MrG has passed.

[Sunsettommy]

I am just not myself right now. Hence, not being around as much as I used to be. I guess I am still surprised and in shock he died. I mentioned before we were together 37 years. Stupid me didn't realize it was 42 years. That was a long time and now...nobody. I am still struggling to understand it and accept it as fact that he is gone and I will never look upon his face again or hear his laughter. And dealing with the guilt of my impatience with him.

I appreciate all that is said in this thread. I'm sorry I cannot be or do more. I stay in my apartment and rarely venture out unless its a "have to" situation, or just to get away from this jail cell that is nothing but memories...and silence.

Plus, I hate being a debbie downer and that is all I am right now. Best to avoid yall so I don't drag you down with me.

You really should go out more visit parks in the area for the Sunshine and positive views, go into your yard at night and look at the Stars the moons and planets too.

I believe he would want you to carry on and enjoy life as the wife he knew and loved.

You can bother me all you want in the PM area if you want to talk a bit.

 

[Gracie]

I'm going tio travel later on. Fort Bragg is 3 hours west of me. I can make a day of it or even spend the night. Going back home to Los Osos too..which is about 20 miles north of Pismo..my old stomping grounds when I was in my 20's. And my friend in Wyoming said she and I will go stay in her condo in Maui for a week, and take some of MrG with us and sprinkle him at mile 17 and at Hana, which is where he loved to go.

Its just so.....WEIRD him not being here. Something I have to get used to, I guess. That will take time...which not in my control. But, as I said..it's getting a tad better. A smidge. Better than it was. I made myself sick. Can't do that if I want to wander about and go places, which I do.

 

[Coyote]

I'm going tio travel later on. Fort Bragg is 3 hours west of me. I can make a day of it or even spend the night. Going back home to Los Osos too..which is about 20 miles north of Pismo..my old stomping grounds when I was in my 20's. And my friend in Wyoming said she and I will go stay in her condo in Maui for a week, and take some of MrG with us and sprinkle him at mile 17 and at Hana, which is where he loved to go.

Its just so.....WEIRD him not being here. Something I have to get used to, I guess. That will take time...which not in my control. But, as I said..it's getting a tad better. A smidge. Better than it was. I made myself sick. Can't do that if I want to wander about and go places, which I do.

I’m glad you have some places to go…you need that

 

[Gracie]

I never know when its going to hit me. Today..actually, this morning, I am fixing a couple pieces of bacon and burst into tears. I wanted to ask him if he wanted 2 scrambled eggs and a bacon. And the tears flowed. But, I got myself under control in about 3 minutes. I could hear him in my head. "Stop it, HoneyBunner. Stop". So, I did. But I called him an asshole for being in my head..and for leaving me. And again I could hear him. "I tried, bunner. I was just so tired, so I had to go".

I hear him all the time. I guess that is 40 years of being with one person will do to ya. Live in yer head.

 

[flacaltenn]

I'm going tio travel later on. Fort Bragg is 3 hours west of me. I can make a day of it or even spend the night. Going back home to Los Osos too..which is about 20 miles north of Pismo..my old stomping grounds when I was in my 20's. And my friend in Wyoming said she and I will go stay in her condo in Maui for a week, and take some of MrG with us and sprinkle him at mile 17 and at Hana, which is where he loved to go.

Its just so.....WEIRD him not being here. Something I have to get used to, I guess. That will take time...which not in my control. But, as I said..it's getting a tad better. A smidge. Better than it was. I made myself sick. Can't do that if I want to wander about and go places, which I do.

Pismo Beach was one of favorite Cali coastal towns. Used to stay there when visiting a client in SLObispo. Reminded me a bit of Daytona Beach where I grew up.

 

[Dalia]

Gracie, I wish I could say or do something to help you, but I’m so far away from you.
I can understand what you’re feeling, though, even though I haven’t lost my husband several times, he’s been very ill and he’s been near death.
And I found myself alone at home waiting for him to come home.
Now he’s home, he’s sick again and I’m taking care of him.
And he’s not old, but I think like all couples, I’m afraid of losing him.
My sister-in-law lost her husband a few years ago and she had to live without him and now 6 years after his death she’s a little better all this seems to take time to heal.

 

[AquaAthena]

I'm going tio travel later on. Fort Bragg is 3 hours west of me. I can make a day of it or even spend the night. Going back home to Los Osos too..which is about 20 miles north of Pismo..my old stomping grounds when I was in my 20's. And my friend in Wyoming said she and I will go stay in her condo in Maui for a week, and take some of MrG with us and sprinkle him at mile 17 and at Hana, which is where he loved to go.

Its just so.....WEIRD him not being here. Something I have to get used to, I guess. That will take time...which not in my control. But, as I said..it's getting a tad better. A smidge. Better than it was. I made myself sick. Can't do that if I want to wander about and go places, which I do.

I think of you so often, my Gracie, my friend.

The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – are often talked about as if they happen in order, moving from one stage to the other.

Gracie, if you scroll down a bit you will find understanding, help, and hope. You are loved.

Five Stages of Grief by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler

Five Stages of Grief - by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler explained in their classic work, On Grief and Grieving

grief.com

 

[NewsVine_Mariyam]

View attachment 601511

I will carry on the best I can, dear Dennis. Be with those who loved you that are already there. And breathe deep with fresh new lungs.

I am devastated.

