May 5

Larsky

Diamond Member
Jul 26, 2016
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DuPage County
Not only Cinco De Mayo, (in my top 3 holidays) But it is also Naked Gardening Day. What are your thoughts?
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We use chicken shit for our garden. Not exactly sexy.. Unless you enjoy fapping to someone that was rolling around in chicken shit
 
Breaking the ground weather coincides with blackfly season and I'll be damned if I'm going to garden naked and have blackfly bites all over my you know whats as well as all over my neck, arms, scalp, etc. They are hungry critters, are black flies.
 
Maine Blackfly Breeders Association



Blackfly Conventioneers Beset Machias



Upwards of seventy “breeders” and “donors” from Augusta, ME, to New Brunswick, Canada, gathered at AJ’s Bar & Grill in Machias on Thursday, February 31st, for breakfast and The International Convention of the Maine Black Fly Breeders Association. Each attendee was given a bumper sticker sporting the MBBA slogan, “We Breed ‘em, You Feed ‘em” and a name tag saying “My name is......Bite Me!”

After the official welcome by Jim Wells and the introduction of the Board of Directors, Whiting resident and breeder, Don Green, gave his concession speech. Mr. Green was an unofficial candidate for President of the United States in 2004, running on the Black Fly Party ticket. The BFP is the only political party with both a left and a right wing. During his remarks, he was subjected to wave after wave of applause for his gallant effort on behalf of black fly interests.



The board of directors: From left are Holly Garner-Jackson of Whiting, Marilyn Dowling of Jonesboro, Laurel Robinson of Machias and Jim Wells of Machiasport.


The MBBA’s mission “to improve the quality of life through the use of humor...” was well met by this year’s Pro-Black Fly Limerick-writing Contestants. Joel Pratt of Roque Bluffs was on a roll, literally, with limericks by the yard. The final winner was Jerry Metz of Addison and with his permission, I give you these examples of his extraordinary work:)

A geneticist down in Port Jervis
Hatched a black fly that’s making me nervous.
It flexes its muscles
And sucks red corpuscles
For the Internal Revenue Service.

and this

Some breeders from Englishman Bay
Bred a black fly with new DNA:
It’ll work day and night!
You can die from one bite,
But it only likes folks From Away!





Jerry Metz


That second one isn’t likely to be used by the DownEast and Acadia Regional Tourism Council any time soon, but it earned a “wicked funny” rating on the Applause-o-Meter from this group of cabin-fevered Maniacs and Acadians.

Lee Waldron from New Brunswick received “Breeder of the Year” honors and first Place in the Exhibit Area went to Rodney Schwarzenflugel (a.k.a. George Schwenk) for his artistic presentation “The Black Fly in History in Seven Volumes.” Second place went to Robert G. Costa for his entry, “The Black Fly Artificial Insemination Laboratory.”

The second part of the MBBA mission is to contribute to local charities and they achieve this by donating profits from the sale of designer black fly houses, trailers, swarm domes and “Born to Swarm” tee shirts. The newest product, the fly-sized Black Fly Salon, is now available. It is a full-service salon where a fly can get its drill sharpened and its wings shined. After the convention, the inventory returned with Holly Garner-Jackson to association headquarters, The Woodwind Custom Framers and Gallery on Route 1 in Machias, where these items and other theme merchandise is available to anyone with a sense of humor and an interest in supporting a good cause. A true affection for black flies is optional.

This article appeared in the Downeast Coastal Press, week of March 8-14, 2005. The MBBA website is still up as of Jan. 2014, but is seriously out of date. Maineblackfly.org
 
No naked gardening here. My neighbors haven't done anything to deserve that. Some of them might not mind my wife partaking, I would probably end up with an officer's knee in my back and a lot fewer Christmas cards.
 
Mowing grass naked is fun... especially with a riding mower.

Don't try to run a weed-whacker though.

Anytime that safety glasses and hearing protection is recommended, pants should also be strongly considered :thup:
 

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