Question for Men: Feminine Women

[Moonglow]

Appearance is the bait.
Personality is the hook.

I think I have a good appearance and a good personality, so why do I always meet assholes?

Don't start this shit, you meat bad men cause you are shallow and self centered..

Do you want Chris MG?

I have an auto mechanic already...

You sound very bitter...

Really, I wonder why?

 

[Moonglow]

Personally, I think appearance and personality are both just as important. Of course, appearance might become less important if a person has a really good personality but appearance is going to matter to some extent. Anyone who says differently is just lying.

Depends on how you interact with and meet people. If primarily online how you look matters more than if not. Like if on a dating site where people see your pic before any details, looks matter more. When out n about though, your personality will play a bigger part than how you look. Looks might get the initial "hello" and flirting, but if there's nothing good beyond how you look you might as well get on some reality show

Exactly. Looks matter. To say otherwise is being dishonest. Are you going to approach the 300-pound woman wearing glasses and no makeup because she might have a nice personality? Are you going to want to have sex with her because she has a nice personality?

Great line from "American Dad," "Of course looks matter Steve! If they didn't I woulda married that fat girl in college I had all the really deep conversations with!"

They matter. But they're overvalued.

especially after the divorce....

 

[Bonzi]

Attentive to your partner, being fun and carefree. Loyal & loving & giving.
If you are in the least bit attractive and have these other qualities. Game over.

Ahh, at least you are honest and said "least bit attractive."

ultimately, in the long run, men care more about what you do for them.
the attraction / sex part is temporal.

Marriage is like a coop, one needs to helps the other with their strengths, not separate from weakness...it also depends on the people involved...

Marriages fail because of movies.
Unrealistic expectations.

Yeah, well undeveloped humans are frustrating...

I think thou doth protest too much..........

 

[ChrisL]

Appearance is the bait.
Personality is the hook.

I think I have a good appearance and a good personality, so why do I always meet assholes?

Don't start this shit, you meat bad men cause you are shallow and self centered..

Do you want Chris MG?

I have an auto mechanic already...

this requires a Yes or No answer...

This is not matchmakers website.

 

[Moonglow]

Ahh, at least you are honest and said "least bit attractive."

ultimately, in the long run, men care more about what you do for them.
the attraction / sex part is temporal.

Marriage is like a coop, one needs to helps the other with their strengths, not separate from weakness...it also depends on the people involved...

Marriages fail because of movies.
Unrealistic expectations.

Yeah, well undeveloped humans are frustrating...

I think thou doth protest too much..........

Which lady?

 

[RKMBrown]

Personally, I think appearance and personality are both just as important. Of course, appearance might become less important if a person has a really good personality but appearance is going to matter to some extent. Anyone who says differently is just lying.

Appearance is the bait.
Personality is the hook.

I think I have a good appearance and a good personality, so why do I always meet assholes?

Where are you looking? What are you looking for? Most men can be assholes from time to time, esp. when they are encouraged to be an asshole, but they will be much less of an asshole if the woman they are with encourages non-asshole behavior.

 

[ChrisL]

Personally, I think appearance and personality are both just as important. Of course, appearance might become less important if a person has a really good personality but appearance is going to matter to some extent. Anyone who says differently is just lying.

Appearance is the bait.
Personality is the hook.

I think I have a good appearance and a good personality, so why do I always meet assholes?

Where are you looking? What are you looking for? Most men can be assholes from time to time, but they will be much less of an asshole if the woman they are with encourages non-asshole behavior.

Easy for you to say, being a married person.

 

[Bonzi]

I think I have a good appearance and a good personality, so why do I always meet assholes?

Don't start this shit, you meat bad men cause you are shallow and self centered..

Do you want Chris MG?

I have an auto mechanic already...

You sound very bitter...

Really, I wonder why?

You need to look at the list I presented earlier:

(1) Bad luck
(2) Poor character judgment
(3) Over-estimation of self

I need to add a (4) Fear of intimacy....

