Singles bar

[Diana1180]

Taken...or gay... or lives 3000 miles from you.

 

[High_Gravity]

Yeah.... this is why you get married young, and stick it out.

You men.... what are you thinking? You get used to living the single life, and then trying to merge two people's lives into one, is hell on earth. You end up miserable.

You chicks... what are you thinking? A: The guys who want to be married, are already married. B: The guys who are not married, are not married for a reason. They just want a free ride that doesn't cost a ring to get on. It's not a commitment issue. It's a choice.

Worse yet.... and this is going to piss you girls off, but it's the truth, I'm just a messenger. A guy that is single until he's in his 30s, and then decides to get married and settle down.... that guy isn't looking for you 30+ chicks. He's looking at the 20-year-old chicks.

Want to know who a 30+ year old chick looks good to? A 50 year old guy. 40 year old chick, 60 year old guy. I'm just a messenger.
Girls, the flower wilts. Sexy has a shelf life, and guys are visually stimulated.

Ever wonder why you meet these crazy desperate 35 year old chicks who are shacked up with a crazy guy that treats them like dirt? This is why, right here. They know the flower has wilted, and they can't find anyone, so they settle for trash. I've seen it with my own eyes.

Stop telling your kids to wait until they are in their 30s to get married. It's a nightmare for them.

I am 33 years old and I have been single for 3 years and from what I have seen you are 100% correct, every woman that wants a relationship or marriage is already doing so.

 

[High_Gravity]

Taken...or gay... or lives 3000 miles from you.

Your damn right, I met an amazing girl on Facebook but she lived in Utah and I live in Virginia, she was going to fly out and meet me but she met a lawyer and is now engaged to him SMMFH.

 

[High_Gravity]

I also met an amazing Latina on a night out with a friend in October, of course she was gay

 

[Diana1180]

Well I have been seeing a guy I dated like 6-7 years ago... don't ask me why.

 

[High_Gravity]

Well I have been seeing a guy I dated like 6-7 years ago... don't ask me why.

Good luck.

 

[Diana1180]

I have a feeling it is going the same route as it did then. Great guy, have a blast together, good chemistry.... but ... he has said that he still doesnt feel he "is in a good place" to put in the time a relationship deserves. Which is the issue we had before.

But I enjoy his company and we have fun when we go out so I am good with it for now...

 

[High_Gravity]

Sometimes thats all you can ask for, I'd just go with that until something else comes along.

 

[Andylusion]

So when I say that all the good ones are taken, it is true.

Yeah, generally.

Ironically just today, I heard two stories, that were exactly what I'm talking about. Listening to a radio call-in show, a lady calls in, and she is early 40s, and just married a guy early 40s.

She comes on... well he blows money whenever he wants, we have to keep separate accounts because he's irresponsible with money, he borrows money we can't really afford to, and says he can declare bankruptcy if the worst happens, and he has terrible habits and says he's not going to change them..... Oh but he's a really really nice guy, and very sweet.

Did you all catch that? He's in his 40s. He's been living as a single guy for 20 years or more.

You think that dude is going to merge his life with this girl? OF course not. He's set in his life habits. He's not changing anything at the age of 40+.

So the girl is miserable. Well why is she with him? Because she's desperate. She's single in her 40s, and is desperate. She doesn't want a guy in his 60s, and all the good guys her age, are married, or dating girls in their 20s and 30s. So she's stuck with this guy, and he's set in his ways, are they are miserable.

Then there was this chick dating a guy who was 38, and she was talking about how he sits around on the sofa. We dated for 2 years and he doesn't seem to want to improve his life at all. He's happy just watching TV, and can't hold a job, or build a career. How can I make him improve?

Duh.... you can't. He's 38 now. He's comfortable with the way he lives now. Your chance to influence how this guy grows up into a man, ended almost 20 years ago.

It reminded me of a third story of a girl, again in her 40s, married a dude in his 40s. After just one week of living in the same house, they had a huge fight, he packed his stuff, and went home.

Huh? So they started digging for information, this dude was still living with his mother. You find a guy who has lived with his mother for 40 years, and you think he's not extremely set in his ways? You think you are going to merge lives with this guy?

Why did this girl even consider this man? Because she's in her 40s. She can't find anyone. The guys that are good, are either already married, or they are looking at girls in their 20s and 30s. Not some 40+ year old chick. The only ones left are creeps, or screwed up like this dude.

