Would You Cheat on a Spouse?

[RodISHI]

"Would You Cheat on a Spouse?" Nope. I likes mine a lot and I'm hoping to keep him feeling the same for me.

 

[dilloduck]

"Would You Cheat on a Spouse?" Nope. I likes mine a lot and I'm hoping to keep him feeling the same for me.

Well hell----if there's no reason whatsoever to cheat it would be a mightly foolish risk.

 

[Sky Dancer]

Anyone who answered 'yes, I would cheat' is either a "gross attention seeker" or an idiot. Why would anyone have a serious conversation about this topic in a thread like this?

 

[dilloduck]

Anyone who answered 'yes, I would cheat' is either a gross attnention seeker or an idiot.

great in depth analysis there, Jalu !

 

[Dis]

Anyone who answered 'yes, I would cheat' is either a gross attnention seeker or an idiot.

great in depth analysis there, Jalu !

Oh, yes. The attention to detail, and depth of his/her contributing posts is simply beyond compare.

 

[Sky Dancer]

See what I mean?


No interest in discussing the topic, is there? We either tell stories or discuss it hypothetically.

Hypothetically, life circumstances can bring some people to a crossroads where cheating on a spouse is a distinct possibility. No one talks about this honestly unless they want to wear a scarlet letter A on their forehead.

 

[dilloduck]

See what I mean?


No interest in discussing the topic, is there?

There about 100 post here all on topic---pay attention.

 

[Sky Dancer]

Hey, no problem. I don't have to post here.

 

[dilloduck]

Hey, no problem. I don't have to post here.

Promise ?

 

[007]

See what I mean?


No interest in discussing the topic, is there? We either tell stories or discuss it hypothetically.

Hypothetically, life circumstances can bring some people to a crossroads where cheating on a spouse is a distinct possibility. No one talks about this honestly unless they want to wear a scarlet letter A on their forehead.

Really? Seems to me people have been very candid here talking about it...

 

[Skull Pilot]

See the trick to cheating on your spouse is to cheat on your spouse with your spouse.

Have your wife put on a wig and wear something slinky and "pick her up" in the bar of a nice hotel. Hell you can even leave $100 on the dresser on the way out.

 

[xsited1]

I have and I might do it again.

I have no regrets. She's always so smug about it. I still remember the night like it was yesterday. I really try. I do. But I'm just not good enough. I always lose. It's like she has this curse over me. And when her sister called, it gave me both motive and opportunity. I quickly switched a few dominos. Just enough to go up by 10 points. In the end, she won the match but that one innocent little cheat allowed me to beat her that one time. It felt good.

 

[Care4all]

I have and I might do it again.

I have no regrets. She's always so smug about it. I still remember the night like it was yesterday. I really try. I do. But I'm just not good enough. I always lose. It's like she has this curse over me. And when her sister called, it gave me both motive and opportunity. I quickly switched a few dominos. Just enough to go up by 10 points. In the end, she won the match but that one innocent little cheat allowed me to beat her that one time. It felt good.

oh geez louise, you almost gave me a heart attack X!!!!! All i could think of as reading that was....but, but, but he said she reads the site....how could he be telling us this....???

where the heck is the 'slap you upside of the head' smiley????

care

 

[editec]

I know that you don't dump an ultimatum like THAT in someones lap that you profess to care about.

Because doing so makes it all better, right?

I would. If a spouse "cares," as you say, about the other one, then there shouldn't be any holding out on sex. If one person in a relationship has acquired some reason why NOT to have sex with the other, then they need to separate if the other person still wants sex. You can NOT have a marriage without sex.

WJ, is it ever OK to cheat on a spouse? No. If you're not getting any, get a divorce and find someone new, but don't cheat on your spouse.

Thousands of people have marriage without sex, Pale.

Millions if you exclude masterbation, would be my guess.

A lot of people, I think, don't like to have sex with married people.

 

[catzmeow]

What if the spouse just refused to have sex?

If the spouse is refusing to have sex, there are bigger problems in my marriage than just sex.

 

[xsited1]

I have and I might do it again.

