Should adoptees be able to acquire their original birth certificates so they can search for their birth families

[Hafar1014]

It might have been here or another board where an adult child,tracked down a birth mother and was met with a barrage of fury so intense that she was afraid of being physically hurt.

I can only imagine how I would feel at having my privacy ripped away. Not good. Have a centralized agency where children who want to find and mothers who want to be found can register. Don't track women down as if they were fugitives.

You cant imagine I dont have to because I work in the field of adoption
Thats an outlier and we dont know what the facts were. almost all reunions go well. You have no right to privacy in adoption. The Oregon Supreme County Ruled on that and th SC upheld that ruling.
I have mediated many reunions successfully, contacted many birth mothers myself and they are all overwhelmingly accepting. Only once has a woman rejected contact but other family members did want contact.

Registries dont work. Every person has a right to find their family of origin in fact thats international law signed on to by America. Notice the clause re identity and name

• Rights Protected:
  The Convention covers a wide range of rights, including:
  • Life and Development: The right to life, survival, and development.
    
    
  • Protection: Protection from all forms of violence, abuse, neglect, and discrimination.
    
    
  • Identity: The right to a name and nationality.
    
    
  • Health: Access to healthcare services.
    
    
  • Education: The right to education that helps children fulfill their potential.
    
    
  • Family Life: The right to be raised by their parents or to have a relationship with them.
    
    
  • Freedom: Freedom of expression and the right to be heard.
    
    
  • Standard of Living: The right to an adequate standard of living for physical, mental, and social development.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

You cant imagine I dont have to because I work in the field of adoption
Thats an outlier and we dont know what the facts were. almost all reunions go well. You have no right to privacy in adoption. The Oregon Supreme County Ruled on that and th SC upheld that ruling.
I have mediated many reunions successfully, contacted many birth mothers myself and they are all overwhelmingly accepting. Only once has a woman rejected contact but other family members did want contact.

Registries dont work. Every person has a right to find their family of origin in fact thats international law signed on to by America. Notice the clause re identity and name

• Rights Protected:
  The Convention covers a wide range of rights, including:
  • Life and Development: The right to life, survival, and development.
    
    
  • Protection: Protection from all forms of violence, abuse, neglect, and discrimination.
    
    
  • Identity: The right to a name and nationality.
    
    
  • Health: Access to healthcare services.
    
    
  • Education: The right to education that helps children fulfill their potential.
    
    
  • Family Life: The right to be raised by their parents or to have a relationship with them.
    
    
  • Freedom: Freedom of expression and the right to be heard.
    
    
  • Standard of Living: The right to an adequate standard of living for physical, mental, and social development.

I am overwhelmingly disappointed that people like you exist. You make abortion a more attractive option than adoption. A young woman contemplating her decision could easily see a life she carefully constructed torn apart. Better to make sure that doesn't happen. Abortion providers actually do use the argument of sudden exposure to convince women that they are better off not taking the risk.

 

[JohnDB]

I am an adoptee and trauma therapist. I wrote the book on adoption related trauma. Trauma can be healed whether its preverbal infant trauma or adult adoptees still needing therapy. I have treated over 800 adoptive families and adoptees. Adoptees cant process their memories, thoughts is the wrong term. They need help. Ill give you the process then a link to all my published papers. You need to be informed

This is the neuropsychology used to heal any kind of trauma. Taken from my paper The Process of Change in Adoption
“Due to the entirely nonverbal nature of the limbic brain, experiential rather then cognitive methods are required for successfully engaging and changing its schemas.” (Ecker, B., 2011). “A dynamic neural process now known as reconsolidation can actually unlock the synapses maintaining implicit emotional learnings” (Nader, K., et al. 2000). (Pansskepp, J., 1998). The amygdala compares current perceptions to these attachment related implicit memories triggering a self-protective response. When the child is at his/her worst behavior an opportunity for healing is created only if caregivers understand what is happening as a process. One can see how difficult this can be because the normal response by caregivers is counterintuitive. So then what is the solution?

“Further research has established that in order for synapses to unlock, the brain requires not just the experience of reactivation of the memory—it's also necessary for a second, critical experience to promptly take place while the memory reactivation experience is still occurring. That second experience consists of perceptions that sharply contradict and disconfirm the implicit expectations of the reactivated memory.

(1) Fully reactivate the target implicit memory so that the emotional experience is occurring.