My deepest condolences Gracie

 

[Gracie]

Does it ever end/ This...mental pain?
Tomorrow...Evie, my cat, will be joining MrG.
She has been ill since saturday. Took her to the vet this morning, blood tests, etc...and they know she has feline leukemia but what I myself didn't know was that she only had about 3 years to live when I first found her. And she is now 3 years old. It kicked in Saturday. She has spinal lymphoma. Her back legs no longer work properly. She lays under the bed right under where MrG laid. I guess he wants his cat. And my job was to make sure all the loved ones were sent off without horrendous pain, so the last one is Evie. I dread tomorrow.

 

[Gracie]

She can't move well. I don't know if she is in pain. I have to carry her to the litter box, put her up on the bed, give her her food which she will not eat.
I could put it off...chemo, spinal injections, etc....but it is just postponing what must be done and making her life miserable. I can hear MrG now.....do it. I wouldn't/didn't want that for me..why do it to her? Send her home. So home she will go tomorrow sometime.

And again, I am devastated. And nobody to whisper to "its just you and me now, kiddy". It will be just me.

 

[Gracie]

Now that my job is done..maybe I can go too. Maybe the Lord will have pity and say ok...you can come now too.

 

[Gracie]

Stop stop stop the pity party. Just stop. You've handled it all. You can handle it again. This is what I tell myself. But I hurt so damn much. It isn't even 2 months yet for Dennis. And now Evie. Oh pity party pity party, tears, and silent sobs so nobody can hear me. Telling myself...STOP IT. Deal with it. Its your job. So I will do my job and wish I could go too.

 

[Gracie]

For the past 3 days, she lays there. But she keeps looking off, fixated on something I cannot see. Is it Dennis? Telling her he will be there when she crosses over? I hope so.

 

[Gracie]

Ok. I'm done. I hope. Going to lay down awhile. Or try to watch tv. Be normal. Be strong. Be the dragon that I am. Or so I say to myself.

 

[task0778]

For the past 3 days, she lays there. But she keeps looking off, fixated on something I cannot see. Is it Dennis? Telling her he will be there when she crosses over? I hope so.

A lot of people believe that to be true, loved ones who have passed are still with us somehow. And that could include pets.

 

[Gracie]

She is sleeping deeply. Been petting her softly since i logged out. Taking a break and stretching my legs. Earlier, I was outside and was looking at the clouds..looking for a sign. I saw 3 fluffy white clouds pass by slowly. All 3 were dragon heads. The last one before I came in was a dove shape. Maybe it is wishful thinking. Maybe it was a sign. I prayed for one. I hope it was, but I have no clue what the dragons meant...except to be what I am supposed to be. Dragon. Do the job that needs done. Be strong doing it. Then be the dove afterwards and mourn as I have been, in private here in this place I hate being in. Now more than ever.

 

[Mindful]

so the last one is Evie. I dread tomorrow.

I’ve been there, many times.

 

[Sunsettommy]

I lost my dog GIGI back in 1997 when she was 20 years old was everywhere with me even on camping trips for years, but her old age caught up with her as she was barely alive when I came home from work to discover she was suffering from Toxemia took her to my long time Vet who drained her but couldn't find the blockage that was preventing her from urinating which was probably behind her leg bone requiring surgery which I might have done but the Veterinarian said her Heart was swelled up meaning she wasn't going to live well much longer and the surgery might be too much for her to handle.

She suggested it was time to let her go who was conscious of me as she was laying there on the table kept wagging her tail which I did watched her injected the chemicals that shut her down I took her with me sobbing out the door took her to my dad's 30-acre place the next day and buried her next to the small shed that was December 1, 1997, the year of the two great bright Comets.

To this day even typing this makes me weep a little memory many great ones come out once again such as the July 1985 picture of her wearing my sunglasses eagerly posing to the camera in a stylish pose position all done on her own in the middle of the state (been driving had stopped for a short break) and the time at a large city park she ran so hard catching a couple Gophers on a hot day with her tongue all the way out of her mouth heaving deep breaths that I had to stop her or she might pass out or worse a small dog I never have not forgotten not after 25 years because she gave me what everyone needs love and attention and been with me all over the Pacific Northwest with me.

Now I have two cats Momma (8) and Lady (5) Mother and daughter who have an uneasy relationship in the house once had 11 cats thus momma was fixed so was her daughter who never have any. Lady is attached to me as she sleeps around me a lot and wants to play with my homemade play rope she loves to run on.

You will never forget your cat as you never will with your hubby it is the way it is and all you can do is celebrate them and their life they had with a smile and laugh over the good memories.

 

[Ringel05]

I am just not myself right now. Hence, not being around as much as I used to be. I guess I am still surprised and in shock he died. I mentioned before we were together 37 years. Stupid me didn't realize it was 42 years. That was a long time and now...nobody. I am still struggling to understand it and accept it as fact that he is gone and I will never look upon his face again or hear his laughter. And dealing with the guilt of my impatience with him.

I appreciate all that is said in this thread. I'm sorry I cannot be or do more. I stay in my apartment and rarely venture out unless its a "have to" situation, or just to get away from this jail cell that is nothing but memories...and silence.

Plus, I hate being a debbie downer and that is all I am right now. Best to avoid yall so I don't drag you down with me.

I had such a hard time after Kat died, eventually got help for my severe depression. It was helping a little until I fixed the problem myself and dealt with my guilt of not being "perfect". It took me more than a year and a half to realize I was punishing myself and she wouldn't want me to so I did the one thing that change everything, I forgave myself for being human, for being me, for not being perfect. The weight of the world lifted off my shoulders, the dark cloud I was trapped in evaporated.
The mental health care I was getting made me focus on my feelings, wants and desires, that was the impetus I needed to realize what I was doing to drag me down. I pray you can find the same release I have. God bless.

 

[Gracie]

She is now with Dennis.