Is There NEVER a Time to Hit a Woman? NEVER?

[ChrisL]

I would also think that her threatening the life of the baby would be a reason to involve the police and a psychiatrist. Did you take her to a psychiatrist? If she is in the midst of a freak out and threatening lives, then she can be involuntarily held on a 51-50 hold for 24 hours.

 

[BluePhantom]

You guys don't get it do you? I couldn't "just leave". If I left alone then I was leaving my daughter with someone who was unstable. If I took my daughter and vanished, that's called "kidnapping". Today cops are a lot more open to arresting the woman if they think she was the aggressor. Back then, they simply assumed the man was in the wrong. My uncle, who lives in Pittsburgh, is an attorney. I consulted him on my options and he was very clear...unless I had a witness it would be blamed on me and I would lose my daughter.

"just leave". It's easy to say when you are free to ignore the circumstances and consequences.

You act as if the police would not understand. They have to deal with MANY more crazy ladies every day than you ever have in your entire life. They KNOW.

Knowing is one thing. Proving is something totally different, Chris. Usually the cops just want to diffuse the situation so they take one of them away to spend the night in the tank. Usually that's the guy.

Not if you have bruises and she doesn't. Not if she has a record of doing these things because you called the police on her for it in the past. Usually if YOU call the police, you are the complainant unless she had marks and you did not.

You are REALLY missing the time frame and the location here aren't you? Pittsburgh back then was a really blue collar, "man's man" city. I haven't been back since so I don't know it's it's changed but that is not a champagne and caviar city. It's beer and steak. That was just the mentality back then. Open mindedness was in short supply.

You are also overlooking the circumstances. I wanted to do right by this girl. I wanted to raise a family with her. I hoped this was just a phase and she would adjust to her new surroundings and it would go back to normal as it was in Lewiston. I don't give up on relationships easily and I stuck with it until I could not avoid what had to be done anymore. I spoke with my uncle, the attorney, and he said I needed a witness of she would keep my daughter. It was worth it to me to continue taking her abuse until I had a witness so I could protect my child and get her out of that situation. Why is that so hard to understand?

What if she really had killed you? Did you ever consider that possibility? What if she had beaten your baby or hurt your baby?

Yeah Chris, I did consider that possibility. That's why she is gone. And it's a father's job to protect his children, especially his little girls. That's why I didn't just take off and abandon my baby and leave her at the mercy of an unstable woman

 

[Gracie]

especially one as hateful as this particular forum.

Amen to that. This is NOT a very nice place to meet (said in my best Middle Earth Radagast wizard voice).

And yes...I tend to take what he says with a grain of salt now that I know he was lying about Bonzi being his real life sister and I should be nicer to her. She ain't, and I won't. So yeah...small grain of salt. But...this has some rings of truth to it and therefore he may just one of many men who were physically abused. It's a good topic. USMB is just not the place for it. Sad, that. It used to be different until the trolls took over.

 

[BluePhantom]

Does this woman see the child? Has she gotten any custody rights?

I was granted full custody and visitation was at my discretion. I told her to go back to Idaho and get counselling. When she could provide me with a therapist who could assure me that she was no longer a threat I would agree to visitation and I even left it open to trying again with our relationship once she had received treatment. I didn't hear from her for about 15 years. When I did hear from her I still had that door open but she never took advantage of it.

During that time I made no secret of her existence to my daughter and what I told my daughter was that her natural mother loved her but she was too young and was not ready for the responsibilities involved in being a parent and a "wife" (we weren't married but that was her role). I told my daughter that her mother really struggled to deal with all the changes in her life that happened so quickly and so she went back to Idaho.

When my daughter was 17 I contacted her mother and asked if she was ever going to make any effort. She said she would like to so we opened up a dialogue that lasted for about 6 months. She came to Oregon to meet her daughter and they spent a weekend together and Trinity and I welcomed her into our home. She really tried to be my daughter's mother figure, but my daughter was raised by my ex-wife (Jennifer) and Trinity so my daughter just wanted to be friends with her. She did not take kindly to that and insisted that my daughter think of her as "Mom". My daughter refused and she went away again. They text each other on holidays now and that's about it.

