In 2016... What the hell does "Gay" even mean?

[Asclepias]

I am serious here... what does it actually mean this day and age? Is a person "gay" because they are attracted to the same gender? Or do they have to act upon their attraction and have a homosexual relationship to qualify? If someone acknowledges that someone of the same gender is sexually appealing, does that make them gay? What if you are physically attracted to both genders? Are you gay by default? Do you have to engage in actual sexual relationships and how far can you go without being actually gay? What if you get turned on by making yourself intentionally attractive to same gender but you're not interested in having sexual relations? Like a gay tease? Is that gay? Does that make you a gay person? What if you enjoy the mystique of the closet gay lifestyle, slipping around and frequenting gay bars to have promiscuous sex with same gender but you are happily married to the opposite gender? Does that mean you're gay or straight? What if you are completely heterosexual but you enjoy entertaining people dressed as a transgender? Are you gay then? What if you are straight but attracted to same gender transsexuals? What if you don't have sex at all and you love all people of both genders and see them as equally appealing sexually? Is that gay? What if you have been straight your entire life, always knew you were straight, never had any desire to be with the same gender physically and you get drunk one night and have homosexual relations... are you made gay by that one-off? What if you're in high school and you don't really know what you are and you experiment with homosexual relations but decide you didn't like it... can you become "ungay" or are you forever gay?

Just curious... it seems we've painted ourselves into a rather bigoted corner.

This strikes me as a bit of a troll thread, but I'll respond as though it isn't.

I think that there can be some ambiguity in definition when it comes to sexuality, but basically, being gay is being attracted exclusively to the same gender. Straight, therefore, is being exclusively attracted to the opposite gender.

Of course, changing definitions of gender muddy this.

There can be a lot of middle ground between gay and straight. I think of it as a sliding scale and imagine that most people are at least capable of falling somewhere in the middle, given the right circumstances.

I can't say that I've seen much confusion over what being gay means in a general sense.

That's funny because you just gave a very confusing and ambiguous definition of what "gay" really means.

What is confusing and ambiguous about 'being attracted exclusively to the same gender'? I suppose, given the new self-identifying gender terms people are using, I could further clarify and say that it is being attracted exclusively to the same biologic gender.

So you can be banging chicks left and right... biggest man whore around... but if you have attraction to males, even if you don't act on it... you're gay?

Yes if your only attracted to males and you are a male. Is that what is going on with you?

 

[Boss]

Actually I dont mind if you think I'm gay. Its not really a concern of mine.

I don't think you're gay.. I think you're a homophobic bigot who loathes gays but doesn't want to admit it. If this topic is so uncomfortable for you, why are you here? Why not "unwatch" the thread and go find something you are comfortable having an intelligent discussion about?

 

[Asclepias]

You didnt have to say you were working yourself into a lather. I can see it by your admitted exasperation and the length of your OP on something that is common knowledge. Now your making references to dicks. Why dont you just admit you are gay or bi? No one cares dude. If your embarrassed about your sexual orientation I promise I wont judge you. Please just dont bullshit me.

Well, because I am not sexually attracted to my same gender. I am sexually attracted to the opposite gender. YOU keep making this assumption as if it's some kind of insult to me... it really doesn't bother me, but it makes you look like a complete bigot.

You've already judged me so you promise is totally worthless.

The length of my OP is one paragraph which takes less than a minute to read. It's not lengthy at all. And it's NOT "common knowledge" because I presented a litany of examples which are ambiguous at best. This thread is blowing up with people weighing in with all kinds of opinions on what constitutes "gay" and it's all over the board.

Well you already said that you found another man sexually attractive so its hard to believe you.

I havent judged you I am trying to help you sort out your feelings for other men.

Thats a long paragraph and you admitted you were exasperated. Yes its common knowledge unless you have been living under a rock for a couple of decades.

 

[JustAnotherNut]

There is nothing wrong or 'homosexual' about being able to appreciate the beauty of another person's physical atributes of the same gender & doesn't qualify as being gay or homosexual or even having such tendencies.
I think a true homosexual person is one that is only sexually attracted to the same gender. BUT there are many out there that 'claim' they are gay, but are really only following the crowd because it's kind of the 'big' thing to do. A type of rebellion.


