Republican Comrades - The War on Christmas drum beat needs help

Londoner

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Republican Comrades,

I don't need to remind you that this is the time of year when we tell Americans that Liberals are waging a war on Christmas.

We do this because we want to convince voters that their country has been stolen by anti-Americans who don't share their traditional values.

Repeat after me comrades. "The godless Liberal seeks to destroy this Christian nation."

Comrades. We need to win elections so we can lower the taxes on the wealthy and make it easier for our corporations to move production to Communist China (so that business can profit from the lower labor costs). We must use Christmas as a propaganda tool to divide Americans and scare naive voters into the voting booth.

However, we have a problem. The Liberal TV Network - NBC - is featuring their annual Christmas Special. It's not called a Holiday Special. They use the actual word Christmas. They are celebrating Christmas, and trying to bring joy and happiness into the homes of all Americans. NBC has several Christmas specials lined-up.

Yet Bill O'Reilly and other rightwing commentators are talking about the War on Christmas as practiced by the "other" networks - NBC, chief among them. Bill needs your help. We must keep people from seeing the truth. We must keep the Republican voter from realizing that the people he has been trained to hate actually have families and children, and they celebrate Christmas, and they love this country.

Comrades, we need to make sure that nobody finds out that the War on Christmas is a myth designed to manipulate stupid people. We need to make sure that people overlook the fact that our enemies are actually celebrating Christmas. We need to make sure that the stupid voter believes that his country is under siege by the evil godless liberal.

Comrades, the War on Christmas is our Emmanuel Goldstein. We cannot lose this battle. I know you will do the right thing.

 
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