Relationship Discussions Thread

[dilloduck]

Whether or not you believe Joz won't affect how true her words are:




Sometimes people have no choice...better masturbating than seeking 'an outsider' to assist, in my book. Still, chronic monkey-spanking is a sure sign something may not be 'right'.

I'm not talking about chronic spankin here---I'm merely suggesting it as a method to balance out sexual drive. If mastubating harms intimacy then something is already pretty weak in that department. I don't know how many times I've heard woman say that they wished thier hubby would just roll over and wank sometimes.

 

[Bonnie]

Masturbating opens doors for lusting after what you don't have. Frankly, I'd get my feelings hurt if my wife took to Bzzzzzzzz LightYear....a 'toy rocket'....because I wasn't giving her what she needed. Not to say those things can't be incorporated - it's to say i feel it's my duty to be that release, both physical AND emotional, for my spouse.

Wackin' it, especially in front of dirty pics/vids, can create desires for what one doesn't have...Plus, one may not only resent their spouse for their spouses lack of attention, they may add-on resentment for 'making a grown, married adult have to revert back to age 15." etc..

As would I if I had a husband telling me how beautiful he thought I was but he was constantly lusting after other women, and using them as a substitute for me if I was ready willing and able and kept my physical self in good shape for him and myself.

 

[dilloduck]

As would I if I had a husband telling me how beautiful he thought I was but he was constantly lusting after other women, and using them as a substitute for me if I was ready willing and able and kept my physical self in good shape for him and myself.

How do you know that he isn't thinking about you when he masturbates ???

 

[dmp]

I don't think it is necessarily bad unless your in a marriage with someone you love and who is a willing and passionate person...because when you do that instead of being with your partner your shutting them out, also if your looking at other women it can make your partner feel very inadaquit even if they don't say so, most are afraid of seeming too jealous, I have counsled women on this and usually I recommend a book called the Centerfold Complex which talks about the dangers of men going outside the marriage for sexual fullfillment, even if it's just emotionally or mentally.

You nailed it. bravo.

 

[Bonnie]

How do you know that he isn't thinking about you when he masturbates ???

Well if he is indeed thinking of me then have at it!! As long as I wasn't in the mood to play.

 

[dilloduck]

Well if he is indeed thinking of me then have at it!! As long as I wasn't in the mood to play.

WEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAA you got it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Bonnie]

IMHO, the very worst you can do in a relationship is expect the other person to take care of needs that are your own responsibilty. After you're married you don't swap pink slips-----you still own you and your mate still owns him/herself. Relationships are for two people to bring different things into and share, not just take care of the other so the other takes care of you.

That's exactly right, even as far as liking certain movies, or foods, but I am a firm believer in compromise when you enter a marriage you know this going in, so I think seeing a movie you don't particularly care for just to please the other then the next time they see a movie you'd like to see etc, because the important thing is enjoying each other's company, and that goes a long way to a good marriage.

 

[Joz]

As would I if I had a husband telling me how beautiful he thought I was but he was constantly lusting after other women, and using them as a substitute for me if I was ready willing and able and kept my physical self in good shape for him and myself.

I have top agree with Bonnie. When masturbation is used as a subsitiute for being intimate with their partner THEN a problem exists. If I'm puking my guts out with the flu, I'd like to think I would be 'off the hook' for the night. So......
But if this is the course of action night after night........
Most people don't want to feel undesireable to their mate. If your spouse is drooling over some air-brushed beauty in a book, HE/SHE NEEDS HELP.

 

[Nienna]

IMHO, the very worst you can do in a relationship is expect the other person to take care of needs that are your own responsibilty. After you're married you don't swap pink slips-----you still own you and your mate still owns him/herself. Relationships are for two people to bring different things into and share, not just take care of the other so the other takes care of you.

Being a Christian, of course, this is the exact opposite of what I believe.

ICorinthians 7

4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.

 

[dilloduck]

That's exactly right, even as far as liking certain movies, or foods, but I am a firm believer in compromise when you enter a marriage you know this going in, so I think seeing a movie you don't particularly care for just to please the other then the next time they see a movie you'd like to see etc, because the important thing is enjoying each other's company, and that goes a long way to a good marriage.

Agreed--but lets do the compromising when necessary--not when it's sorta "suck up" behavior or it has those damn "strings" attatched.

