Raising Masculine Sons

[Cecilie1200]

I've been working for three weeks at my new job, which allows me to work from home. Friday was my first payday with them, and I took the opportunity to buy myself a proper computer desk and ergonomic chair (I've been working at the dining room table, and my neck feels permanently cramped). Today my two sons assembled the chair and the desk, while teasing me that my lack of any mechanical ability is due to my being a girl.

This sparked a conversation which got me thinking about raising sons to be men with a healthy masculinity in this day and age. Specifically, I'm pondering over the role a mother can play in this. Obviously, a father's role is to exemplify healthy masculinity in his own behavior. But how does a woman instill healthy masculinity in her sons? I think my oldest son, who is 26, stands as evidence that I've managed this in his case (his younger brother is 13, so we'll see), but I'll be damned if I could tell you exactly how.

What thoughts do you guys have on this subject?

 

[ViewFromAbove]

I've been working for three weeks at my new job, which allows me to work from home. Friday was my first payday with them, and I took the opportunity to buy myself a proper computer desk and ergonomic chair (I've been working at the dining room table, and my neck feels permanently cramped). Today my two sons assembled the chair and the desk, while teasing me that my lack of any mechanical ability is due to my being a girl.

This sparked a conversation which got me thinking about raising sons to be men with a healthy masculinity in this day and age. Specifically, I'm pondering over the role a mother can play in this. Obviously, a father's role is to exemplify healthy masculinity in his own behavior. But how does a woman instill healthy masculinity in her sons? I think my oldest son, who is 26, stands as evidence that I've managed this in his case (his younger brother is 13, so we'll see), but I'll be damned if I could tell you exactly how.

What thoughts do you guys have on this subject?

Sons and daughters have their obvious physical differences (with some exceptions). Beyond that, it's cultural. Does culture have to dictate your child's "masculinity" or "femininity"? To various degrees, you can't avoid it, due to social influences at school and peers.
However, you can encourage your child to be their own INDIVIDUAL, based on THEIR own preferences.

I know many women who are competent in computer technology, and a few in engineering, and even auto mechanics!

 

[Darkwind]

Sons and daughters have their obvious physical differences (with some exceptions). Beyond that, it's cultural. Does culture have to dictate your child's "masculinity" or "femininity"? To various degrees, you can't avoid it, due to social influences at school and peers.
However, you can encourage your child to be their own INDIVIDUAL, based on THEIR own preferences.

I know many women who are competent in computer technology, and a few in engineering, and even auto mechanics!

There is an inherent and biological hardwiring to our sexes. If you believe in science, you'd know that.

 

[Darkwind]

I've been working for three weeks at my new job, which allows me to work from home. Friday was my first payday with them, and I took the opportunity to buy myself a proper computer desk and ergonomic chair (I've been working at the dining room table, and my neck feels permanently cramped). Today my two sons assembled the chair and the desk, while teasing me that my lack of any mechanical ability is due to my being a girl.

This sparked a conversation which got me thinking about raising sons to be men with a healthy masculinity in this day and age. Specifically, I'm pondering over the role a mother can play in this. Obviously, a father's role is to exemplify healthy masculinity in his own behavior. But how does a woman instill healthy masculinity in her sons? I think my oldest son, who is 26, stands as evidence that I've managed this in his case (his younger brother is 13, so we'll see), but I'll be damned if I could tell you exactly how.

What thoughts do you guys have on this subject?

I would talk to them and make sure they see and understand the kind of man you admire and think is the right kind of 'masculinity' they should have.

Never under estimate the power and influence of a mother.

 

[Turtlesoup]

I've been working for three weeks at my new job, which allows me to work from home. Friday was my first payday with them, and I took the opportunity to buy myself a proper computer desk and ergonomic chair (I've been working at the dining room table, and my neck feels permanently cramped). Today my two sons assembled the chair and the desk, while teasing me that my lack of any mechanical ability is due to my being a girl.

This sparked a conversation which got me thinking about raising sons to be men with a healthy masculinity in this day and age. Specifically, I'm pondering over the role a mother can play in this. Obviously, a father's role is to exemplify healthy masculinity in his own behavior. But how does a woman instill healthy masculinity in her sons? I think my oldest son, who is 26, stands as evidence that I've managed this in his case (his younger brother is 13, so we'll see), but I'll be damned if I could tell you exactly how.

