Relationship Discussions Thread

[dmp]

I'm going to try to explain my stance on sex in marriage a bit clearer.

Moe loves dessert. Moe eats dessert everyday, every meal. Moe is very happy. But one day, Moe realizes that even tho' he gorges on dessert, he gets waaay to hungry before it's time to eat again. So Moe decides to eat something else with his dessert. Little by little Moe realizes that by eating a full meal with his dessert, he stays satisfied much longer and is still happy.
You can't live by sex--the dessert-- alone in any relationship. You much have the meat & potatoes of a relationship first; the deep committment,friendship, conversation, mutual goals, faith, trust.....You can survive forever without ever having dessert, but by having both, you have a full & balanced union.

I agree - this is how I explain it:

There comes from love-making a certain bond which cannot be formed through other means. That isn't to say a marriage can't be secure, it's to say the marriage won't be as strong as it 'could' or maybe even 'should' be.

Do we want an 'adequate' marriage?

Do we want a marriage of a 'higher standard'?

We have to ask ourselves that question...

 

[Nienna]

I'm going to try to explain my stance on sex in marriage a bit clearer.

Moe loves dessert. Moe eats dessert everyday, every meal. Moe is very happy. But one day, Moe realizes that even tho' he gorges on dessert, he gets waaay to hungry before it's time to eat again. So Moe decides to eat something else with his dessert. Little by little Moe realizes that by eating a full meal with his dessert, he stays satisfied much longer and is still happy.
You can't live by sex--the dessert-- alone in any relationship. You much have the meat & potatoes of a relationship first; the deep committment,friendship, conversation, mutual goals, faith, trust.....You can survive forever without ever having dessert, but by having both, you have a full & balanced union.

Great analogy, Joz!
I agree with -=d=-, too. The sexual bond was created to be a unique and very strong thing. Without getting too graphic, I have read that body chemistry actually changes after this act. It's my belief that it should be a regular and frequent action in a marriage. I find that I get much less frustrated, resentful, or irritated with my husband if it is. I think it's God's way of holding you together, because, Heaven knows, living together is a VERY difficult thing! :bangheads:

 

[Joz]

Great analogy, Joz!
I agree with -=d=-, too. The sexual bond was created to be a unique and very strong thing. Without getting too graphic, I have read that body chemistry actually changes after this act. It's my belief that it should be a regular and frequent action in a marriage. I find that I get much less frustrated, resentful, or irritated with my husband if it is. I think it's God's way of holding you together, because, Heaven knows, living together is a VERY difficult thing! :bangheads:

I don't think alot of women understand this. We are always told how much men need the physical release sex offers. But women need it too. The experience is just more emotional for women. Yet men need it for that reason also. I posted once about women and orgasms and Sir Evil had to delete it because of some complaints. I tho't it was very enlightening; something men should have read.

PS> FYI It was an article/stats taken from the book, The Big O. Forgot the author.

 

[dilloduck]

Isn't that what I said?

my bad---I thought it was necessary to eat X number of meals WITHOUT desert first.

 

[Joz]

my bad---I thought it was necessary to eat X number of meals WITHOUT desert first.

No, it's just possible. But not nearly as enjoyable!!

 

[dmp]

I don't think alot of women understand this. We are always told how much men need the physical release sex offers. But women need it too. The experience is just more emotional for women. Yet men need it for that reason also. I posted once about women and orgasms and Sir Evil had to delete it because of some complaints. I tho't it was very enlightening; something men should have read.

Now...if you girls could have an 'intervention' with a lot of our wives....



woot!

 

[manu1959]

I posted once about women and orgasms and Sir Evil had to delete it because of some complaints.

?...........wait didn't god invent orgasms

 

[Joz]

Now...if you girls could have an 'intervention' with a lot of our wives....woot!

Aren't you the comedian?
Somehow I don't think, "Hi, I'm Joz from the USMB. I think you should put-out more for your hubby" would go over quite so well.

 

[Joz]

?...........wait didn't god invent orgasms

We all know how basic men are. Sorry. But women can be more difficult. I tho't it was very interesting; natural. I should have checked, I guess. In fact, there's alot who don't approve of this thread. (Got a few PM's from some women, tho'.)

 

[dmp]

Aren't you the comedian?
Somehow I don't think, "Hi, I'm Joz from the USMB. I think you should put-out more for your hubby" would go over quite so well.

I'd settle for '...just HOLD Him more....after you put out!"

:

 

[Bonnie]

?...........wait didn't god invent orgasms

Yes !!!!! As an inticement for marriage and family

 

[Nienna]

Yes !!!!! As an inticement for marriage and family

And as a special gift just for our pleasure! That's the way it is with God!

