For Northerners Moving South

Discussion in 'Humor' started by DamnYankee, Jun 24, 2009.

  1. DamnYankee
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    DamnYankee No Neg Policy

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    In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

    Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store..... do not buy food at this store.

    Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive.

    Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

    Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

    Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

    The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'," as in big ol' truck or big ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

    The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper

    Be advised that "He needed killin' " is a valid defense here.

    If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say

    If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

    Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

    In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

    AND REMEMBER:
    If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, jus' 'cause the cat had kittens in the oven, don't mean we're gonna call 'em biscuits.
     
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  2. Phoenix
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    Phoenix fideli certa merces

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    :clap2: :lol:
     
  3. Luissa
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    Luissa Annoying Customer Supporting Member

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    hilarious and those are just some of the reasons I will never live in the south!
     
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  4. Gunny
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    Gunny Gold Member

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    :lol:

    "Hey, y'all watch this ..." priceless.:lol::lol::lol:
     
  5. Gunny
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    Gunny Gold Member

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    Been invited, have you?:lol:
     
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  6. Amanda
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    Amanda Calm as a Hindu cow

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    Great post. Funny, yet the truth of the genuiness of rednecks is in there. My dad ALWAYS stops to see if folks stuck on the side of the road need help. It's funny how people distrust his honest desire to help them. Or sad, really. Howdid we get to the point where we distrust each other so much?

    My dad and bros get their hair cut at a barber shop where you can also buy ammo. :)

    Bacon grease makes everything you fry better. Just take my word for it. :)

    You can never have too many staples to see you through a storm. When power used to go out back home it could be 2 weeks before it was back.

    I can't tell you the number of times my bros would say "Hey, y'all watch this," butn none ever ended up maimed. Maybe they were just lucky. :)

    I learned how to shoot when I was about 10, but it wasn't mama, it was daddy. He gave me a 243 Roberts and I learned to take down a deer with it. it was a proud moment for me to know I fed my family. Never been much of a shotgun gal, I'd rather have a good dog, but my little Glock is a comfort.

    I feel a little sorry for Northerners/Libs... it seems they will never know how it feels to be really connected to a community the way us rednecks do.
     
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  7. Midnight Marauder
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    Midnight Marauder BANNED

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    More "southern" dialect:

    yaonto -- "We goin to da mall, yaonto?"

    Sea Knees -- "Ya'll seenees yet?"

    Sea Gnat -- "I seenat already."

    Sea Nose -- You get the idea. Sea Nose, Sea Nis, etc.

    My favorite might be, "undermine."

    As in, "Yeah I wanna meet the girl that has the partment undermine."

    There's thousands.
     
  8. KittenKoder
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    KittenKoder Senior Member

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    I miss Arizona, going back there someday for good. Tucson ...
     
  9. Epsilon Delta
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    Epsilon Delta Jedi Master

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    Is the south really like that? The closest place I've ever been is Virginia, and I only went there for a party - I lived in Maryland. It wasn't even Americans, it was some Burmese commune.

    AOSIdhAPSDOi
     
  10. DamnYankee
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    DamnYankee No Neg Policy

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    Lemme 'splain it to you this way. Northern Virginia is to Southern Virginia as North Jersey is to South Jersey -- it's like two different countries!
     

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