So, a friend of mine has hit a rough patch in his life, due to his grandmother's inability to save money or spend it wisely, and can't seem to find a job. I found a place for him to stay, with my daddy in North Dakota, but due to the fact that it was an apartment, he was only allowed to stay there for a short time. By the end of the month, he has to move out, and wasn't able to find a job, so he can't get a place of his own. He legitimately tried the entire time.
I'm trying to find another place for him to stay... my parents won't let him stay with me, but I figured... hey... may as well ask a forum, the worst that can happen is that they either don't reply or they say no. If anyone is willing to consider it, I can put you in contact with him.
There comes a time when every person has to stand on his own two feet, when every person has to take responsibility, and the consequences, of his actions.
But, he won't do it while you enable him, while he can count on you to alleviate his consequences. I can appreciate you helping him, giving up your time, and your money, to help him. But, in truth, you're not helping him at all. You are merely delaying his date with reality. Are you doing it for him, are you doing it just to make yourself feel good?
You need to cut the guy loose - the time has come. Eventually, he has to quit crying, kick himself in the ass, and take responsibility for himself.
(Does he call you Mom? Because that's what you are to him)
True
Spare_change I've run into this over and over trying to help people "mutually" by offering to have them come work on the Freedmen's Town project. Especially with the men we've tried to bring in and help, where they are supposed to help bring in resources to develop the community campus plans as their "campus job" that will justify their housing costs. Instead, they have BLED OUT the resources I had to try to save the historic neighborhood, borrowed against that to cover THEIR costs, and then didn't do the work to pay back into the plans. so money went out we couldn't afford to spare.
In the case of Occupy, two of the young men even abused the legal volunteers to try to SEIZE the property from the owner that I was paying the rent for to create OFFICE SPACE for them and Occupy until we could get the campus plans going. They backstabbed and sabotaged everything for short term needs, and screwed over the long term plans and wasted irreplaceable time and resources. The whole project crashed because they were in it for themselves and took from others without giving back to the community which was the point of bringing in volunteers to CREATE paid jobs in developing this correctly.
I've had more luck with the women volunteers that don't commit unless they are serious about the work it is going to take. For some reason, the men have felt "entitled" and just wanted to get the benefits first from the community, but then avoid doing any of the work. While the women work two jobs to pay for the costs, and the men expect to be in charge without doing anything.
You wonder why there is a pay gap where men get paid more than women?
Maybe it's because they refuse to work unless they get paid more.
While women get stuck working for free when there is no money to pay for that work. There has been traditional sexism going on where the men expect the women to serve and work while the men remain in charge. This is bankrupting the community and the only people fixing it are the women trying to help.
But nobody respects that leadership and keeps expecting men to be in charge.
So that's what's been killing the community.
Other people have as many horror stories about deadbeat roommates that are female also, not just men. You are right, there are people just looking for a mommy to take care of them. And then get mad when asked to do work around the house, expecting to get paid for their work but they dont value or respect the work other people do to help provide for them.
I'm also worried the whole "welfare" system of subsidizing people for free without conditions on work or staying off drugs, etc, SKEWS people's sense of the TRUE cost of running a household and living independently.
Again one of the volunteers thinks he could get by on just part time work.
Well who is going to pay the rent if all he can afford is electricity?
Just NO CLUE about the cost of things because he lived at his dad's subsidized section 8 housing, and then stayed with friends. You can't expect to live somewhere for free "and do the work later." People are expecting to get paid up front. They think their credit is good and want people to lend to them, on the premise they will work and pay it back; but when it comes to paying OTHER people on the same basis, they don't value or give credit to others.
So we end up with a vicious cycle where they expect to be paid first and have their needs met first before they work, but don't extend the same courtesy.
One volunteer even yelled at me about "being treated as a slave" for asking them to work after I paid in advance. I had to explain that for every hour I was paying a HUGE amount, I worked 2-3 hours to EARN that money I was paying them. So who is the slave? if I work 2-3 times as many hours, but I don't get to keep that money, it is going to pay THEIR bills and not mine. why are they complaining? Sorry they just don't get it. They value their time and needs but don't think about the work it takes the other person to earn the money to pay for the things to help them. They count that as free because it's already paid for. That's the problem with govt handouts, they think it's public and paid for.
They don't consider the work taxpayers do and their right to say where that money goes. They think once it's in the public pool "it belongs to them."
Sorry to vent but the whole govt welfare thing has SKEWED people's perception of accountability for costs, and who has authority to say where resources go, the taxpayers who PAY the taxes or people who think govt owes these resources to them as public (and they THINK they work hard enough to earn it but have NO CLUE how much it REALLY takes to run a household.)
