don't want to be lumped in with you anymore.

Please, all of you who went to bed last night sick with worry, come to us. In American Coastopia, the light is always on, the hazelnut lattés are always hot, and we have a trundle bed for each and every one of you.

 

[theim]

Well. Since Republicans own the most guns, we can send the army to take NYC. Because that city has a lot of cool stuff like the Statue of Liberty. And we know liberals cringe at patriotic stuff, so we wouldn't want them to worry about that. And we also get all the nukes and military stuff in your states, you don't like it all anyway so no big deal.

But uh, yeah, other than them getting NYC and the nukes, the plan sounds pretty good to me. I've wanted to move away from Madison anyways. Time to drop some dead weight.

And after their socialist Banana Republican Commune collapses, we can all laugh at them, and have our snipers shoot them when they try to enter Jesusland illegally.

Have a nice trip, you won't be missed.

 

[CSM]

Well wont that just be awesome. They wont have any farmers, auto mechanics, scientists, garbage collectors, technicians, and a lot of other skills a modern society needs. Hmm the more I think about it, they should reach the same level of civilization that Afghanistan enjoys in less than five years.

 

[freeandfun1]

Well wont that just be awesome. They wont have any farmers, auto mechanics, scientists, garbage collectors, technicians, and a lot of other skills a modern society needs. Hmm the more I think about it, they should reach the same level of civilization that Afghanistan enjoys in less than five years.

They'll have all the ice they can ever use! They will need it for their kool-aide!

 

[nakedemperor]

Well. Since Republicans own the most guns, we can send the army to take NYC. Because that city has a lot of cool stuff like the Statue of Liberty. And we know liberals cringe at patriotic stuff, so we wouldn't want them to worry about that. And we also get all the nukes and military stuff in your states, you don't like it all anyway so no big deal.

But uh, yeah, other than them getting NYC and the nukes, the plan sounds pretty good to me. I've wanted to move away from Madison anyways. Time to drop some dead weight.

And after their socialist Banana Republican Commune collapses, we can all laugh at them, and have our snipers shoot them when they try to enter Jesusland illegally.

Have a nice trip, you won't be missed.

Good luck taking NYC. If New York were its own country, it would have the 17th largest economy in the world. Its GDP would be 7.51 trillion. It would have the 6th largest standing army in the world. So, bring on your guns! We'd ferry the LAPD in too and bust some heads!

I think this is a great plan. Jesusland...lol.

 

[Avatar4321]

A word about our politics. Abortions will be safe and legal in American Coastopia, and homosexual men and women will be free to marry at their discretion. We will have our own currency, and trade with any countries we want. Everyone will have health care. Everyone will have an identity card. Homelessness and unemployment will be virtually unknown. We believe in a meritocracy and a huge chasm between church and state. 100% of our cars will be hybrid by 2006.

I had to laugh at this one. Since when do liberals care about merit? hahaha If they want to cede from the union they may get new england but im not even sure they would get all of California, Oregon, and Washington. And why on earth they should get Iowa since its now part of the red states is kinda silly. Regardless though they are going to have a hard time surviving when they realize they have cut themselves off from all the food. They can keep the "art" and the jars of piss with crucifixes in it all the want. wont matter much without the food will it?

 

[theim]

Actually here is a better and more accurate plan:

See all the blue? The loads and loads of blue? The blue that dominates California and New England where there is like...NO red?

They can have all that.

 

[wolvie20m]

I'm tierd of this BS I say we brand as traitors(punishable by death).

 

[BR-549]

Good luck taking NYC. If New York were its own country, it would have the 17th largest economy in the world. Its GDP would be 7.51 trillion. It would have the 6th largest standing army in the world. So, bring on your guns! We'd ferry the LAPD in too and bust some heads!

I think this is a great plan. Jesusland...lol.

.

 

[Flying Duck]

What a moron, he forgot to take Hawaii.

 

[wolvie20m]

It's all good we'll keep it then, nice wheather there anyways.

 

[NATO AIR]

considering all the gang members in nyc, boston, philly & la, they'd have their own merc army right there.

seriously though, if the dems ever get smart and grow up, they'll be polling half of jesusland by 2008.