 

[Bonnie]

I agree - this is how I explain it:

There comes from love-making a certain bond which cannot be formed through other means. That isn't to say a marriage can't be secure, it's to say the marriage won't be as strong as it 'could' or maybe even 'should' be.

Do we want an 'adequate' marriage?

Do we want a marriage of a 'higher standard'?

We have to ask ourselves that question...

I think your right. the whole point of sex and intimacy in a marriage is to keep a bond between husband and wife that no one else can share in, and creates a kinship that others can't intrude on. Marriage only gets better when intimacy is good. Problem is though is popular culture has many convinced that if they are not having sex all the time like bunnies hanging from chandeliers or over the kitchen sink their not having great sex. People need to find their own way towards what they find sexy and passionate. I also think men are told that if they aren't sex machines all the time there must be something wrong with them, this of course isn't true at all. Balance is the key, marriage first, family a close second, then jobs etc. JMO

 

[Bonnie]

And as a special gift just for our pleasure! That's the way it is with God!

Absolutely!!

 

[dmp]

There's an old joke...

A husband and wife created a code-word for when they wanted to let the other know they were feeling frisky. "Washing Machine".

Monday night, after the kids were in bed, the husband whispers to the wife...
"washing machine, dear..."

The reply came, "Oh, I'm SOO tired after my long day...not tonight, honey."

Tuesday night, when the house was quiet, the husband leaned over again with the code word.

Again he was shot down, thanks to a head ache.

This happened for a few more nights until saturday night, after things had settled down for the evening, the wife finally returned the call to the husband, "Honey, Washing Machine!!"

The husband turned to the wife with, "It was a small load, so I did it by hand..."

I'm convinced there is something that happens in a relationship when one partner's 'appitites' are met in ANY other way than with the non-hungry spouse. Even 'hand-washing' can create distance between a couple...

 

[Joz]

.....I'm convinced there is something that happens in a relationship when one partner's 'appitites' are met in ANY other way than with the non-hungry spouse. Even 'hand-washing' can create distance between a couple...

YES! That's why I say that helping with the 'handwashing' does wonders!!

 

[dmp]

YES! That's why I say that helping with the 'handwashing' does wonders!!

...except one hates to feel like a charity case...has to be done sensatively...

 

[Joz]

I think your right. the whole point of sex and intimacy in a marriage is to keep a bond between husband and wife that no one else can share in, and creates a kinship that others can't intrude on..... People need to find their own way towards what they find sexy and passionate.....

This is where I get confused.
**If two people stay virgins 'til marriage, then they learn each other completely. No other influence. They adjust to each others wants/needs/desires. Maybe that's only in utopia.

**What if you do stay virginal and then find out he or she isn't interested in sex? That they indeed really don't care about your needs? They didn't marry for that privilege?

**Being intimate is a bond. You can't go around bonding with just anyone because you have the desire.

**When Mary was pregnant with Jesus, Joseph was advised to get rid of her because she was not carrying HIS child. NOT that she was pregnant. Could it be that sex is ok when you're betrothed? What happens during this time if you find out you are incompatible? Have you committed fornication?

 

[dilloduck]

There's an old joke...

A husband and wife created a code-word for when they wanted to let the other know they were feeling frisky. "Washing Machine".

Monday night, after the kids were in bed, the husband whispers to the wife...
"washing machine, dear..."

The reply came, "Oh, I'm SOO tired after my long day...not tonight, honey."

Tuesday night, when the house was quiet, the husband leaned over again with the code word.

Again he was shot down, thanks to a head ache.

This happened for a few more nights until saturday night, after things had settled down for the evening, the wife finally returned the call to the husband, "Honey, Washing Machine!!"

The husband turned to the wife with, "It was a small load, so I did it by hand..."

I'm convinced there is something that happens in a relationship when one partner's 'appitites' are met in ANY other way than with the non-hungry spouse. Even 'hand-washing' can create distance between a couple...

back to the meal analogy---one wants a lot of potatoes--ones doesn't--how is the one who eats more potatoes taking anything away form the one who wants less? (please not the hobbit avatar again d) ! lol

 

[dmp]

*When Mary was pregnant with Jesus, Joseph was advised to get rid of her because she was not carrying HIS child. NOT that she was pregnant. Could it be that sex is ok when you're betrothed? What happens during this time if you find out you are incompatible? Have you committed fornication?

Marriage is a committment between two people and God. Marriage is 'not' a ceremony or a license. Compatability IS as compatability DOES I believe; but can't prove, nor even argue at this point...lol You know me pretty well Joz...I've got a PhD in Compatability Issues...lol..