For Northerners Moving South

[Phoenix]

yes I have so shut your mouth!

Last night it was muggy here because an incoming storm, I hate it when it is muggy which is another reason why I will never live in the south. MY family is from the south but you will never see me return. I have never seen a possum and I want it to stay that way unless it is on vacation in New Orleans during Mardi Gra. Where I live are insects expcept pine beetles are normal size and we don't have spiders that could eat you or anything called an alligator fish.

Well c'mon up to Chicago, we've plenty of opossums and raccoons too. Like foxes? Wolves? Deer? Bears? Coyotes? All around here.

Hmmm ... if she doesn't like muggy, she better not come to IL. It's gross outside right now.

 

[Luissa]

Been invited, have you?

yes I have so shut your mouth!

Last night it was muggy here because an incoming storm, I hate it when it is muggy which is another reason why I will never live in the south. MY family is from the south but you will never see me return. I have never seen a possum and I want it to stay that way unless it is on vacation in New Orleans during Mardi Gra. Where I live are insects expcept pine beetles are normal size and we don't have spiders that could eat you or anything called an alligator fish.

Well c'mon up to Chicago, we've plenty of opossums and raccoons too. Like foxes? Wolves? Deer? Bears? Coyotes? All around here.

no foxes here but we get plenty of raccoons, even had some that would sleep on our roof one summer, I will still never know if we I came home stoned once if there were really five raccoons in my front hard.
We also have coyotes, I have had a few cats killed by them. We also get moose, they even like to come into town. I was at my friend's apartment once and I saw one in her parking lot early in the morning which no one believed me until it was on the news. As for deer we have a buck that lives on the back road to the college I go to plus there is deer all over the area.

 

[sealybobo]

In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. (IF YOU ARE BLACK, BE VERY AFRAID)

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it. (ANAL LUBRICATION FOR WHEN THEY MAKE YOU SQUEAL LIKE A PIG)

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

(I DON'T GET THIS ONE. WHY GO TO THE GROCERY STORE?)

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim. (BECAUSE DADDY LEFT WHEN THEY WERE BORN)

This is great! I make fun of people down south on USMB but I really do like the culture.

And you forgot: Don't be alarmed if a southern says he wants to introduce you to his wife and sister and only one woman walks up.

 

[Annie]

yes I have so shut your mouth!

Last night it was muggy here because an incoming storm, I hate it when it is muggy which is another reason why I will never live in the south. MY family is from the south but you will never see me return. I have never seen a possum and I want it to stay that way unless it is on vacation in New Orleans during Mardi Gra. Where I live are insects expcept pine beetles are normal size and we don't have spiders that could eat you or anything called an alligator fish.

Well c'mon up to Chicago, we've plenty of opossums and raccoons too. Like foxes? Wolves? Deer? Bears? Coyotes? All around here.

no foxes here but we get plenty of raccoons, even had some that would sleep on our roof one summer, I will still never know if we I came home stoned once if there were really five raccoons in my front hard.
We also have coyotes, I have had a few cats killed by them. We also get moose, they even like to come into town. I was at my friend's apartment once and I saw one in her parking lot early in the morning which no one believed me until it was on the news. As for deer we have a buck that lives on the back road to the college I go to plus there is deer all over the area.

Well for you should have said, 'C'mon down'. No Moose, but deers don't mind fences. They just hop them. Idiots around here feed all sorts of wildlife, then wonder why they aren't afraid of humans. I'm waiting for the first wolf, fox, bear attack on a child. Stupid people!

 

[Phoenix]

This is great! I make fun of people down south on USMB but I really do like the culture.

And you forgot: Don't be alarmed if a southern says he wants to introduce you to his wife and sister and only one woman walks up.

Hmmmm ... a yooper?