 

[BluePhantom]

I would also think that her threatening the life of the baby would be a reason to involve the police and a psychiatrist. Did you take her to a psychiatrist? If she is in the midst of a freak out and threatening lives, then she can be involuntarily held on a 51-50 hold for 24 hours.

Well eventually that's how I got rid of her. Once I had a witness I started to move against her legally and she tried to kill herself by swallowing a ton of aspirin (she wasn't the brightest girl to ever walk the face of the earth). I used that attempt to have her held and then filed charges against her and challenged her for custody based on abusiveness (since I suddenly had a witness) and mental instability (for her suicide attempt). Once I had those in my corner it was pretty open and shut with the judge. But without them she would have almost certainly won and my daughter would have been with her instead of me.

 

[TrinityPower]

Does this woman see the child? Has she gotten any custody rights?

The mother has seen her one time which is when I met her

 

[BluePhantom]

especially one as hateful as this particular forum.

Amen to that. This is NOT a very nice place to meet (said in my best Middle Earth Radagast wizard voice).

And yes...I tend to take what he says with a grain of salt now that I know he was lying about Bonzi being his real life sister and I should be nicer to her. She ain't, and I won't. So yeah...small grain of salt. But...this has some rings of truth to it and therefore he may just one of many men who were physically abused. It's a good topic. USMB is just not the place for it. Sad, that. It used to be different until the trolls took over.

I never said Bonzi was my real life sister. I said she was my "sister" as in a "sister from another Mister"..."a sister in Christ". Christians tend to talk like that about other Christians and call them "brothers" and "sisters". I wasn't lying, I simply wasn't clear what I meant and you took me literally. It was a misunderstanding, not deception.

 

[Gracie]

Wish we had a forum where we could talk about stuff without it eventually winding up in the FZ where someone makes fun of whatever is discussed.

 

[ChrisL]

Does this woman see the child? Has she gotten any custody rights?

I was granted full custody and visitation was at my discretion. I told her to go back to Idaho and get counselling. When she could provide me with a therapist who could assure me that she was no longer a threat I would agree to visitation and I even left it open to trying again with our relationship once she had received treatment. I didn't hear from her for about 15 years. When I did hear from her I still had that door open but she never took advantage of it.

During that time I made no secret of her existence to my daughter and what I told my daughter was that her natural mother loved her but she was too young and was not ready for the responsibilities involved in being a parent and a "wife" (we weren't married but that was her role). I told my daughter that her mother really struggled to deal with all the changes in her life that happened so quickly and so she went back to Idaho.

When my daughter was 17 I contacted her mother and asked if she was ever going to make any effort. She said she would like to so we opened up a dialogue that lasted for about 6 months. She came to Oregon to meet her daughter and they spent a weekend together and Trinity and I welcomed her into our home. She really tried to be my daughter's mother figure, but my daughter was raised by my ex-wife (Jennifer) and Trinity so my daughter just wanted to be friends with her. She did not take kindly to that and insisted that my daughter think of her as "Mom". My daughter refused and she went away again. They text each other on holidays now and that's about it.

Oh, that's right. Your daughter would be an adult by now. I was thinking of her still being a child.

 

[Gracie]

I never said Bonzi was my real life sister. I said she was my "sister" as in a "sister from another Mister"..."a sister in Christ". Christians tend to talk like that about other Christians and call them "brothers" and "sisters". I wasn't lying, I simply wasn't clear what I meant and you took me literally. It was a misunderstanding, not deception.

Of course I took it literally. You said "Go easy on Bonzi. She is my sister". You meant to be deceptive, dude. Otherwise you would have been more clear.
But that's neither here nor there. However, it does tend to make me wary on whatever you say.