I had to laugh when I was listening to the radio. Coincidence for sure, but that's a good random chance to have these stories pop up just after talking on this thread.

 

[Andylusion]

I also met an amazing Latina on a night out with a friend in October, of course she was gay

It's a sad thing. If at all possible..... and sometimes it isn't.... I would argue that you should try and restore the marriage you had. It's much easier to fix the crazy you know, than it is to fix crazy you never knew.

You will always have more influence with your original spouse, than you ever will with that new chick you think is great.

And by the way... Facebook, and internet romance is the absolute most deceptive type of relationship you can possibly have.

People can lie and deceive you in person for sure. Over the internet.... when you don't know almost anything about them (except for the mask of deception they put on facebook), the chances of them being something completely different than what you think they are is a MILLION times higher.

I highly doubt you have lost nearly as much as you think with that other chick who went after the lawyer.

If you really want crazy advice, find a really good church, and ask someone to match you on a date with some of the single chicks there. I know that sounds insane at first glance, but I have actually seen that work.

 

[Andylusion]

I have a feeling it is going the same route as it did then. Great guy, have a blast together, good chemistry.... but ... he has said that he still doesnt feel he "is in a good place" to put in the time a relationship deserves. Which is the issue we had before.

But I enjoy his company and we have fun when we go out so I am good with it for now...

First, I have no idea about you, or him, or your relationship.

But I would warn you of one thing. I've seen this before with other men specifically. It's a man thing.

If you, as woman, are available to him, whenever he wants to go out...... You are basically an unpaid adult escort.

*IF*... I don't know the situation. Just based on what you said right there... you are a call girl that isn't paid.

And here's the kicker. If he knows he can call you up whenever he wants you, and doesn't have to make any commitments, and you'll "go away" until the next time he calls.......

Please don't be mad, I'm just saying what I've seen....

.... He will never "feel he is in a good place to put in the time a relationship deserves"...... when doesn't have to. And right now... he doesn't have to. He can call his call-girl whenever he wants, and enjoy the company of a women when he wants it, and doesn't have to put any time into a real relationship that requires commitment.

And here's the other thing.... as long as you are "with" him whenever he calls for a night out... your chances of finding a man that wants something real.... very low.

Again, don't be mad. Just saying what I have seen. Just a messenger.

 

[Diana1180]

Lol wow. You are just a ray of sunshine.

I am actually ok with what it is now. We hang out when both our calendars permit it. I am not always available to him. He knows that I am not putting my dating life on hold hoping he will come around. He has always been a great guy. But I know his commitment issues. And I know it will probably never be a "good" time in his life. He is 43. As you said. Why change things if he is happy with having no commitment. I get that. He isn't the only one getting something out of this arrangement.

 

[Disir]

Knock it off, Diana. You're supposed to be crushed. Just lay down in the fetal position and die already.

 

[Muhammed]

Personally, At 46, I met a 24 year old university student at a grocery store where she worked part time.

She moved in with me within a month and we were married in less than half a year.

 

[High_Gravity]

So when I say that all the good ones are taken, it is true.

Yeah, generally.

Ironically just today, I heard two stories, that were exactly what I'm talking about. Listening to a radio call-in show, a lady calls in, and she is early 40s, and just married a guy early 40s.

She comes on... well he blows money whenever he wants, we have to keep separate accounts because he's irresponsible with money, he borrows money we can't really afford to, and says he can declare bankruptcy if the worst happens, and he has terrible habits and says he's not going to change them..... Oh but he's a really really nice guy, and very sweet.

Did you all catch that? He's in his 40s. He's been living as a single guy for 20 years or more.

You think that dude is going to merge his life with this girl? OF course not. He's set in his life habits. He's not changing anything at the age of 40+.

So the girl is miserable. Well why is she with him? Because she's desperate. She's single in her 40s, and is desperate. She doesn't want a guy in his 60s, and all the good guys her age, are married, or dating girls in their 20s and 30s. So she's stuck with this guy, and he's set in his ways, are they are miserable.

Then there was this chick dating a guy who was 38, and she was talking about how he sits around on the sofa. We dated for 2 years and he doesn't seem to want to improve his life at all. He's happy just watching TV, and can't hold a job, or build a career. How can I make him improve?