But, am I the only one that remembers the word 'gay' meant happy? And homosexuals were called queer?

 

[Montrovant]

You didnt have to say you were working yourself into a lather. I can see it by your admitted exasperation and the length of your OP on something that is common knowledge. Now your making references to dicks. Why dont you just admit you are gay or bi? No one cares dude. If your embarrassed about your sexual orientation I promise I wont judge you. Please just dont bullshit me.

Well, because I am not sexually attracted to my same gender. I am sexually attracted to the opposite gender. YOU keep making this assumption as if it's some kind of insult to me... it really doesn't bother me, but it makes you look like a complete bigot.

You've already judged me so you promise is totally worthless.

The length of my OP is one paragraph which takes less than a minute to read. It's not lengthy at all. And it's NOT "common knowledge" because I presented a litany of examples which are ambiguous at best. This thread is blowing up with people weighing in with all kinds of opinions on what constitutes "gay" and it's all over the board.

There have been, what, 2 or 3 serious attempts to define the word for you, including mine?

 

[Asclepias]

Actually I dont mind if you think I'm gay. Its not really a concern of mine.

I don't think you're gay.. I think you're a homophobic bigot who loathes gays but doesn't want to admit it. If this topic is so uncomfortable for you, why are you here? Why not "unwatch" the thread and go find something you are comfortable having an intelligent discussion about?

Who told you the topic was uncomfortable? I never said that. I think its interesting now that you added this new twist on how you think that guy is sexually attractive. If I was uncomfortable I wouldnt be on this thread.

 

[Boss]

I am serious here... what does it actually mean this day and age? Is a person "gay" because they are attracted to the same gender? Or do they have to act upon their attraction and have a homosexual relationship to qualify? If someone acknowledges that someone of the same gender is sexually appealing, does that make them gay? What if you are physically attracted to both genders? Are you gay by default? Do you have to engage in actual sexual relationships and how far can you go without being actually gay? What if you get turned on by making yourself intentionally attractive to same gender but you're not interested in having sexual relations? Like a gay tease? Is that gay? Does that make you a gay person? What if you enjoy the mystique of the closet gay lifestyle, slipping around and frequenting gay bars to have promiscuous sex with same gender but you are happily married to the opposite gender? Does that mean you're gay or straight? What if you are completely heterosexual but you enjoy entertaining people dressed as a transgender? Are you gay then? What if you are straight but attracted to same gender transsexuals? What if you don't have sex at all and you love all people of both genders and see them as equally appealing sexually? Is that gay? What if you have been straight your entire life, always knew you were straight, never had any desire to be with the same gender physically and you get drunk one night and have homosexual relations... are you made gay by that one-off? What if you're in high school and you don't really know what you are and you experiment with homosexual relations but decide you didn't like it... can you become "ungay" or are you forever gay?

Just curious... it seems we've painted ourselves into a rather bigoted corner.

This strikes me as a bit of a troll thread, but I'll respond as though it isn't.

I think that there can be some ambiguity in definition when it comes to sexuality, but basically, being gay is being attracted exclusively to the same gender. Straight, therefore, is being exclusively attracted to the opposite gender.

Of course, changing definitions of gender muddy this.

There can be a lot of middle ground between gay and straight. I think of it as a sliding scale and imagine that most people are at least capable of falling somewhere in the middle, given the right circumstances.

I can't say that I've seen much confusion over what being gay means in a general sense.

That's funny because you just gave a very confusing and ambiguous definition of what "gay" really means.

What is confusing and ambiguous about 'being attracted exclusively to the same gender'? I suppose, given the new self-identifying gender terms people are using, I could further clarify and say that it is being attracted exclusively to the same biologic gender.

So you can be banging chicks left and right... biggest man whore around... but if you have attraction to males, even if you don't act on it... you're gay?

Yes if your only attracted to males and you are a male. Is that what is going on with you?

