When men don’t want sex

[AquaAthena]

Very true. The problem in my case being that what I'm seeking is much more of a traditional type relationship than most modern women are seeking, which adds a second strike against me, for most of them.

I do understand where you are coming from. Women I know, will go to bed with a guy fast! These are women looking for permanence. I tell them they are working against themselves.

Ahh the theory of the golden pussy ? Make them work for it and commit before any sex ?
Might be nice in theory.

It actually WORKS in reality, if the guy is a decent and "real man." He respects a woman more when he feels like she isn't ready until she is ready. In other words, it isn't for the game; it IS for real.

 

[Anachronism]

Modern AMERICAN women.

In almost every other country on earth, including those in Europe, you'll find that women are more traditional.

Which would be GREAT if I wasn't both an Isolationist AND a Nationalist.

I do understand where you are coming from. Women I know, will go to bed with a guy fast! These are women looking for permanence. I tell them they are working against themselves.

Yes, they definitely ARE working against themselves. A good cooking class and the willingness to watch a football game on a Sunday afternoon are much more useful in attracting a PERMANENT relationship than the willingness to jump between the sheets on a moment's notice.

Just wondering... did you grow up with more of a female influence on your perspectives?

No. Though I did grow up in a very Traditional family where morals, values, and ideals were the center of pretty much everything in life.

Ahh the theory of the golden pussy ? Make them work for it and commit before any sex? Might be nice in theory.

Great theory. Doesn't work in reality.

That incident made her feel cheap and slutty. In that case she would never want to see or talke with you again

She had already been told that sex was not even a topic for discussion until we had reached a point of long-term commitment. To assume somehow that the third date was a point of long-term commitment was kind of sill on her part, wouldn't you say?

Trust me, the feelings were completely and totally mutual, then.

 

[dilloduck]

I do understand where you are coming from. Women I know, will go to bed with a guy fast! These are women looking for permanence. I tell them they are working against themselves.

Ahh the theory of the golden pussy ? Make them work for it and commit before any sex ?
Might be nice in theory.

It actually WORKS in reality, if the guy is a decent and "real man." He respects a woman more when he feels like she isn't ready until she is ready. In other words, it isn't for the game; it IS for real.

In other words, a test ?

 

[Samson]

I do understand where you are coming from. Women I know, will go to bed with a guy fast! These are women looking for permanence. I tell them they are working against themselves.

Ahh the theory of the golden pussy ? Make them work for it and commit before any sex ?
Might be nice in theory.

It actually WORKS in reality, if the guy is a decent and "real man." He respects a woman more when he feels like she isn't ready until she is ready. In other words, it isn't for the game; it IS for real.

 

[Richard-H]

The problem is that what we are socialized to believe vs. the actual realities of human sexuality are very different things:

Women are obsessed with sex, though 'sex' is much more than just copulation to a women. Society socializes women to defy their true sex drive.

Men however are not quite as obsessed with sex as we are made to believe. Society promotes sexuality in men in order to get them to be more 'animalistic'.

Now, when men are young they are sexually repressed, and therefore sexually obsessed - basically young men will do just about anything for sex. However, as men get more experience with sex they become less obsessed with sex and more desirous of relationships - their 'paternal instinct' (i.e. desire for love) kicks in. They become selective.

Meanwhile, women are ever more cravenous of sex as they gain experience - this is only throttled by their intense instinctive desire to birth and provide a safe 'nest'. The desire for relationships by women is only because of the reality that wild sex lives are contradictory to providing a safe 'nest' in a modern soceity.

Meanwhile, men reduce their sex drives thru masterbation as a defensive mechanism - women will use a man's sex drive against him.

So for a mature intelligent responsible man, selectivity in sexual relationships is not only normal and healthy - it's plain smart. Of course sexual rejection outrages women - it means that they lose control - it means that they have to put more into a relationship than just sex - it defies their tendancy to use sex for dictatorial control of the relationship.

