Relationship Discussions Thread

[dilloduck]

...Only if it was acted on. Sometimes one has to exercise good-sense.

One girl I nearly married....She taught me more about life and love in 3 short years, than I learned in the 20 years prior. She'll always be special to me.

Maybe this experience is like seeing an open door that you can either go thru or not. Guess that's why I wouldn't really use the word love. Love takes effort.

 

[Bonnie]

...Only if it was acted on. Sometimes one has to exercise good-sense.

One girl I nearly married....She taught me more about life and love in 3 short years, than I learned in the 20 years prior. She'll always be special to me.

Why nearly??? If she was that great? Just wondering not trying to put you on the spot.

 

[dmp]

Maybe this experience is like seeing an open door that you can either go thru or not. Guess that's why I wouldn't really use the word love. Love takes effort.

I disagree. Love doesn't take effort - Love emerges in one's life, and love happens. Love exists and one can't help it a lot of times. 'relationships', however do take work. I don't lump together relationships with 'love'.

 

[dilloduck]

I disagree. Love doesn't take effort - Love emerges in one's life, and love happens. Love exists and one can't help it a lot of times. 'relationships', however do take work. I don't lump together relationships with 'love'.

Guess that's why "love at first sight" on the relationship thread threw me and I asked for a definition.

 

[dmp]

Why nearly??? If she was that great? Just wondering not trying to put you on the spot.

She had no use for God; had no desire to bring kids up in Church. No desire to even learn. She and I weren't compatable in terms of faith, upbringing....but we did share a very tight bond; just wasn't what either of us wanted in a spouse. I was 'in love'...and I loved her with my whole heart. I just had to be true to my faith and my standards for a wife.

Thanks for bringing up a hard memory, Bonnie...

:

(j/k) hehe

 

[Bonnie]

I disagree. Love doesn't take effort - Love emerges in one's life, and love happens. Love exists and one can't help it a lot of times. 'relationships', however do take work. I don't lump together relationships with 'love'.

Love is easy, but relationships take work and effort.

 

[Bonnie]

She had no use for God; had no desire to bring kids up in Church. No desire to even learn. She and I weren't compatable in terms of faith, upbringing....but we did share a very tight bond; just wasn't what either of us wanted in a spouse. I was 'in love'...and I loved her with my whole heart. I just had to be true to my faith and my standards for a wife.

Thanks for bringing up a hard memory, Bonnie...

:

(j/k) hehe

Well good to walk away from her then. Your love would have soured over the years from constant unresolvable conflict...

Feel better?? LOL Sorry didn't mean to open old wounds, Ill slap my own hands

 

[dmp]

Well good to walk away from her then. Your love would have soured over the years from constant unresolvable conflict...

Feel better?? LOL Sorry didn't mean to open old wounds, Ill slap my own hands

No wounds opened, really...

It's really can hurt to choose the hard 'right' over the easy 'wrong'.

 

[Nienna]

With all due respect mom--Some Christians also believe as I do so I guess a certain GROUP of Christians believe as you. Or would you just say they are not REAL Christians?

It is not for me to say who is a "real" Christian and who is not. I have a hard enough time reining in my own worst impulses. I just mentioned that to illustrate what I believe about responsibility within a marriage. I would think that all Christians would view the Bible as an authoritative source. Wives and husbands have a duty to "put out," as well as to fill some of their spouses' needs. Just a contrasting view from your opinion that people are responsible for filling their own needs.

And, just as an aside, I am not saying that people should expect their spouses to meet all of their needs. But they can expect them to work with them at the relationship.

 

[manu1959]

It is not for me to say who is a "real" Christian and who is not. I have a hard enough time reining in my own worst impulses. I just mentioned that to illustrate what I believe about responsibility within a marriage. I would think that all Christians would view the Bible as an authoritative source. Wives and husbands have a duty to "put out," as well as to fill some of their spouses' needs. Just a contrasting view from your opinion that people are responsible for filling their own needs.

And, just as an aside, I am not saying that people should expect their spouses to meet all of their needs. But they can expect them to work with them at the relationship.

:rotflmao: i can just see this tonight...... "honey.....the bible says you need to put out!" :rotflmao: grabs pillow and balnket and heads for the sofa

 

[Nienna]

:rotflmao: i can just see this tonight...... "honey.....the bible says you need to put out!" :rotflmao: grabs pillow and balnket and heads for the sofa

LOL! Well, it's worth a try!
I don't think it means every single time. That would not be a loving thing, say, if the wife is 9 1/2 months pregnant, and hubby wanted some. He might forgo it for awhile, just for her sake. But as a trend, the wife is responsible for putting out, and so is hubby. In that situation, where one is not "giving it up" for an extended period of time, one could bring the Bible into it, if they were both believers. Christians can be expected to live by the words in the Book.