 

[Bonzi]

Personally, I think appearance and personality are both just as important. Of course, appearance might become less important if a person has a really good personality but appearance is going to matter to some extent. Anyone who says differently is just lying.

Appearance is the bait.
Personality is the hook.

I think I have a good appearance and a good personality, so why do I always meet assholes?

Where are you looking? What are you looking for? Most men can be assholes from time to time, but they will be much less of an asshole if the woman they are with encourages non-asshole behavior.

Easy for you to say, being a married person.

He's right thought. People can only help/give advice if we know ...you are obviously smart and attractive. Men can be intimidated by that. You need to hook up with a smart and attractive man.

 

[Unkotare]

Personally, I think appearance and personality are both just as important. Of course, appearance might become less important if a person has a really good personality but appearance is going to matter to some extent. Anyone who says differently is just lying.

Appearance is the bait.
Personality is the hook.

I think I have a good appearance and a good personality, so why do I always meet assholes?

If you hang out at a kennel, you can't be surprised at meeting dogs.

 

[Bonzi]

Personally, I think appearance and personality are both just as important. Of course, appearance might become less important if a person has a really good personality but appearance is going to matter to some extent. Anyone who says differently is just lying.

Appearance is the bait.
Personality is the hook.

I think I have a good appearance and a good personality, so why do I always meet assholes?

If you hang out at a kennel, you can't be surprised at meeting dogs.

Meaning? Bars? Message Boards?

 

[Agit8r]

And some have done and do cover more that the average western woman.

Again though, I'm talking about what you most commonly see. Aside from some religious extremists, most women aren't covering more than the average western woman, nor are they revealing more, except for maybe on the beaches in some countries, but they usually will always have their genitals covered, and that is not only for modesty purposes but also for practicality purposes. You don't really want to sit on the hot sand without any panties on, you know?

I'm just pointing out that these norms are quite mutable. I don't think that the society of 100+ years ago would find the average western woman of today to be sufficiently feminine, or at least sufficiently ladylike.

Nor would they find the average western man sufficiently manly due to his lack of practical skills, burps, farts, and Truck Nutz, notwithstanding.

Today: women are less feminine and men are MORE feminine.

Agree or disagree?

I don't think it is that clearcut. On average, I would say that both are more boyish.

I think men are more sensitive - some would say that means sensitive.
Men are not as "mean" as they once were, but, some of that is societal conditioning....
men still want to be aggressive and in charge. Cavemen, as it were...

There might be a significant difference between society's archetype for what man and woman were and are expected to be, and what the reality is. What society expected of a man 100+ years ago was to be more serious minded and dignified than is expected today. Women were expected to be more nurturing and modest. The reality might well have been different.

Perhaps society's expectations have just become more realistic for the masses.

 

[RKMBrown]

I'm just pointing out that these norms are quite mutable. I don't think that the society of 100+ years ago would find the average western woman of today to be sufficiently feminine, or at least sufficiently ladylike.

Nor would they find the average western man sufficiently manly due to his lack of practical skills, burps, farts, and Truck Nutz, notwithstanding.

Today: women are less feminine and men are MORE feminine.

Agree or disagree?

Disagree.

women are more aggressive and assertive. Do you find that "unfeminine"
Men today are more passive - they do more womanly things (care for babies, go shopping etc.). Do you find that feminine?

There are many different types of aggressive and assertive behaviors.

I've never been attracted to the Barbara Stanwick / Hillary Clinton type if that's what you mean. But that type is not new to this era.

Caring for babies and shopping are not a womanly tasks, never have been. Though yes I understand the stereotyping that was the norm in the 50s. My wife stayed home raised our kids. That's what she wanted to do. Men are men and women are women. Men will shop differently than women, but that does not mean shopping is womanly and only women can do it best. Same for child raising. While I coached the teams of my kids my wife was the home mother. This is good. That does not mean a woman can't coach or that a man can't cook.

I'm 51 and I'm not a very good cook or housekeeper. Drives my 61 y/o hubby nuts.
I like to be spontaneous, he used to like that but now, not so much.
Things are not as different as you think.

