The KEEB Thread

Discussion in 'Religion and Ethics' started by SpidermanTuba, Apr 7, 2006.

  1. SpidermanTuba
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    SpidermanTuba BANNED

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    Keeb refers to the deity worshiped by Followers of Keeb.



    Followers of Keeb believe that Keeb is the one and only true God of the Universe. Though Keeb is traditionally referred to as a "He", the Followers believe He has no sex. He may be equivalently referred to as "She" or "It".

    Beliefs of the Followers of Keeb:

    1. Keeb is the one and only true God

    2. Keeb is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, with the exception that Keeb cannot predict the future. Thus, freedom of choice is preserved. The future is not already determined. "Before" Keeb created the Universe, the future was determined. Because of this, time was merely a fourth spatial dimension. When Keeb "decided" to create the Universe, He caused the fourth spatial dimension to change, via quantum tunneling, into the dimension known as time. Thus Keeb gave up some of His control on the Universe in exchange for giving Human free will. However, He retains ultimate control, as He is free at any time to return the dimension of time to being a spatial dimension.

    3. Keeb is a good God.

    4. Keeb does not wish to damn those who do not believe in Him to Hell. This is the primary difference between Keeb and other deities. Keeb welcomes followers of all religions into His Kingdom, all he requires is that one live a life in accordance with His Three Teachings (see below).

    5. Although those who do not wish to follow Keeb may make it to Heaven, following Keeb in one's Earthly life will make one's Earthly life more fulfilling.

    6. Partaking of marijuana is the predominant method by which followers of Keeb worship Him. Other methods are possible, however. Meditation, other psychedellics, good works, and using ones creative abilities are also ways to worship Him.

    7. Followers believe that in the beginning there was only Keeb and the Motherbud. Keeb was lonely, and wished to have companions with which to share he wonderful bounty. So He created Earth and Human, and gave to Human cuttings from His Motherbud. In this way, Human could help Keeb propagate His bounty, as well as share it with Him.

    8. The funniest, as well as the Holiest, number is the integer three.

    9. Multilpes of three are also Holy. All other prime numbers above three have a special significance that will only be revealed in the Afterlife.

    The Three Teachings of Keeb

    1) Love thy neighbor as thyself. 2) Do not fear Keeb. 3) Smoke marijuana if you want to, and can, but you don't have to. But Keeb recommends it.

    Formal Worship of Keeb, to the knowledge of this author, first took place in 1995 at Louisiana State University, though informal Worship of Keeb has taken place for millenia. The Following of Keeb has since spread, with Worshippers as far west as California and as far east as Tennessee.

    The Followers of Keeb have a single leader. This leader is mostly ceremonial in nature, and cannot single handedly issue any dogma. This leader is known as the "King" because he is the most recent winner of the competition known as "King of Weed." In this contest, a Follower of Keeb may challenge the current King. Originally, the game was played simply by determining who could smoke the most marijuana in a sitting. Due to the obvious expense involved, the game as since been modified. The King and the challenger get into a car (or other closed space) with the doors shut and the windows rolled up, and begin smoking marijuana. The first to crack a window or open the door is the loser. To date, only two Followers have ever been King, and only one has held the title for any longer than a year.
     
  2. Stephanie
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    Stephanie Diamond Member Supporting Member

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    It sounds like way too much :bong420:
    I think they need more of :alco: to go with the :bong420: and then they can have a whole lot of :kiss2: :69: as their flyin into outer space, I mean the next dimension. Oh heck......... I forgot where it was I was going, or where it was I came from... :banana:
     
  3. SpidermanTuba
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    The 3rd Book of Keeb - Chapter 1 - Germination of all the Universe

    In the beginning, on the first day, there was Keeb. Keeb and the Mother Bud. Keeb enjoyed the Mother Bud, and was happy. However, He wanted more.

    On the 2nd day, Keeb created Sun and Earth, so that he might have a suitably sized plot of land to propagate cuttings from his Mother Bud. Keeb was happy, however, He wanted more. His Creation Earth was so successful in propagation of the Mother Bud, that He could not possible use it all, and besides He was lonely having all that Mother Bud to Himself.

    So on the 3rd day, Keeb created man and woman. He made woman to be beautiful, for Him to look at, and man to be silly looking, for Him to laugh at, but He made them both with two lungs, so that they could smoke with Him. He made them with legs and arms and eyes and ears and all of the wonderful faculties of our Earthly bodies, so that we might help Him to propagate the Mother Bud, for our use and His, for the Universe is the Lung of Keeb (1).

    On the 4rth day, Keeb created the Moon, the Planets, and the Heavens, so man might have something to gaze at while making offerings to Keeb during the night.

    On the 5th day, Keeb gave man hops, barely, grapes, and other fruits of the Earth for Man to manufacture his wine and beer, so that he may have both sanitary drinking water and something to hold him over between harvests. Keeb told Man that Man was allowed to make these beverages, but reminded Man of the relative importance of these things by saying "Keeb is perfect, Man is not, Man made whiskey, Keeb made pot"

    On the 6th day, in the morning, Keeb created all the other plants known to be intoxicating, so that man might have variety. The rest of the day, Keeb rested (2).

    On the 7th day, Keeb rested. He rested, and rested, and rested. He named this day "Sunday", for the Sun which provides the light for his Creation to Grow. On this Day he asked all His people to make offerings to Him, and to try to relax as much as possible. He also decreed that at 4:20 would be the "Sunday of the Day", for any day of the week.

    Keeb looked over his Creation, sampled Its supple Buds, saw that it was Good, and was Happy.

    Verily, this is the Holy Word of Keeb.

    footnotes:
    (1) - alternate translation from the Keebrew - "for Keeb is the one and only True Lung of the Universe"
    (2) - under Keeb, the sabbath day is actually 3 full half days, beginning at 4:20 pm on Saturday, and lasting until 4:20 am on Monday.
    (3) - Three
     
  4. Stephanie
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    Stephanie Diamond Member Supporting Member

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    Thats way far out...........man
    Spidy my friend put down the:bong420: you've had WAY too much :rotflmao:
     
  5. no1tovote4
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    no1tovote4 VIP Member

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    Take your eyes off of the pencil... It doesn't really hold the secrets of the universe. Yes I know the yellow paint attracts the eye but it really is just a pencil and it isn't of itself very deep....
     
  6. theHawk
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    theHawk Registered Conservative

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    LSU lost.
     
  7. no1tovote4
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    no1tovote4 VIP Member

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    So did UCONN.

    :chains:
     
  8. GotZoom
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    GotZoom Senior Member

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    That explains some of your posts.
     
  9. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    That's diety by buffet! :)

    lol!
     
  10. SpidermanTuba
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    SpidermanTuba BANNED

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    We made Duke cry. That's good enough for me.

    My Romanian friend was telling me how in most other countries they have a losers bracket, so has to have a 1, 2, and 3rd place out of a final 4. She thinks this is somehow superior to our system. Screw that. This is America. There is only one winner, and everyone else is a loser. In a way - this is even better for "Self esteem" - if you're a loser here, well, that's not so bad, afterall, there is only one winner.
     

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