Happiness is the absence of misery

[sealybobo]

No, others cannot affect your happiness.

Your happiness is your choice.

You cannot control what others do. You can only control your reaction to them.

Everyone needs to understand how things are and what happens next are meant to be. It’s life.

This is one reason I didn’t have kids. Worrying about them.

 

[Blues Man]

Everyone needs to understand how things are and what happens next are meant to be. It’s life.

This is one reason I didn’t have kids. Worrying about them.

There is no such thing as destiny or fate.

 

[sealybobo]

Happiness is the state of being content.
And being in that state requires flexibility, because no one can live their life without problems/strife etc. Impossible.
So the "secret" is to find solace where you can, and the will and intelligence to get out of situations that make that impossible.

I have 4 days off in a row but it’s rainy so no boat rides or bike rides. It’s affecting my happiness. My dogs too

 

[Blues Man]

I have 4 days off in a row but it’s rainy so no boat rides or bike rides. It’s affecting my happiness. My dogs too

If you can safely take a shower you can walk in the rain.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

I have 4 days off in a row but it’s rainy so no boat rides or bike rides. It’s affecting my happiness. My dogs too

That is temporary, and I am with you on this one.
I had 5 days off... the first three rained and rained. WTF??
At least today and tomorrow are going to be rain free. Here

 

[sealybobo]

There is no such thing as destiny or fate.

I’m just saying everything that happens was meant to be. It happened. Like dying in a car crash or on 9-11.

You are going to die one day. May be murder, die in your sleep, coma pull the plug, annurism, diabetes, elevator accident. Cancer. Whatever it is, it was meant to be.

My dad always says he wishes my grandfather could have been alive so we knew him. I said yea but what if he didn’t die when he did but then took us for ice cream and killed us in a car crash.

If the Turks never invaded Greece maybe I would never have been born. Chain of events.

 

[Blues Man]

I’m just saying everything that happens was meant to be. It happened. Like dying in a car crash or on 9-11.

You are going to die one day. May be murder, die in your sleep, coma pull the plug, annurism, diabetes, elevator accident. Cancer. Whatever it is, it was meant to be.

My dad always says he wishes my grandfather could have been alive so we knew him. I said yea but what if he didn’t die when he did but then took us for ice cream and killed us in a car crash.

If the Turks never invaded Greece maybe I would never have been born. Chain of events.

Nothing is "meant to be"

Life is random

 

[iamwhatiseem]

Nothing is "meant to be"

Life is random

I believe that is what he is saying
That saying isn't used to say that everything is preordained... the opposite.
Sort of saying you can't change the past, nor can you guarantee the future or get the one you think will happen if you do "this". Unforeseen happenings will occur that could make the situation even worse.

 

[Blues Man]

I believe that is what he is saying
That saying isn't used to say that everything is preordained... the opposite.
Sort of saying you can't change the past, nor can you guarantee the future or get the one you think will happen if you do "this". Unforeseen happenings will occur that could make the situation even worse.

You cannot control what will happen only how you respond to it.

That is the first lesson of Stoicism.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

You cannot control what will happen only how you respond to it.

That is the first lesson of Stoicism.

Indeed.
Happiness is a learned behavior.
Unfortunately, few people realize this until well over half their life is past them.
We are not taught these things anymore.

 

[sealybobo]

Indeed.
Happiness is a learned behavior.
Unfortunately, few people realize this until well over half their life is past them.
We are not taught these things anymore.

I don’t think you can ever be as happy as you were from 15-22. When I go to the fireworks and see young men and women that age, I’m so jealous. I’m 52 now. I feel like I crossed a line when I hit 50. When I was 49 I didn’t feel creepy hitting on 21 year old but I do now. It sucks.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

I don’t think you can ever be as happy as you were from 15-22. When I go to the fireworks and see young men and women that age, I’m so jealous. I’m 52 now. I feel like I crossed a line when I hit 50. When I was 49 I didn’t feel creepy hitting on 21 year old but I do now. It sucks.

Not to get too personal, but that sounds like mid life crises friend.
I am 58. I went through MLC around 50 myself.
People often look at that time in a man's life as funny, and like to make jokes about it. But when you go through it, it is anything but funny.
Same as you, it was a time when I realized that young pretty girls (adults) no longer looked at me with any interest at all. I was "some old guy". And that was never going to change. Ever.
It will pass. But it's duration will be determined by how you deal with it.
Realize how much smarter you are then they are. Become a good source of wisdom for them. You know so much they haven't learned yet.

