The farmer and the bum...

Discussion in 'Humor' started by fuzzykitten99, Jul 13, 2005.

  1. fuzzykitten99

    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

    Apr 23, 2004
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    You'll have to check the Marauder's Map...
    My mother told me this when I was about 13, but I didn't actually get it until I was about 16.

    A farmer was in town, selling his grain. He was on his way back to the farm when he passed by a bum, laying on the sidewalk. About that same time, it started to rain. Thinking about the bum, and how he won't have a nice warm place to sleep, he turns around and approaches the bum.

    "I was wondering if you would like some shelter for the night? It's starting to rain, and it is said to be pretty cold tonight."

    "Oh, God Bless you. I would be ever so grateful!" said the bum.

    "My pleasure. Now, we do not have accomodations in the house, but the barn is more than warm enough. You have the hay, and the animals." said the farmer.

    "I am grateful for any warm place to sleep," said the bum.

    So the bum spends the night, and gets up early the next morning. He was intending to help the farmer with chores, as a thank you.

    The farmer asked how the night was.

    "Great! I haven't slept that well in years! I also had quite a conversation with your animals."

    "Oh, really?" said the farmer. He looked at his wife, with a confused, look, obviously thinking this guy was nuts.

    "No, no, I really talked to them" said the bum

    "Ok, well, what did they say?" said the farmer

    "Well, your horse said if you would not pull on the reins so hard, he would do more work for you."

    "Ok...that makes sense" said the farmer

    "And your cow said if you would not pull her udder so hard, she would give more milk." said the bum

    "Ok, that makes sense too, I guess," said the farmer

    "And all of your sheep said---"

    "Liars! All of them liars!" said the farmer! :happy2:
  2. taff

    taff Member

    Jan 7, 2005
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    United Kingdom
    One day Superman was flying over Metropolis.He looked down and saw Wonderwoman on a rooftop sunbathing naked with her legs spread.
    Now Superman had always fancied Wonderwoman but she had always rejected his advances.But today he though"this is it,she's gonna get it".
    Quick as a flash, he flies down, lands on top of her, does the buisness then flies away again in the time it takes to blink your eyes.
    Wonderwoman opened her eyes and said "what the hell was that" and the Invisible man cries "I dont know but it bloody hurt".

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