"Addicted" to Porn?!

[TrinityPower]

That could be true Longknife. I am not a man. I kind of wonder if women watch porn to get new ideas lol

 

[Bonzi]

It all boils down to upbringing. In a perfect world, it's best people make good decisions and make sacrifices. Unless your life is in danger, sometimes it's best to make your marriage work. Too many times, people get married that shouldn't and also divorce when things can be worked out..... It's not the world we live in though, I'm not oblivious to reality..... Sometimes misery is the price we pay for our mistakes, especially when children are involved.

I understand why men like porn, but, if you never see it, it's not a problem.
Like smoking and drinking. You don't have an addiction to get over if you never try it in the 1st place.....

Many people marry for the company. Like the gal with a husband that doesn't say nice things, shower, etc. All that comes at a surprise? I'd never marry someone I was that unfamiliar with. Kids do complicate it but sometimes they are better off if two unhappy people go their own way.

And lots of people drink and smoke without getting addicted. It isn't an either or scenario.

True, I can't relate to getting married for company. Not my personality, but, obviously know it happens.
Same with moderate drinking and smoking, but, if you just never do it in the first place you don't have to worry about it possibly becoming a problem.

 

[Bonzi]

Porn, like cheating, usually happens when the man isn't getting what he needs at home.

So, it's the wife's fault?

 

[longknife]

Porn, like cheating, usually happens when the man isn't getting what he needs at home.

So, it's the wife's fault?

No, I think it's how BOTH members of the union act. If the man turns off the woman, she seeks satisfaction elsewhere.

What bothers me is how many young people are surfing the web for porn. And even more so, how many are showing themselves in porn situations. Just for the thrill of it.

 

[ChrisL]

Can become psychologically addicetd to anything including a glass of water. Porn? Absolutely.Looking at it, masturbating, having orgasms/climaxes involves the reward centers of our brains so is considerably easier to envision becomming addicted to that.

Think the term is grossly overused though and usually without a clinical diagnosis of such. Just another feeble attempt to demonize porn and villify pleasure. "You'll get addicted to it." Same scare tactics, different generation.

the problem is that normative and healthier "addictions" are available.
like, sex with one person of the same sex for life.....
better for you, better for society and overall well being of everyone...
opening doors to any pleasure regardless of its implications is selfish and self indulgent.
not in line with the greater good.

How's your greater good paradigm going when 60% of those one person forever arrangements end in divorce?

It's for the greater good for people to NOT divorce as well.
Just because most do, doesn't make it right or good.....

Why do you say that? Some people are much better off letting a spouse go. Why live in misery?

As far as porn goes, if someone has to ask, they don't understand men.

It all boils down to upbringing. In a perfect world, it's best people make good decisions and make sacrifices. Unless your life is in danger, sometimes it's best to make your marriage work. Too many times, people get married that shouldn't and also divorce when things can be worked out..... It's not the world we live in though, I'm not oblivious to reality..... Sometimes misery is the price we pay for our mistakes, especially when children are involved.

I understand why men like porn, but, if you never see it, it's not a problem.
Like smoking and drinking. You don't have an addiction to get over if you never try it in the 1st place.....

Well, as the child of parents who fought all the time and probably should have gotten divorced much sooner than they actually did because, by the end, things had really devolved, I would tend to disagree. Sometimes staying together is not in the best interest of the child/children because it can make you an unhappy and miserable and resentful person. If you are unhappy, you can't possibly make anyone else happy, IMO.

 

[ChrisL]

As a person who prefers another person as opposed to robots (lol - from another thread) or watching other people doing it, I don't really understand a "porn addiction."

 

[Bonzi]

the problem is that normative and healthier "addictions" are available.
like, sex with one person of the same sex for life.....
better for you, better for society and overall well being of everyone...
opening doors to any pleasure regardless of its implications is selfish and self indulgent.
not in line with the greater good.

How's your greater good paradigm going when 60% of those one person forever arrangements end in divorce?