I don't know what you're talking about, I clearly said I am not sexually attracted to males, I am sexually attracted to females. I can look at another male and recognize they are sexually appealing just as I can look at a woman and recognize they are sexually appealing. I can even look at a tranny and say.. hey, you know, that guy makes a pretty nice looking woman! But I don't believe this defines my sexuality... you seem to think it does.

 

[Boss]

You didnt have to say you were working yourself into a lather. I can see it by your admitted exasperation and the length of your OP on something that is common knowledge. Now your making references to dicks. Why dont you just admit you are gay or bi? No one cares dude. If your embarrassed about your sexual orientation I promise I wont judge you. Please just dont bullshit me.

Well, because I am not sexually attracted to my same gender. I am sexually attracted to the opposite gender. YOU keep making this assumption as if it's some kind of insult to me... it really doesn't bother me, but it makes you look like a complete bigot.

You've already judged me so you promise is totally worthless.

The length of my OP is one paragraph which takes less than a minute to read. It's not lengthy at all. And it's NOT "common knowledge" because I presented a litany of examples which are ambiguous at best. This thread is blowing up with people weighing in with all kinds of opinions on what constitutes "gay" and it's all over the board.

There have been, what, 2 or 3 serious attempts to define the word for you, including mine?

But you continue to fail and contradict yourself.

 

[Montrovant]

There is nothing wrong or 'homosexual' about being able to appreciate the beauty of another person's physical atributes of the same gender & doesn't qualify as being gay or homosexual or even having such tendencies.
I think a true homosexual person is one that is only sexually attracted to the same gender. BUT there are many out there that 'claim' they are gay, but are really only following the crowd because it's kind of the 'big' thing to do. A type of rebellion.


But, am I the only one that remembers the word 'gay' meant happy? And homosexuals were called queer?

I don't know that I'd use the word 'many'. There aren't that many homosexuals in general, at least compared to total population, and I doubt that anything close to a majority of those who identify as gay are just rebelling.

 

[Asclepias]

There is nothing wrong or 'homosexual' about being able to appreciate the beauty of another person's physical atributes of the same gender & doesn't qualify as being gay or homosexual or even having such tendencies.
I think a true homosexual person is one that is only sexually attracted to the same gender. BUT there are many out there that 'claim' they are gay, but are really only following the crowd because it's kind of the 'big' thing to do. A type of rebellion.


But, am I the only one that remembers the word 'gay' meant happy? And homosexuals were called queer?

Who said anything was wrong with it? I just find it odd that he would find another man sexually attractive and not be gay or bi. Yes I remember when gay meant happy. I never heard the word queer until I was on this site.

 

[Asclepias]

You didnt have to say you were working yourself into a lather. I can see it by your admitted exasperation and the length of your OP on something that is common knowledge. Now your making references to dicks. Why dont you just admit you are gay or bi? No one cares dude. If your embarrassed about your sexual orientation I promise I wont judge you. Please just dont bullshit me.

Well, because I am not sexually attracted to my same gender. I am sexually attracted to the opposite gender. YOU keep making this assumption as if it's some kind of insult to me... it really doesn't bother me, but it makes you look like a complete bigot.

You've already judged me so you promise is totally worthless.

The length of my OP is one paragraph which takes less than a minute to read. It's not lengthy at all. And it's NOT "common knowledge" because I presented a litany of examples which are ambiguous at best. This thread is blowing up with people weighing in with all kinds of opinions on what constitutes "gay" and it's all over the board.

There have been, what, 2 or 3 serious attempts to define the word for you, including mine?

But you continue to fail and contradict yourself.

But you continue to fail to admit youre confused about your sexuality.

 

[Montrovant]

You didnt have to say you were working yourself into a lather. I can see it by your admitted exasperation and the length of your OP on something that is common knowledge. Now your making references to dicks. Why dont you just admit you are gay or bi? No one cares dude. If your embarrassed about your sexual orientation I promise I wont judge you. Please just dont bullshit me.

Well, because I am not sexually attracted to my same gender. I am sexually attracted to the opposite gender. YOU keep making this assumption as if it's some kind of insult to me... it really doesn't bother me, but it makes you look like a complete bigot.

You've already judged me so you promise is totally worthless.

