My friend Juda sent me this. One of the teenaged mothers she had helped wrote a letter of thanks, that is being circulated and posted on her blog. I read it and wept. I hope it inspires and encourages you not to give up when you feel the world is plotting against you. What courage in the face of unbearable crisis.
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Letter From Teen Mom Who Conceived After Rape
It was the worst night of my life. I wasn’t the first 14 year old to do something impulsive and ill-advised. But I don’t know any other 14 year old that suffered such horrible, immediate consequences.
It was a cool night in September. One of the last of summer, but you could feel that fall was coming. I snuck out of my parents’ house in my small town to meet a boy I had been talking to on the internet. He was a really nice boy who said he was my age. I knew my parents would never approve. So after they fell asleep, I snuck out.
I never met that boy. Instead, a 66 year old man was waiting for me. He raped me that night. Violently.
I felt scared. Ashamed. Alone.
Eventually I told my parents. I would not have been able to keep my rape a secret for long.
You see, my rapist impregnated me.
I am a pretty small girl and I started to show at 3 months. My family was torn apart. Half of them just assumed I would abort my child. Half of them wanted to support me. The doctors were not so divided.
The very first thing I heard —“there are always opportunities to have other children.” Another doctor told my parents that I was a “wild child” incapable of making any decision about my own baby. It never occurred to any of those doctors that I would do anything other than have an abortion. The police caught the monster who viciously raped me and today he is in jail. But still that man stole my body. And now the doctors were trying to steal my baby!
Even though the life growing inside of me was conceived after the brutality of a monster, I could not bring myself to abort my baby. My parents supported my decision.
The kids at school mocked me mercilessly. When they found out I was having a boy, they told me “he will grow up to be a rapist too.” One even told me that my son was going to rape me. Another time a boy cornered me and told me he would show me “what rape really was.” My parents took me out of school. Still the kids would not leave me alone.
We woke up one morning to see “WHORE” and “PROSTITUTE” spray painted on our house. For a while it seemed like everything in life was spiraling completely out of control. And then I found ... an organization run by someone who was conceived in rape. Juda Myers’ mom was raped by 8 men and she said her mom had felt the same way I did. She put me in touch with other women who had been raped and kept their baby.
Most people make you feel like you are crazy when you decide to keep a child conceived through rape. But when you are raped and decide that the life inside you deserve to continue and it’s not that baby’s fault, people look at you like you’ve lost your mind. Even worse, some people start to doubt that you were really raped at all!
.. I don’t think I would have ever heard a supportive word except from my immediate family. Just to know that other people had dealt with the same horrific thing and have come through it okay was what I needed more than anything. And for people to believe me.
... I had a very difficult pregnancy. I was on bed rest 16 weeks into my pregnancy. I went into labor 8 different times and my precious baby boy was born 2 weeks early. He had to be put into the neonatal intensive care unit. (NICU) where he clung to life. My insurance only paid for half of the costs of the NICU and my family and I simply couldn’t afford to pay the rest. Juda ... helped out with thousands of dollars for the medical bills.
... Today my baby boy is a happy healthy boy. He’s a normal toddler and everyone he meets loves him too. He’s always smiling.
I included a picture of him because I wanted you to see how beautiful he is. Everyone–the doctors, the kids at school, even some of my family– assumed I would never want to see this life. They couldn’t imagine how his smile lights up a room. Everyone truly loves my little boy.
He never did anything to me. Today and everyday he brings me a joy that words just can’t describe. I thank God I didn’t listen to all of those people who would have denied me that AND denied my son’s life. ...
There are many more like me who want to give birth but are getting attacked. Please help stop this prejudice. Speaking from my heart I know even in the case of rape life is beautiful and my son is beautiful. No one can tell he was conceived in rape by looking at him. So let’s end the attitude towards these babies and the moms. We deserve to be loved like anyone else.
Moms deserve to see that #LIFEWINS and see the smile on their baby’s face,that brings light into a world that can sometimes seem so dark.
Kali
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Letter From Teen Mom Who Conceived After Rape
It was the worst night of my life. I wasn’t the first 14 year old to do something impulsive and ill-advised. But I don’t know any other 14 year old that suffered such horrible, immediate consequences.
It was a cool night in September. One of the last of summer, but you could feel that fall was coming. I snuck out of my parents’ house in my small town to meet a boy I had been talking to on the internet. He was a really nice boy who said he was my age. I knew my parents would never approve. So after they fell asleep, I snuck out.
I never met that boy. Instead, a 66 year old man was waiting for me. He raped me that night. Violently.
I felt scared. Ashamed. Alone.
Eventually I told my parents. I would not have been able to keep my rape a secret for long.
You see, my rapist impregnated me.
I am a pretty small girl and I started to show at 3 months. My family was torn apart. Half of them just assumed I would abort my child. Half of them wanted to support me. The doctors were not so divided.
The very first thing I heard —“there are always opportunities to have other children.” Another doctor told my parents that I was a “wild child” incapable of making any decision about my own baby. It never occurred to any of those doctors that I would do anything other than have an abortion. The police caught the monster who viciously raped me and today he is in jail. But still that man stole my body. And now the doctors were trying to steal my baby!
Even though the life growing inside of me was conceived after the brutality of a monster, I could not bring myself to abort my baby. My parents supported my decision.
The kids at school mocked me mercilessly. When they found out I was having a boy, they told me “he will grow up to be a rapist too.” One even told me that my son was going to rape me. Another time a boy cornered me and told me he would show me “what rape really was.” My parents took me out of school. Still the kids would not leave me alone.
We woke up one morning to see “WHORE” and “PROSTITUTE” spray painted on our house. For a while it seemed like everything in life was spiraling completely out of control. And then I found ... an organization run by someone who was conceived in rape. Juda Myers’ mom was raped by 8 men and she said her mom had felt the same way I did. She put me in touch with other women who had been raped and kept their baby.
Most people make you feel like you are crazy when you decide to keep a child conceived through rape. But when you are raped and decide that the life inside you deserve to continue and it’s not that baby’s fault, people look at you like you’ve lost your mind. Even worse, some people start to doubt that you were really raped at all!
.. I don’t think I would have ever heard a supportive word except from my immediate family. Just to know that other people had dealt with the same horrific thing and have come through it okay was what I needed more than anything. And for people to believe me.
... I had a very difficult pregnancy. I was on bed rest 16 weeks into my pregnancy. I went into labor 8 different times and my precious baby boy was born 2 weeks early. He had to be put into the neonatal intensive care unit. (NICU) where he clung to life. My insurance only paid for half of the costs of the NICU and my family and I simply couldn’t afford to pay the rest. Juda ... helped out with thousands of dollars for the medical bills.
... Today my baby boy is a happy healthy boy. He’s a normal toddler and everyone he meets loves him too. He’s always smiling.
I included a picture of him because I wanted you to see how beautiful he is. Everyone–the doctors, the kids at school, even some of my family– assumed I would never want to see this life. They couldn’t imagine how his smile lights up a room. Everyone truly loves my little boy.
He never did anything to me. Today and everyday he brings me a joy that words just can’t describe. I thank God I didn’t listen to all of those people who would have denied me that AND denied my son’s life. ...
There are many more like me who want to give birth but are getting attacked. Please help stop this prejudice. Speaking from my heart I know even in the case of rape life is beautiful and my son is beautiful. No one can tell he was conceived in rape by looking at him. So let’s end the attitude towards these babies and the moms. We deserve to be loved like anyone else.
Moms deserve to see that #LIFEWINS and see the smile on their baby’s face,that brings light into a world that can sometimes seem so dark.
Kali
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