 

[BluePhantom]

I never said Bonzi was my real life sister. I said she was my "sister" as in a "sister from another Mister"..."a sister in Christ". Christians tend to talk like that about other Christians and call them "brothers" and "sisters". I wasn't lying, I simply wasn't clear what I meant and you took me literally. It was a misunderstanding, not deception.

Of course I took it literally. You said "Go easy on Bonzi. She is my sister". You meant to be deceptive, dude. Otherwise you would have been more clear.
But that's neither here nor there. However, it does tend to make me wary on whatever you say.

No actually I wasn't trying to be deceptive. That's actually just the way I and a lot of people talk. I call LOTS of people "brother" and "sister". I refer to Derideo_Te and sealybobo as "brother" all the time because I have respect for them. When I greet my staff every morning I shake their hand, give them a man-hug and say "what's up my brother?" It just means "someone whose corner I am in and if push comes to shove I am going to defend them". .One of the problems with the written word is that you can't hear a person's tone of voice which can change the entire meaning of a statement. When I said "Go easy on Bonzi, she's my sister" my tone of voice was a playful alert that "you are messing with someone I think of as a friend and I don't want to have to get into it with you". You follow?

 

[ChrisL]

I never said Bonzi was my real life sister. I said she was my "sister" as in a "sister from another Mister"..."a sister in Christ". Christians tend to talk like that about other Christians and call them "brothers" and "sisters". I wasn't lying, I simply wasn't clear what I meant and you took me literally. It was a misunderstanding, not deception.

Of course I took it literally. You said "Go easy on Bonzi. She is my sister". You meant to be deceptive, dude. Otherwise you would have been more clear.
But that's neither here nor there. However, it does tend to make me wary on whatever you say.

No actually I wasn't trying to be deceptive. That's actually just the way I and a lot of people talk. I call LOTS of people "brother" and "sister". I refer to Derideo_Te and sealybobo as "brother" all the time because I have respect for them. It just means "someone whose corner I am in and if push comes to shove I am going to defend them". .One of the problems with the written word is that you can't hear a person's tone of voice which can change the entire meaning of a statement. When I said "Go easy on Bonzi, she's my sister" my tone of voice was a playful alert that "you are messing with someone I think of as a friend and I don't want to have to get into it with you". You follow?

How can you consider people that you barely know "friends?" And especially a "sister" or a "brother?" How many times have you even spoken to Bonzi? Why do you feel a need to "defend" Bonzi against Gracie? Is this high school or something? I don't get this mindset that I see around here? Are people really this lonely?

 

[Gracie]

I never said Bonzi was my real life sister. I said she was my "sister" as in a "sister from another Mister"..."a sister in Christ". Christians tend to talk like that about other Christians and call them "brothers" and "sisters". I wasn't lying, I simply wasn't clear what I meant and you took me literally. It was a misunderstanding, not deception.

Of course I took it literally. You said "Go easy on Bonzi. She is my sister". You meant to be deceptive, dude. Otherwise you would have been more clear.
But that's neither here nor there. However, it does tend to make me wary on whatever you say.

No actually I wasn't trying to be deceptive. That's actually just the way I and a lot of people talk. I call LOTS of people "brother" and "sister". I refer to Derideo_Te and sealybobo as "brother" all the time because I have respect for them. When I greet my staff every morning I shake their hand, give them a man-hug and say "what's up my brother?" It just means "someone whose corner I am in and if push comes to shove I am going to defend them". .One of the problems with the written word is that you can't hear a person's tone of voice which can change the entire meaning of a statement. When I said "Go easy on Bonzi, she's my sister" my tone of voice was a playful alert that "you are messing with someone I think of as a friend and I don't want to have to get into it with you". You follow?

