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In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. (IF YOU ARE BLACK, BE VERY AFRAID)
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it. (ANAL LUBRICATION FOR WHEN THEY MAKE YOU SQUEAL LIKE A PIG)
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
(I DON'T GET THIS ONE. WHY GO TO THE GROCERY STORE?)
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim. (BECAUSE DADDY LEFT WHEN THEY WERE BORN)
This is great! I make fun of people down south on USMB but I really do like the culture.
And you forgot: Don't be alarmed if a southern says he wants to introduce you to his wife and sister and only one woman walks up.
In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
hey asshole I live in area where there are about a dozen ski resorts, the columbia gorge, and one of the largest native american reservations in this country.There are more lakes in my area then you have probably seen. YOu have never been to where I live so stop assuming shit. Just because we don't have possums and humidity doesn't mean I live in a concret jungle. I could walk two minutes from my house and be a wild life preserve. I also spend a week in wyomning on my brother's ranch every year that is more out of the middle of no where then you have ever seen. SO why don't you take the stick that has been in your ass for the last week and then shove back in there for me.yes I have so shut your mouth!
Last night it was muggy here because an incoming storm, I hate it when it is muggy which is another reason why I will never live in the south. MY family is from the south but you will never see me return. I have never seen a possum and I want it to stay that way unless it is on vacation in New Orleans during Mardi Gra. Where I live are insects expcept pine beetles are normal size and we don't have spiders that could eat you or anything called an alligator fish.
Well c'mon up to Chicago, we've plenty of opossums and raccoons too. Like foxes? Wolves? Deer? Bears? Coyotes? All around here.
They're all around everywhere. Luissa just hasn't gotten out from the asphalt jungle much, and apparently, can't fathom the thought of seeing what's beyond a city-lit sky with no stars and is willing to grasp on a bunch of bullshit rhetoric to justify it.
In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Should I be concerned if one of them has a banjo?
and yes I was actually asked by a guy who was moving down there for an army and it was the best decision I made not to go down there. And I am sorry I am afraid of large spiders, you can blame my brother for that one.Been invited, have you?
yes I have so shut your mouth!
Last night it was muggy here because an incoming storm, I hate it when it is muggy which is another reason why I will never live in the south. MY family is from the south but you will never see me return. I have never seen a possum and I want it to stay that way unless it is on vacation in New Orleans during Mardi Gra. Where I live are insects expcept pine beetles are normal size and we don't have spiders that could eat you or anything called an alligator fish.
So don't live here. Nobody asked you, and I doubt with your attitude, anyone ever asked you to.
More "southern" dialect:
yaonto -- "We goin to da mall, yaonto?"
Sea Knees -- "Ya'll seenees yet?"
Sea Gnat -- "I seenat already."
Sea Nose -- You get the idea. Sea Nose, Sea Nis, etc.
My favorite might be, "undermine."
As in, "Yeah I wanna meet the girl that has the partment undermine."
There's thousands.
That's not Southern -- that's hillbilly. I've heard West Virginians sound worse.
Then there's my friend from New H-A-A-M-shuh ...
Well for you should have said, 'C'mon down'.No Moose, but deers don't mind fences. They just hop them. Idiots around here feed all sorts of wildlife, then wonder why they aren't afraid of humans. I'm waiting for the first wolf, fox, bear attack on a child. Stupid people!
One of my great pleasures in life is to watch a yankee who has made the mistake of underestimating the brains of a redneck who talks dumb.
Been invited, have you?
yes I have so shut your mouth!
Last night it was muggy here because an incoming storm, I hate it when it is muggy which is another reason why I will never live in the south. MY family is from the south but you will never see me return. I have never seen a possum and I want it to stay that way unless it is on vacation in New Orleans during Mardi Gra. Where I live are insects expcept pine beetles are normal size and we don't have spiders that could eat you or anything called an alligator fish.
So don't live here. Nobody asked you, and I doubt with your attitude, anyone ever asked you to.
That thar iron is hardern a weddin dick.
I hitim so hard he was squealin like a broke dick dog.
Thissy here knife is sharper than a ministers tongue.
This damn bolt is tightern a nuns pussy.
That thar sumbish has gotta be the dumbest ass ever ta shit tween a paira boots.
I could go on an on an on. I worked at the railroad in SW Va. and traveled through West BY GOD Va. doing repairs.
I have a PHD in Redneckizm.
That thar iron is hardern a weddin dick.
I hitim so hard he was squealin like a broke dick dog.
Thissy here knife is sharper than a ministers tongue.
This damn bolt is tightern a nuns pussy.
That thar sumbish has gotta be the dumbest ass ever ta shit tween a paira boots.
I could go on an on an on. I worked at the railroad in SW Va. and traveled through West BY GOD Va. doing repairs.
I have a PHD in Redneckizm.
Careful now.... You're speakin' of my kinfolk....