I have no regrets. She's always so smug about it. I still remember the night like it was yesterday. I really try. I do. But I'm just not good enough. I always lose. It's like she has this curse over me. And when her sister called, it gave me both motive and opportunity. I quickly switched a few dominos. Just enough to go up by 10 points. In the end, she won the match but that one innocent little cheat allowed me to beat her that one time. It felt good.

of geez louise, you almost gave me a heart attack X!!!!! All i could think of as reading that was....but, but, but he said she reads the site....how could he be telling us this....???

where the heck is the 'slap you upside of the head' smiley????

care

I'm in enough trouble as it is. Next time we play dominos, she's gonna watch me like a hawk!

 

[catzmeow]

Right. And if one spouse gets this "sex" only infrequently and as the result of begging, it starts to get really pathetic. The spouse can claim they're not technically refusing sex, but it might actually be worse than no sex.

One prescription I don't think is likely to work is "communicate with your spouse." Shit, the thing about sex is, it's the anti-talking. You can't rationally communicate your way into better sex. Rational communication is like a cold shower.

I read now about the "sexless marriage," which seems to be a huge thing, much more common that we might think. And of course, ever since I was a kid I heard the jokes -- from comedians to uncles -- about how marriage ends sex. It was hard for me to imagine in my teens and 20's -- you have full access to a person of the opposite sex? Man, you'd be banging all day and all night! Right?

People need sex. If you aren't getting sex from your wife, and she is utterly uninterested in the concept, then level with her:

You need sex.
You aren't getting any from her.
This situation needs to change, or you will pursue other options, sexually speaking.

Why is it so hard to envision being honest about what you want and need from your spouse?

 

[editec]

William notes:

In marriages that are on their way down anyway and divorce is on the horizon, it's only adultery in the barest of technical senses.

Nicely put.

True...but the cockhold's sense of being betrayed as a person is probably real enough.

If lust has died between a couple, honestly trying to discuss the issue, sans ultimatums and recriminations, might help keep the loving relationship alive, even if the lust is seeking other outlets.

Don't count on it, of course, because, let's face it, men and women tend to see love and lust very differently, William.

Just my personal observation and certainly a generalization with all the flaws that any man's generalizations about an entire gender certainly have, but in my experience, to most women sex and love are much more aligned than with most men.

Men really don't think of love and sex necessarily being related at all.

If they happen to coincide so much the better, but sex without emotional commitment is very much part of our potential natures

Women, it seems to me, cannot imagine that they can have sex with someone they don't have at least some slight liking for, and so I think they assume that neither can their men.

Shit when men are in their season, as Lenny Bruce once said:

Men would make love to mud if that was all that was available.

Whereas, most women, would have to at least sort of like the mud, first.

Your mileage, naturally, may vary depending on driving conditions.

 

[editec]

See what I mean?


No interest in discussing the topic, is there? We either tell stories or discuss it hypothetically.

Hypothetically, life circumstances can bring some people to a crossroads where cheating on a spouse is a distinct possibility. No one talks about this honestly unless they want to wear a scarlet letter A on their forehead.

Very well said, Jalu, and thank you for saying it, too.

Absolutely fidelity, if one believes the experts, at least, is rather rare in either gender.

Being completely honest about such an intimate detail in one's life, in this venue?

Nah!

We have people here with the maturity level of junior high school students.

They could no more handle adults talking honestly about such things than they can handle differences of opinion about things of a far less intimate nature.

I'll tell what I presume though...

I presume there is probably not a single person on this board over 40 who has not EVER cheated on somebody..either a boy/girlfriend, a spouse or a long term relationship.

Perhaps they never consumated their infidelity, but the infidelity is really the mind games of people just starting to mix it up, anyway, isn't it?

Seems to me the sex is the merely the final act of infidelity, not the entirety of it.

As William so nicely put it when trying to describe relationships in trouble:,

... on their way down anyway and divorce is on the horizon, it's only adultery in the barest of technical senses.

Few of us, I suspect, have not taken refuge in such rationalizations to justify our own transgressions from our own sense of who we want to imagine we really are.

 

[Amanda]

I just wanted to say that I've been following this thread and I'm very impressed with how you all have been handling it. Very mature, thoughtful discussion. I wish I had something to add, but I'm not married and I don't have any plans for it any time soon. And I kinda doubt anyone would take my insights on relationships very seriously anyway.