It's for the greater good for people to NOT divorce as well.
Just because most do, doesn't make it right or good.....

Why do you say that? Some people are much better off letting a spouse go. Why live in misery?

As far as porn goes, if someone has to ask, they don't understand men.

It all boils down to upbringing. In a perfect world, it's best people make good decisions and make sacrifices. Unless your life is in danger, sometimes it's best to make your marriage work. Too many times, people get married that shouldn't and also divorce when things can be worked out..... It's not the world we live in though, I'm not oblivious to reality..... Sometimes misery is the price we pay for our mistakes, especially when children are involved.

I understand why men like porn, but, if you never see it, it's not a problem.
Like smoking and drinking. You don't have an addiction to get over if you never try it in the 1st place.....

Well, as the child of parents who fought all the time and probably should have gotten divorced much sooner than they actually did because, by the end, things had really devolved, I would tend to disagree. Sometimes staying together is not in the best interest of the child/children because it can make you an unhappy and miserable and resentful person. If you are unhappy, you can't possibly make anyone else happy, IMO.

My Mom told me that. She used to PRAY that my grandmother would leave my grandfather.....
In abusive situations, whether physical or mental, I believe that the parents should be apart.....
I can't NOT support God's laws, however, as a Christian.

 

[Bonzi]

Porn, like cheating, usually happens when the man isn't getting what he needs at home.

So, it's the wife's fault?

No, I think it's how BOTH members of the union act. If the man turns off the woman, she seeks satisfaction elsewhere.

What bothers me is how many young people are surfing the web for porn. And even more so, how many are showing themselves in porn situations. Just for the thrill of it.

anything goes, lack of morals, living for fun, etc. anything as long as it's not PERCEIVED as hurting anyone else..... I don't know .... I still say if you only had 1 sex partner, you would not desire anything else.

 

[ChrisL]

How's your greater good paradigm going when 60% of those one person forever arrangements end in divorce?

It's for the greater good for people to NOT divorce as well.
Just because most do, doesn't make it right or good.....

Why do you say that? Some people are much better off letting a spouse go. Why live in misery?

As far as porn goes, if someone has to ask, they don't understand men.

It all boils down to upbringing. In a perfect world, it's best people make good decisions and make sacrifices. Unless your life is in danger, sometimes it's best to make your marriage work. Too many times, people get married that shouldn't and also divorce when things can be worked out..... It's not the world we live in though, I'm not oblivious to reality..... Sometimes misery is the price we pay for our mistakes, especially when children are involved.

I understand why men like porn, but, if you never see it, it's not a problem.
Like smoking and drinking. You don't have an addiction to get over if you never try it in the 1st place.....

Well, as the child of parents who fought all the time and probably should have gotten divorced much sooner than they actually did because, by the end, things had really devolved, I would tend to disagree. Sometimes staying together is not in the best interest of the child/children because it can make you an unhappy and miserable and resentful person. If you are unhappy, you can't possibly make anyone else happy, IMO.

My Mom told me that. She used to PRAY that my grandmother would leave my grandfather.....
In abusive situations, whether physical or mental, I believe that the parents should be apart.....
I can't NOT support God's laws, however, as a Christian.

A lot of people are just not compatible and cannot live together and cannot be together. That's why people should live together in sin before they get married.

 

[Bonzi]

It's for the greater good for people to NOT divorce as well.
Just because most do, doesn't make it right or good.....

Why do you say that? Some people are much better off letting a spouse go. Why live in misery?

As far as porn goes, if someone has to ask, they don't understand men.

It all boils down to upbringing. In a perfect world, it's best people make good decisions and make sacrifices. Unless your life is in danger, sometimes it's best to make your marriage work. Too many times, people get married that shouldn't and also divorce when things can be worked out..... It's not the world we live in though, I'm not oblivious to reality..... Sometimes misery is the price we pay for our mistakes, especially when children are involved.

