The Benefit of Having Enemies

[Compost]

Someone who disagrees with me or dislikes me is opposing my happiness? I don't know about that. I sure don't consider these non friends as enemies. It seems to me, there are plenty of chances to practice patience and such when those we love do annoying things.

Someone who is trying to hurt me generally doesn't deserve notice, much less effort. I guess I'm not big on labeling someone an enemy.

Chalk up another horrible Buddhist.

I tried ignoring an enemy once, and ended up losing a good job over it; it was a new boss. Sometimes you can't ignore the one who's gunning for you, I learned too late.

Live and learn. That's why I said generally, not always. At some point, our brains need to kick in.

 

[Ravi]

Discuss.

Okay, I'll discuss. You must consider yourself my enemy since you called me a fuckface. I ignored it, showing patience.

Thanks for the lesson.

 

[Dhara]

Someone who disagrees with me or dislikes me is opposing my happiness? I don't know about that. I sure don't consider these non friends as enemies. It seems to me, there are plenty of chances to practice patience and such when those we love do annoying things.

Someone who is trying to hurt me generally doesn't deserve notice, much less effort. I guess I'm not big on labeling someone an enemy.

Chalk up another horrible Buddhist.

I tried ignoring an enemy once, and ended up losing a good job over it; it was a new boss. Sometimes you can't ignore the one who's gunning for you, I learned too late.

People who oppose my family's happiness may as well be gunning for me.

They aren't friends, that's for sure.

 

[pillars]

If you have enemies on the internet, you need to get a life.

 

[pillars]

People who oppose my family's happiness may as well be gunning for me.

They aren't friends, that's for sure.

You mean the people who think your son is a freak, and oppose him having the opportunity to transition?

Yeah, I agree. Those people aren't friends, but are they enemies or just assholes that you should ignore?

 

[Blackrook]

Dhara, I assume I am one of these "enemies" you speak of.

Do recall that when we first met, I offered the hand of friendship to you, and you slapped my hand away.

If I remain your enemy, it is because you chose that to be the case.

 

[zaangalewa]

A Buddhist practice I enjoy is one called "Friends, enemies and strangers".

We cannot practice patience any other way than to have enemies who oppose our happiness.

"Enemies" in Buddhism are loosely defined as those who oppose us, who seek to hurt us.

="Satana"

They demand and require our patience and kindness.

Discuss.

Nenn ich dich Aufgang oder Untergang?
Denn manchmal bin ich vor dem Morgen bang
und greife scheu nach seiner Rosen Röte -
und ahne eine Angst in seiner Flöte
vor Tagen, welche liedlos sind und lang.

Aber die Abende sind mild und mein,
von meinem Schauen sind sie still beschienen;
in meinem Armen schlafen Wälder ein, -
und ich bin selbst das Klingen über ihnen,
und mit dem Dunkel in den Violinen
verwandt durch all mein Dunkelsein.

Rainer Maria Rilke

 

[Skull Pilot]

A Buddhist practice I enjoy is one called "Friends, enemies and strangers".

We cannot practice patience any other way than to have enemies who oppose our happiness.

"Enemies" in Buddhism are loosely defined as those who oppose us, who seek to hurt us.

They demand and require our patience and kindness.

Discuss.

Those you name enemy deserve none of your time or thought.

 

[pillars]

"Young man, be aware of these four enemies disguised as friends: the taker, the talker, the flatterer, and the reckless companion.

"The taker can be identified by four things: by only taking, asking for a lot while giving little, performing duty out of fear, and offering service in order to gain something.

"The talker can be identified by four things: by reminding of past generosity, promising future generosity, mouthing empty words of kindness, and protesting personal misfortune when called on to help.

"The flatterer can be identified by four things: by supporting both bad and good behavior indiscriminately, praising you to your face, and putting you down behind your back.

"The reckless companion can be identified by four things: by accompanying you in drinking, roaming around at night, partying, and gambling."

That is what the Buddha said.

Summing up in verse, the sublime teacher said:

The friend who is all take,
The friend of empty words,
The friend full of flattery,
And the reckless friend;

These four are not friends,
but enemies;
The wise understand this
And keep them at a distance
As they would a dangerous path.

The friend of empty words sounds a lot like the people who claim to be your friend, while putting down your son and your parenting decisions.

 

[Dhara]

The constructs of "friend, enemy and stranger" change all the time.

Before I met my "friends", they were unknown to me, strangers. When friends fall out, they become either "strangers" or "enemies". IF enemies reconcile, or things warm up again, then enemies and strangers become friends.

These categories are not solid and permanent.

 

[Dhara]

The point in contemplating these categories is to get to the point that you can wish happiness and freedom from suffering to anyone regardless of being a friend, an enemy or a stranger.

 

[Dhara]

And naming someone as friend, enemy of stranger is completely adventitious and says more about the labeler than the actual characteristics of the categories.

 

[pillars]

I think words have power, and naming something makes it real. Calling someone an enemy grants that person power that I don't desire them to have. It gives them a foothold in my psyche.

I prefer to just have friends, acquaintances, and people I haven't met yet.

 

[pillars]

I don't meet that many people who are actively hostile to me. There was a woman I used to work for who bullied people who worked for her, and sexually harassed me (long story), and she was probably the closest I've ever come to having an enemy. There is a person in another agency who has tried to poach client referrals from us and came after my agency's funding, but she's done that with others, and I think she's just kind of a cutthroat person. I wouldn't call her an enemy, per se. But, I think truly that the term enemy is just a misnomer. Most people are far too self-absorbed to be actively malevolent towards other people, except maybe serial killers or something.

 

[Dhara]

Dhara, I assume I am one of these "enemies" you speak of.

Do recall that when we first met, I offered the hand of friendship to you, and you slapped my hand away.

If I remain your enemy, it is because you chose that to be the case.

No, I don't consider you an enemy.

 

[Dhara]

Some people are political opponents, and they are interdependent. There would never have been a civil rights movement without racists, bigots and homophobes.

 

[pillars]

Some people are political opponents, and they are interdependent. There would never have been a civil rights movement without racists, bigots and homophobes.

There wouldn't have been a need for a civil rights movement without racists, bigots and homophobes. Conflict isn't always necessary.

I don't see a need for enemies.

 

[Dhara]

Some people are political opponents, and they are interdependent. There would never have been a civil rights movement without racists, bigots and homophobes.

There wouldn't have been a need for a civil rights movement without racists, bigots and homophobes. Conflict isn't always necessary.

Of course. I'm saying that civil rights activists and those who oppose them are interdependent.

 

[pillars]

It makes my brain hurt thinking about that. Civil rights activists wouldn't have become civil rights activists except for the bigots.

So, are you saying that the civil rights advocates were actually pushed into greatness by the bigots?

That's an interesting thought.

 

[Dhara]

It makes my brain hurt thinking about that. Civil rights activists wouldn't have become civil rights activists except for the bigots.

So, are you saying that the civil rights advocates were actually pushed into greatness by the bigots?

That's an interesting thought.

I think greatness comes out of struggle. All civil rights movements first came from discrimination.