You Know You Are A True Michigander (Yooper) When:


1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going down south past Petosky or Green Bay for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once!
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
6. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car & your girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. There are seven empty cars running in the parking lot at Menard's at any given time.
13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
15. You refer to the Wolverines as "we."
16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
17. You can identify an Ohio and Wisconsin accent.
18. You have no problem spelling Escanaba.
19. You consider the lower Peninsula exotic. ya hey!
20. You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Stroh's.
21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.
22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
23. Down south to you means south of Da bridge, the deep south is south of Detroit.
24. A brat is something you eat.
25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
26. You go out to fish fry every Friday at the Elks, Moose or VFW.
27. You know how to polka.
28. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
29. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
30. Ya actch'lly understand dese jokes, & den you forward dem to all yer Michigander friends.

 

[Annie]

This is great! I make fun of people down south on USMB but I really do like the culture.

And you forgot: Don't be alarmed if a southern says he wants to introduce you to his wife and sister and only one woman walks up.

Hmmmm ... a yooper?


You Know You Are A True Michigander (Yooper) When:


1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going down south past Petosky or Green Bay for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once!
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
6. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car & your girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. There are seven empty cars running in the parking lot at Menard's at any given time.
13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
15. You refer to the Wolverines as "we."
16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
17. You can identify an Ohio and Wisconsin accent.
18. You have no problem spelling Escanaba.
19. You consider the lower Peninsula exotic. ya hey!
20. You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Stroh's.
21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.
22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
23. Down south to you means south of Da bridge, the deep south is south of Detroit.
24. A brat is something you eat.
25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
26. You go out to fish fry every Friday at the Elks, Moose or VFW.
27. You know how to polka.
28. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
29. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
30. Ya actch'lly understand dese jokes, & den you forward dem to all yer Michigander friends.

We Chicagoans aren't as nuanced, but haven't a problem grilling outdoors at -10F or running out in shirt sleeves at 5F. LOL!

 

[sealybobo]

Well c'mon up to Chicago, we've plenty of opossums and raccoons too. Like foxes? Wolves? Deer? Bears? Coyotes? All around here.

no foxes here but we get plenty of raccoons, even had some that would sleep on our roof one summer, I will still never know if we I came home stoned once if there were really five raccoons in my front hard.
We also have coyotes, I have had a few cats killed by them. We also get moose, they even like to come into town. I was at my friend's apartment once and I saw one in her parking lot early in the morning which no one believed me until it was on the news. As for deer we have a buck that lives on the back road to the college I go to plus there is deer all over the area.

Well for you should have said, 'C'mon down'. No Moose, but deers don't mind fences. They just hop them. Idiots around here feed all sorts of wildlife, then wonder why they aren't afraid of humans. I'm waiting for the first wolf, fox, bear attack on a child. Stupid people!

Stranger Among Bears : Richard Terry : Animal Planet

I happened to be flipping channels when I ran across this show about a guy who's been living with Black and Grizzley bears for 20 years. He carries no gun or pepper spray. He has been bit, but not seriously. And he does hold a stick when he's hanging with the Grizzley's, because they are just WILD AS SHIT. So occasionally he has to pop them in the nose with the stick. Alaska is trying to stop him. And yes, he feeds them and Alaska is mad because he's endangering other people, because now these bears see people as a food source.

A hunter came onto his land and he was yelling at the hunter, then he asked the hunter if he wanted to see his bears, and the guy put down his rifle, but kept his side arm of course, and then he brought back his father in law to see for himself this guy living with the bears.

The played back to back to back episodes and I couldn't stop watching. The bears seem like big aggressive dogs. Yes they are more wild and less tamable, but they really aren't man eaters. Usually they are surprised when they attack. And once they bite you, well, may as well fill up.

In Michigan we have black bear and wild cats/lynks/bobcat. One time a friend of mine saw a deer walking about 50 feet from his blind and all of the sudden a cat jumped out of a tree and tore at the deers neck. He said he saw blood and fur where it happened and the cat probably stalked his prey and just let it bleed out. Or the deer got away.

But I love that shit. I would love to live in Alaska for a year.

 

[Phoenix]

We Chicagoans aren't as nuanced, but haven't a problem grilling outdoors at -10F or running out in shirt sleeves at 5F. LOL!