The length of my OP is one paragraph which takes less than a minute to read. It's not lengthy at all. And it's NOT "common knowledge" because I presented a litany of examples which are ambiguous at best. This thread is blowing up with people weighing in with all kinds of opinions on what constitutes "gay" and it's all over the board.

There have been, what, 2 or 3 serious attempts to define the word for you, including mine?

But you continue to fail and contradict yourself.

Now I'm contradicting myself? Care to point out how?

You might want to look to your own issues of starting a thread asking what gay means, saying that you can replace gay with homosexual, then saying you know what homosexual means.

That also doesn't explain how a few people trying to answer your question qualifies as the thread 'blowing up with people weighing in with all kinds of opinions on what constitutes "gay"'.

EDIT : To be fair, JustAnotherNut did pop in with another answer as I was typing my previous post.

 

[JustAnotherNut]

There is nothing wrong or 'homosexual' about being able to appreciate the beauty of another person's physical atributes of the same gender & doesn't qualify as being gay or homosexual or even having such tendencies.
I think a true homosexual person is one that is only sexually attracted to the same gender. BUT there are many out there that 'claim' they are gay, but are really only following the crowd because it's kind of the 'big' thing to do. A type of rebellion.


But, am I the only one that remembers the word 'gay' meant happy? And homosexuals were called queer?

I don't know that I'd use the word 'many'. There aren't that many homosexuals in general, at least compared to total population, and I doubt that anything close to a majority of those who identify as gay are just rebelling.

Come on out to Seattle and surrounding areas, more than you can shake a stick at.

 

[Asclepias]

This strikes me as a bit of a troll thread, but I'll respond as though it isn't.

I think that there can be some ambiguity in definition when it comes to sexuality, but basically, being gay is being attracted exclusively to the same gender. Straight, therefore, is being exclusively attracted to the opposite gender.

Of course, changing definitions of gender muddy this.

There can be a lot of middle ground between gay and straight. I think of it as a sliding scale and imagine that most people are at least capable of falling somewhere in the middle, given the right circumstances.

I can't say that I've seen much confusion over what being gay means in a general sense.

That's funny because you just gave a very confusing and ambiguous definition of what "gay" really means.

What is confusing and ambiguous about 'being attracted exclusively to the same gender'? I suppose, given the new self-identifying gender terms people are using, I could further clarify and say that it is being attracted exclusively to the same biologic gender.

So you can be banging chicks left and right... biggest man whore around... but if you have attraction to males, even if you don't act on it... you're gay?

Yes if your only attracted to males and you are a male. Is that what is going on with you?

I don't know what you're talking about, I clearly said I am not sexually attracted to males, I am sexually attracted to females. I can look at another male and recognize they are sexually appealing just as I can look at a woman and recognize they are sexually appealing. I can even look at a tranny and say.. hey, you know, that guy makes a pretty nice looking woman! But I don't believe this defines my sexuality... you seem to think it does.

You know exactly what I'm talking about. You said that guy was sexually attractive. If he is attractive to you then you are attracted to him.

 

[emilynghiem]

I think gay is slang for homosexual. How did you get so confused about what gay means?

Well okay.. so what makes one a "homosexual" then? Do you have to engage in homosexual relations? Or is it just the simple attraction that makes you gay? And what if you are some combination of both? Or any of the myriad of examples I presented? Where do we actually define this "gayness" thing?

OK let's make this simple Boss.
If you think being gay is relative, like being a "little bit gay"
then FU IT you're not gay. It's like being "a little bit pregnant."
If you have to think about it, and ask, then NO.

If you are gay to the same degree that other people are heterosexual, then yes, you are gay.

You think and feel in terms of that orientation, you are attracted to and look for people with that orientation, and you establish relations with that orientation -- ALL THREE LEVELS -- body mind and spirit, thought word action. Internal, external, relations.

The same way people identify as heterosexual
and aren't "a little bit heterosexual"
the same for when you are homosexual.

And bisexual does not necessarily mean "ambiguous"
or "ambivalent" -- it can mean someone is 100% heterosexual and 100% homosexual at the same time, like being 100% fluent in French and 100% fluent in Spanish at the same time.