 

[sitarro]

Actually here is a better and more accurate plan:

See all the blue? The loads and loads of blue? The blue that dominates California and New England where there is like...NO red?

They can have all that.[/QUOTE

That county map puts things in much better perspective . What amazes me is that they actually believe that even with 95% of the media , hundreds of anti-Bush books that were pushed by the above and bookstores , Hollywood and their ability to get their views in movies and on television , all of those "musicians"(a lot of weren't even registered to vote! ) , the distortions and cheating , registering nonexistant people and the dead , they still lost by nearly 4,000,000 votes . HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[sitarro]

ttp://www.princeton.edu/~rvdb/JAVA/election2004/

This site has an interesting map that really shows how rediculous that original editorial is .

 

[Adam's Apple]

Did anyone happen to hear Geraldine Ferraro on Hannity & Colmes Friday night? She stated that if the Blue States seceded, they would take all the nation's brainpower with them, and there would be nothing left in the Red States. How about that for respect for the majority of Americans!
Liberals are SOOOOOOOOOOO into themselves! I'm sure Ms. Ferraro would be aghast at the idea that we could manage very well without them.

 

[fubar]

Well, Can I be a spy for jesusland ? I am 22 miles from where kerry gave his concession speach. I can start an underground resistance organization.

I'll take video of college proffessors trying to find a way to eat essays, and social workers bolstering the esteem of beaurocrats forming committees to research the wave of technical issues they'll experience when they need to put a new light bulb in, or figure out which end of a wrench works on those screw bolt thingies.

 

[dilloduck]

And these are the people that the pundits expect Bush to "reach across the aisle" too ??? Whatever for?????

 

[Merlin1047]

Well, Can I be a spy for jesusland ? I am 22 miles from where kerry gave his concession speach. I can start an underground resistance organization.

Sure thing. And while you're in there, perhaps you can circulate this little flyer I received in e-mail this morning:

First, keep in mind that this was a very narrow defeat, and could have gone either way with the right breaks. John Kerry would be planning his inaugural today if his campaign had not made a couple of strategic blunders, such as not getting people to vote for John Kerry.

Next, you've got to stop all this crazy talk about "suicide" and "that's it, I'm moving to Canada." C'mon people, just stop it! Why? Because you are Americans too, and Americans are known for action, that's why! If you ever expect other Americans to treat you as a serious political force, you've got to get up off your duff, can all that jibber-jabber, and get cracking on the U-Hauls and tragic carbon-monoxide incidents, Mister Big Talk. So quit flapping your gums and close those garage doors, crank up those engines or bolt on that trailer hitch and start packing!

Keep in mind that following a crushing election defeat, any political movement is going to face a bloody period of disarray and intraparty power struggles. When the inevitable recriminations, purges, and cannibalism start up, remember - it's not personal.

Want some good news? With the election finally over, it will be easier than ever to get the word out about the illegitimate Bush Regime. Just this morning I was at Barnes & Noble, and they're running a great $0.39 per pound special on anti-Bush books! They make great stocking stuffers, and there's over 500 titles to choose from.

Lesson for the day: learn from your mistakes. Get together with other progressives, and have a candid discussion about what went wrong - and why, and how, and where. Record these mistakes, and organize them with a program like Lotus Notes. Next, email them to Terry McAuliffe so he can put them in the next volume of his indexed archives.

Just like in baseball, more games are won with hustle than with power. In the next election, you should pledge to get out there early and explain to twice as many voters how Bush planned 9-11 and is building secret Gay concentration camps in Utah. Volume counts too, so make sure you scream these facts extra-loud next time, especially to old people.

 

[Avatar4321]

Just like in baseball, more games are won with hustle than with power. In the next election, you should pledge to get out there early and explain to twice as many voters how Bush planned 9-11 and is building secret Gay concentration camps in Utah. Volume counts too, so make sure you scream these facts extra-loud next time, especially to old people.

Secret Gay concentraion camps huh? Why utah? i would have thought they were already gathered in San Fran.

 

[Isaac Brock]

Can states legally cede from the Union?