Yeah, I follow, and I don't give a rats ass if you don't like what I have to say to Bonzi or she to me. What is she? Your lemming? Or are you white knighting for her? Good for you, but it means squat to me.
You said "She is my sister". I like you...so I backed off. Until I found out you lied. And it was a lie. Period. Wash it any way you want but it was still a lie. And furthermore, if you want to bag on me in her behalf, knock yourself out. You notice Pillars does not believe you but you don't see me ragging on her abot it even though she is my friend.
Now if you are going to pull the "I like this person so I will battle you if you don't kiss their ass", then I don't need someone like you to chitchat with and I will avoid you in future. Ball is in your court "brother".

 

[TrinityPower]

Even if it were true, why would someone want to post something so personal on a message forum? Weird.

Because its a message board full of anon people. And it might help someone else. And because it is a topic not discussed by most men because hitting a woman is taboo and makes the man "unmanly" which is why most ment don't report it and because sometimes things just need to be talked about. The FZ is for venting out rage. Other forums are for discussing things one has nobody to talk to about it and being anon is a great way to do that. Kinda like my health RA thread. Lots of info in there too, with some using it as some sort of weapon or a "need" to be "noticed" instead of what it truly is.....learning about the disease, sharing experiences with others, getting to know someones "other side" that isn't just chatting about grandkids or cookies or recipes.

He made the thread to express himself and discover who HE is. Maybe he is looking for empathy for what he went thru. I have no clue, nor care. I believe him. If he was this horrible lying abuser about what went down, then Trinity would have nothing to do with him because she has shared some gawdawful stories in the health thread and I think she is one tough cookie considering her circumstances. Sometimes...unpleasant things need to be discussed. Its as simple as that.

Thank you for your nice comments. My reason for sharing was to help other people like yourself in any way I can and to share my own knowledge gained over the years. This thread is meant for the same purpose...to bring awareness through a personal story to an issue that for years has stayed hidden for fear of ridicule which is pretty much what I have been seeing from some people.

 

[TrinityPower]

I never said Bonzi was my real life sister. I said she was my "sister" as in a "sister from another Mister"..."a sister in Christ". Christians tend to talk like that about other Christians and call them "brothers" and "sisters". I wasn't lying, I simply wasn't clear what I meant and you took me literally. It was a misunderstanding, not deception.

Of course I took it literally. You said "Go easy on Bonzi. She is my sister". You meant to be deceptive, dude. Otherwise you would have been more clear.
But that's neither here nor there. However, it does tend to make me wary on whatever you say.

No actually I wasn't trying to be deceptive. That's actually just the way I and a lot of people talk. I call LOTS of people "brother" and "sister". I refer to Derideo_Te and sealybobo as "brother" all the time because I have respect for them. It just means "someone whose corner I am in and if push comes to shove I am going to defend them". .One of the problems with the written word is that you can't hear a person's tone of voice which can change the entire meaning of a statement. When I said "Go easy on Bonzi, she's my sister" my tone of voice was a playful alert that "you are messing with someone I think of as a friend and I don't want to have to get into it with you". You follow?

How can you consider people that you barely know "friends?" And especially a "sister" or a "brother?" How many times have you even spoken to Bonzi? Why do you feel a need to "defend" Bonzi against Gracie? Is this high school or something? I don't get this mindset that I see around here? Are people really this lonely?

Speak for yourself, you seem to be here an AWFUL lot

 

[ChrisL]

I never said Bonzi was my real life sister. I said she was my "sister" as in a "sister from another Mister"..."a sister in Christ". Christians tend to talk like that about other Christians and call them "brothers" and "sisters". I wasn't lying, I simply wasn't clear what I meant and you took me literally. It was a misunderstanding, not deception.

Of course I took it literally. You said "Go easy on Bonzi. She is my sister". You meant to be deceptive, dude. Otherwise you would have been more clear.
But that's neither here nor there. However, it does tend to make me wary on whatever you say.

