In 2016... What the hell does "Gay" even mean?

[Boss]

if consensual, why does it matter?

Again... that's kind of my point... it shouldn't matter... it matters because for some odd reason we feel compelled to define sexuality as "gay" or "straight" or "whatevs". And HOW do we define it? WHERE are these lines drawn? WHY are they drawn where they are?

 

[Asclepias]

I think gay is slang for homosexual. How did you get so confused about what gay means?

Well okay.. so what makes one a "homosexual" then? Do you have to engage in homosexual relations? Or is it just the simple attraction that makes you gay? And what if you are some combination of both? Or any of the myriad of examples I presented? Where do we actually define this "gayness" thing?

You should invest in a dictionary or poll people that may be gay. I think you have worked yourself into a lather over this. May I ask why you are so bent out of shape over it? Did you meet a guy that turned you on or something?

Perhaps it is something about reading text as opposed to hearing the spoken word but for some reason you've interpreted my comments to be "bent out of shape" and I can only assure you that is not the case. I am not the least bit "bent out of shape" or "worked into a lather" over this. I am merely positing a topic for discussion among adult people on the forum and you're welcome to interject your opinion.

Since you asked.. I often meet men who I consider sexually attractive. They don't arouse me sexually but I can see how they would arouse a female or someone who is attracted to sexy males. I'm personally attracted to sexy females but I can acknowledge the sexual appeal of another individual. Does that make me gay?

Dude you wrote a large paragraph. Its not that serious.

I would think it made you bi sexual. I can never tell when a guy would be appealing to women.

Well okay... exhibit A:

If you can't tell this guys is appealing to women, that's pretty odd.

Am I "bisexual" because I think he is a sexy ass mofo? I would never have homosexual relations with him... he doesn't arouse me sexually... but I think he is very sexually appealing... I wish the fuck I looked like that!

I forgot this guys name but the only reason i know he looks good to women is because my wife said he looks nice for a white guy. If she had not said that i would think he looked gay to be honest.

Yes you are bi-sexual if you think he is sexy. I'm straight and I dont think any man looks sexy.

 

[Boss]

Dude you wrote a large paragraph. Its not that serious.

Dude... writing a large paragraph doesn't denote "bent out of shape" or "worked into a lather" over something. It's English composition. There was not an appropriate break in train of thought for a new paragraph. I am merely trying to establish a point at which we can begin a conversation. Please refrain from reading emotion into my comments, I didn't display outrage or disgust, I didn't insult or denigrate. I simply posed some various scenarios and situations and juxtaposed my OP question.

 

[emilynghiem]

I think gay is slang for homosexual. How did you get so confused about what gay means?

Well okay.. so what makes one a "homosexual" then? Do you have to engage in homosexual relations? Or is it just the simple attraction that makes you gay? And what if you are some combination of both? Or any of the myriad of examples I presented? Where do we actually define this "gayness" thing?

OK let's make this simple Boss.
If you think being gay is relative, like being a "little bit gay"
then FU IT you're not gay. It's like being "a little bit pregnant."
If you have to think about it, and ask, then NO.

If you are gay to the same degree that other people are heterosexual, then yes, you are gay.

You think and feel in terms of that orientation, you are attracted to and look for people with that orientation, and you establish relations with that orientation -- ALL THREE LEVELS -- body mind and spirit, thought word action. Internal, external, relations.

The same way people identify as heterosexual
and aren't "a little bit heterosexual"
the same for when you are homosexual.

And bisexual does not necessarily mean "ambiguous"
or "ambivalent" -- it can mean someone is 100% heterosexual and 100% homosexual at the same time, like being 100% fluent in French and 100% fluent in Spanish at the same time.

It does NOT have to mean "unable to decide" between French and Spanish; it means that when you relate to a French audience, then you naturally speak in French, and likewise you naturally speak in Spanish when relating to a Spanish audience.

The people IN the relationship will naturally choose words, focus, direction and activities that they ALL AGREE are real for that relationship, so it's 100%.

 

[Asclepias]

Dude you wrote a large paragraph. Its not that serious.

Dude... writing a large paragraph doesn't denote "bent out of shape" or "worked into a lather" over something. It's English composition. There was not an appropriate break in train of thought for a new paragraph. I am merely trying to establish a point at which we can begin a conversation. Please refrain from reading emotion into my comments, I didn't display outrage or disgust, I didn't insult or denigrate. I simply posed some various scenarios and situations and juxtaposed my OP question.

