Mummy Porn.

[Mindful]

Forget S&M. Women don’t like to be beaten - not even at Monopoly.

Mummy Porn | The Official Kathy Lette WebsiteThe Official Kathy Lette Website

 

[Mindful]

***
For most married couples, being ‘creative in bed’ simply means taking up knitting whilst watching Lateline. There comes a time in every marriage when a slow drip sexual ennui sets in. It’s been so long since many married women had sex, they’d probably get motion sickness and would have to tell their husbands to pull the bed over to the curb.

So, what happened to those days where you took headboard divots out of walls, broke beds and ran up chiropractic bills? In the first few years of marriage, couples are at it like rabbits. So what’s with the marital myxamatosis?

Well, a woman’s sex life definitely deteriorates with the onset of motherhood. Despite the beanbags and the water births and the plinky, plonky harp music – giving birth still boils down to a doctor putting a knee on your chest, spreading your legs and diving in with a pair of barbecue tongs. While men want the tumbling in the hay to recommence six weeks after childbirth, mothers want to tie up the sheaves and put them in the barn.

There’s also no doubt that kids are a contraceptive. Every time you go to make love, the toddler toddles in or the teenager bursts through the door to borrow your best cashmere. (My top sex tip for parents – Vaseline… on the doorknobs. Sounds painful, but they can’t get in!)

***

 

[Mindful]

'Plinky plonky harp music". lol

 

[gtopa1]

My advice for keeping your honey happy, you blokes.

Do the : dishes, washing, cleaning cooking and looking after of the kids including the 2am feed(formula).

You may not get more sheet music but you'll be too stuffed to care.

Greg

 

[Mindful]

Here's another one, Greg. lmao.

"Boys, there are only a few basic ways to please a woman – stacking the dishwasher and not snoring. My biggest sex fantasy in the bedroom involves my husband picking his underpants up off the floor. In fact, if men did more housework, wives would have energy and enthusiasm for other things. Oh the orgasmic joy of being made love to by a man who has just hoovered your entire house!"

 

[Two Thumbs]

porn with no pictures isn't porn

it's blasphemy

 

[Mindful]

porn with no pictures isn't porn

it's blasphemy

You've got no idea, have you?

You must be an American.

 

[Two Thumbs]

porn with no pictures isn't porn

it's blasphemy

You've got no idea, have you?

You must be an American.

you are on; United States Message Board.

don't be such a twunt, no one is impressed that you have to resort to odd ball crap to get laid

 

[defcon4]

porn with no pictures isn't porn

it's blasphemy

You've got no idea, have you?

You must be an American.

Good morning Dear,
What's with the porn thread? Nevermind...I am not going to speculate...

 

[Mindful]

porn with no pictures isn't porn

it's blasphemy

You've got no idea, have you?

You must be an American.

you are on; United States Message Board.

don't be such a twunt, no one is impressed that you have to resort to odd ball crap to get laid

Oh, you're one of "them" are you. Yawn.

 

[Mindful]

porn with no pictures isn't porn

it's blasphemy

You've got no idea, have you?

You must be an American.

Good morning Dear,
What's with the porn thread? Nevermind...I am not going to speculate...

Merely play on words.

 

[defcon4]

porn with no pictures isn't porn

it's blasphemy

You've got no idea, have you?

You must be an American.

Good morning Dear,
What's with the porn thread? Nevermind...I am not going to speculate...

Merely play on words.

Well Greg showed up, that's a good sign....

 

[Mindful]

porn with no pictures isn't porn

it's blasphemy

You've got no idea, have you?

You must be an American.

Good morning Dear,
What's with the porn thread? Nevermind...I am not going to speculate...

Merely play on words.

Well Greg showed up, that's a good sign....

Similar mentality.

Are you good at cleaning the house, btw?

 

[defcon4]

porn with no pictures isn't porn

it's blasphemy

You've got no idea, have you?

You must be an American.

Good morning Dear,
What's with the porn thread? Nevermind...I am not going to speculate...

Merely play on words.

Well Greg showed up, that's a good sign....

Similar mentality.

Are you good at cleaning the house, btw?

Anything for you sweetheart, you know it....

 

[Yousaidwhat]

Here's another one, Greg. lmao.

"Boys, there are only a few basic ways to please a woman – stacking the dishwasher and not snoring. My biggest sex fantasy in the bedroom involves my husband picking his underpants up off the floor. In fact, if men did more housework, wives would have energy and enthusiasm for other things. Oh the orgasmic joy of being made love to by a man who has just hoovered your entire house!"

Nothing like being hoovered after you've hoovered the house before she got home!

Every effort is made to not leave a trail for the Mrs.

Hell she gets a kick out of me still folding my dirty laundry.

This gives us more time to escape on weekend outings. Most times she has no idea where we are going for the weekend. But she knows what happens when we get there!

 

[Mindful]

Here's another one, Greg. lmao.

"Boys, there are only a few basic ways to please a woman – stacking the dishwasher and not snoring. My biggest sex fantasy in the bedroom involves my husband picking his underpants up off the floor. In fact, if men did more housework, wives would have energy and enthusiasm for other things. Oh the orgasmic joy of being made love to by a man who has just hoovered your entire house!"

Nothing like being hoovered after you've hoovered the house before she got home!

Every effort is made to not leave a trail for the Mrs.

Hell she gets a kick out of me still folding my dirty laundry.

This gives us more time to escape on weekend outings. Most times she has no idea where we are going for the weekend. But she knows what happens when we get there!

You'd be surprised what turns women on.

I like watching a man assembling IKEA furniture.

 

[Yousaidwhat]

Here's another one, Greg. lmao.

"Boys, there are only a few basic ways to please a woman – stacking the dishwasher and not snoring. My biggest sex fantasy in the bedroom involves my husband picking his underpants up off the floor. In fact, if men did more housework, wives would have energy and enthusiasm for other things. Oh the orgasmic joy of being made love to by a man who has just hoovered your entire house!"

Nothing like being hoovered after you've hoovered the house before she got home!

Every effort is made to not leave a trail for the Mrs.

Hell she gets a kick out of me still folding my dirty laundry.

This gives us more time to escape on weekend outings. Most times she has no idea where we are going for the weekend. But she knows what happens when we get there!

You'd be surprised what turns women on.

I like watching a man assembling IKEA furniture.

The trick is to assemble it without reading the instructions.

I prefer my furniture to be made of cherry or oak and meticulously assembled.

It doesn't collapse under stress and strain.

 

[defcon4]

You'd be surprised what turns women on.

I like watching a man assembling IKEA furniture.

Yeah....it goes with a lot of not so selective words uttered or yelled out with great passion...

 

[Mindful]

You'd be surprised what turns women on.

I like watching a man assembling IKEA furniture.

Yeah....it goes with a lot of not so selective words uttered or yelled out with great passion...

That can be entertaining too.

 

[Iceweasel]

You'd be surprised what turns women on.

I like watching a man assembling IKEA furniture.

Send photos and I'll give you a quote.