No actually I wasn't trying to be deceptive. That's actually just the way I and a lot of people talk. I call LOTS of people "brother" and "sister". I refer to Derideo_Te and sealybobo as "brother" all the time because I have respect for them. It just means "someone whose corner I am in and if push comes to shove I am going to defend them". .One of the problems with the written word is that you can't hear a person's tone of voice which can change the entire meaning of a statement. When I said "Go easy on Bonzi, she's my sister" my tone of voice was a playful alert that "you are messing with someone I think of as a friend and I don't want to have to get into it with you". You follow?

How can you consider people that you barely know "friends?" And especially a "sister" or a "brother?" How many times have you even spoken to Bonzi? Why do you feel a need to "defend" Bonzi against Gracie? Is this high school or something? I don't get this mindset that I see around here? Are people really this lonely?

Speak for yourself, you seem to be here an AWFUL lot

Again, is this high school or something? How old are you again?

 

[Gracie]

Even if it were true, why would someone want to post something so personal on a message forum? Weird.

Because its a message board full of anon people. And it might help someone else. And because it is a topic not discussed by most men because hitting a woman is taboo and makes the man "unmanly" which is why most ment don't report it and because sometimes things just need to be talked about. The FZ is for venting out rage. Other forums are for discussing things one has nobody to talk to about it and being anon is a great way to do that. Kinda like my health RA thread. Lots of info in there too, with some using it as some sort of weapon or a "need" to be "noticed" instead of what it truly is.....learning about the disease, sharing experiences with others, getting to know someones "other side" that isn't just chatting about grandkids or cookies or recipes.

He made the thread to express himself and discover who HE is. Maybe he is looking for empathy for what he went thru. I have no clue, nor care. I believe him. If he was this horrible lying abuser about what went down, then Trinity would have nothing to do with him because she has shared some gawdawful stories in the health thread and I think she is one tough cookie considering her circumstances. Sometimes...unpleasant things need to be discussed. Its as simple as that.

Thank you for your nice comments. My reason for sharing was to help other people like yourself in any way I can and to share my own knowledge gained over the years. This thread is meant for the same purpose...to bring awareness through a personal story to an issue that for years has stayed hidden for fear of ridicule which is pretty much what I have been seeing from some people.

Exactly. But it's the wrong board. Not much empathy here. But a damn good subject.
BP's kid is lucky to have you as a role model. Damn lucky.

 

[ChrisL]

I never said Bonzi was my real life sister. I said she was my "sister" as in a "sister from another Mister"..."a sister in Christ". Christians tend to talk like that about other Christians and call them "brothers" and "sisters". I wasn't lying, I simply wasn't clear what I meant and you took me literally. It was a misunderstanding, not deception.

Of course I took it literally. You said "Go easy on Bonzi. She is my sister". You meant to be deceptive, dude. Otherwise you would have been more clear.
But that's neither here nor there. However, it does tend to make me wary on whatever you say.

No actually I wasn't trying to be deceptive. That's actually just the way I and a lot of people talk. I call LOTS of people "brother" and "sister". I refer to Derideo_Te and sealybobo as "brother" all the time because I have respect for them. It just means "someone whose corner I am in and if push comes to shove I am going to defend them". .One of the problems with the written word is that you can't hear a person's tone of voice which can change the entire meaning of a statement. When I said "Go easy on Bonzi, she's my sister" my tone of voice was a playful alert that "you are messing with someone I think of as a friend and I don't want to have to get into it with you". You follow?

How can you consider people that you barely know "friends?" And especially a "sister" or a "brother?" How many times have you even spoken to Bonzi? Why do you feel a need to "defend" Bonzi against Gracie? Is this high school or something? I don't get this mindset that I see around here? Are people really this lonely?

Speak for yourself, you seem to be here an AWFUL lot

Why can't Bonzi fight her own battles? Why does Blue Phantom call a woman he hardly knows his "sister?" That's weird.

 

[TrinityPower]

 

[Gracie]

Speaking of help.....Bone Broth. I am cooking some right now.

But I don't want to derail the thread. So...just wanted you to know Trinity, that after talking about that other topic, I did more research.