Happiness is the absence of misery

[sealybobo]

Complicated topic.
But
Your desire to be free of suffering is, in itself, suffering.

That's pretty deep. In other words if I'm worrying about it, that's suffering?

I guess you can't avoid suffering. It's a part of life. I'm going up to one of my happy places this weekend. Only one thing I'm suffering is the thought of a tick giving me lime disease. I hear they are bad this year. And I know they are because I was up there 3 weeks ago. I'm bringing DEET this time. Like Off.

How about this. I love taking my dog for walks up there. Love how he runs free. He loves it so much. But the minute he came back with porcupine kneedles in his face, my joy went to suffering. I'm worried about him doing it again. This is suffering too then right? Or I worry a coyote or bobcat is going to snatch him. His breed won the West Minster this year. Not a big dog but thinks he is.

Now these dogs are happy so long as you are doing what they want. Walk? Eat? Scratch me? Pee me? People are hanging out outside why are we in here?

Buddy Holly, a 'PBGV' pup, wins best in show at Westminster

A petit basset griffon Vendéen named for Buddy Holly won best in show at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show Tuesday night.

www.pbs.org

 

[sealybobo]

Complicated topic.
But
Your desire to be free of suffering is, in itself, suffering.

Is that like when it's 10am on a Friday and you can't wait for it to be 5pm so you are free for the weekend?

And then am I suffering when I think about Monday morning? What if I don't completely hate my job? So there are levels of misery?

 

[Dadoalex]

That's pretty deep. In other words if I'm worrying about it, that's suffering?

I guess you can't avoid suffering. It's a part of life. I'm going up to one of my happy places this weekend. Only one thing I'm suffering is the thought of a tick giving me lime disease. I hear they are bad this year. And I know they are because I was up there 3 weeks ago. I'm bringing DEET this time. Like Off.

How about this. I love taking my dog for walks up there. Love how he runs free. He loves it so much. But the minute he came back with porcupine kneedles in his face, my joy went to suffering. I'm worried about him doing it again. This is suffering too then right? Or I worry a coyote or bobcat is going to snatch him. His breed won the West Minster this year. Not a big dog but thinks he is.

Now these dogs are happy so long as you are doing what they want. Walk? Eat? Scratch me? Pee me? People are hanging out outside why are we in here?

Buddy Holly, a 'PBGV' pup, wins best in show at Westminster

A petit basset griffon Vendéen named for Buddy Holly won best in show at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show Tuesday night.

www.pbs.org

As I said, a complicated topic.
Pain is.
But pain, in and of itself is not suffering.
Anyone in pain wants their pain to go away.
But when the pain becomes, even for a tiny period, the focus of existence
THAT is suffering.

Desire is what creates suffering.

 

[Dadoalex]

Is that like when it's 10am on a Friday and you can't wait for it to be 5pm so you are free for the weekend?

And then am I suffering when I think about Monday morning? What if I don't completely hate my job? So there are levels of misery?

Can you make it 5:00 PM?
Then your desire cannot be fulfilled and your continued yearning creates suffering.
But what if it were?
Would you be free of desire? Desire for things you cannot have?
No, in our current lives it is impossible to be free of desire.
So, there is suffering.

 

[Woodznutz]

In the U.S. 18% of individuals earn more than $100,000

Did you know this?

I did, yes.

 

[The Sage of Main Street]

They had me do 40 radiations instead of surgery to remove. They killed it. I’ve had two tests since first one was .02 the last one was .01. They are pleased. So we just have to get tested every once in awhile and if it comes back, a few more radiations. Prostate.

Slash-and-Burn Medicine Is All College Coolies Are Capable Of

 

[sealybobo]

As I said, a complicated topic.
Pain is.
But pain, in and of itself is not suffering.
Anyone in pain wants their pain to go away.
But when the pain becomes, even for a tiny period, the focus of existence
THAT is suffering.

Desire is what creates suffering.