Yup - we who live in "Illinoiz" have gotten some good practice of snow driving the past couple years, haven't we?

 

[Annie]

We Chicagoans aren't as nuanced, but haven't a problem grilling outdoors at -10F or running out in shirt sleeves at 5F. LOL!

Yup - we who live in "Illinoiz" have gotten some good practice of snow driving the past couple years, haven't we?

Indeed. I've been considering filing grievances about the lack of snow days.

 

[Phoenix]

Indeed. I've been considering filing grievances about the lack of snow days.

Right. You better get on that.

 

[DamnYankee]

Is the south really like that? The closest place I've ever been is Virginia, and I only went there for a party - I lived in Maryland. It wasn't even Americans, it was some Burmese commune.

AOSIdhAPSDOi

Lemme 'splain it to you this way. Northern Virginia is to Southern Virginia as North Jersey is to South Jersey -- it's like two different countries!

Oh! my friend who went to Virginia Tech gets real pissed when his dad who lived in Northern Virginia calls it slower virginia in reference to south virginia.

Well it IS definitely slower. They sure can put together a full-course breakfast in a hurry though!

 

[AVG-JOE]

In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store..... do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'," as in big ol' truck or big ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper

Be advised that "He needed killin' " is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, jus' 'cause the cat had kittens in the oven, don't mean we're gonna call 'em biscuits.

Great post. Funny, yet the truth of the genuiness of rednecks is in there. My dad ALWAYS stops to see if folks stuck on the side of the road need help. It's funny how people distrust his honest desire to help them. Or sad, really. Howdid we get to the point where we distrust each other so much?

My dad and bros get their hair cut at a barber shop where you can also buy ammo.

Bacon grease makes everything you fry better. Just take my word for it.

You can never have too many staples to see you through a storm. When power used to go out back home it could be 2 weeks before it was back.

I can't tell you the number of times my bros would say "Hey, y'all watch this," butn none ever ended up maimed. Maybe they were just lucky.

I learned how to shoot when I was about 10, but it wasn't mama, it was daddy. He gave me a 243 Roberts and I learned to take down a deer with it. it was a proud moment for me to know I fed my family. Never been much of a shotgun gal, I'd rather have a good dog, but my little Glock is a comfort.

I feel a little sorry for Northerners/Libs... it seems they will never know how it feels to be really connected to a community the way us rednecks do.

I think I'm in love!

(Don't tell Echo )

-Joe

 

[Gunny]

More "southern" dialect:

yaonto -- "We goin to da mall, yaonto?"

Sea Knees -- "Ya'll seenees yet?"

Sea Gnat -- "I seenat already."

Sea Nose -- You get the idea. Sea Nose, Sea Nis, etc.

My favorite might be, "undermine."

As in, "Yeah I wanna meet the girl that has the partment undermine."

There's thousands.

That's not Southern -- that's hillbilly. I've heard West Virginians sound worse.

Then there's my friend from New H-A-A-M-shuh ...

 

[Luissa]

Well c'mon up to Chicago, we've plenty of opossums and raccoons too. Like foxes? Wolves? Deer? Bears? Coyotes? All around here.

no foxes here but we get plenty of raccoons, even had some that would sleep on our roof one summer, I will still never know if we I came home stoned once if there were really five raccoons in my front hard.
We also have coyotes, I have had a few cats killed by them. We also get moose, they even like to come into town. I was at my friend's apartment once and I saw one in her parking lot early in the morning which no one believed me until it was on the news. As for deer we have a buck that lives on the back road to the college I go to plus there is deer all over the area.

Well for you should have said, 'C'mon down'. No Moose, but deers don't mind fences. They just hop them. Idiots around here feed all sorts of wildlife, then wonder why they aren't afraid of humans. I'm waiting for the first wolf, fox, bear attack on a child. Stupid people!

In Yellowstone if you feed a bear they have to kill it, that is why you will always see bumper stickers from there that say " Don't Feed the Bears".
My boss had a moose plow through her fence and hang out for awhile, they are always coming into town. When I saw the moose it was near downtown and no where near wilderness.

