The Ultimate Racist Joke Thread
- Thread starter Sunni Man
- Start date
I was outside a French restaurant when a couple came up to me and said, "Avez-vous une table pour deux?"
"Are you calling me a twat?" I asked.
Shocked, the man replied, "Not at all! I thought you worked here; I was asking for a table."
"So you thought I was French?"
"Well yes."
"So, you ARE calling me a twat?"
"Are you calling me a twat?" I asked.
Shocked, the man replied, "Not at all! I thought you worked here; I was asking for a table."
"So you thought I was French?"
"Well yes."
"So, you ARE calling me a twat?"
Rat in the Hat
Gold Member
- Mar 31, 2010
- 21,949
- 6,021
- 198
What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A new last name.
Why is there no Polish National Ice Hockey team?
They all drowned during spring training.
How did the Polish guy die in a pie eating contest?
A cow stepped on his head.
What is one idea that never got off the ground?
A Polish Air Force.
Hear about the Polish 727 that crashed into a cemetery outside of Warsaw?
So far they've recovered over 7000 bodies
Hear about the Polish Siamese twins?
They weren't joined.
The young Polish lad looked into his girlfriend's eyes and said,
"I really love you. Would you let me change your name to mine?"
"Oh, yes, that would be wonderful!"
From that day on, he called her Sammy.
How can you spot a Polish airplane in a snowstorm?
It's the one with snow chains on the propellers.
The three latest Polish technological discoveries:
1.) Solar powered flashlights
2.) Inflatable dart boards
3.) Helicopter ejection seats
One day a Polish father decides to take his son ice fishing.
So they head out onto the ice with all their gear and they
find a nice spot. So the father takes out his pickaxe and
starts chipping away.
They hear a loud, booming voice say, "THERE ARE NO FISH HERE!"
The father, astonished, looks at his boy and says, "Hear that?
It's the fish gods!"
So they move a little ways down the ice and start digging
again. Soon they hear the voice again, "THERE ARE NO FISH HERE!"
The father says to his son, "See? The fish gods are being good
to us - we should move to find the fish."
So they move a little ways down the ice again and, once more,
start digging.
The voice booms once more, "THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER. THERE
ARE NO FISH HERE!"
How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
Turn off the carousel.
A Pole went to a carpenter and said, "Can you build me a box
that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?"
"Hmm..." mused the carpenter. "It could be done, I suppose,
but what would you want a box like that for?"
"Well, you see," said the Pole, "my neighbor moved away and
forgot some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose."
Did you hear about the tragedy in Poland? In Poland's largest
shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were
stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.
Did you know that Poland just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to
invade Russia.
A new last name.
Why is there no Polish National Ice Hockey team?
They all drowned during spring training.
How did the Polish guy die in a pie eating contest?
A cow stepped on his head.
What is one idea that never got off the ground?
A Polish Air Force.
Hear about the Polish 727 that crashed into a cemetery outside of Warsaw?
So far they've recovered over 7000 bodies
Hear about the Polish Siamese twins?
They weren't joined.
The young Polish lad looked into his girlfriend's eyes and said,
"I really love you. Would you let me change your name to mine?"
"Oh, yes, that would be wonderful!"
From that day on, he called her Sammy.
How can you spot a Polish airplane in a snowstorm?
It's the one with snow chains on the propellers.
The three latest Polish technological discoveries:
1.) Solar powered flashlights
2.) Inflatable dart boards
3.) Helicopter ejection seats
One day a Polish father decides to take his son ice fishing.
So they head out onto the ice with all their gear and they
find a nice spot. So the father takes out his pickaxe and
starts chipping away.
They hear a loud, booming voice say, "THERE ARE NO FISH HERE!"
The father, astonished, looks at his boy and says, "Hear that?
It's the fish gods!"
So they move a little ways down the ice and start digging
again. Soon they hear the voice again, "THERE ARE NO FISH HERE!"
The father says to his son, "See? The fish gods are being good
to us - we should move to find the fish."
So they move a little ways down the ice again and, once more,
start digging.
The voice booms once more, "THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER. THERE
ARE NO FISH HERE!"
How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
Turn off the carousel.
A Pole went to a carpenter and said, "Can you build me a box
that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?"
"Hmm..." mused the carpenter. "It could be done, I suppose,
but what would you want a box like that for?"
"Well, you see," said the Pole, "my neighbor moved away and
forgot some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose."
Did you hear about the tragedy in Poland? In Poland's largest
shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were
stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.
Did you know that Poland just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to
invade Russia.
Ernie S.
Diamond Member
Naaah. They're called guards.
I was stopped at a stop light yesterday next to a car full of Muslims. Suddenly from behind an 18 wheeler came flying down the road out of control, crushing the car next to me and killing its passengers.
"Wow, that could've been me, I thought to myself."
So now I'm in Commercial Truck Driving school.
"Wow, that could've been me, I thought to myself."
So now I'm in Commercial Truck Driving school.
Ernie S.
Diamond Member
What do you call a Mexican in a Mercedes?
Car thief.
Car thief.
yidnar
Diamond Member
a pollock walked into a bar with a handful of shit and yelled... hey everybody look what almost stepped in!!
Rat in the Hat
Gold Member
- Mar 31, 2010
- 21,949
- 6,021
- 198
A Jew, a ****** and a Polack were fighting in a foxhole during World War 2 when a German tank round landed between them and killed them all. They went to Hell, and were met by Satan at the gate. He explained to them that Hell was getting filled up due to the war, and if they could come up with $100 each, he would return them to Earth.
A short time later, another company of soldiers came upon the foxhole and started recovering the remains for burial. All of a sudden, the Polack's body re-assembled itself, and he came back to life. The captain of the squad was astonished, and asked him what happened. The Polack told him the story about Satan at the gate, and how he came back.
"That's amazing", the captain said, "but what happened to the Jew and the ******?"
The Polack replied, "Well, the last I heard, the Jew had him down to $63.50, and the ****** was looking for a co-signer".
A short time later, another company of soldiers came upon the foxhole and started recovering the remains for burial. All of a sudden, the Polack's body re-assembled itself, and he came back to life. The captain of the squad was astonished, and asked him what happened. The Polack told him the story about Satan at the gate, and how he came back.
"That's amazing", the captain said, "but what happened to the Jew and the ******?"
The Polack replied, "Well, the last I heard, the Jew had him down to $63.50, and the ****** was looking for a co-signer".
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