A Letter to My Senator...

no1tovote4

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Dear Senator Campbell,

As a native Coloradoan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005. As I understand it, I would also be able to avoid taxes for pretty much my entire career, then just as I was going to retire I could simply pay the fine and the three years of back taxes, prove that I had been here for seven years and receive Social Security Benefits that I hadn't paid for. What a great deal! This will save me hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for the next daughter entering college.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have three young girls approaching the age where they can drive.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
(and hopefully and illegal one)
 

ScreamingEagle

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Wow. Sign me up. :thup:

(if it worked that revolving door would spin off its hinges!)
 

Little-Acorn

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An excellent letter! Are you actually going to send that?
It first showed up nearly a year ago, shortly after the Senate passed S.2611 that contained all those provisions. It was pretty cute. But now it's all over the internet, and has been for months.

By now I'm sure all the Senators have seen it in one version or another. So sending them their 2,537th copy probably wouldn't have much effect.

But it IS a good way to point out just how silly S.2611's proposals were.
 

Kagom

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It first showed up nearly a year ago, shortly after the Senate passed S.2611 that contained all those provisions. It was pretty cute. But now it's all over the internet, and has been for months.

By now I'm sure all the Senators have seen it in one version or another. So sending them their 2,537th copy probably wouldn't have much effect.

But it IS a good way to point out just how silly S.2611's proposals were.
I should've known! Oh well. Great letter nonetheless.
 
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no1tovote4

no1tovote4

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I'd send it to him if it were actually possible to make a difference. And I should have changed the name in there. Senator Campbell hasn't been around for a while. It should be Senator Salazar... I don't know what came over me typing in Campbell...
 

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