Anyone can learn to be a good cook, it's not rocket science. What drives your hubby nuts is probably that you don't want to be a good cook. As for housekeeping... be nice and ask for him to help. Tell him your shoulder hurts could he help with the vacuuming.

 

[Unkotare]

Caring for babies and shopping are not a womanly tasks....

That's exactly what they are.

 

[Bonzi]

Today: women are less feminine and men are MORE feminine.

Agree or disagree?

Disagree.

women are more aggressive and assertive. Do you find that "unfeminine"
Men today are more passive - they do more womanly things (care for babies, go shopping etc.). Do you find that feminine?

There are many different types of aggressive and assertive behaviors.

I've never been attracted to the Barbara Stanwick / Hillary Clinton type if that's what you mean. But that type is not new to this era.

Caring for babies and shopping are not a womanly tasks, never have been. Though yes I understand the stereotyping that was the norm in the 50s. My wife stayed home raised our kids. That's what she wanted to do. Men are men and women are women. Men will shop differently than women, but that does not mean shopping is womanly and only women can do it best. Same for child raising. While I coached the teams of my kids my wife was the home mother. This is good. That does not mean a woman can't coach or that a man can't cook.

I'm 51 and I'm not a very good cook or housekeeper. Drives my 61 y/o hubby nuts.
I like to be spontaneous, he used to like that but now, not so much.
Things are not as different as you think.

Anyone can learn to be a good cook, it's not rocket science. What drives your hubby nuts is probably that you don't want to be a good cook. As for housekeeping... be nice and ask for him to help. Tell him your shoulder hurts could he help with the vacuuming.

but I don't WANT to be a good cook. I just want him to tell me what he wants, and I'll do it. He doesn't even know what he wants

I don't want help. I work better alone.

 

[Unkotare]

Personally, I think appearance and personality are both just as important. Of course, appearance might become less important if a person has a really good personality but appearance is going to matter to some extent. Anyone who says differently is just lying.

Depends on how you interact with and meet people. If primarily online how you look matters more than if not. Like if on a dating site where people see your pic before any details, looks matter more. When out n about though, your personality will play a bigger part than how you look. Looks might get the initial "hello" and flirting, but if there's nothing good beyond how you look you might as well get on some reality show

Exactly. Looks matter. To say otherwise is being dishonest. Are you going to approach the 300-pound woman wearing glasses and no makeup because she might have a nice personality? Are you going to want to have sex with her because she has a nice personality?

You've got a real hang-up about makeup.

 

[RKMBrown]

Personally, I think appearance and personality are both just as important. Of course, appearance might become less important if a person has a really good personality but appearance is going to matter to some extent. Anyone who says differently is just lying.

Appearance is the bait.
Personality is the hook.

I think I have a good appearance and a good personality, so why do I always meet assholes?

Where are you looking? What are you looking for? Most men can be assholes from time to time, but they will be much less of an asshole if the woman they are with encourages non-asshole behavior.

Easy for you to say, being a married person.

I dated many women before I picked this one out.

 

[ChrisL]

Personally, I think appearance and personality are both just as important. Of course, appearance might become less important if a person has a really good personality but appearance is going to matter to some extent. Anyone who says differently is just lying.

Appearance is the bait.
Personality is the hook.

I think I have a good appearance and a good personality, so why do I always meet assholes?

If you hang out at a kennel, you can't be surprised at meeting dogs.

Well, I don't hang out at any kennels. I meet people in normal ways. It just so happens, they don't do it for me. Maybe I'm trying to compare people to my ex. Maybe I'm still kind of hung up on him. Maybe I expect too much and the "perfect" man. I don't know, but I don't blame myself for other people's behaviors.

 

[Moonglow]

Caring for babies and shopping are not a womanly tasks....

That's exactly what they are.

Not when there is no woman around to do it...

 

[Bonzi]

Caring for babies and shopping are not a womanly tasks....

That's exactly what they are.

Every man wants different things from women
Every woman wants different things from men.
there is no formula.
Where we get into trouble is when we are attracted to what is not good for us, or, attracted to people that don't or can't meet our needs.