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How to Practice Patience with Harm Doers

Dhara

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The patience of disregarding the harm done to us by others can be cultivated:

By seeing those who harm us as objects of compassion.
By considering how all the harm done to us is the product of our own past karma.
By realizing that it is only with the help of those who harm us that we can gain the merit of practicing patience.

The reward of the practice of patience is the state of patience itself. It is peace of mind, no matter what the circumstances are.

I notice my patience with my children has grown a lot in the last couple of years. My son remarked tonight, "You're so much calmer than you used to be."

It was a sweet moment, and I savored the joy of it.

It's hard to stay patient when we're very busy, thirsty, hungry, or in chronic pain. Those are the times when we're likely to fall back into old patterns.

What does your spiritual tradition or religion teach you about patience/
 

Gracie

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What does your spiritual tradition or religion teach you about patience
To learn how to say NO and mean it.
To speak truth.
To know when to give up on someone and when to leave the door cracked if they are worth it.
To thine own self be true and forget about pleasing someone else's agenda.
To follow my own path and not someone else's.
To not waste time on others who are negative to one's personal growth.
To give the gift of patience to those who deserve it...which encompasses all the above.
 

Searcher44

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The patience of disregarding the harm done to us by others can be cultivated:

By seeing those who harm us as objects of compassion.
By considering how all the harm done to us is the product of our own past karma.
By realizing that it is only with the help of those who harm us that we can gain the merit of practicing patience.

The reward of the practice of patience is the state of patience itself. It is peace of mind, no matter what the circumstances are.

I notice my patience with my children has grown a lot in the last couple of years. My son remarked tonight, "You're so much calmer than you used to be."

It was a sweet moment, and I savored the joy of it.

It's hard to stay patient when we're very busy, thirsty, hungry, or in chronic pain. Those are the times when we're likely to fall back into old patterns.

What does your spiritual tradition or religion teach you about patience/

My experience teaches me that people are people and most of them deserve patience when they need it and a helping hand when their load gets a little too heavy.
And then there's those selfish bastards that are just too stupid to move and you have to push them the hell out of the way or nobody will get to where they have to be.
 
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Dhara

Dhara

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It's certainly true, that there are those who wish us harm and have no intention of working on their attitudes in the slightest. These are the folks who most need our prayers and they are the ones we have the hardest time praying for.
 
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Dhara

Dhara

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Stay Right When You're Wronged - Just One Thing

What happens after you’re mistreated?

The Practice:
Stay right when you’re wronged.
Why?

It’s easy to treat people well when they treat you well. The real test is when they treat you badly.

These feelings and impulses are normal. But what happens if you get caught up in reactions and go overboard? ( There’s usually a release and satisfaction, and thinking you’re justified. It feels good.

For a little while.

But bad things usually follow. The other person overreacts, too, in a vicious cycle. Other people get involved and muddy the water. You don’t look very good when you act out when you're upset, and others remember. It gets harder to work through the situation in a reasonable way. After the dust settles, you feel bad inside.

The Buddha said “Getting angry with another person is like throwing hot coals with bare hands: both people get burned.”

Sure, you need to clarify your position, stand up for yourself, set boundaries, speak truth to power.

How?

Start by getting centered.

Pause – You rarely get in trouble for what you don’t say or do. Give yourself the gift of time, even just a few seconds. Have compassion for yourself – This a moment of feeling “ouch, that hurts, I wish this hadn’t happened.” Recall the feeling of being with someone who cares about you. Get on your own side – This means being for yourself, not against others.

Be at peace – All you can really do is what you can do. Others are going to do whatever they do. You have to find peace in your heart, not out there in the world. A peace that comes from seeing clearly, from building up and focusing on good things in your own garden, and from letting go.



Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a neuropsychologist and author of Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom (in 20 languages) and Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time (in 8 languages). Founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom and Affiliate of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, he’s been an invited speaker at Oxford, Stanford, and Harvard, and taught in meditation centers worldwide. His work has been featured on the BBC, NPR, FoxBusiness, Consumer Reports Health, U.S. News and World Report, and O Magazine and he has several audio programs with Sounds True. His weekly e-newsletter – Just One Thing – has over 35,000 subscribers, and suggests a simple practice each week that will bring you more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind and heart. If you wish, you can subscribe to Just One Thing here.
 
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Dhara

Dhara

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What happens after you’re mistreated?

Stay right when you’re wronged.

It’s easy to treat people well when they treat you well. The real test is when they treat you badly.
 

ChrisL

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The patience of disregarding the harm done to us by others can be cultivated:

By seeing those who harm us as objects of compassion.
By considering how all the harm done to us is the product of our own past karma.
By realizing that it is only with the help of those who harm us that we can gain the merit of practicing patience.

The reward of the practice of patience is the state of patience itself. It is peace of mind, no matter what the circumstances are.

I notice my patience with my children has grown a lot in the last couple of years. My son remarked tonight, "You're so much calmer than you used to be."

It was a sweet moment, and I savored the joy of it.

It's hard to stay patient when we're very busy, thirsty, hungry, or in chronic pain. Those are the times when we're likely to fall back into old patterns.