Duh.... you can't. He's 38 now. He's comfortable with the way he lives now. Your chance to influence how this guy grows up into a man, ended almost 20 years ago.

It reminded me of a third story of a girl, again in her 40s, married a dude in his 40s. After just one week of living in the same house, they had a huge fight, he packed his stuff, and went home.

Huh? So they started digging for information, this dude was still living with his mother. You find a guy who has lived with his mother for 40 years, and you think he's not extremely set in his ways? You think you are going to merge lives with this guy?

Why did this girl even consider this man? Because she's in her 40s. She can't find anyone. The guys that are good, are either already married, or they are looking at girls in their 20s and 30s. Not some 40+ year old chick. The only ones left are creeps, or screwed up like this dude.

I had to laugh when I was listening to the radio. Coincidence for sure, but that's a good random chance to have these stories pop up just after talking on this thread.

Well, you pretty much hit a home run witht this one I think. Nobody in their late 30s or early 40s is going to go through a renaissance and completely change for another person. I got married when I was 19, way too young and divorced 5 years later, we both cheated on each other and were angry and just cut it off, maybe I should have tried harder to save the marriage, meeting people in your 30s is much harder than meeting someone in your 20s.

 

[High_Gravity]

I also met an amazing Latina on a night out with a friend in October, of course she was gay

It's a sad thing. If at all possible..... and sometimes it isn't.... I would argue that you should try and restore the marriage you had. It's much easier to fix the crazy you know, than it is to fix crazy you never knew.

You will always have more influence with your original spouse, than you ever will with that new chick you think is great.

And by the way... Facebook, and internet romance is the absolute most deceptive type of relationship you can possibly have.

People can lie and deceive you in person for sure. Over the internet.... when you don't know almost anything about them (except for the mask of deception they put on facebook), the chances of them being something completely different than what you think they are is a MILLION times higher.

I highly doubt you have lost nearly as much as you think with that other chick who went after the lawyer.

If you really want crazy advice, find a really good church, and ask someone to match you on a date with some of the single chicks there. I know that sounds insane at first glance, but I have actually seen that work.

Oh I agree with you 100%, I may flirt with women on line but I don't believe in long distance relationships via online or whatever, I can't invest in something that I can't see or touch.

 

[High_Gravity]

I have a feeling it is going the same route as it did then. Great guy, have a blast together, good chemistry.... but ... he has said that he still doesnt feel he "is in a good place" to put in the time a relationship deserves. Which is the issue we had before.

But I enjoy his company and we have fun when we go out so I am good with it for now...

First, I have no idea about you, or him, or your relationship.

But I would warn you of one thing. I've seen this before with other men specifically. It's a man thing.

If you, as woman, are available to him, whenever he wants to go out...... You are basically an unpaid adult escort.

*IF*... I don't know the situation. Just based on what you said right there... you are a call girl that isn't paid.

And here's the kicker. If he knows he can call you up whenever he wants you, and doesn't have to make any commitments, and you'll "go away" until the next time he calls.......

Please don't be mad, I'm just saying what I've seen....

.... He will never "feel he is in a good place to put in the time a relationship deserves"...... when doesn't have to. And right now... he doesn't have to. He can call his call-girl whenever he wants, and enjoy the company of a women when he wants it, and doesn't have to put any time into a real relationship that requires commitment.

And here's the other thing.... as long as you are "with" him whenever he calls for a night out... your chances of finding a man that wants something real.... very low.

Again, don't be mad. Just saying what I have seen. Just a messenger.

Well I wouldnt go as far as to call her an escort per say, but yeah if a man gets to have the same kind of fun you get in a relationship like hanging out, sex etc without actually being commited than yes its a big win for the man, and he will not want to commit, why should he? but if shes fine with it, their good to go I guess.

 

[Andylusion]

Lol wow. You are just a ray of sunshine.

I am actually ok with what it is now. We hang out when both our calendars permit it. I am not always available to him. He knows that I am not putting my dating life on hold hoping he will come around. He has always been a great guy. But I know his commitment issues. And I know it will probably never be a "good" time in his life. He is 43. As you said. Why change things if he is happy with having no commitment. I get that. He isn't the only one getting something out of this arrangement.

Ok cool. Like I said, I don't know you or him.