(2) While the target memory is fully reactivated and the emotional experience is occurring, promptly create an additional, concurrent experience that sharply mismatches (contradicts and disconfirms) the expectations and predictions arising from the implicit memory.”(Ecker, B.2010, Psychotherapy Networker

Robert Hafetz - Profile on Academia.edu

Robert Allan Hafetz was born January 28, 1951, in the Door of Hope Salvation Army Booth Home, in Jersey City, New Jersey. A late in life graduate of Temple…

independent.academia.edu

Now short term, sure, both parties children and mothers claim they are glad.

Long term....only the birth mother is glad. Their choice 18+ years ago is confirmed to be the correct one.

The children?
A whole world of possibilities happens and few are positive.
One friend of mine said she was a disgusting person without any normal human emotions and so self absorbed that he felt dirty by meeting her.

My uncle was an older child adoption when his mother moved out of town and abandoned him to the street. He found her and had similar feelings towards her as my friend mentioned previously. He has since changed his last name to reflect our family name instead of hers.

Other older children adoptions are a mixed bag. I know of several others that joined their birth mothers in prostitution just so they could afford their new drug habits their mothers introduced them into. Where others have been angry and want nothing to do with them....but still have a drug habit of their own. One reported case of a child actually engaging in a sexual relationship with their birth mother upon meeting her.

The Jewish adoption agencies? They are unique. When they say "sealed" they mean destroyed documentation.
However.....cant erase DNA. But practicing Jews tend to shy away from DNA testing for religious reasons. (Many were discovered to be Spanish in origin instead of semitic)

I'm not discounting your background or specialization. What I'm saying is the long term effects of adopted children reunited with birth mothers is not usually a positive outcome. Short term? Okay....but the goal is to have positive outcomes for a lifetime. Meeting a birth mother has long term effects for young adults struggling with core identity and gravitas. Where I'm sure you have a successful practice with reunification....this is longer term than even a year of weekly counseling can provide.

And that's where I'm focused. Not in the near term results.

However, open adoption records should be the norm. There is no point in concealment today with DNA testing. A young adult wants to know? Nothing can stop him/her.

 

[Hafar1014]

Now short term, sure, both parties children and mothers claim they are glad.

Long term....only the birth mother is glad. Their choice 18+ years ago is confirmed to be the correct one.

The children?
A whole world of possibilities happens and few are positive.
One friend of mine said she was a disgusting person without any normal human emotions and so self absorbed that he felt dirty by meeting her.

My uncle was an older child adoption when his mother moved out of town and abandoned him to the street. He found her and had similar feelings towards her as my friend mentioned previously. He has since changed his last name to reflect our family name instead of hers.

Other older children adoptions are a mixed bag. I know of several others that joined their birth mothers in prostitution just so they could afford their new drug habits their mothers introduced them into. Where others have been angry and want nothing to do with them....but still have a drug habit of their own. One reported case of a child actually engaging in a sexual relationship with their birth mother upon meeting her.

The Jewish adoption agencies? They are unique. When they say "sealed" they mean destroyed documentation.
However.....cant erase DNA. But practicing Jews tend to shy away from DNA testing for religious reasons. (Many were discovered to be Spanish in origin instead of semitic)

I'm not discounting your background or specialization. What I'm saying is the long term effects of adopted children reunited with birth mothers is not usually a positive outcome. Short term? Okay....but the goal is to have positive outcomes for a lifetime. Meeting a birth mother has long term effects for young adults struggling with core identity and gravitas. Where I'm sure you have a successful practice with reunification....this is longer term than even a year of weekly counseling can provide.

And that's where I'm focused. Not in the near term results.

However, open adoption records should be the norm. There is no point in concealment today with DNA testing. A young adult wants to know? Nothing can stop him/her.

You dont know what a positive outcome is. When I mediate a reunion they are all positive. Your applying a storybook standard. Life isnt 100% positive or negative. Elements of both are always experienced. My example was I found a grave at the end of my search. Was that positive? In the long run yes. I found closure brothers, family, a meaning in my life. Positive is what you make it not what life brings you.

Often adoptees dont heal because they cant find a therapist who understands adoption related trauma. Post adoption support is still poor. Depression, addiction, and suicide are higher in adoption. Thats the fault of the system. Reunion can be powerful healing tool but you need a mediator. Good luck finding one.