You did so needlessly and for a long time. Of course you were in a lather. No one writes that long without being worked up. How do you not know what gay means in this day and age?

 

[Boss]

Well okay.. so what makes one a "homosexual" then? Do you have to engage in homosexual relations? Or is it just the simple attraction that makes you gay? And what if you are some combination of both? Or any of the myriad of examples I presented? Where do we actually define this "gayness" thing?

You should invest in a dictionary or poll people that may be gay. I think you have worked yourself into a lather over this. May I ask why you are so bent out of shape over it? Did you meet a guy that turned you on or something?

Perhaps it is something about reading text as opposed to hearing the spoken word but for some reason you've interpreted my comments to be "bent out of shape" and I can only assure you that is not the case. I am not the least bit "bent out of shape" or "worked into a lather" over this. I am merely positing a topic for discussion among adult people on the forum and you're welcome to interject your opinion.

Since you asked.. I often meet men who I consider sexually attractive. They don't arouse me sexually but I can see how they would arouse a female or someone who is attracted to sexy males. I'm personally attracted to sexy females but I can acknowledge the sexual appeal of another individual. Does that make me gay?

Dude you wrote a large paragraph. Its not that serious.

I would think it made you bi sexual. I can never tell when a guy would be appealing to women.

Well okay... exhibit A:

If you can't tell this guys is appealing to women, that's pretty odd.

Am I "bisexual" because I think he is a sexy ass mofo? I would never have homosexual relations with him... he doesn't arouse me sexually... but I think he is very sexually appealing... I wish the fuck I looked like that!

I forgot this guys name but the only reason i know he looks good to women is because my wife said he looks nice for a white guy. If she had not said that i would think he looked gay to be honest.

Yes you are bi-sexual if you think he is sexy. I'm straight and I dont think any man looks sexy.

Well, he may be gay... I don't know... what IS gay? That's what I'm attempting to get to the bottom of here. You're not being much help because it sounds as though you might be repressing your true sentiments... you have two eyes, don't you? You are aware of what makes men sexually attractive to women, aren't you? Maybe you're honestly not... but maybe you're really the gay one?

 

[Asclepias]

You should invest in a dictionary or poll people that may be gay. I think you have worked yourself into a lather over this. May I ask why you are so bent out of shape over it? Did you meet a guy that turned you on or something?

Perhaps it is something about reading text as opposed to hearing the spoken word but for some reason you've interpreted my comments to be "bent out of shape" and I can only assure you that is not the case. I am not the least bit "bent out of shape" or "worked into a lather" over this. I am merely positing a topic for discussion among adult people on the forum and you're welcome to interject your opinion.

Since you asked.. I often meet men who I consider sexually attractive. They don't arouse me sexually but I can see how they would arouse a female or someone who is attracted to sexy males. I'm personally attracted to sexy females but I can acknowledge the sexual appeal of another individual. Does that make me gay?

Dude you wrote a large paragraph. Its not that serious.

I would think it made you bi sexual. I can never tell when a guy would be appealing to women.

Well okay... exhibit A:

If you can't tell this guys is appealing to women, that's pretty odd.

Am I "bisexual" because I think he is a sexy ass mofo? I would never have homosexual relations with him... he doesn't arouse me sexually... but I think he is very sexually appealing... I wish the fuck I looked like that!

I forgot this guys name but the only reason i know he looks good to women is because my wife said he looks nice for a white guy. If she had not said that i would think he looked gay to be honest.

Yes you are bi-sexual if you think he is sexy. I'm straight and I dont think any man looks sexy.

Well, he may be gay... I don't know... what IS gay? That's what I'm attempting to get to the bottom of here. You're not being much help because it sounds as though you might be repressing your true sentiments... you have two eyes, don't you? You are aware of what makes men sexually attractive to women, aren't you? Maybe you're honestly not... but maybe you're really the gay one?

I already told you that gay was slang for homosexual. Have you been living under a rock?
I am aware that women are sexually attracted to men but I have no clue why since I am not a woman. If I was gay I think I would be attracted to men and find them sexy like you do.

 

[Asclepias]

Gay means having your ass thrown off the top of buildings to your death by Muslim refugees that Obama will be allowing in this country.

You must have nightmares every time you see a muslim then.

 

[Boss]

Dude you wrote a large paragraph. Its not that serious.