This is great! I make fun of people down south on USMB but I really do like the culture.
And you forgot: Don't be alarmed if a southern says he wants to introduce you to his wife and sister and only one woman walks up.
Hmmmm ... a yooper?
You Know You Are A True Michigander (Yooper) When:
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going down south past Petosky or Green Bay for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once!
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
6. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car & your girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. There are seven empty cars running in the parking lot at Menard's at any given time.
13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
15. You refer to the Wolverines as "we."
16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
17. You can identify an Ohio and Wisconsin accent.
18. You have no problem spelling Escanaba.
19. You consider the lower Peninsula exotic. ya hey!
20. You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Stroh's.
21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.
22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
23. Down south to you means south of Da bridge, the deep south is south of Detroit.
24. A brat is something you eat.
25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
26. You go out to fish fry every Friday at the Elks, Moose or VFW.
27. You know how to polka.
28. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
29. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
30. Ya actch'lly understand dese jokes, & den you forward dem to all yer Michigander friends.
Ever see this movie with Jeff Daniels?
Escanaba in da Moonlight (2001)
Escanaba in da Moonlight.
Jeff Daniels is the only guy in the UP who has never shot a buck. They call him the Buckless YOUper.
We watch this at Deer Camp. I have to say the UP is another world. Should be its own state. I've never been but want to go.
hey asshole I live in area where there are about a dozen ski resorts, the columbia gorge, and one of the largest native american reservations in this country.There are more lakes in my area then you have probably seen. YOu have never been to where I live so stop assuming shit. Just because we don't have possums and humidity doesn't mean I live in a concret jungle. I could walk two minutes from my house and be a wild life preserve. I also spend a week in wyomning on my brother's ranch every year that is more out of the middle of no where then you have ever seen. SO why don't you take the stick that has been in your ass for the last week and then shove back in there for me.Well c'mon up to Chicago, we've plenty of opossums and raccoons too. Like foxes? Wolves? Deer? Bears? Coyotes? All around here.
They're all around everywhere. Luissa just hasn't gotten out from the asphalt jungle much, and apparently, can't fathom the thought of seeing what's beyond a city-lit sky with no stars and is willing to grasp on a bunch of bullshit rhetoric to justify it.
More "southern" dialect:
yaonto -- "We goin to da mall, yaonto?"
Sea Knees -- "Ya'll seenees yet?"
Sea Gnat -- "I seenat already."
Sea Nose -- You get the idea. Sea Nose, Sea Nis, etc.
My favorite might be, "undermine."
As in, "Yeah I wanna meet the girl that has the partment undermine."
There's thousands.
That's not Southern -- that's hillbilly. I've heard West Virginians sound worse.
Then there's my friend from New H-A-A-M-shuh ...
Got any from Bah-stun? LMAO!
we have marmots they are way better than your little ass possums. They make your possums look like an oversized rats.hey asshole I live in area where there are about a dozen ski resorts, the columbia gorge, and one of the largest native american reservations in this country.There are more lakes in my area then you have probably seen. YOu have never been to where I live so stop assuming shit. Just because we don't have possums and humidity doesn't mean I live in a concret jungle. I could walk two minutes from my house and be a wild life preserve. I also spend a week in wyomning on my brother's ranch every year that is more out of the middle of no where then you have ever seen. SO why don't you take the stick that has been in your ass for the last week and then shove back in there for me.They're all around everywhere. Luissa just hasn't gotten out from the asphalt jungle much, and apparently, can't fathom the thought of seeing what's beyond a city-lit sky with no stars and is willing to grasp on a bunch of bullshit rhetoric to justify it.
Think you're my wife now or something calling me "hey asshole"?
You have no idea whether or not I've been where you live. There aren't too many places I haven't been and your piddly little world you seem so impressed by impresses ME not.
Just cuz you don't SEE possums doesn't mean you don't have any. But I'll take your word for it. Must some wonderful place you live if even trashy, no-account scavengers like possums snub their noses at it.
ANd I lived here for along time and have never seen one. And don't pretend like you have ever been here, we tend to eat Texans like you in our granola.
Don't worry I never plan on it, for one I don't want to end up with cement shoes!yes I have so shut your mouth!
Last night it was muggy here because an incoming storm, I hate it when it is muggy which is another reason why I will never live in the south. MY family is from the south but you will never see me return. I have never seen a possum and I want it to stay that way unless it is on vacation in New Orleans during Mardi Gra. Where I live are insects expcept pine beetles are normal size and we don't have spiders that could eat you or anything called an alligator fish.
So don't live here. Nobody asked you, and I doubt with your attitude, anyone ever asked you to.
She ought not move to Joisey either....
In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store..... do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'," as in big ol' truck or big ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper
Be advised that "He needed killin' " is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, jus' 'cause the cat had kittens in the oven, don't mean we're gonna call 'em biscuits.