I understand why men like porn, but, if you never see it, it's not a problem.
Like smoking and drinking. You don't have an addiction to get over if you never try it in the 1st place.....

Well, as the child of parents who fought all the time and probably should have gotten divorced much sooner than they actually did because, by the end, things had really devolved, I would tend to disagree. Sometimes staying together is not in the best interest of the child/children because it can make you an unhappy and miserable and resentful person. If you are unhappy, you can't possibly make anyone else happy, IMO.

My Mom told me that. She used to PRAY that my grandmother would leave my grandfather.....
In abusive situations, whether physical or mental, I believe that the parents should be apart.....
I can't NOT support God's laws, however, as a Christian.

A lot of people are just not compatible and cannot live together and cannot be together. That's why people should live together in sin before they get married.

Yeah well you know I'm not going to agree with that...

 

[ChrisL]

Porn, like cheating, usually happens when the man isn't getting what he needs at home.

So, it's the wife's fault?

No, I think it's how BOTH members of the union act. If the man turns off the woman, she seeks satisfaction elsewhere.

What bothers me is how many young people are surfing the web for porn. And even more so, how many are showing themselves in porn situations. Just for the thrill of it.

anything goes, lack of morals, living for fun, etc. anything as long as it's not PERCEIVED as hurting anyone else..... I don't know .... I still say if you only had 1 sex partner, you would not desire anything else.

Well, I think that is just silly and, in fact, could be just the opposite depending on the people.

 

[ChrisL]

Why do you say that? Some people are much better off letting a spouse go. Why live in misery?

As far as porn goes, if someone has to ask, they don't understand men.

It all boils down to upbringing. In a perfect world, it's best people make good decisions and make sacrifices. Unless your life is in danger, sometimes it's best to make your marriage work. Too many times, people get married that shouldn't and also divorce when things can be worked out..... It's not the world we live in though, I'm not oblivious to reality..... Sometimes misery is the price we pay for our mistakes, especially when children are involved.

I understand why men like porn, but, if you never see it, it's not a problem.
Like smoking and drinking. You don't have an addiction to get over if you never try it in the 1st place.....

Well, as the child of parents who fought all the time and probably should have gotten divorced much sooner than they actually did because, by the end, things had really devolved, I would tend to disagree. Sometimes staying together is not in the best interest of the child/children because it can make you an unhappy and miserable and resentful person. If you are unhappy, you can't possibly make anyone else happy, IMO.

My Mom told me that. She used to PRAY that my grandmother would leave my grandfather.....
In abusive situations, whether physical or mental, I believe that the parents should be apart.....
I can't NOT support God's laws, however, as a Christian.

A lot of people are just not compatible and cannot live together and cannot be together. That's why people should live together in sin before they get married.

Yeah well you know I'm not going to agree with that...

It is the smartest thing to do, IMO. Then you know if you can stand this person for 50 or so years. Just another reason why religion is dumb, IMO.

 

[Iceweasel]

It all boils down to upbringing. In a perfect world, it's best people make good decisions and make sacrifices. Unless your life is in danger, sometimes it's best to make your marriage work. Too many times, people get married that shouldn't and also divorce when things can be worked out..... It's not the world we live in though, I'm not oblivious to reality..... Sometimes misery is the price we pay for our mistakes, especially when children are involved.

I understand why men like porn, but, if you never see it, it's not a problem.
Like smoking and drinking. You don't have an addiction to get over if you never try it in the 1st place.....

Many people marry for the company. Like the gal with a husband that doesn't say nice things, shower, etc. All that comes at a surprise? I'd never marry someone I was that unfamiliar with. Kids do complicate it but sometimes they are better off if two unhappy people go their own way.

And lots of people drink and smoke without getting addicted. It isn't an either or scenario.