Of course there are a majority of men who are neither mature, intelligent or responsible and who are just too plain stupid to realize how much women take advantage of them - they protect themselves psychologically thru chauvanism.

 

[Cecilie1200]

is the main reason.

Porn. The Internet has made porn much more accessible - and the frequent masturbation it triggers may be making men too worn out for sex with a real partner. As I’ve discussed before in this blog, men are masturbating 50 to 500 percent more than they would normally without Internet porn. So if a guy normally masturbated once a day, he might now be doing it two or three times a day. If he masturbated three times a week, he might now be getting graphic with his graphics 15 times a week. If you’re 17 and single, this might not be a problem.


But if you’re 40 and toting a gut, it’s an issue - a real issue. Some guys may still feel mentally like they’re 17 years old, but they can’t have sex that way. Their bodies have changed and so have their refractory periods, the natural interval between erections. Guys with low desire may simply lack the mojo for real sex because they’re depleted from masturbation.

STOP JERKING OFF DAMNIT!!!

This would be a big reason why the first order any dominatrix gives a sub is, "No masturbation without permission."

 

[Cecilie1200]

You can't have porn AND the real thing ?

From what I gleaned from the article, this is not the case....unless you count faking it the "real thing."

I guess the point is that women aren't very used to hearing a man say no and don't take the rejection very lightly.

Well, as the article said, women are more likely to take it as a personal rejection. After all, we've been conditioned to think that men are basically penises with bodies attached, so if they don't want sex, it MUST be us, right? The idea that men are human beings whose sexual response is affected by life and emotions doesn't occur to us.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Very true. The problem in my case being that what I'm seeking is much more of a traditional type relationship than most modern women are seeking, which adds a second strike against me, for most of them.

I do understand where you are coming from. Women I know, will go to bed with a guy fast! These are women looking for permanence. I tell them they are working against themselves.

Ahh the theory of the golden pussy ? Make them work for it and commit before any sex ?
Might be nice in theory.

Or perhaps just treating oneself with respect and expecting others to do so, as well.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I will tell you that it can be very interesting to see the reaction of a woman when you tell her that you're not interested in having sex with her at that time.

Several years ago I dated a lady who invited me into her home after our third date. We sat around for a while in her living room talking. At which point she looked over at me and asked, quite directly... "Well, are you going to make a move on me or not?" I informed her that No, I was not intending on making "a move" on her that evening.

She was rather shocked and demanded to know why. I told her the same thing that I'd told her the first time sex had even come up, during our second date.... I don't believe casual sex is appropriate and don't engage in it. Sex is for long-term, committed relationships so far as I'm concerned.

The look of shock on her face was almost as if I'd told her that I didn't have a penis, or something to that effect. She all but bodily threw me out of her condo and told me that she didn't want to ever hear from or see me again, which at that point was fine with me.

That incident made her feel cheap and slutty. In that case she would never want to see or talk with you again

Sounds to me like she's blaming the messenger.

 

[Anachronism]

Well, as the article said, women are more likely to take it as a personal rejection. After all, we've been conditioned to think that men are basically penises with bodies attached, so if they don't want sex, it MUST be us, right? The idea that men are human beings whose sexual response is affected by life and emotions doesn't occur to us.

Ok. That's reasonable. However, it still begs my question about the incident I commented on earlier...

I had told the young lady in question that sex was not going to be part of our relationship until there was a long-term commitment from both of us. Then a date and a half later she gets all pissy because I'm NOT making a move on her.

Is it simply a belief that because I'm male, I must have been lying about not being interested in a sexual relationship until we were much further along into the relationsip, or something else?

 

[Cecilie1200]

Modern AMERICAN women.

In almost every other country on earth, including those in Europe, you'll find that women are more traditional.

Which would be GREAT if I wasn't both an Isolationist AND a Nationalist.

I do understand where you are coming from. Women I know, will go to bed with a guy fast! These are women looking for permanence. I tell them they are working against themselves.