Dude... writing a large paragraph doesn't denote "bent out of shape" or "worked into a lather" over something. It's English composition. There was not an appropriate break in train of thought for a new paragraph. I am merely trying to establish a point at which we can begin a conversation. Please refrain from reading emotion into my comments, I didn't display outrage or disgust, I didn't insult or denigrate. I simply posed some various scenarios and situations and juxtaposed my OP question.

You did so needlessly and for a long time. Of course you were in a lather. No one writes that long without being worked up. How do you not know what gay means in this day and age?

No, not a long time... one long paragraph. It's a considerably shorter OP than most I've written here. You INFERRED that I was worked into a lather and bent out of shape... I don't know why... nothing I said indicated such a thing. It took me less than a minute to read my paragraph which establishes the OP topic. I didn't criticize anyone in particular or insult anyone, I didn't express outrage or contempt... I simply asked a series of pertinent questions. YOU drew the inferences and I think we need to talk about WHY that is? What do you imagine me being "bent out of shape" about? What am I "worked into a lather" over?

 

[Boss]

Perhaps it is something about reading text as opposed to hearing the spoken word but for some reason you've interpreted my comments to be "bent out of shape" and I can only assure you that is not the case. I am not the least bit "bent out of shape" or "worked into a lather" over this. I am merely positing a topic for discussion among adult people on the forum and you're welcome to interject your opinion.

Since you asked.. I often meet men who I consider sexually attractive. They don't arouse me sexually but I can see how they would arouse a female or someone who is attracted to sexy males. I'm personally attracted to sexy females but I can acknowledge the sexual appeal of another individual. Does that make me gay?

Dude you wrote a large paragraph. Its not that serious.

I would think it made you bi sexual. I can never tell when a guy would be appealing to women.

Well okay... exhibit A:

If you can't tell this guys is appealing to women, that's pretty odd.

Am I "bisexual" because I think he is a sexy ass mofo? I would never have homosexual relations with him... he doesn't arouse me sexually... but I think he is very sexually appealing... I wish the fuck I looked like that!

I forgot this guys name but the only reason i know he looks good to women is because my wife said he looks nice for a white guy. If she had not said that i would think he looked gay to be honest.

Yes you are bi-sexual if you think he is sexy. I'm straight and I dont think any man looks sexy.

Well, he may be gay... I don't know... what IS gay? That's what I'm attempting to get to the bottom of here. You're not being much help because it sounds as though you might be repressing your true sentiments... you have two eyes, don't you? You are aware of what makes men sexually attractive to women, aren't you? Maybe you're honestly not... but maybe you're really the gay one?

I already told you that gay was slang for homosexual. Have you been living under a rock?
I am aware that women are sexually attracted to men but I have no clue why since I am not a woman. If I was gay I think I would be attracted to men and find them sexy like you do.

Well okay.. so you're a straight male who is competing in nature against other straight males for a sexual partner, aren't you? Are you saying you have no inherent instinct as to how you go about attracting the opposite sex or what?

 

[Boss]

I already told you that gay was slang for homosexual.

And I've already said you can simply replace "gay" with the word "homosexual" if that bothers you. It doesn't address the OP question, it's simply a fatuous comment that has no value.

 

[Asclepias]

Dude you wrote a large paragraph. Its not that serious.

Dude... writing a large paragraph doesn't denote "bent out of shape" or "worked into a lather" over something. It's English composition. There was not an appropriate break in train of thought for a new paragraph. I am merely trying to establish a point at which we can begin a conversation. Please refrain from reading emotion into my comments, I didn't display outrage or disgust, I didn't insult or denigrate. I simply posed some various scenarios and situations and juxtaposed my OP question.

You did so needlessly and for a long time. Of course you were in a lather. No one writes that long without being worked up. How do you not know what gay means in this day and age?

No, not a long time... one long paragraph. It's a considerably shorter OP than most I've written here. You INFERRED that I was worked into a lather and bent out of shape... I don't know why... nothing I said indicated such a thing. It took me less than a minute to read my paragraph which establishes the OP topic. I didn't criticize anyone in particular or insult anyone, I didn't express outrage or contempt... I simply asked a series of pertinent questions. YOU drew the inferences and I think we need to talk about WHY that is? What do you imagine me being "bent out of shape" about? What am I "worked into a lather" over?

Because you wrote an extra long paragraph about something a 3rd grader has an understanding of. Obviously you were exasperated over what being gay meant. My thought is that you caught sexual feelings from some guy you saw and were trying to work it out. Can you explain how you dont know what gay means in this day and age?