What thoughts do you guys have on this subject?

Don't attack them for being boys---never let them believe the woke bullshit about guys being bad as you are obviously doing---the rest will take care of itself.

 

[1srelluc]

Just don't hover over the young one.....Hell at 13 (when I wasn't working/in school) I'd be down on the river hunting, fishing, and yeah, getting into things I likely should not have but my only real requirement was to be home at supper time if I was not working.....Mom insisted that we take our meals together.

LOL....She always said I was the cheapest kid she raised because I never asked for anything.

 

[ViewFromAbove]

There is an inherent and biological hardwiring to our sexes. If you believe in science, you'd know that.

I already said "Sons and daughters have their obvious physical differences".

 

[WinterBorn]

I showed my sons by example. A man knows he is a man, and doesn't waste time trying to prove it. A man protects those weaker than himself. A man does not try to humiliate others. Stand up and shake hands with a firm grip. Admit when you are wrong. Be honest and trustworthy. Celebrate when others win too.

 

[Cecilie1200]

Sons and daughters have their obvious physical differences (with some exceptions). Beyond that, it's cultural. Does culture have to dictate your child's "masculinity" or "femininity"? To various degrees, you can't avoid it, due to social influences at school and peers.
However, you can encourage your child to be their own INDIVIDUAL, based on THEIR own preferences.

I know many women who are competent in computer technology, and a few in engineering, and even auto mechanics!

Why do I have a feeling I'm going to have to define "healthy masculinity"?

Sons and daughters have more clear-cut differences than just physical. And no, everything except the physical differences is not cultural. Also, aptitudes and interests are not sex-specific. I personally have no facility whatsoever with mechanical stuff, and my menfolk tease me that it's because I'm a girl, but the truth is - and they know it - that it's just my own individual quirk. My daughter, their older sister, does her own car repairs to save money. Anything that doesn't require special equipment, she does herself. Last weekend, she changed out her brake calipers.

If given no other choice, I could probably have assembled the desk and chair myself. It would have taken me longer, and I'd have had to have someone tighten the screws down afterward due to my arthritis, but neither piece is especially complex. The masculinity my sons showed wasn't in the building of the furniture; it was in the protective instinct that made them do it for me without being asked, the harnessing of their strength and abilities toward taking care of someone they love.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I would talk to them and make sure they see and understand the kind of man you admire and think is the right kind of 'masculinity' they should have.

Never under estimate the power and influence of a mother.

I would like to think my choice of marrying their father would give them some indication what kind of man I admire.

I don't doubt that I'm a very strong influence on my sons, and I devoutly hope that my example helps them in choosing wives someday, especially since the dating and relationship world has changed so radically since I got married (and not in good ways).

 

[Cecilie1200]

I showed my sons by example. A man knows he is a man, and doesn't waste time trying to prove it. A man protects those weaker than himself. A man does not try to humiliate others. Stand up and shake hands with a firm grip. Admit when you are wrong. Be honest and trustworthy. Celebrate when others win too.

Well, you CAN show them by example, because you're a man. The question is, what can a woman do to teach her sons to be good men?

 

[Cecilie1200]

Just don't hover over the young one.....Hell at 13 (when I wasn't working/in school) I'd be down on the river hunting, fishing, and yeah, getting into things I likely should not have but my only real requirement was to be home at supper time if I was not working.....Mom insisted that we take our meals together.

LOL....She always said I was the cheapest kid she raised because I never asked for anything.

Sadly, we don't have a river. We live in a city.

The older son is a big help with balancing the very real need to protect a kid in a large city with the need to give him some independence from his parents as he grows up. Sending him out to do things with his older brother is a handy compromise.

 

[Turtlesoup]

I showed my sons by example. A man knows he is a man, and doesn't waste time trying to prove it. A man protects those weaker than himself. A man does not try to humiliate others. Stand up and shake hands with a firm grip. Admit when you are wrong. Be honest and trustworthy. Celebrate when others win too.

You are so funny...and so full of shit.

 

[1srelluc]

Sadly, we don't have a river. We live in a city.

The older son is a big help with balancing the very real need to protect a kid in a large city with the need to give him some independence from his parents as he grows up. Sending him out to do things with his older brother is a handy compromise.