It does NOT have to mean "unable to decide" between French and Spanish; it means that when you relate to a French audience, then you naturally speak in French, and likewise you naturally speak in Spanish when relating to a Spanish audience.

The people IN the relationship will naturally choose words, focus, direction and activities that they ALL AGREE are real for that relationship, so it's 100%.

Well you said "make this simple" and you presented one of your famous meandering posts that is very confusing. Sexuality has nothing in common with various languages we can choose to learn. I fail to see any correlation there.

The language is related to the TWO PEOPLE COMMUNICATING WITH EACH OTHER.

The homosexuality/heterosexuality is determined by the TWO PEOPLE IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

You can take that literal or deeper.

A friend of mine pointed out that in the LITERAL sense of the word homosexual, then FOOTBALL is a homosexual sport because all the team players are the same gender.

So you can just keep it literal if you want.

If you want to go deeper then you can use homosexual/heterosexual to mean the deeper spiritual and sexual/romantic partnership between "soul mates" and then the GENDER of the two "soulmates" determines if the RELATIONSHIP that connects those two people is homosexual or hetereosexual.

If so, then if those two people identify with that relationship and orientation, then that is why they call themselves either
homosexual or heterosexual.

So you can start with literal gender of the two people in a relationship,
and then take it further to mean the actual connection between the two people, and then take it further to refer to how THEY IDENTIFY and call themselves.

It is totally appropriate to use the terms heterosexual/homosexual at any of these levels, from literal to personal identity.

Then, it depends on the context and level that someone is referring to.
Either on the surface, if it means LITERALLY homosexual/heterosexual.
Or if it means there is a special connection between the people.
Or if it means how the people actually IDENTITY and call themselves.

 

[Montrovant]

There is nothing wrong or 'homosexual' about being able to appreciate the beauty of another person's physical atributes of the same gender & doesn't qualify as being gay or homosexual or even having such tendencies.
I think a true homosexual person is one that is only sexually attracted to the same gender. BUT there are many out there that 'claim' they are gay, but are really only following the crowd because it's kind of the 'big' thing to do. A type of rebellion.


But, am I the only one that remembers the word 'gay' meant happy? And homosexuals were called queer?

I don't know that I'd use the word 'many'. There aren't that many homosexuals in general, at least compared to total population, and I doubt that anything close to a majority of those who identify as gay are just rebelling.

Come on out to Seattle and surrounding areas, more than you can shake a stick at.

How do you know that the people identifying as gay are not actually gay?

And before this goes further, I find it entirely plausible that some people, particularly young people, might claim to be gay as a form of rebellion, or to fit in with a particular crowd, things like that. It just seems unlikely to me that it would be particularly widespread.

 

[JustAnotherNut]

exhibit B

 

[Boss]

Well you already said that you found another man sexually attractive so its hard to believe you.

I havent judged you I am trying to help you sort out your feelings for other men.

Thats a long paragraph and you admitted you were exasperated. Yes its common knowledge unless you have been living under a rock for a couple of decades.

No... I wrote an average paragraph in compliance with standard English composition. I admitted I am exasperated by this ambiguous label of 'gay' which doesn't seem to have any definitive parameters other than opinions. It's simply NOT common knowledge or we'd all be in agreement on this and we're obviously not.

I do find other men sexually attractive. Not sexually arousing to me personally but I prefer women. I find some women very sexually unattractive and unarousing... does that mean I'm not straight? I sometimes find lesbian women sexually attractive and arousing... does that mean I'm gay again? Watching two guys make out doesn't do anything for me but I don't mind watching two women make out.

It's the 21st century man... Sexuality is beyond our trite little catchphrases we've invented to denigrate, insult, ostracize, ridicule, condemn, exploit or use against people we don't like. I'm not the one living under the rock.... you seem to be.

 

[Montrovant]

I think gay is slang for homosexual. How did you get so confused about what gay means?

Well okay.. so what makes one a "homosexual" then? Do you have to engage in homosexual relations? Or is it just the simple attraction that makes you gay? And what if you are some combination of both? Or any of the myriad of examples I presented? Where do we actually define this "gayness" thing?