What does your spiritual tradition or religion teach you about patience/

This is great. I actually tried to do this last night in the flamer zone with the flamers. Didn't work though. :( They just want to hate people apparently.
 

ChrisL

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It's certainly true, that there are those who wish us harm and have no intention of working on their attitudes in the slightest. These are the folks who most need our prayers and they are the ones we have the hardest time praying for.

Oh my! I couldn't agree more! Sometimes the sickest people are the MOST miserable and most difficult to deal with and show any compassion to. Some people make it very difficult on themselves too!
 

Moonglow

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The patience of disregarding the harm done to us by others can be cultivated:

By seeing those who harm us as objects of compassion.
By considering how all the harm done to us is the product of our own past karma.
By realizing that it is only with the help of those who harm us that we can gain the merit of practicing patience.

The reward of the practice of patience is the state of patience itself. It is peace of mind, no matter what the circumstances are.

I notice my patience with my children has grown a lot in the last couple of years. My son remarked tonight, "You're so much calmer than you used to be."

It was a sweet moment, and I savored the joy of it.

It's hard to stay patient when we're very busy, thirsty, hungry, or in chronic pain. Those are the times when we're likely to fall back into old patterns.

What does your spiritual tradition or religion teach you about patience/
Don't eat your seeds and leave hanging hams alone..
 

ChrisL

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Stay Right When You're Wronged - Just One Thing

What happens after you’re mistreated?

The Practice:
Stay right when you’re wronged.
Why?

It’s easy to treat people well when they treat you well. The real test is when they treat you badly.

These feelings and impulses are normal. But what happens if you get caught up in reactions and go overboard? ( There’s usually a release and satisfaction, and thinking you’re justified. It feels good.

For a little while.

But bad things usually follow. The other person overreacts, too, in a vicious cycle. Other people get involved and muddy the water. You don’t look very good when you act out when you're upset, and others remember. It gets harder to work through the situation in a reasonable way. After the dust settles, you feel bad inside.

The Buddha said “Getting angry with another person is like throwing hot coals with bare hands: both people get burned.”

Sure, you need to clarify your position, stand up for yourself, set boundaries, speak truth to power.

How?

Start by getting centered.

Pause – You rarely get in trouble for what you don’t say or do. Give yourself the gift of time, even just a few seconds. Have compassion for yourself – This a moment of feeling “ouch, that hurts, I wish this hadn’t happened.” Recall the feeling of being with someone who cares about you. Get on your own side – This means being for yourself, not against others.

Be at peace – All you can really do is what you can do. Others are going to do whatever they do. You have to find peace in your heart, not out there in the world. A peace that comes from seeing clearly, from building up and focusing on good things in your own garden, and from letting go.



Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a neuropsychologist and author of Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom (in 20 languages) and Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time (in 8 languages). Founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom and Affiliate of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, he’s been an invited speaker at Oxford, Stanford, and Harvard, and taught in meditation centers worldwide. His work has been featured on the BBC, NPR, FoxBusiness, Consumer Reports Health, U.S. News and World Report, and O Magazine and he has several audio programs with Sounds True. His weekly e-newsletter – Just One Thing – has over 35,000 subscribers, and suggests a simple practice each week that will bring you more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind and heart. If you wish, you can subscribe to Just One Thing here.

This is great and I'm going to put it into practice all the time if possible. :) I've learned a lot since being here about people. ;)
 

ChrisL

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The patience of disregarding the harm done to us by others can be cultivated:

By seeing those who harm us as objects of compassion.
By considering how all the harm done to us is the product of our own past karma.
By realizing that it is only with the help of those who harm us that we can gain the merit of practicing patience.

The reward of the practice of patience is the state of patience itself. It is peace of mind, no matter what the circumstances are.

I notice my patience with my children has grown a lot in the last couple of years. My son remarked tonight, "You're so much calmer than you used to be."

It was a sweet moment, and I savored the joy of it.

It's hard to stay patient when we're very busy, thirsty, hungry, or in chronic pain. Those are the times when we're likely to fall back into old patterns.

What does your spiritual tradition or religion teach you about patience/
Don't eat your seeds and leave hanging hams alone..

Well, what do you think of it? Do you like this way of dealing with people and maintaining your patience when trying to deal with the most difficult of people?
 
OP
Dhara

Dhara

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The patience of disregarding the harm done to us by others can be cultivated:

By seeing those who harm us as objects of compassion.
By considering how all the harm done to us is the product of our own past karma.
By realizing that it is only with the help of those who harm us that we can gain the merit of practicing patience.

The reward of the practice of patience is the state of patience itself. It is peace of mind, no matter what the circumstances are.

I notice my patience with my children has grown a lot in the last couple of years. My son remarked tonight, "You're so much calmer than you used to be."

It was a sweet moment, and I savored the joy of it.

It's hard to stay patient when we're very busy, thirsty, hungry, or in chronic pain. Those are the times when we're likely to fall back into old patterns.

