Zone1 Lying to Spare Somebody's Feelings?

[Road Runner]

Does that count as being a sin? I have done this before myself so I was just curious.

 

[iku]

yes

 

[Mikeoxenormous]

Does that count as being a sin? I have done this before myself so I was just curious.

I used to lie all the time, but my mother, God rest her soul, would know i was lying, so not only would i be punished for doing something stupid, but also the lie. After a while of growing up, i realized it was better to tell the truth, because i would only be punished for the stupid stuff, and not for telling the truth. I have been asked "Does this dress, make me look fat", in which i replied, no the dress isnt the problem, what is in the dress is....I got a shoe thrown at me for that.

 

[Road Runner]

I used to lie all the time, but my mother, God rest her soul, would know i was lying, so not only would i be punished for doing something stupid, but also the lie. After a while of growing up, i realized it was better to tell the truth, because i would only be punished for the stupid stuff, and not for telling the truth. I have been asked "Does this dress, make me look fat", in which i replied, no the dress isnt the problem, what is in the dress is....I got a shoe thrown at me for that.

Lol well she wanted the truth from you didn't she? For me I found it difficult to tell the truth that I wasn't into this one guy who was SO into me as I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I felt like such a rat afterwards leading him on like that though.

 

[Seymour Flops]

Does that count as being a sin? I have done this before myself so I was just curious.

Not qualified to judge a sin, but I do compare lying to save someones' feelings to the option of telling the truth, not matter how much it hurts someone and come down on the side of sparing feelings.

I prefer the term "polite fiction" to "lying."

 

[Road Runner]

Not qualified to judge a sin, but I do compare lying to save someones' feelings to the option of telling the truth, not matter how much it hurts someone and come down on the side of sparing feelings.

I prefer the term "polite fiction" to "lying."

So in other words you think that it's different if the intent isn't to hurt somebody with the lie?

 

[Meriweather]

Does that count as being a sin? I have done this before myself so I was just curious.

Go back to the definition of 'missing the target' as sin. Think back to this time. Now, how might you present the truth in a helpful manner?

My favorite example is when my sister-in-law asked my brother-in-law about a dress with padded shoulders she was wearing. He didn't want to hurt her feelings and he didn't want to lie. He said, "You look more petite without shoulder pads." My sister-in-law left the room, came back a few minutes later, smiling and without pads.

So, an "I like it better when you..." has been an approach I have adopted.

 

[Road Runner]

Go back to the definition of 'missing the target' as sin. Think back to this time. Now, how might you present the truth in a helpful manner?

My favorite example is when my sister-in-law asked my brother-in-law about a dress with padded shoulders she was wearing. He didn't want to hurt her feelings and he didn't want to lie. He said, "You look more petite without shoulder pads." My sister-in-law left the room, came back a few minutes later, smiling and without pads.

So, an "I like it better when you..." has been an approach I have adopted.

Yeah well I don't think that I would have had something like that to help me when it came to the man I didn't actually want to be with but I just didn't know how to tell him that.

 

[Seymour Flops]

So in other words you think that it's different if the intent isn't to hurt somebody with the lie?

Very much.

There are many levels of wrongness in the act of making an untruthful statement.

Telling your boss that you need $50K to reimburse yourself for a 20K payment is very wrong. Telling grandma that you really enjoyed her Christmas fruitcake, is the right thing to do, rather than hurt her feelings by truthfully telling that you use it for a door stop in the tool shed.

 

[Road Runner]

Very much.

There are many levels of wrongness in the act of making an untruthful statement.

Telling your boss that you need $50K to reimburse yourself for a 20K payment is very wrong. Telling grandma that you really enjoyed her Christmas fruitcake, is the right thing to do, rather than hurt her feelings by truthfully telling that you use it for a door stop in the tool shed.

Using Grandma's fruitcake for a doorstop? Is there something that you want to share with the class there Seymour?

 

[Meriweather]

Yeah well I don't think that I would have had something like that to help me when it came to the man I didn't actually want to be with but I just didn't know how to tell him that.

Telling him that you are looking for something else, or that the chemistry mixture between the two of you was a bit off wouldn't work?

 

[Road Runner]

Telling him that you are looking for something else, or that the chemistry mixture between the two of you was a bit off wouldn't work?

Oh I finally talked to him about it and I wasn't going to mention this part because to me he was a different person back then and I look at him as being a new one now, but he changed. Let's just say that before he looked at me as if he couldn't get into my pants then he wasn't looking for a relationship with me but now we love spending time together and enjoy each other's company.

 

[LeroyDumonde]

I do wonder if lying to spare someone's feelings does more harm than good. A hard truth may incentivize them to improve themselves. A pleasant lie never will.

 

[iku]

Good Lord, this is a yes or no question. Simply answer the question.

 

[Mikeoxenormous]

Not qualified to judge a sin, but I do compare lying to save someones' feelings to the option of telling the truth, not matter how much it hurts someone and come down on the side of sparing feelings.

I prefer the term "polite fiction" to "lying."

So this guy walks up to you and asks "Do you think i am a beautiful girl"? Do you lie to make them feel good or tell them the truth?

 

[Mikeoxenormous]

Very much.

There are many levels of wrongness in the act of making an untruthful statement.

Telling your boss that you need $50K to reimburse yourself for a 20K payment is very wrong. Telling grandma that you really enjoyed her Christmas fruitcake, is the right thing to do, rather than hurt her feelings by truthfully telling that you use it for a door stop in the tool shed.

I love fruitcake, the food, not the guys on the left.

 

[Road Runner]

I do wonder if lying to spare someone's feelings does more harm than good. A hard truth may incentivize them to improve themselves. A pleasant lie never will.

Great point as that's what I have come to realize myself.

So this guy walks up to you and asks "Do you think i am a beautiful girl"? Do you lie to make them feel good or tell them the truth?

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Another great point as I wouldn't lie to spare feelings there.

 

[Seymour Flops]

So this guy walks up to you and asks "Do you think i am a beautiful girl"? Do you lie to make them feel good or tell them the truth?

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LoL!

No, I say "seek help, sir. But not from a gender specialists, they don't help."

But only because he asked. If he hadn't asked, I would have minded my own business, my favorite activity.

 

[The Duke]

It's not good to always tell the truth, and I have the scars to prove it.

I have zero tact and always tell it the way I see it. It is what it is, and it ain't changin'.

I am aware it's not always the best course of action. Diplomacy..I failed at it.

 

[Seymour Flops]

Yeah well I don't think that I would have had something like that to help me when it came to the man I didn't actually want to be with but I just didn't know how to tell him that.

That's the burden women bear. At least they used to before so-called "men" became such sorry-asses.

Women have always had to deal with men who take an interest when the interest is one-way. That situation is easy or hard to deal with depending on how well the guy takes a hint.

I work with students with autism, and in that situation, the guys never take a subtle hint. Everything is very literal. Tell him you're washing your hair that night and he'll ask about another night, when you're not washing your hair. In that case "I already have a boyfriend" will save a lot of time, truthful or not.