That one was me and the problem was that he did bathe regular before we married and no I am not married to him anymore. I would have stayed in the bed I made so to speak but when he called our child a pathetic excuse for a human being daily starting at the age of 4 (for starters) I got out when I could do so. The child did not sign on for being treated that way. Generationally perpetuating that behavior has to end somewhere. The control and verbal abuse on myself caused a lot of physical issues with constant tension and eventually manifested in an auto immune disorder. There is no changing some people and no matter how much you change to please them they will never recognize it or appreciate your effort. My ex would never and still never says anything is good. It is just not bad. Very pessimistic view of everything. His childhood was harsh/stern but he has the attitude that it was done to him and he is not getting out of this life without turning it on the next generation in payment. His brothers are the same way and most of their wives stay on to preserve it for the kids, it isn't because they are happy

Well, for me the nasty unwashed ass thing would have been a deal breaker from the gitgo. It's hard to believe he did a major personality shift after the marriage though, you saw no signs? Or didn't want to?

 

[Bonzi]

It all boils down to upbringing. In a perfect world, it's best people make good decisions and make sacrifices. Unless your life is in danger, sometimes it's best to make your marriage work. Too many times, people get married that shouldn't and also divorce when things can be worked out..... It's not the world we live in though, I'm not oblivious to reality..... Sometimes misery is the price we pay for our mistakes, especially when children are involved.

I understand why men like porn, but, if you never see it, it's not a problem.
Like smoking and drinking. You don't have an addiction to get over if you never try it in the 1st place.....

Well, as the child of parents who fought all the time and probably should have gotten divorced much sooner than they actually did because, by the end, things had really devolved, I would tend to disagree. Sometimes staying together is not in the best interest of the child/children because it can make you an unhappy and miserable and resentful person. If you are unhappy, you can't possibly make anyone else happy, IMO.

My Mom told me that. She used to PRAY that my grandmother would leave my grandfather.....
In abusive situations, whether physical or mental, I believe that the parents should be apart.....
I can't NOT support God's laws, however, as a Christian.

A lot of people are just not compatible and cannot live together and cannot be together. That's why people should live together in sin before they get married.

Yeah well you know I'm not going to agree with that...

It is the smartest thing to do, IMO. Then you know if you can stand this person for 50 or so years. Just another reason why religion is dumb, IMO.

Christianity calls for an entirely different mind set then our current culture, so, it would require a total reworking of how we think and our priorities.

We grew up thinking we had to be happy, look our for ourselves, we have 1 life to live make the most of it etc. focus always on ME/MYSELF.

Not many people make good husbands/wives... they don't know what it take and they have a lot of baggage or issues that they bring with them. Of course, this will always be the case, even if our Country lived by Biblical Christian principles. Because we are in a fallen world. Bunk to those that don't believe. But I believe it.

 

[ChrisL]

Well, as the child of parents who fought all the time and probably should have gotten divorced much sooner than they actually did because, by the end, things had really devolved, I would tend to disagree. Sometimes staying together is not in the best interest of the child/children because it can make you an unhappy and miserable and resentful person. If you are unhappy, you can't possibly make anyone else happy, IMO.

My Mom told me that. She used to PRAY that my grandmother would leave my grandfather.....
In abusive situations, whether physical or mental, I believe that the parents should be apart.....
I can't NOT support God's laws, however, as a Christian.

A lot of people are just not compatible and cannot live together and cannot be together. That's why people should live together in sin before they get married.

Yeah well you know I'm not going to agree with that...

It is the smartest thing to do, IMO. Then you know if you can stand this person for 50 or so years. Just another reason why religion is dumb, IMO.

Christianity calls for an entirely different mind set then our current culture, so, it would require a total reworking of how we think and our priorities.

We grew up thinking we had to be happy, look our for ourselves, we have 1 life to live make the most of it etc. focus always on ME/MYSELF.

Not many people make good husbands/wives... they don't know what it take and they have a lot of baggage or issues that they bring with them. Of course, this will always be the case, even if our Country lived by Biblical Christian principles. Because we are in a fallen world. Bunk to those that don't believe. But I believe it.

Yeah, a mindset of someone living in the times of Jesus. Lol. Of course, people didn't have the choices that they have today. You should be very grateful that you do not live in those times.