 

[Montrovant]

I am serious here... what does it actually mean this day and age? Is a person "gay" because they are attracted to the same gender? Or do they have to act upon their attraction and have a homosexual relationship to qualify? If someone acknowledges that someone of the same gender is sexually appealing, does that make them gay? What if you are physically attracted to both genders? Are you gay by default? Do you have to engage in actual sexual relationships and how far can you go without being actually gay? What if you get turned on by making yourself intentionally attractive to same gender but you're not interested in having sexual relations? Like a gay tease? Is that gay? Does that make you a gay person? What if you enjoy the mystique of the closet gay lifestyle, slipping around and frequenting gay bars to have promiscuous sex with same gender but you are happily married to the opposite gender? Does that mean you're gay or straight? What if you are completely heterosexual but you enjoy entertaining people dressed as a transgender? Are you gay then? What if you are straight but attracted to same gender transsexuals? What if you don't have sex at all and you love all people of both genders and see them as equally appealing sexually? Is that gay? What if you have been straight your entire life, always knew you were straight, never had any desire to be with the same gender physically and you get drunk one night and have homosexual relations... are you made gay by that one-off? What if you're in high school and you don't really know what you are and you experiment with homosexual relations but decide you didn't like it... can you become "ungay" or are you forever gay?

Just curious... it seems we've painted ourselves into a rather bigoted corner.

This strikes me as a bit of a troll thread, but I'll respond as though it isn't.

I think that there can be some ambiguity in definition when it comes to sexuality, but basically, being gay is being attracted exclusively to the same gender. Straight, therefore, is being exclusively attracted to the opposite gender.

Of course, changing definitions of gender muddy this.

There can be a lot of middle ground between gay and straight. I think of it as a sliding scale and imagine that most people are at least capable of falling somewhere in the middle, given the right circumstances.

I can't say that I've seen much confusion over what being gay means in a general sense.

 

[Asclepias]

Dude you wrote a large paragraph. Its not that serious.

I would think it made you bi sexual. I can never tell when a guy would be appealing to women.

Well okay... exhibit A:

If you can't tell this guys is appealing to women, that's pretty odd.

Am I "bisexual" because I think he is a sexy ass mofo? I would never have homosexual relations with him... he doesn't arouse me sexually... but I think he is very sexually appealing... I wish the fuck I looked like that!

I forgot this guys name but the only reason i know he looks good to women is because my wife said he looks nice for a white guy. If she had not said that i would think he looked gay to be honest.

Yes you are bi-sexual if you think he is sexy. I'm straight and I dont think any man looks sexy.

Well, he may be gay... I don't know... what IS gay? That's what I'm attempting to get to the bottom of here. You're not being much help because it sounds as though you might be repressing your true sentiments... you have two eyes, don't you? You are aware of what makes men sexually attractive to women, aren't you? Maybe you're honestly not... but maybe you're really the gay one?

I already told you that gay was slang for homosexual. Have you been living under a rock?
I am aware that women are sexually attracted to men but I have no clue why since I am not a woman. If I was gay I think I would be attracted to men and find them sexy like you do.

Well okay.. so you're a straight male who is competing in nature against other straight males for a sexual partner, aren't you? Are you saying you have no inherent instinct as to how you go about attracting the opposite sex or what?

I didnt have to compete with other males. Women smiled at me and I smiled back and then we hooked up. I have been told by most women that I have "no game" which is what you are alluding to when you ask if I know how to go about attracting the opposite sex. I just stand there and it happens. Evidently I was blessed and lucky enough to just be myself and attract women.

 

[Montrovant]

It's "pansexual" now. Apparently "pansexual" means you are gay this week....straight next week....beastiality the next.....

Miley Cyrus: Pansexual, 'change my style every two weeks'

Pansexual is just a word used to encompass gender identities outside of the usual male and female. Bisexual only takes male and female into account and someone who who is open to being with transgendered (or whatever other gender identities exist now, I don't know what they are) people might not consider bisexual to fit them, is my take on it.

 

[Steve_McGarrett]

Gay means having your ass thrown off the top of buildings to your death by Muslim refugees that Obama will be allowing in this country.

You must have nightmares every time you see a muslim then.

For your disappointment, I'm not gay.

 

[Asclepias]

Gay means having your ass thrown off the top of buildings to your death by Muslim refugees that Obama will be allowing in this country.

You must have nightmares every time you see a muslim then.

For your disappointment, I'm not gay.

I dont believe you. Of course youre gay. No need to try and convince me.