Spanish Jews are Sphardic Jews.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

You make a very strong case for abortion. A woman trying to do the right thing ends up spending the rest of her life looking over her shoulder waiting for the hammer to drop. I would have to tell a frightened and confused girl that there are people whose job it is to expose her. They will make sure your husband knows, your children will be informed. You have no rights. No way to protect yourself.

This is not a pretty future.

 

[Hafar1014]

You make a very strong case for abortion. A woman trying to do the right thing ends up spending the rest of her life looking over her shoulder waiting for the hammer to drop. I would have to tell a frightened and confused girl that there are people whose job it is to expose her. They will make sure your husband knows, your children will be informed. You have no rights. No way to protect yourself.

This is not a pretty future.

Women who surrender their babies for adoption never consider abortion based on a PEW poll. They want to be found and reunite with their baby. You have very cold view of humanity. The bond between mother and child is forever and there is nothing like it. I have mediated many reunions and are never storybook happily ever after but they are all successful.
States that will give an original birth certificate have less abortions

 

[EvilCat Breath]

What do you do when a birth mother refuses? Tell her she has no rights.

 

[Hafar1014]

What do you do when a birth mother refuses? Tell her she has no rights.

Her request is respected. She has no right to privacy as in secrecy. Although in many cases I have had mothers change their mind. Thats why you need a mediator to make first contact. There is also a process I developed to reduce the emotional intensity. I always advise not to call directly or show up at her door. Let me approach her.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

Her request is respected. She has no right to privacy as in secrecy. Although in many cases I have had mothers change their mind. Thats why you need a mediator to make first contact. There is also a process I developed to reduce the emotional intensity. I always advise not to call directly or show up at her door. Let me approach her.

Abortion is the only certain means of protection. I have certainly not been pro abortion in the past but you have changed my mind.

I don't know how much information women get about people like you. Certainly not enough.

 

[Hafar1014]

Abortion is the only certain means of protection. I have certainly not been pro abortion in the past but you have changed my mind.

I don't know how much information women get about people like you. Certainly not enough.

Women dont need protection and women who surrender their babies to adoption never consider abortion as a solution. The overwhelming majority of them want desperately to be found. This is subject you know nothing about. How many reunions have you mediated? How many adoptive families and adoptees have you worked with? I have worked with over 800.

Do First/birth mothers want to be found?

A blog for birth mothers and adoptees to share feelings and opinions and vent.

www.firstmotherforum.com

I happen to know Lorraine

In Oregon when they opened records gave mothers no contact rights. They would send written notice.
Out of 10000 requests for OBC 85 mother filed a no contact note. Less than 1/4 of 1 %

 

[EvilCat Breath]

Women dont need protection and women who surrender their babies to adoption never consider abortion as a solution. The overwhelming majority of them want desperately to be found. This is subject you know nothing about. How many reunions have you mediated? How many adoptive families and adoptees have you worked with? I have worked with over 800.

Do First/birth mothers want to be found?

A blog for birth mothers and adoptees to share feelings and opinions and vent.

www.firstmotherforum.com

I happen to know Lorraine

In Oregon when they opened records gave mothers no contact rights. They would send written notice.
Out of 10000 requests for OBC 85 mother filed a no contact note. Less than 1/4 of 1 %

If a birth mother wants to be found, a registry will solve that. They don't need people like you meddling in their private lives. A woman that gives a child up for adoption has exposure hanging over her head for the rest of her life. All because you know best. Right. You know that it's best for adoptees to find birth mothers. The mothers can go to hell in a handbasket.

Do you ever look for birth fathers? They would flatten you for destroying their lives. Is that why you dont?

 

[JohnDB]

Of course birth mothers want to see positive reinforcement of their poor life choices 18+years ago.....

But.....

Those babies and older children adopted have a much higher incidence of positive life outcomes by never knowing definitively who or what their birth mother is.

And a poor outcome is chemical dependency, prostitution, criminal behavior and etc. We can claim Newt Gringrich was a positive adoption outcome....but I'm not as forgiving when it comes to classifying lawyers and politicians as a positive outcome.

It's not ever a storybook ending when it comes to adoption. Especially older children adoption. The best you can hope for in older child adoption is a something other than than criminal life. Infant adoptions have a better chance of productive, happy lives.....if they never discover their biological parents.

Self discovery of Identity is not a simple process. It is a lifetime process....and it is difficult enough keeping horrible influences out of people's lives without a poorly functioning adult throwing their influence that is granted pre-eminence into a person's life.