This weekend my rich brother and I were talking about when he "made it". I compared it to WWE wrestlers. Before Vince McMahon signed them for $300,000 a year, they were happy driving around the country doing it for peanuts. And when they finally "made it", they found they weren't any happier. In fact too many of them get into drugs and they suffer. Even though they no longer desire to be rich.

Same with my brother. Sure having all that money must be great. Especially when he came from poverty. I'm sure he pinches himself all the time. I see him praying and kissing his cross a lot. He has a lot to be thankful for. But I don't see how desiring success has caused him suffering. Or his kids. They desire to be successful and have all the thing their father and I have. Boats, motorcycles, ebikes. jetskis, multiple homes, nice cars.

What's wrong with desiring things? There has to be a healthy balance right?

 

[fncceo]

How can one escape all suffering in a world full of it?

Well... I'm not the one suffering, am I?

The difference between tragedy and comedy is proximity.

 

[sealybobo]

Slash-and-Burn Medicine Is All College Coolies Are Capable Of

The treatment I chose was because they recommended it but also because my dad wouldn't find out. And I didn't have to take any time off work. Just go in from 1-2pm 40 times. Actually it ended up being 39 times.

 

[Blues Man]

How can one escape all suffering in a world full of it?

The Buddha taught that all suffering arises from desire.

 

[sealybobo]

Well... I'm not the one suffering, am I?

The difference between tragedy and comedy is proximity.

My brother picked up this sign when we were up north MI. His place is 4 hours north of Detroit. Everyone in MI loves up north. Either you have a vacation place up north or you know someone who does.

Up North
There is a lot of talk about up north.
It's the place EVERYONE seems to want to go to escape the pressures and frantic pace of everyday life
But where is up north?
For "up north" is not so much a location as it is a state of mind
So, how do you know when you've arrived?
When you feel the cares of the world begin to slip away
When you feel yourself breathing a little deeper because
the air seems purer somehow
When you notice the sky is bluer, the trees taller, and the people smile a lot...
Then you know you're
UP NORTH

 

[fncceo]

The Buddha taught that all suffering arises from desire.

Talmud says,

"Happiness isn't having what you want. Happiness is wanting what you have".

 

[sealybobo]

These 4 charts capture the current state of student loan debt in the U.S.

Biden’s expected student loan forgiveness announcement could help up to tens of millions of borrowers and wipe the slate clean for as many as 14 million.

www.nbcnews.com

The Student Loan Crisis Is More Complicated Than a Number

A solution to the nation's ballooning student loan debt might be found in looking at where that debt comes from—and who is harmed by it

elective.collegeboard.org

My brother agreed with me this weekend! It's rare. LOL. He said, "why do people think they have to finish college in 4 years?"

We talked about by buddy who went to the Navy for 5 years to pay for his college. So college took him 9 years. Graduated with no debt.

 

[Blues Man]

Talmud says,

"Happiness isn't having what you want. Happiness is wanting what you have".

So you think happiness is the absence of suffering?

Can one suffer and still be happy?

 

[Dadoalex]

This weekend my rich brother and I were talking about when he "made it". I compared it to WWE wrestlers. Before Vince McMahon signed them for $300,000 a year, they were happy driving around the country doing it for peanuts. And when they finally "made it", they found they weren't any happier. In fact too many of them get into drugs and they suffer. Even though they no longer desire to be rich.

Same with my brother. Sure having all that money must be great. Especially when he came from poverty. I'm sure he pinches himself all the time. I see him praying and kissing his cross a lot. He has a lot to be thankful for. But I don't see how desiring success has caused him suffering. Or his kids. They desire to be successful and have all the thing their father and I have. Boats, motorcycles, ebikes. jetskis, multiple homes, nice cars.

What's wrong with desiring things? There has to be a healthy balance right?

What happens on those days when your brother is not so successful??

How does desiring something but being unable to obtain it make one feel? Frustrated? Angry?
It is not the "thing" or lack of the "thing" that creates the bad feelings, it is desire.