Yes, they definitely ARE working against themselves. A good cooking class and the willingness to watch a football game on a Sunday afternoon are much more useful in attracting a PERMANENT relationship than the willingness to jump between the sheets on a moment's notice.



No. Though I did grow up in a very Traditional family where morals, values, and ideals were the center of pretty much everything in life.

Ahh the theory of the golden pussy ? Make them work for it and commit before any sex? Might be nice in theory.

Great theory. Doesn't work in reality.

That incident made her feel cheap and slutty. In that case she would never want to see or talke with you again

She had already been told that sex was not even a topic for discussion until we had reached a point of long-term commitment. To assume somehow that the third date was a point of long-term commitment was kind of sill on her part, wouldn't you say?

Trust me, the feelings were completely and totally mutual, then.

Just for the record, I don't watch football, and no power on Earth could make me do so. I WILL, however, happily provide snacks for my menfolk when THEY watch football, and absent myself from the area so they can watch in peace.

 

[Anachronism]

Just for the record, I don't watch football, and no power on Earth could make me do so. I WILL, however, happily provide snacks for my menfolk when THEY watch football, and absent myself from the area so they can watch in peace.

That works as well.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Ahh the theory of the golden pussy ? Make them work for it and commit before any sex ?
Might be nice in theory.

It actually WORKS in reality, if the guy is a decent and "real man." He respects a woman more when he feels like she isn't ready until she is ready. In other words, it isn't for the game; it IS for real.

In other words, a test ?

No more than any other aspect of the dating-and-getting-acquainted phase of a relationship. It IS all about finding someone you have a lot in common with, right? And I'd say, "Respects me as a person rather than a sexual vending machine" would be at least as important as "has the same religious and political views".

 

[Cecilie1200]

Well, as the article said, women are more likely to take it as a personal rejection. After all, we've been conditioned to think that men are basically penises with bodies attached, so if they don't want sex, it MUST be us, right? The idea that men are human beings whose sexual response is affected by life and emotions doesn't occur to us.

Ok. That's reasonable. However, it still begs my question about the incident I commented on earlier...

I had told the young lady in question that sex was not going to be part of our relationship until there was a long-term commitment from both of us. Then a date and a half later she gets all pissy because I'm NOT making a move on her.

Is it simply a belief that because I'm male, I must have been lying about not being interested in a sexual relationship until we were much further along into the relationsip, or something else?

Well, I haven't met the woman, so I can't say for sure, but it SOUNDS as though she'd been conditioned to equate her personal worth with her ability to get men to have sex with her. When you turned her down, you invalidated her self-esteem.

 

[HUGGY]

I will tell you that it can be very interesting to see the reaction of a woman when you tell her that you're not interested in having sex with her at that time.

Several years ago I dated a lady who invited me into her home after our third date. We sat around for a while in her living room talking. At which point she looked over at me and asked, quite directly... "Well, are you going to make a move on me or not?" I informed her that No, I was not intending on making "a move" on her that evening.

She was rather shocked and demanded to know why. I told her the same thing that I'd told her the first time sex had even come up, during our second date.... I don't believe casual sex is appropriate and don't engage in it. Sex is for long-term, committed relationships so far as I'm concerned.

The look of shock on her face was almost as if I'd told her that I didn't have a penis, or something to that effect. She all but bodily threw me out of her condo and told me that she didn't want to ever hear from or see me again, which at that point was fine with me.

"When men don't want sex"

When the woman has more hair on her body than I do. OR she smells like the incense from an old hippy head shop.

You're the picky one, ain't ya.

Ya probably. I've turned down more requests for sex than most guys ever had the chance to. Maybe I've just been spoiled on great sex with very desirable women. It's hard to count up the times but I've likely nixed intercourse probably a thousand times in the last 50 years and participated willingly something like 5-6 times that number.

So go ahead..call me a slut! BUT I'm a selective one!

 

[Anachronism]

Well, I haven't met the woman, so I can't say for sure, but it SOUNDS as though she'd been conditioned to equate her personal worth with her ability to get men to have sex with her. When you turned her down, you invalidated her self-esteem.

