I'm less interested in the psychology of how we characterize targeted tax breaks, than I am their actual effects. I oppose them because Congress uses them to implement mandates on behavior that would be utterly objectionable (to the general public) if implemented as regulations with more straightforward penalties. The use of "tax incentives" to manipulate society has radically expanded the power of government and I'm opposed to the practice regardless of whether we think of them as penalties or benefits.
My interest is in reducing aggression. If one person gets a tax break that's less overall aggression.
I don't think that's valid. The aggression of taxation lies in the original claim on your income. Offering discounts for those who do as they are told doesn't mitigate the aggression.
It's like a mugger who offers half your money back if you give him a hand job. I don't see how that's any less aggressive.
I think that's because your analogy isn't applicable. If people get married and thus get a tax break those of us who remain single shouldn't begrudge them that even though we're not eligible.
Where is isn't it applicable? Where is government empowered to coerce people into maintaining a home mortgage, investing in solar energy, buying insurance from approved government vendors, or any other of the myriad ways government uses tax incentives to manipulate society?
The goal is no taxation, or at least as minimal as possible, so every tax break is a step in the right direction.
That's a myopic view. The goal is good government. Constitutional limits on state power and guarantees of equal protection are fundamental requirements for good government. Sacrificing them to the narrow goal of reducing overall taxation simply isn't a good tradeoff. As long as we're going to grant government the power to tax us, we must insist in not also be used as a way to micromanage our lives.