But I have seen these women that think they have this 'thing', and don't realize they are simply being used. Many think "If I date him, and go out with him, and blaw blaw blaw for him... he'll eventually come around."... and that simply isn't true. The more you put yourself out for a man, the less and less reason he has to commit.

I could almost guarantee you, that if you ditched your friend, and every woman he knew ditched him, so that he was totally alone......... I would bet you money.... that all of a sudden he would find "it's a good time to commit now".

In fact, it just occurred to me that I saw this years ago. There was a guy I knew, mid-20, he was a teacher and taught at the same school my father taught at. He was dating this chick for 2 or 3 years. Dated all the time. Never interested in marrying. The girl decided to call it off. Three months later, he called her up, asked her out, on the following date after that, he put a ring on her finger and proposed.

2 or 3 years didn't "feel" the time was right. Four months no girl friend, no dates, no phone calls.... suddenly he "feels" the time is right.

Coincidence? I don't think so. Been married ever since. I just remembered that just now.

 

[Andylusion]

I have a feeling it is going the same route as it did then. Great guy, have a blast together, good chemistry.... but ... he has said that he still doesnt feel he "is in a good place" to put in the time a relationship deserves. Which is the issue we had before.

But I enjoy his company and we have fun when we go out so I am good with it for now...

First, I have no idea about you, or him, or your relationship.

But I would warn you of one thing. I've seen this before with other men specifically. It's a man thing.

If you, as woman, are available to him, whenever he wants to go out...... You are basically an unpaid adult escort.

*IF*... I don't know the situation. Just based on what you said right there... you are a call girl that isn't paid.

And here's the kicker. If he knows he can call you up whenever he wants you, and doesn't have to make any commitments, and you'll "go away" until the next time he calls.......

Please don't be mad, I'm just saying what I've seen....

.... He will never "feel he is in a good place to put in the time a relationship deserves"...... when doesn't have to. And right now... he doesn't have to. He can call his call-girl whenever he wants, and enjoy the company of a women when he wants it, and doesn't have to put any time into a real relationship that requires commitment.

And here's the other thing.... as long as you are "with" him whenever he calls for a night out... your chances of finding a man that wants something real.... very low.

Again, don't be mad. Just saying what I have seen. Just a messenger.

Well I wouldnt go as far as to call her an escort per say, but yeah if a man gets to have the same kind of fun you get in a relationship like hanging out, sex etc without actually being commited than yes its a big win for the man, and he will not want to commit, why should he? but if shes fine with it, their good to go I guess.

For men, this is how they see it. But women, it's different. A woman may claim that's all she wants... but that's normally not true.

Many times I've seen it where the woman says she's completely happy with the commitment-less relationship... but then they are miserable.

There's a girl (I'll call her Tammy since she didn't give me permission to share this), and she had exactly this kind of relationship. Tammy hung out with this guy for 3 years. Then, he found someone else. Which if Tammy really believed that a commitment-less relationship was fine... she would have just accepted that and moved on. Instead Tammy had a mental break down, and ended up on anti-depressants and 3 years of counseling.

Another girl (Linda I'll call her), was with another guy for 3 years. They joked about how they didn't need marriage or commitment. Linda even joked about marriage. Then the guy found another girl, and moved out. Linda became the most angry bitter person you ever met. She never really was the same after that.

Guy can deal with this floating relationship a ton easier than woman. They say they don't need commitment, but most of them really want something solid and secure, and while you think it's a safe perfectly fine open relationship, you are actually really harming these women. They are not designed for flings and short relationships.

 

[Diana1180]

Oh I have no doubt what you say is true..because I went thru it with him last time. 7 years ago, I would put things on hold for him..always be available and it went no where.

I was recently in the hospital for 3 months and this is when he started coming around again to see how I was doing..that got to us talking every day, then him coming to help set up my TV while I was sick. Then to him coming over at least once a week for dinner. This time around I have let him contact me and make the plans. I don't ask him and I don't always say yes. I am about 80% sure he dates others. We have talked about one lady and he says "she wants more than I can give right now"...ok, same line he used on me 7 years ago lol.

But for some reason this time around he is more proactive. I don't know if he is realizing what your friend did. He will end up alone. He asked me to wine tours, ball games, away for weekends. He drives an hour and a half to see me. Is it confusing sometimes? yes. But he is still friend zoned in my mind because I don't think he will change in his "fear" of commitment. When somebody tells you something... believe them. Cant change their minds.