No, its not on the menu.
You are saying that in order to serve you, they must trash everything in the kitchen, throw out all their kosher food and bring in special food just for you? And then prepare it differently just for you?
Then, you are saying you want them build a new kitchen with new utensils and equipment, go out and buy all new makings, all new food, have the rabbi come to bless it and all the rest.
BTW, almost all food is
manufactured "pareve" these days. And, no matter where you go, you're likely getting meat that was butchered "kosher".
No, I won't try to remember you're an atheist any more than I would expect you to remember my religion.