What does your spiritual tradition or religion teach you about patience/

This is great. I actually tried to do this last night in the flamer zone with the flamers. Didn't work though. :( They just want to hate people apparently.
It doesn't work with them because they want to stay in their hate state. Best in that case is pull back from them and never give them a second thought.
 

ChrisL

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The patience of disregarding the harm done to us by others can be cultivated:

By seeing those who harm us as objects of compassion.
By considering how all the harm done to us is the product of our own past karma.
By realizing that it is only with the help of those who harm us that we can gain the merit of practicing patience.

The reward of the practice of patience is the state of patience itself. It is peace of mind, no matter what the circumstances are.

I notice my patience with my children has grown a lot in the last couple of years. My son remarked tonight, "You're so much calmer than you used to be."

It was a sweet moment, and I savored the joy of it.

It's hard to stay patient when we're very busy, thirsty, hungry, or in chronic pain. Those are the times when we're likely to fall back into old patterns.

What does your spiritual tradition or religion teach you about patience/

This is great. I actually tried to do this last night in the flamer zone with the flamers. Didn't work though. :( They just want to hate people apparently.
It doesn't work with them because they want to stay in their hate state. Best in that case is pull back from them and never give them a second thought.

Agreed. That is why they post in the flamer zone and feel the need to be nasty and have a "victim" they can agree to hate, incapable of having an adult conversation or resolving issues in an adult manner. Sad. :( Says a lot about the kinds of people who frequent these forums, I think. Misery loves company though!
 
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Dhara

Dhara

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The patience of disregarding the harm done to us by others can be cultivated:

By seeing those who harm us as objects of compassion.
By considering how all the harm done to us is the product of our own past karma.
By realizing that it is only with the help of those who harm us that we can gain the merit of practicing patience.

The reward of the practice of patience is the state of patience itself. It is peace of mind, no matter what the circumstances are.

I notice my patience with my children has grown a lot in the last couple of years. My son remarked tonight, "You're so much calmer than you used to be."

It was a sweet moment, and I savored the joy of it.

It's hard to stay patient when we're very busy, thirsty, hungry, or in chronic pain. Those are the times when we're likely to fall back into old patterns.

What does your spiritual tradition or religion teach you about patience/

This is great. I actually tried to do this last night in the flamer zone with the flamers. Didn't work though. :( They just want to hate people apparently.
It doesn't work with them because they want to stay in their hate state. Best in that case is pull back from them and never give them a second thought.
I just learned who one of their flame squad is and it has made me resolve to NEVER look at that toxic human's posts EVER.
 

Rouge Rover

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Sometimes patience is fine but some people just need a swift kick in the ass in order to learn anything.
 

ChrisL

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The patience of disregarding the harm done to us by others can be cultivated:

By seeing those who harm us as objects of compassion.
By considering how all the harm done to us is the product of our own past karma.
By realizing that it is only with the help of those who harm us that we can gain the merit of practicing patience.

The reward of the practice of patience is the state of patience itself. It is peace of mind, no matter what the circumstances are.

I notice my patience with my children has grown a lot in the last couple of years. My son remarked tonight, "You're so much calmer than you used to be."

It was a sweet moment, and I savored the joy of it.

It's hard to stay patient when we're very busy, thirsty, hungry, or in chronic pain. Those are the times when we're likely to fall back into old patterns.

What does your spiritual tradition or religion teach you about patience/

This is great. I actually tried to do this last night in the flamer zone with the flamers. Didn't work though. :( They just want to hate people apparently.
It doesn't work with them because they want to stay in their hate state. Best in that case is pull back from them and never give them a second thought.
I just learned who one of their flame squad is and it has made me resolve to NEVER look at that toxic human's posts EVER.

Toxic is the perfect word. Lol. :D The place is toxic, and so are the people.
 
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Dhara

Dhara

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The patience of disregarding the harm done to us by others can be cultivated:

By seeing those who harm us as objects of compassion.
By considering how all the harm done to us is the product of our own past karma.
By realizing that it is only with the help of those who harm us that we can gain the merit of practicing patience.

The reward of the practice of patience is the state of patience itself. It is peace of mind, no matter what the circumstances are.

I notice my patience with my children has grown a lot in the last couple of years. My son remarked tonight, "You're so much calmer than you used to be."

It was a sweet moment, and I savored the joy of it.

It's hard to stay patient when we're very busy, thirsty, hungry, or in chronic pain. Those are the times when we're likely to fall back into old patterns.

What does your spiritual tradition or religion teach you about patience/

This is great. I actually tried to do this last night in the flamer zone with the flamers. Didn't work though. :( They just want to hate people apparently.
It doesn't work with them because they want to stay in their hate state. Best in that case is pull back from them and never give them a second thought.

Agreed. That is why they post in the flamer zone and feel the need to be nasty and have a "victim" they can agree to hate, incapable of having an adult conversation or resolving issues in an adult manner. Sad. :( Says a lot about the kinds of people who frequent these forums, I think. Misery loves company though!
The other strategy they use is to try and separate anyone who becomes a friend or ally. When I first started posting here after being away so long I didn't go into the FZ at all. This is an enjoyable forum when you block the FZ and ignore the toxic people who never change.
 

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