I don't want to sound flippant but maybe you should consider renting a U-Haul.

 

[Cecilie1200]

I don't want to sound flippant but maybe you should consider renting a U-Haul.

No thanks. Phoenix is a pretty nice city, as cities go. I wouldn't mind moving to one of the outlying areas, but I have no real desire to leave.

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

There's nothing wrong with men doing "men things" and women doing "women things".
It's wrong when you walk up to someone and start screaming in their face about "toxic **inities" and calling them profane names. Thats when an ice pick really comes in handy.

But my firm belief is.........if you raise your kids to be good, decent human beings...........teach them between right, wrong, and indifferent.........teach them manners, etiquette, and compassion.......allow them to make mistakes and then teach them to learn from them................and talk to them like a person and not like a little plastic doll or some piece of flotsam........explain things to their understanding when they ask a question........

Then you've done a good job. And that kid will turn out to be a good man or woman......regardless of being "masculine" or "feminine".

 

[1srelluc]

No thanks. Phoenix is a pretty nice city, as cities go. I wouldn't mind moving to one of the outlying areas, but I have no real desire to leave.

Good luck then.

 

[Cecilie1200]

There's nothing wrong with men doing "men things" and women doing "women things".
It's wrong when you walk up to someone and start screaming in their face about "toxic **inities" and calling them profane names. Thats when an ice pick really comes in handy.

But my firm belief is.........if you raise your kids to be good, decent human beings...........teach them between right, wrong, and indifferent.........teach them manners, etiquette, and compassion.......allow them to make mistakes and then teach them to learn from them................and talk to them like a person and not like a little plastic doll or some piece of flotsam........explain things to their understanding when they ask a question........

Then you've done a good job. And that kid will turn out to be a good man or woman......regardless of being "masculine" or "feminine".

While I agree with the point that the basics of being a good person are the same across the board, the ways in which each sex expresses those points do differ, because men and women are not the same.

Take, for example, the recent family crisis I outlined on another thread. My mother became very ill while staying with my sister. The entire family rallied to help my mom and take care of her, as decent people do with their elderly relatives, but we did it in distinctly different ways. My sister took point on organizing and managing Mom's healthcare and medications, getting her a home visits from a physical therapist, etc. My nieces jumped in to take over helping my sister with housework and shopping and errands and all the details of life that she didn't have time for between Mom and her full-time job (thank God she works at home). My job was keeping everyone's spirits up (not inconsequential in a situation like this), going to visit and spend time with both of them, staying with Mom so that my sister could have time to go out and just be by herself for a while, getting Mom to eat when she refused for everyone else, bringing prepared meals over so that they had food in the fridge they could just pop into the microwave, etc.

The guys in the family, on the other hand, pitched in in different ways. My brother-in-law was the primary muscle on the spot, lifting and carrying Mom any time she needed to be moved (until the physical therapy started showing results). My guys helped trade all the furniture in the downstairs bedroom with the upstairs bedroom, so that Mom could be on the ground floor. My nephews took turns driving Mom to appointments when she was still unable to move on her own, and remain on-call for any unscheduled assistance that might be needed (they live closer than I do).

 

[Ivan88]

In Greek language, there are 2 kinds of "men": anthropos, meaning man faced, or look like a man; And, Anner, meaning a real man as was Anner the Cannanite friend of Abraham that helped overthrow the robber kings.
Even Chinese language recognizes Anner as a real Man.
They had on Russian TV an opera singer with a beard, dressed up as a female. It may have been a male, with a good voice, but, I don't call such a person a Man or even a man.
Another definition of a Man was made by Yahshua, the Messiah, as He who lives and loves and does Truth, Mercy and Faith.

 

[Cecilie1200]

In Greek language, there are 2 kinds of "men": anthropos, meaning man faced, or look like a man; And, Anner, meaning a real man as was Anner the Cannanite friend of Abraham that helped overthrow the robber kings.
Even Chinese language recognizes Anner as a real Man.
They had on Russian TV an opera singer with a beard, dressed up as a female. It may have been a male, with a good voice, but, I don't call such a person a Man or even a man.
Another definition of a Man was made by Yahshua, the Messiah, as He who lives and loves and does Truth, Mercy and Faith.

Um, okay.

And . . . what do you have to say about the topic of instilling positive masculinity in one's sons? You know, the subject of the thread?