guilt if you drink too much?

Discussion in 'Humor' started by manu1959, Aug 22, 2005.

  1. manu1959

    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

    Oct 28, 2004
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    Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
    - Babe Ruth

    I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
    - Lyndon B. Johnson

    An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
    - Ernest Hemingway

    When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
    - Paul Hornung

    24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.
    - H.L. Mencken

    When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
    - George Bernard Shaw

    Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
    - Benjamin Franklin

    Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
    - Dave Barry

    BEER: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.
    - W.C. Fields

    Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.
    - Professor Irwin Corey

    To some it's a six-pack; to me it's a "support group." Salvation in a can!
    - Leo Durocher

    One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm. "Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
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  2. deaddude

    deaddude Senior Member

    Apr 27, 2004
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    I always liked this one, I knew a quantum physics teacher who played on it by stating that according to gravitational theory to state that since his atoms had mass they had gravity, and since that gravity affected (in a very small way) every spec of matter in the universe (including every spec of matter composing every beautifull woman in the universe) and vice versa

    Physics helping ugly people have constant, pleasureless, meaningless sex since the dawn of humanity.

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