 

[Bonnie]

LOL! Well, it's worth a try!
I don't think it means every single time. That would not be a loving thing, say, if the wife is 9 1/2 months pregnant, and hubby wanted some. He might forgo it for awhile, just for her sake. But as a trend, the wife is responsible for putting out, and so is hubby. In that situation, where one is not "giving it up" for an extended period of time, one could bring the Bible into it, if they were both believers. Christians can be expected to live by the words in the Book.

LOL You would think that one would go over well with the men..... But honey God says you must put out....If younger guys were smart...WEll never mind.......

Kidding aside both partners are supposed to respect each other bodies but also not be stingy with them. God really does get that sex is important in a marriage..

 

[Joz]

No wounds opened, really...

It's really can hurt to choose the hard 'right' over the easy 'wrong'.

And the hard 'right' might be just as wrong.

 

[dmp]

And the hard 'right' might be just as wrong.

I feel like I'm reading a chinese proverb now...lol

essplain? help?

 

[Joz]

LOL You would think that one would go over well with the men..... But honey God says you must put out....If younger guys were smart...WEll never mind.......

Kidding aside both partners are supposed to respect each other bodies but also not be stingy with them. God really does get that sex is important in a marriage..

I know you were joking Bonnie, but what happens when you marry a person that DOESN'T want sex? I think that a mother telling this to her daughter isn't r-e-a-l out of line. The only way a man & woman stay connected is thru the act of sex. It is a bond designed by GOD. As couples age, they find other ways to be intimate--stay connected
Sex is suppose to be a benefit, a perk of marriage. But now a days, it's not too difficult to find a partner for the night. So, who gives a rat's ass whether you're getting any at home or not?

 

[manu1959]

I know you were joking Bonnie, but what happens when you marry a person that DOESN'T want sex? I think that a mother telling this to her daughter isn't r-e-a-l out of line. The only way a man & woman stay connected is thru the act of sex. It is a bond designed by GOD. As couples age, they find other ways to be intimate--stay connected
Sex is suppose to be a benefit, a perk of marriage. But now a days, it's not too difficult to find a partner for the night. So, who gives a rat's ass whether you're getting any at home or not?

if you knew the person didn't want sex when you married them.....then you got what you picked.....if you didn't know then you should have found out....

my wife and i discussed everything and i mean everthing we could think of before we decided to get married

 

[dmp]

if you knew the person didn't want sex when you married them.....then you got what you picked.....if you didn't know then you should have found out....

my wife and i discussed everything and i mean everthing we could think of before we decided to get married

But people do change; but not at others' request. What I believed I wanted when I was 23 is not what I believe I 'need' at age (gulp) 32.

Same goes for my spouse - she's not exactly opposite of who she was when we wed - but she has changed her views on things about marriage, intimacy, and junk and stuff...or whatever.

 

[Bonnie]

I know you were joking Bonnie, but what happens when you marry a person that DOESN'T want sex? I think that a mother telling this to her daughter isn't r-e-a-l out of line. The only way a man & woman stay connected is thru the act of sex. It is a bond designed by GOD. As couples age, they find other ways to be intimate--stay connected
Sex is suppose to be a benefit, a perk of marriage. But now a days, it's not too difficult to find a partner for the night. So, who gives a rat's ass whether you're getting any at home or not?

If you marry a person who decides to shut out sex after marriage and they in no way will go for couseling or any kind help in this area then their partner should proabably decide if they can live with that without going outside the marriage, if not get a divorce or an anullment. Just like that would be the answer in cases of abuse, infidelity etc.

As couples age yes the sex is less frequent but they still do have it and want it especially if they are closely married. You are right though older couples do find other ways of expressing closeness as should younger couples.

Im not clear about your last comment though?

 

[Joz]

if you knew the person didn't want sex when you married them.....then you got what you picked.....if you didn't know then you should have found out....

my wife and i discussed everything and i mean everthing we could think of before we decided to get married

Alot of couples get married for the wrong reasons. Do you know that about 65% marry the person they do because their 'family or friends' like the person? We go on feelings (which are good) sometimes more than what is in actuality. How many times a woman has married thinking ,"oh, when wer'e married, he'll change. He'll change for me because he l-o-v-e-s me". She becomes a nag & he resents her for not accepting him for who/what he is.

 

[dmp]

For the record....

When my wife and I wed, we made vows. Among those vows wer promises to:

Love.
Cherrish.
Take Care Of.
Forsake all Others.


Withholding sex is violating at least two of those vows. It's the same as what society traditionally calls 'cheating'. That is to say, sleeping with somebody outside one's marriage violates the promise to forsake all others. 'Not' loving or Cherrishing the person you vowed to also violates that promise.

We tend to focus on 'adultry' in my mind, because we as creatures love Drama. There is very little drama for the rest of us when one poor woman or man cries themself to sleep each night because their mate won't acknowldge them in a real, intimate way.