 

[sealybobo]

Not to get too personal, but that sounds like mid life crises friend.
I am 58. I went through MLC around 50 myself.
People often look at that time in a man's life as funny, and like to make jokes about it. But when you go through it, it is anything but funny.
Same as you, it was a time when I realized that young pretty girls (adults) no longer looked at me with any interest at all. I was "some old guy". And that was never going to change. Ever.
It will pass. But it's duration will be determined by how you deal with it.
Realize how much smarter you are then they are. Become a good source of wisdom for them. You know so much they haven't learned yet.

And occasionally run into one with daddy issues.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

And occasionally run into one with daddy issues.

yeah but they are nuts.
True story... about 5 years ago, one of my clients hired a new receptionist.
Good, repeat customer so I would swing by couple times a month and talk to the owner.
I was being friendly with her, she thought something else.
She managed to get my cell phone number. And started sending friendly text. Then she seeks to friend me on Facebook... etc.
Then the owner, who I consider a friend and knows me pretty well, calls and tells me her receptionist told her I only want to talk/deal with her. Then she tells me the week before I sent someone else besides me to swing by and she was upset the whole day.
It all worked out... but Jesus Christ was this embarrassing.
She was very much trying to meet me socially....invites to parties etc. She knew I was married also.
Very touchy situation. I was VERY glad when she quit for a different job.

 

[sealybobo]

yeah but they are nuts.
True story... about 5 years ago, one of my clients hired a new receptionist.
Good, repeat customer so I would swing by couple times a month and talk to the owner.
I was being friendly with her, she thought something else.
She managed to get my cell phone number. And started sending friendly text. Then she seeks to friend me on Facebook... etc.
Then the owner, who I consider a friend and knows me pretty well, calls and tells me her receptionist told her I only want to talk/deal with her. Then she tells me the week before I sent someone else besides me to swing by and she was upset the whole day.
It all worked out... but Jesus Christ was this embarrassing.
She was very much trying to meet me socially....invites to parties etc. She knew I was married also.
Very touchy situation. I was VERY glad when she quit for a different job.

I know my neighbor’s niece has a crush on me. 21. We just click. I’ve always clicked with young women. But now days it’s probably more fatherly than it is sexual attraction.

One day she invited herself on my walk with my dog. Next thing we’re on my boat. Later her aunt said, “I’m just glad her first time is with a good guy like you”. She was referring to being first time on my boat? I think? I sounded like permission to bang her but I know it wasn’t.

 

[MarathonMike]

Yea but what if you’re happy with yourself but it’s not good enough for your love ones? You smoke, drink, don’t eat right or won’t settle down. Can others affect your happiness? What about a new bitch mother in law?

I could see loved ones being concerned if one is happy with bad habits like smoking and drinking. I don't think that affects them adversely like an angry, depressed or abusive person. Sure anyone and anything can affect your happiness if you allow it. The idea is to not let other people control you.

 

[FRIKSHUN]

If you aren't suffering, you are not happy? That's childish?

Here is another example. The bitch controller at my company quit. Suddenly I'm happy. I was "suffering" her while she was here. Happy now that she's gone.

 

[sealybobo]

What?

 

[sealybobo]

No, others cannot affect your happiness.

Your happiness is your choice.

You cannot control what others do. You can only control your reaction to them.

I don't know why but I get great happiness when my nephews use my pontoon boat. Yesterday the oldest one came out at 1pm with 2 boys and 2 girls. They stayed out till 11pm watching fire works. I can only imagine that will be a memory he has for the rest of his life. How when he was in college he had access to a pontoon boat and he had the best summers....He said the girls were all over him and one of his buddies. Poor 3rd wheel guy. LOL.

And I get happy seeing him doing really well. Seems he does affect my happiness.

And don't good parents sort of control what their good kids do? You cay I can't control what others do but then how do good parents seem to raise good kid and bad parents raise bad ones? Or slacker parents raise slacker kids?

I was watching a 30 for 30 on the Duke LaCrosse team. I can't imagine finding out my nephew raped some stripper at a frat party.

 

[Libby von H]

I heard this quote on Alone. I agree. The contestants are happy until the snow comes. Suddenly they are miserable.

This site disagrees

Happiness is not the absence of suffering; it’s the ability to rebound from it. And happiness is not the same as joy or ecstasy; happiness includes contentment, well-being, and the emotional flexibility to experience a full range of emotions.

Happiness Isn’t the Absence of Negative Feelings

A skeptical look at the positive-psychology backlash.

hbr.org

But I disagree. As long as I'm not suffering in some way, I'm happy.

Then you are like the boy happily eating Oreos while others eat Beluga Caviar . And you do this for eternity.
You stoop to pick up a dollar bill on the ground and don't notice the hill of pure diamonds nearby.

I don't doubt what you say , but I doubt what you are.