Look, I'm not one to judge someone for having a blue collar background or careers. Absolutely nothing wrong at all with having an honest job earning lower wages.
That does NOT extend to those becoming a leech on their communities by engaging in recreational drug use, distribution, prostitution, pornography production, welfare grubbing, or even gambling.

If a child grows up to be a ditch digger? Just fine. It's a positive outcome. If she grows up to create an only fans web page? It's a negative outcome.
And the whole time that POS they label as a "birth mom" is given a reward of major influence in a young person's life....for doing nothing but being too lazy to use contraceptives or get an abortion in time.

What you label as a positive outcome is seriously warped and does not reflect the vast majority of society.

 

[Hafar1014]

If a birth mother wants to be found, a registry will solve that. They don't need people like you meddling in their private lives. A woman that gives a child up for adoption has exposure hanging over her head for the rest of her life. All because you know best. Right. You know that it's best for adoptees to find birth mothers. The mothers can go to hell in a handbasket.

Do you ever look for birth fathers? They would flatten you for destroying their lives. Is that why you dont?

Registries dont work ALMA has existed for decades. Youre attitude shames birth mothers assuming they are evil and need to hide their shame.
There is no right to privacy in adoption. The SC affirmed that.
The UN Treaty of the child makes knowledge of identity a human right.
You couldnt be more wrong. Less than 1/4 of 1% of mothers asked for no contact and often they change their minds

Do First/birth mothers want to be found?

A blog for birth mothers and adoptees to share feelings and opinions and vent.

www.firstmotherforum.com

 

[Hafar1014]

If a birth mother wants to be found, a registry will solve that. They don't need people like you meddling in their private lives. A woman that gives a child up for adoption has exposure hanging over her head for the rest of her life. All because you know best. Right. You know that it's best for adoptees to find birth mothers. The mothers can go to hell in a handbasket.

Do you ever look for birth fathers? They would flatten you for destroying their lives. Is that why you dont?

You have no idea. Yes I have found fathers and they are grateful. Less than 1/4 of 1 % of mothers refuse contact and some change their minds. There are slso siblings who welcome contact.

Then there is vital issue of medical history.
You really dont know much about adoption and reunion.

You shame them and define them as evil and need to be ashamed. Luckily you dont matter

 

[Hafar1014]

Battling With Shadows: The Implicit Trauma of Adoption

Every adoption begins with a premature maternal separation that creates a long term implicit memory of loss. This experience is a developmental trauma that will trigger anxiety, anger, shame, grief, and problematic behaviors often beginning at age

www.academia.edu

A real case history involving a birth mother addict and her emotionally damaged son she gave for adoption

 

[JohnDB]

You have no idea. Yes I have found fathers and they are grateful. Less than 1/4 of 1 % of mothers refuse contact and some change their minds. There are slso siblings who welcome contact.

Then there is vital issue of medical history.
You really dont know much about adoption and reunion.

You shame them and define them as evil and need to be ashamed. Luckily you dont matter

Somehow being a drug addicted prostitute is not shameful nor deserving of shame?
Or a violent thug of a birth mother incarcerated for being a violent thug is not shameful deserving of shame?

That's really a warped perspective

 

[Hafar1014]

Somehow being a drug addicted prostitute is not shameful nor deserving of shame?
Or a violent thug of a birth mother incarcerated for being a violent thug is not shameful deserving of shame?

That's really a warped perspective

What if they reform and have a decent life when I find them. Judgmental people like always have something to hide

 

[EvilCat Breath]

You have no idea. Yes I have found fathers and they are grateful. Less than 1/4 of 1 % of mothers refuse contact and some change their minds. There are slso siblings who welcome contact.

Then there is vital issue of medical history.
You really dont know much about adoption and reunion.

You shame them and define them as evil and need to be ashamed. Luckily you dont matter

I support adoption but certainly not reunion. Especially reunion of women who thought their records would be sealed and their,privacy protected. How sad for the adoptee who searched for their mother, intending to destroy her life, and find out she refuses all contact.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

Correction. I DID support adoption. After listening to you, I don't think I can anymore.

 

[Hafar1014]

I support adoption but certainly not reunion. Especially reunion of women who thought their records would be sealed and their,privacy protected. How sad for the adoptee who searched for their mother, intending to destroy her life, and find out she refuses all contact.

There is no right of privacy in adoption. Most reunions have positive outcomes. Birthmothers want to be found and reunions are healing experiences.