 

[Luissa]

More "southern" dialect:

yaonto -- "We goin to da mall, yaonto?"

Sea Knees -- "Ya'll seenees yet?"

Sea Gnat -- "I seenat already."

Sea Nose -- You get the idea. Sea Nose, Sea Nis, etc.

My favorite might be, "undermine."

As in, "Yeah I wanna meet the girl that has the partment undermine."

There's thousands.

That's not Southern -- that's hillbilly. I've heard West Virginians sound worse.

Then there's my friend from New H-A-A-M-shuh ...

I work with this guy from West Virginia who is complete moron hillbilly with a different Nascar shirt for every day of the week. They are always yelling possum at him for some reason.

 

[Phoenix]

In Yellowstone if you feed a bear they have to kill it, that is why you will always see bumper stickers from there that say " Don't Feed the Bears".
My boss had a moose plow through her fence and hang out for awhile, they are always coming into town. When I saw the moose it was near downtown and no where near wilderness.

In Yellowstone, if you're close enough to feed the bears, the bears get fed - one way or another.

The park also has to issue stupidity warnings for the people who think it would be cute to pose their child with/on a buffalo/bear/moose/male elk in full velvet. Because it's just like a big petting zoo with really pretty scenery, right?

 

[Gunny]

hilarious and those are just some of the reasons I will never live in the south!

Been invited, have you?

yes I have so shut your mouth!

Last night it was muggy here because an incoming storm, I hate it when it is muggy which is another reason why I will never live in the south. MY family is from the south but you will never see me return. I have never seen a possum and I want it to stay that way unless it is on vacation in New Orleans during Mardi Gra. Where I live are insects expcept pine beetles are normal size and we don't have spiders that could eat you or anything called an alligator fish.

So don't live here. Nobody asked you, and I doubt with your attitude, anyone ever asked you to.

 

[Gunny]

I don't see anything wrong with taking a moment to collect your thoughts. I've been called dumb and stupid all my life. So much I believed it for a long time. I don't think that way anymore, but lots of people still think that about me. There's no shame in thinking a little bit before you respond. Most of you would prolly think I'm dumb as shit the way I pause before responding on here. I don't care tho, you can think I'm stupid if you want. I don't believe being smart made anyone happy. I'm happy most of the time and if that makes me dumb then so be it. I'd rather be happy than smart. Course, you're free to live your life as you see fit, I would never deny anyone that option.

One of my great pleasures in life is to watch a yankee who has made the mistake of underestimating the brains of a redneck who talks dumb.

I 'hear' you. Same thing happens to those that think because one cannot hear, that one cannot think. Devastating results at times.

I like the fools that talk to blind people real loud and slow.

 

[Midnight Marauder]

More "southern" dialect:

yaonto -- "We goin to da mall, yaonto?"

Sea Knees -- "Ya'll seenees yet?"

Sea Gnat -- "I seenat already."

Sea Nose -- You get the idea. Sea Nose, Sea Nis, etc.

My favorite might be, "undermine."

As in, "Yeah I wanna meet the girl that has the partment undermine."

There's thousands.

That's not Southern -- that's hillbilly. I've heard West Virginians sound worse.

Hence, the quotation marks.

 

[Gunny]

Been invited, have you?

yes I have so shut your mouth!

Last night it was muggy here because an incoming storm, I hate it when it is muggy which is another reason why I will never live in the south. MY family is from the south but you will never see me return. I have never seen a possum and I want it to stay that way unless it is on vacation in New Orleans during Mardi Gra. Where I live are insects expcept pine beetles are normal size and we don't have spiders that could eat you or anything called an alligator fish.

Well c'mon up to Chicago, we've plenty of opossums and raccoons too. Like foxes? Wolves? Deer? Bears? Coyotes? All around here.

They're all around everywhere. Luissa just hasn't gotten out from the asphalt jungle much, and apparently, can't fathom the thought of seeing what's beyond a city-lit sky with no stars and is willing to grasp on a bunch of bullshit rhetoric to justify it.