Two things I'd really like to know about Men

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Nienna, Aug 7, 2005.

  1. Nienna
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    Nienna Senior Member

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    Being a woman, especially growing up with three sisters and no brothers, I can't fully comprehend the male mind. I can make some pretty good guesses, but two things I'd really like to know... from a man's perspective...

    1) Is sex REALLY a separate thing from emotion? I mean, do men HONESTLY separate themselves emotionally from a woman when having sex? Can anyone explain to me why a couple can be "not speaking to each other" and the man still finds the desire to have sex?

    2) What do men want from a wife/significant other? Is it someone to whom you want to bare your soul, and sex is the ultimate physical expression of your emotional unity? Is it a good friend with whom you can make love? Or would they prefer to have a housekeeper/nanny/secretary who puts out?

    How do men view the link between emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy?
     
  2. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    Sex is often used as a substitute for emotions - where a guy can't understand or express his emotions, he can have sex. The man feels a desire to have sex from a biological drive. A man turns on his 'heart', then uses his mind to control his behavior (or attempt to control). A woman turns on her 'mind' first, that allows her heart to act on the mind's decision.

    Men are looking for 'It'. 'It' is a combination of things. 'It' stems from our desire to feel important, loved, respected, desired, prized, cherrished, and accepted. 'It' from a woman has tremendous power. 'It' can motivate a man to travel 'round the seven seas, or walk the china wall - to borrow from Babyface.

    To answer your question, perhaps, I believe most guys initially will ask for the housekeeper/nanny/secretary who puts out. I believe most guys would be lying to themselves. That option is the 'funny' answer...But, I have to believe most men, even if they don't realize it, want sombody in the first category. I believe most guys want a woman with whom they share a certain chemistry. A woman with whom they share a bond of mutual attraction/desire, who can serve as a confidant, sounding board, close friend - and who allows them to do the same. The single largest frustration in my marriage happens to be my feeling that I'm not especially needed for anything but to provide income and companionship. I'd bet if my wife were honest, she would LOVE if I'd simply want a housekeeper/nanny/secretary who puts out. It would remove the pressure I place on her for a relationship like the first category. Personally, I'd give all that I own, and everything I am to find a relatinoship in that first category...But I digress...

    Intimacy...
    Being intimate with a woman, for me, is sharing a near-chemical/biological bond with her. It's the feeling of ultimate vulnerability and safety. As I've posted elsewhere on this forum, my single most intimate moment with a woman occurred while we were holding hands during dinner. It was just a look...our eyes locked...and things around us blurred out of view. The only sensation was her hand in mine, fingers gently rubbing/caressing - the heat from her palm joined with mine. The look of her gaze - deep, powerful - We felt locked together in that moment; was as pure an expression of love as I've ever felt from a lover. Time stood still. The only sound was the thumping in my chest - I bet local Richter Scales were going off the charts. In all my years I've never felt such a feeling and that was moment I knew I had found 'it'.
     
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  3. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    Differently--this is sorta like asking what kind of a man a woman wants.
     
  4. Nienna
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    Nienna Senior Member

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    So, do you think it is just a physical thing, and men should be able to "just take it"? Is that what men want?

    What do you mean that the rules differ from woman to woman?

    I'm not taking offense; I honestly want to know how you think about this.
     
  5. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    no--I'm glad that woman have started to receive protection and rights that we a long time in coming but since this protection goes against a mans' hard-wiring, it appears as though the man is a everything from a silly drooler to a rapist.
    Some women want to be "taken" one way---others prefer a different way. The challenge for the man is to figure this out within legal and social norms. The woman now is in total charge of the sex act--she says yes or no. If a guy wants sex he'd better figure out how to play by that particular womans'
    rules.
     
  6. KarlMarx
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    KarlMarx Senior Member

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    For some guys, it is. But at least for me, sex is a form of acceptance. If you have sex with me, it must mean that you accept me. That is why a woman cheating on a man is so painful, it's a form of rejection and it's humiliating.