Desire creates a hole in your being. A hole that can never be filled. We can never end our desires so happiness can only be achieved by setting the desires aside and accepting what is.

If those things come to you, wonderful, be happy. If they don't then be happy with what you are rather than angry about what you are not.

Or, to quote the Wizard
“Be just what you is, not what you is not. Those that do this are the happiest lot.”

 

[sealybobo]

What happens on those days when your brother is not so successful??

How does desiring something but being unable to obtain it make one feel? Frustrated? Angry?
It is not the "thing" or lack of the "thing" that creates the bad feelings, it is desire.

Desire creates a hole in your being. A hole that can never be filled. We can never end our desires so happiness can only be achieved by setting the desires aside and accepting what is.

If those things come to you, wonderful, be happy. If they don't then be happy with what you are rather than angry about what you are not.

Or, to quote the Wizard
“Be just what you is, not what you is not. Those that do this are the happiest lot.”

For years I worried about my job(s), lost jobs, had to start over, got fucked over, recessions, companies that use sales people and don't expect longevity. They actually have high turnover as part of their business model. I always wondered what he thought of me as I struggled but everything he did turned to gold.

But just recently I was doing great and his boss left. The new boss doesn't know who you are or how great you are. You have to prove yourself all over again. Start from scratch. Worry what if the guy doesn't like him and fires him. How many people has my brother fired in his career? Probably too many to count.

Point is, yes he stresses a lot. Being a VP there is a lot of pressure. People quit. People sue. People need to be fired. Projects blow up in your face. It's why they pay him the big bucks. To make the big decisions.

But it sure is nice having a golden parachute. Wish my company had to pay me a year salary if they let me go. And I wish I made $1 million dollars a year.

He has enough money he could retire today. So the pro's outweight cons. It's good to keep busy, be useful, needed, important, looked up to, necessary. Yes work is stressful but don't take that too far. It's just a job. Fuck it. If it gets that bad, walk away.

P.S. He stepped down as VP a few years ago but still makes VP money. Why? Too stressful. Too time consuming. Too many calls on the weekend. If it's that bad for a VP of HR, imagine being the CEO of the company. Takes a special certain type of person. But go see their vacation home in Florida. double gated community. Amazing.

 

[MarathonMike]

I was happy when I was young and had no money. I'm happy now that I'm old and have money. I was happy single, and I'm happily married. I think happiness comes from yourself being comfortable with yourself. It doesn't come from other people or external sources in my opinion.

 

[sealybobo]

I was happy when I was young and had no money. I'm happy now that I'm old and have money. I was happy single, and I'm happily married. I think happiness comes from yourself being comfortable with yourself. It doesn't come from other people or external sources in my opinion.

Yea but what if you’re happy with yourself but it’s not good enough for your love ones? You smoke, drink, don’t eat right or won’t settle down. Can others affect your happiness? What about a new bitch mother in law?

 

[Blues Man]

Yea but what if you’re happy with yourself but it’s not good enough for your love ones? You smoke, drink, don’t eat right or won’t settle down. Can others affect your happiness? What about a new bitch mother in law?

No, others cannot affect your happiness.

Your happiness is your choice.

You cannot control what others do. You can only control your reaction to them.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

I heard this quote on Alone. I agree. The contestants are happy until the snow comes. Suddenly they are miserable.

This site disagrees

Happiness is not the absence of suffering; it’s the ability to rebound from it. And happiness is not the same as joy or ecstasy; happiness includes contentment, well-being, and the emotional flexibility to experience a full range of emotions.

Happiness Isn’t the Absence of Negative Feelings

A skeptical look at the positive-psychology backlash.

hbr.org

But I disagree. As long as I'm not suffering in some way, I'm happy.

Happiness is the state of being content.
And being in that state requires flexibility, because no one can live their life without problems/strife etc. Impossible.
So the "secret" is to find solace where you can, and the will and intelligence to get out of situations that make that impossible.