OK let's make this simple Boss.
If you think being gay is relative, like being a "little bit gay"
then FU IT you're not gay. It's like being "a little bit pregnant."
If you have to think about it, and ask, then NO.

If you are gay to the same degree that other people are heterosexual, then yes, you are gay.

You think and feel in terms of that orientation, you are attracted to and look for people with that orientation, and you establish relations with that orientation -- ALL THREE LEVELS -- body mind and spirit, thought word action. Internal, external, relations.

The same way people identify as heterosexual
and aren't "a little bit heterosexual"
the same for when you are homosexual.

And bisexual does not necessarily mean "ambiguous"
or "ambivalent" -- it can mean someone is 100% heterosexual and 100% homosexual at the same time, like being 100% fluent in French and 100% fluent in Spanish at the same time.

It does NOT have to mean "unable to decide" between French and Spanish; it means that when you relate to a French audience, then you naturally speak in French, and likewise you naturally speak in Spanish when relating to a Spanish audience.

The people IN the relationship will naturally choose words, focus, direction and activities that they ALL AGREE are real for that relationship, so it's 100%.

Well you said "make this simple" and you presented one of your famous meandering posts that is very confusing. Sexuality has nothing in common with various languages we can choose to learn. I fail to see any correlation there.

The language is related to the TWO PEOPLE COMMUNICATING WITH EACH OTHER.

The homosexuality/heterosexuality is determined by the TWO PEOPLE IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

You can take that literal or deeper.

A friend of mine pointed out that in the LITERAL sense of the word homosexual, then FOOTBALL is a homosexual sport because all the team players are the same gender.

So you can just keep it literal if you want.

If you want to go deeper then you can use homosexual/heterosexual to mean the deeper spiritual and sexual/romantic partnership between "soul mates" and then the GENDER of the two "soulmates" determines if the RELATIONSHIP that connects those two people is homosexual or hetereosexual.

If so, then if those two people identify with that relationship and orientation, then that is why they call themselves either
homosexual or heterosexual.

So you can start with literal gender of the two people in a relationship,
and then take it further to mean the actual connection between the two people, and then take it further to refer to how THEY IDENTIFY and call themselves.

It is totally appropriate to use the terms heterosexual/homosexual at any of these levels, from literal to personal identity.

Then, it depends on the context and level that someone is referring to.
Either on the surface, if it means LITERALLY homosexual/heterosexual.
Or if it means there is a special connection between the people.
Or if it means how the people actually IDENTITY and call themselves.

What on earth does team sports have to do with sexual orientation? What definition of homosexual would make the members of a sports team homosexual because they are of the same gender? Would it apply to other groups.....your small business only has women working in it? They are gay! Taking a tour of the Kremlin and there are only men? They are gay!

 

[Montrovant]

Well you already said that you found another man sexually attractive so its hard to believe you.

I havent judged you I am trying to help you sort out your feelings for other men.

Thats a long paragraph and you admitted you were exasperated. Yes its common knowledge unless you have been living under a rock for a couple of decades.

No... I wrote an average paragraph in compliance with standard English composition. I admitted I am exasperated by this ambiguous label of 'gay' which doesn't seem to have any definitive parameters other than opinions. It's simply NOT common knowledge or we'd all be in agreement on this and we're obviously not.

I do find other men sexually attractive. Not sexually arousing to me personally but I prefer women. I find some women very sexually unattractive and unarousing... does that mean I'm not straight? I sometimes find lesbian women sexually attractive and arousing... does that mean I'm gay again? Watching two guys make out doesn't do anything for me but I don't mind watching two women make out.

It's the 21st century man... Sexuality is beyond our trite little catchphrases we've invented to denigrate, insult, ostracize, ridicule, condemn, exploit or use against people we don't like. I'm not the one living under the rock.... you seem to be.

YOU don't find the men sexually attractive unless you are sexually attracted to them. If you see how they are attractive to others, but not to you, then you don't find them sexually attractive. I don't know why you keep repeating this. You are basically saying, "I find these people attractive, but I don't find them attractive.". It doesn't make sense.