 

[Boss]

Dude you wrote a large paragraph. Its not that serious.

Dude... writing a large paragraph doesn't denote "bent out of shape" or "worked into a lather" over something. It's English composition. There was not an appropriate break in train of thought for a new paragraph. I am merely trying to establish a point at which we can begin a conversation. Please refrain from reading emotion into my comments, I didn't display outrage or disgust, I didn't insult or denigrate. I simply posed some various scenarios and situations and juxtaposed my OP question.

You did so needlessly and for a long time. Of course you were in a lather. No one writes that long without being worked up. How do you not know what gay means in this day and age?

No, not a long time... one long paragraph. It's a considerably shorter OP than most I've written here. You INFERRED that I was worked into a lather and bent out of shape... I don't know why... nothing I said indicated such a thing. It took me less than a minute to read my paragraph which establishes the OP topic. I didn't criticize anyone in particular or insult anyone, I didn't express outrage or contempt... I simply asked a series of pertinent questions. YOU drew the inferences and I think we need to talk about WHY that is? What do you imagine me being "bent out of shape" about? What am I "worked into a lather" over?

Because you wrote an extra long paragraph about something a 3rd grader has an understanding of. Obviously you were exasperated over what being gay meant. My thought is that you caught sexual feelings from some guy you saw and were trying to work it out. Can you explain how you dont know what gay means in this day and age?

Well no... third graders don't have much understanding about sexuality. I'm still exasperated over what "gay" means. Seems to me like it's a creation invented to discriminate and insult people, to stereotype them and put them in a box so you can continue to be a bigot or homophobe, or condemn others for intolerance. You actually make snide comments to reinforce this when you assume my comments are the result of some person making a sexual advance toward me.

I have had other men come on to me before. I told them I was not interested because I wasn't attracted to them in that way. BUT... I've also had women come on to me that I wasn't attracted to in that way. I've never felt a sexual attraction to another man personally. I can look at another man and see they are sexually attractive. I think any male who calls himself straight but doesn't admit that he can see how another man is sexually attractive is hiding something. Are you afraid it will make you appear gay? Well, that would define a homophobe, would it not?

 

[Boss]

I am serious here... what does it actually mean this day and age? Is a person "gay" because they are attracted to the same gender? Or do they have to act upon their attraction and have a homosexual relationship to qualify? If someone acknowledges that someone of the same gender is sexually appealing, does that make them gay? What if you are physically attracted to both genders? Are you gay by default? Do you have to engage in actual sexual relationships and how far can you go without being actually gay? What if you get turned on by making yourself intentionally attractive to same gender but you're not interested in having sexual relations? Like a gay tease? Is that gay? Does that make you a gay person? What if you enjoy the mystique of the closet gay lifestyle, slipping around and frequenting gay bars to have promiscuous sex with same gender but you are happily married to the opposite gender? Does that mean you're gay or straight? What if you are completely heterosexual but you enjoy entertaining people dressed as a transgender? Are you gay then? What if you are straight but attracted to same gender transsexuals? What if you don't have sex at all and you love all people of both genders and see them as equally appealing sexually? Is that gay? What if you have been straight your entire life, always knew you were straight, never had any desire to be with the same gender physically and you get drunk one night and have homosexual relations... are you made gay by that one-off? What if you're in high school and you don't really know what you are and you experiment with homosexual relations but decide you didn't like it... can you become "ungay" or are you forever gay?

Just curious... it seems we've painted ourselves into a rather bigoted corner.

This strikes me as a bit of a troll thread, but I'll respond as though it isn't.

I think that there can be some ambiguity in definition when it comes to sexuality, but basically, being gay is being attracted exclusively to the same gender. Straight, therefore, is being exclusively attracted to the opposite gender.

Of course, changing definitions of gender muddy this.

There can be a lot of middle ground between gay and straight. I think of it as a sliding scale and imagine that most people are at least capable of falling somewhere in the middle, given the right circumstances.

I can't say that I've seen much confusion over what being gay means in a general sense.

That's funny because you just gave a very confusing and ambiguous definition of what "gay" really means.

 

[Asclepias]

I already told you that gay was slang for homosexual.

And I've already said you can simply replace "gay" with the word "homosexual" if that bothers you. It doesn't address the OP question, it's simply a fatuous comment that has no value.

All you have to do is look up what the word homosexual means and you will know what most 3rd graders know. Where you asleep for the last 3 or 4 decades or something?