    I don't know about other men, but for me, it boils down to these things.
    1) Respect. I want to be treated with respect, if you don't agree with something, fine, but express it with some maturity.
    2) Maturity - let's face it, many women act like spoiled little girls, if you don't give them what they want (vacations, diamonds, etc), they throw a tantrum and get a lawyer. If you want to be my lover, you better grow up, sweetheart!
    3) Trust - it will take a lot of effort on your part to get me to really trust you (my history gives me good reason for not trusting women) and not much effort for you to lose that trust. Just lie to me once or start keeping secrets.... I may not say anything, but I'll notice. But I don't mean you have to be so honest that you have to tell me everything that's on your mind.
    4) Character - if you don't know the difference between right and wrong, it's been nice knowing you. If you jump on every pop-psychology/spirituality band wagon that come along, then see #2.
    5) Feminists need not apply (they are by definition, hostile to men anyway).
    6) Partner - if you want to be my lover, then help out with the yard work, the housework and so on. I don't mind cleaning house, but you had better be prepared to help mow the lawn.

    But then again, that's me. Most men can't tell you what they want, because, men are by nature less agile when it comes to expressing themselves. That is why the search for the "caring sensitive man" is such a crock, if they exist, they're.... well..... not very satisfying to women (unless the woman is out for complete domination or unless the woman thinks Mr. Rogers is sexy). That may be why women say they want a caring sensitive man, then when they find one, ditch him for the first cowboy/truck driver that comes along (in other words, most women seem to want traditional men but they can't admit it ... the N.O.W., the feminists and their friends who also believe in the "women's lib" lie won't let them)
     
  7. GotZoom
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    GotZoom Senior Member

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    Leave the board for a few hours and look what happen! Every other guy chimes in with the same answers I would have given...geez.

    Since my brothers-in-arms gave all the technical, psychological and incredible accurate answers I will add just a few cents more.

    Is sex REALLY a separate thing from emotion? I mean, do men HONESTLY separate themselves emotionally from a woman when having sex?


    For some men, the answer is yes. I think as men mature (get older) and being to want to fall in love, it is harder for us to separate them. If you take a guy who is 16, he doesn't give a rats patooey about emotion - he's just shocked and thrilled that he is getting some. Unfortunately, this continues, with some guys into their 40's. Most men, however, as they feel that urge to settle down, fall in love, find a soul mate, we can't separate it, nor do we want to.

    Can anyone explain to me why a couple can be "not speaking to each other" and the man still finds the desire to have sex?

    Just because one or both people might be angry with each other, does that mean the desire is gone? He won't let her buy a pair of shoes, or she won't let him buy a big screen tv - does that mean the physical desire, what made them all hot and bothered physically for each other all of the sudden disappear? I will admit, it is easier for men, because most men react to the visual much quicker. A guy can be mad at his wife, but if she walks by in a little t shirt and nothing else, he will get turned on.

    #2 is easy.

    Yes.

    There are good points to all of those options. There is a time and a place for a soft, quiet love-making session. And a time and a place for locking yourselves in the bathroom at a mall and making wild monkey love.

    The rest of the choices, yes to all of them. Both sexes want the complete package.

    How do men view the link between emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy?

    Unless there is something really good on tv, most guys don't mind the emotional intimacy.

    Ok..ok....again, as in above, I think all depends where the guy is in his life If he is ready and looking for "the one," then sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy are both there.

    But if all he is looking for is a piece, forget the emotional.
     
  8. 007
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    007 Charter Member Supporting Member

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    I believe these are really deep, philosophical questions. I also think they'll be answered similiar, but differing in small ways determined by whomever's personal experiences.

    I also get the impression from your questions that possibly you're having some difficulty with a man, and that during this period, he wanted to get some and you didn't because you were angry, and you can't figure out how or why he can still think about sex at a time like this. Well... I don't know. I think it will vary with each different man. I also think that the BEST person to be asking these questions would the man to whom the questions pertain.
     
  9. Mr. P
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    Mr. P Senior Member

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    Mom, you're Catholic, right? So, suck it up so to speak and don't worry your female mind about it,
    JUST DO IT. There, Someone had to say it! :eek2:
     
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  10. Shattered
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    Boys are dumb.
     

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