Anguille
Bane of the Urbane
- Mar 8, 2008
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You've touched on a lot of important issues here.
The rules of the game have changed quite a bit. When a woman stayed home, and she was a housewife and raised kids, the expectation of sex on a regular basis may have seemed more reasonable. Today, with most women working out of the house and continuing to cook, doing almost all domestic chores as doing the wash and cleaning the house, and looking after kids' bedtimes and homework, makes for very tired wives.
The line between husbandly duties and wifely duties have blurred. If you're living in the 21st century America and you think it's "unmanly" to do the dishes or make a few meals, think again. There are husbands staying at home raising their kids, while the wives bring home the bacon, is that less manly? So don't expect to have a perky wife at 10:30 at night if you haven't helped her with the cooking and cleaning, and have expected the house to be in order.
I've worked outside of the home (due to choice, not necessity) and now I'm home, homeschooling my kids. While we live a conservative lifestyle, our views toward spouses' roles are not conventional. My husband has said to me, "You spend too much time in the kitchen..." He will vacuum if he sees that a room needs vacuuming. He's more like a frontier type of guy that would prefer to do things for himself. I also don't mind picking up some tools and putting together a piece of furniture.
I think men have lost respect in the the current society. It started with women's lib, but I think that's another thread.
I agree with Catz, that it is foolish for women to believe that they can refuse sex and the expect the relationship to stay in equilibrium. What if the husband just refused to do some of the things that were taken for granted? What if he went on strike and refused to change the oil in the car or forget to mow the lawn? Maybe that will get her attention.
If things reach a point where you are considering refusing sex for reasons other than fatigue or illness, then it's time to take stock before things get worse. But any amount of sex or lack of it is normal, as long as both parties are okay with it. Generally though, there are times when one is in the mood and the other isn't. We are all individuals with separate lives. We have to adjust and accommodate and be open to having our moods changed. Being lovers means being friends who share bodies.