Kalmitol is not right for everyone. Talk to your doctor if, after taking Kalmitol, you awaken one morning to find that your whole family has been slaughtered sometime during the night with no signs of forced entry, and your knife-hand showing signs of having recently been overworked. If you experience such a side-effect, you should flush the remainder of your Kalmitol prescription down the toilet and then burn the container. You should also talk to your local Sheriff, as it is likely he will have some questions for you. When talking to your Sheriff, it is important that you NOT mention the fact that you take Kalmitol.
You should also talk to your doctor if, after taking Kalmitol, you happen to find yourself outside in the snow, with or without a coat, chasing after something whose paw prints are curiously missing, while yours are quite plain to see. Also, in the event that a friend or neighbor witnesses such abnormal behavior on your part, and they contact the authorities, then once again it is important that you NOT mention the fact that you take Kalmitol.
If an unfortunate incident such as the ones mentioned above does happen to occur, take note that the label on your bottle of Kalmitol does not include your name or address. You should also keep in mind that if you decide to mention Kalmitol to the authorities, it will result in the disappearance of your medical files from your doctor's office. Though it may come as a shock to you, your doctor's loyalties are such that your wellbeing is not even in the top forty on his list of things that matter, whereas we are number-one on that list due to generous kickbacks and other such incentives. In fact, if you were made aware of the "you-scratch-my-back, I'll-scratch-yours" relationship we have with all medical professionals who prescribe Kalmitol, it would likely make you sick; in which case, you should ask your doctor if our new anti-nausea drug is right for you.
It is also not advisable to consider filing a lawsuit against Kalmitol in the event that you slaughter your family, or are observed engaging in questionable behavior while taking Kalmitol. After all, who do you think a jury is going to believe, you--a psychologically challenged nobody in possession of a bottle of Kalmitol without your name on it who chases after nonexistent things in the snow and/or turns a common household kitchen knife into a weapon of mass destruction--or the well-dressed, well-groomed, and hard-working professionals at Kalmitol?
LOL! Get real!!
Also, do not take kalmitol if you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant; or if you know someone who is pregnant or plans to become pregnant; or if you plan to know someone who is pregnant or may become pregnant; or if you know someone who is pregnant with a child who may grow up and become pregnant or plan to become pregnant. Do not take Kalmitol if your mother has ever been pregnant or had ever planned to become pregnant.
You should also talk to your doctor if, after taking Kalmitol, you happen to find yourself outside in the snow, with or without a coat, chasing after something whose paw prints are curiously missing, while yours are quite plain to see. Also, in the event that a friend or neighbor witnesses such abnormal behavior on your part, and they contact the authorities, then once again it is important that you NOT mention the fact that you take Kalmitol.
If an unfortunate incident such as the ones mentioned above does happen to occur, take note that the label on your bottle of Kalmitol does not include your name or address. You should also keep in mind that if you decide to mention Kalmitol to the authorities, it will result in the disappearance of your medical files from your doctor's office. Though it may come as a shock to you, your doctor's loyalties are such that your wellbeing is not even in the top forty on his list of things that matter, whereas we are number-one on that list due to generous kickbacks and other such incentives. In fact, if you were made aware of the "you-scratch-my-back, I'll-scratch-yours" relationship we have with all medical professionals who prescribe Kalmitol, it would likely make you sick; in which case, you should ask your doctor if our new anti-nausea drug is right for you.
It is also not advisable to consider filing a lawsuit against Kalmitol in the event that you slaughter your family, or are observed engaging in questionable behavior while taking Kalmitol. After all, who do you think a jury is going to believe, you--a psychologically challenged nobody in possession of a bottle of Kalmitol without your name on it who chases after nonexistent things in the snow and/or turns a common household kitchen knife into a weapon of mass destruction--or the well-dressed, well-groomed, and hard-working professionals at Kalmitol?
LOL! Get real!!
Also, do not take kalmitol if you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant; or if you know someone who is pregnant or plans to become pregnant; or if you plan to know someone who is pregnant or may become pregnant; or if you know someone who is pregnant with a child who may grow up and become pregnant or plan to become pregnant. Do not take Kalmitol if your mother has ever been pregnant or had ever planned to become pregnant.