Obviously since none of us are her, we can't say for sure. I can see where your idea might hold a lot of water, though considering her appearance, intelligence, and other factors I would hope that her ability to get a guy to screw her would not totally invalidate her self-esteem; but we all know things like that DO happen.

 

[High_Gravity]

"When men don't want sex"

When the woman has more hair on her body than I do. OR she smells like the incense from an old hippy head shop.

You're the picky one, ain't ya.

Ya probably. I've turned down more requests for sex than most guys ever had the chance to. Maybe I've just been spoiled on great sex with very desirable women. It's hard to count up the times but I've likely nixed intercourse probably a thousand times in the last 50 years and participated willingly something like 5-6 times that number.

So go ahead..call me a slut! BUT I'm a selective one!

Not everyone is a pimp like you, charge it to the game.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Well, I haven't met the woman, so I can't say for sure, but it SOUNDS as though she'd been conditioned to equate her personal worth with her ability to get men to have sex with her. When you turned her down, you invalidated her self-esteem.

Obviously since none of us are her, we can't say for sure. I can see where your idea might hold a lot of water, though considering her appearance, intelligence, and other factors I would hope that her ability to get a guy to screw her would not totally invalidate her self-esteem; but we all know things like that DO happen.

It really doesn't have much to do with looks or intelligence, though. In fact, often the MORE attractive a woman is physically, it seems, the more likely it is that her self-esteem is tied to the reaction she gets from men. It's just conditioning. It's one of the reasons that a strong, positive father figure is so important to a young girl.

Furthermore (and I don't mean to hurt your feelings), given your circumstances, it's likely that she figured YOU were a "sure thing", and perhaps even thought she was doing you a favor. Under those circumstances, it would be doubly humiliating to her for you to turn her down.

 

[Anachronism]

It really doesn't have much to do with looks or intelligence, though. In fact, often the MORE attractive a woman is physically, it seems, the more likely it is that her self-esteem is tied to the reaction she gets from men. It's just conditioning. It's one of the reasons that a strong, positive father figure is so important to a young girl.

I am going to defer to your much greater experience in this particular vein.

Furthermore (and I don't mean to hurt your feelings), given your circumstances, it's likely that she figured YOU were a "sure thing", and perhaps even thought she was doing you a favor. Under those circumstances, it would be doubly humiliating to her for you to turn her down.

No feelings hurt, whatsoever. I've been the "mercy date". I've been the "mercy ****". I went down that road several times in my high school/college years. I learned how to notice that sort of thing and avoid it at all costs. It isn't worth anyone's time. If that's truly what she expected (and it might have been), then she hadn't been paying much attention to our conversations on the three dates. Her loss.

 

[Cecilie1200]

It really doesn't have much to do with looks or intelligence, though. In fact, often the MORE attractive a woman is physically, it seems, the more likely it is that her self-esteem is tied to the reaction she gets from men. It's just conditioning. It's one of the reasons that a strong, positive father figure is so important to a young girl.

I am going to defer to your much greater experience in this particular vein.

Thank you. My own father thought his daughters - all his children, really - were wonderful and able to do anything we put our minds to. I would no more have doubted my father's love, acceptance, and support than I would have doubted the sun coming up in the morning. And he treated my mother with great respect and deference, without being in the slightest "whipped". I'm quite sure this had a lot to do with my sister and me becoming strong, independent women as adults.

Furthermore (and I don't mean to hurt your feelings), given your circumstances, it's likely that she figured YOU were a "sure thing", and perhaps even thought she was doing you a favor. Under those circumstances, it would be doubly humiliating to her for you to turn her down.

No feelings hurt, whatsoever. I've been the "mercy date". I've been the "mercy ****". I went down that road several times in my high school/college years. I learned how to notice that sort of thing and avoid it at all costs. It isn't worth anyone's time. If that's truly what she expected (and it might have been), then she hadn't been paying much attention to our conversations on the three dates. Her loss.

I think it was, yes.