 

[Iceweasel]

The Christian divorce rate is just as high as everyone else. I think a lot of them get caught up in the duty, obligation, commitment, legalities of the matter and it becomes a ball and chain. And lots of Christian married men are not happy in the bedroom.

 

[Bonzi]

The Christian divorce rate is just as high as everyone else. I think a lot of them get caught up in the duty, obligation, commitment, legalities of the matter and it becomes a ball and chain. And lots of Christian married men are not happy in the bedroom.

... some people just always think the grass is greener...
People need to learn from people with happy marriages.
Take notes and write a book! I still say it can't happen unless you are well adjusted though, and not many people are..........

 

[Iceweasel]

The Christian divorce rate is just as high as everyone else. I think a lot of them get caught up in the duty, obligation, commitment, legalities of the matter and it becomes a ball and chain. And lots of Christian married men are not happy in the bedroom.

... some people just always think the grass is greener...
People need to learn from people with happy marriages.
Take notes and write a book! I still say it can't happen unless you are well adjusted though, and not many people are..........

Of course you're going to think the grass is greener if you're living in a dry hayfield.

 

[Bonzi]

The Christian divorce rate is just as high as everyone else. I think a lot of them get caught up in the duty, obligation, commitment, legalities of the matter and it becomes a ball and chain. And lots of Christian married men are not happy in the bedroom.

... some people just always think the grass is greener...
People need to learn from people with happy marriages.
Take notes and write a book! I still say it can't happen unless you are well adjusted though, and not many people are..........

Of course you're going to think the grass is greener if you're living in a dry hayfield.

It would be interesting to see... if a wife is an animal in the bedroom of the marriage lasts longer......

 

[TrinityPower]

It all boils down to upbringing. In a perfect world, it's best people make good decisions and make sacrifices. Unless your life is in danger, sometimes it's best to make your marriage work. Too many times, people get married that shouldn't and also divorce when things can be worked out..... It's not the world we live in though, I'm not oblivious to reality..... Sometimes misery is the price we pay for our mistakes, especially when children are involved.

I understand why men like porn, but, if you never see it, it's not a problem.
Like smoking and drinking. You don't have an addiction to get over if you never try it in the 1st place.....

Many people marry for the company. Like the gal with a husband that doesn't say nice things, shower, etc. All that comes at a surprise? I'd never marry someone I was that unfamiliar with. Kids do complicate it but sometimes they are better off if two unhappy people go their own way.

And lots of people drink and smoke without getting addicted. It isn't an either or scenario.

That one was me and the problem was that he did bathe regular before we married and no I am not married to him anymore. I would have stayed in the bed I made so to speak but when he called our child a pathetic excuse for a human being daily starting at the age of 4 (for starters) I got out when I could do so. The child did not sign on for being treated that way. Generationally perpetuating that behavior has to end somewhere. The control and verbal abuse on myself caused a lot of physical issues with constant tension and eventually manifested in an auto immune disorder. There is no changing some people and no matter how much you change to please them they will never recognize it or appreciate your effort. My ex would never and still never says anything is good. It is just not bad. Very pessimistic view of everything. His childhood was harsh/stern but he has the attitude that it was done to him and he is not getting out of this life without turning it on the next generation in payment. His brothers are the same way and most of their wives stay on to preserve it for the kids, it isn't because they are happy

Well, for me the nasty unwashed ass thing would have been a deal breaker from the gitgo. It's hard to believe he did a major personality shift after the marriage though, you saw no signs? Or didn't want to?

He is from a Duggar sized family with one bathroom. I assumed after moving from home and getting married he would bathe more often. I saw him a lot in the 4 years before marriage interact with nieces and nephews on a regular basis. There was no way to know that he would turn ugly as he did after our child grew from the "cute" stage. There were some signs of no compliments but I had not dated anyone before so I knew nothing of being told I looked nice but a woman expects to be told she at least "looks nice" on her wedding day.