 

[Bonnie]

Agreed--but lets do the compromising when necessary--not when it's sorta "suck up" behavior or it has those damn "strings" attatched.

Of course not when it's at the expense of the other partner.

I think there are levels of compatability as well, and for each person it's different. For me having the same beliefs in morality spirituality, etc are the most important, and the rest will fall into place, taste in foods doesn't matter as much to me, different movie taste is not a deal breaker, but infidelity is.

 

[Bonnie]

I have top agree with Bonnie. When masturbation is used as a subsitiute for being intimate with their partner THEN a problem exists. If I'm puking my guts out with the flu, I'd like to think I would be 'off the hook' for the night. So......
But if this is the course of action night after night........
Most people don't want to feel undesireable to their mate. If your spouse is drooling over some air-brushed beauty in a book, HE/SHE NEEDS HELP.

You know Joz here's where I say that society is not very supportive of marriage. And there are many beautiful women that don't pose in Playboy that are just taken for granted by their husbands becuase they are too engrossed or even addicted to pull their noses out of the magazines and appreciate what they have.

Ill never forget this, I was dating a guy and we went to a sporting event and of course the girls were there handing out brochures for a strip club. I knew it was coming because the girls generally don't have the commonsense to respect the guys that are there with their girlfriends and not give them out to them. Sure enough this girl handed him one, and I wasn't jealous but I was annoyed at the lack of repsect she showed for me in too many ways to count. My boyfriend gave it back to her and said "no thanks I've got much better right here" and he kissed me and winked. I will forever remeber that.
There is this general acceptance in society that if you don't pose nude your not as pretty or as sexy as those that do.

 

[Joz]

My boyfriend gave it back to her and said "no thanks I've got much better right here" and he kissed me and winked. I will forever remeber that.

How VERy sweet. I NEVER minded my husband looking at a well-built, put-together woman. Hell, I like to look, too. You know, hair & nails are perfect, dressed to the nines, sexy, in her own way. What I DID mind was when he was with me and he turned his head or all the way around to look. I felt disrespected, and embarrassed. I'm no beauty, by a long shot. Don't ever have to worry about me being competition, but he was with me! That should have been enough.

 

[dmp]

How VERy sweet. I NEVER minded my husband looking at a well-built, put-together woman. Hell, I like to look, too. You know, hair & nails are perfect, dressed to the nines, sexy, in her own way. What I DID mind was when he was with me and he turned his head or all the way around to look. I felt disrespected, and embarrassed. I'm no beauty, by a long shot. Don't ever have to worry about me being competition, but he was with me! That should have been enough.

That's an understanding Mary and I share...we both know the difference between noticing a beautiful person of either sex and 'gawking'...

 

[Bonnie]

That's an understanding Mary and I share...we both know the difference between noticing a beautiful person of either sex and 'gawking'...

Very true, we all as people look at others... it's human nature, but when the line is crossed that's trouble.

 

[dmp]

Very true, we all as people look at others... it's human nature, but when the line is crossed that's trouble.

I know an (ableit troulbed) young lady who told her boyfriend "If you love somebody, it's impossible to think of another person as good-looking"

wow...the misery of that young lady was palatable.

 

[dilloduck]

Being a Christian, of course, this is the exact opposite of what I believe.

ICorinthians 7

4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.

With all due respect mom--Some Christians also believe as I do so I guess a certain GROUP of Christians believe as you. Or would you just say they are not REAL Christians?

 

[Joz]

Being a Christian, of course, this is the exact opposite of what I believe.

ICorinthians 7

4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.

I don't think this is talking about ownership. But when you join yourselves in marriage you are AS ONE. Everything you do you consider the other person. The way you behave, spend money, that sort of thing. There is no way your body can belong to another person.

 

[dmp]

With all due respect mom--Some Christians also believe as I do so I guess a certain GROUP of Christians believe as you. Or would you just say they are not REAL Christians?

No one can be a christian and not believe the Bible...it's like...claiming to be a democrat yet consistantly voting republican...sorta.

 

[dilloduck]

No one can be a christian and not believe the Bible...it's like...claiming to be a democrat yet consistantly voting republican...sorta.

Right--and it all can only be interpreted in one way---never mind d--let's save it for another thread. My bad.