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You're dead wrong, here, Hobbit. My older son LOVED Barbies, and my older daughter liked to play with matchbox cars. Of course, my son's Barbies usually ended up in naked suicidal skydiving stunts, or the victims of David's residual caveman instincts-- swinging by their hair in circles above Dave's head. And Abbie's cars usually lined up in neat, orderly "families," complete with decorated garages. But what's with the stereotyping?Hobbit said:If one wants a little insight at how the different sexes think on this issue, just watch innocent children at play. Lay out a pile of toys and take a bunch of little kids who know nothing of the stereotypes and the different struggles of the real world. Girls will grab Barbie dolls and baby dolls, and they will play games about relationships, child rearing, shopping, and home care. Boys will grab toy guns, soldiers, and construction equipment, and they'll play bulldozer, hunting trip, or some kind of war games. The 'traditional' gender roles are placed there by God and begin to take shape before we even begin to think about hearth and home. Sure, some buck the trend, but it's rare.
mom4 said:You're dead wrong, here, Hobbit. My older son LOVED Barbies, and my older daughter liked to play with matchbox cars. Of course, my son's Barbies usually ended up in naked suicidal skydiving stunts, or the victims of David's residual caveman instincts-- swinging by their hair in circles above Dave's head. And Abbie's cars usually lined up in neat, orderly "families," complete with decorated garages. But what's with the stereotyping?
First, Mom, I think your subbing is a great idea!mom4 said:You're dead wrong, here, Hobbit. My older son LOVED Barbies, and my older daughter liked to play with matchbox cars. Of course, my son's Barbies usually ended up in naked suicidal skydiving stunts, or the victims of David's residual caveman instincts-- swinging by their hair in circles above Dave's head. And Abbie's cars usually lined up in neat, orderly "families," complete with decorated garages. But what's with the stereotyping?
Kathianne said:Hey there's a book out:
http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/Books/story?id=2067008&page=1
The wingnuts are not all dead:
Lots and lots more...
When I got married, I planned on it being forever. I chose not to persue a law degree, it seemed a good idea at the time. When I had children, I left a managerial position at the phone company, working on assigning future area codes to MSA's. We didn't require the salary, had set our priorities prior to marriage.
I stayed home for 14 years. I was active in politics, community work, PTA. I was lucky to have quite a circle of friends from childhood, that were also stay-at-home moms. I also had many friends that were in law, medicine, and education that chose day care for their kids. Now all of our children are raised, at least to being out of high school. Some are married with children of their own. Not one of the mom's that stayed home, all were college grads some with advanced professional degrees, regreted their choice. They acknowledge they would have gone further career-wise if they'd chosen differently.
My friends that opted day care, well 2 out of 5 have lingering problems with their adult children. They blame the schools/day care, not their choices. I empathize, but wonder about those weekend shopping trips the parents made, leaving the kids at home with a babysitter, cause it's 'hard' to get errands done with kids. I do remember at the time wondering how they could take 'couple vacations' leaving the kids with sitter or grandparents, when they had so little time with the kids to begin with?
I didn't feel 'neglectful' when I did volunteer activities or went out on a 'date' with my husband, as I spent hundreds of hours playing games, kissing boo boos, at the park, at their schools, and reading to them. Oh yeah, there were the hours of mind numbing 'nothingness' when they were squabbling, but even those hours were used to teach them problem solving.
Now the 3 out of 5 that maintain good relations with their adult children, they put a high priority on spending their after work hours, vacations, and weekends with their kids. One of them went part-time during the kids high school years, wanting to be able to keep and eye on them.
I think both working and stay at home moms can have good relations with their kids, but my guess is that a successful working mom has much less alone time, but does escape much of the 'angst' of hours of 'lack of adult' hours.
Bullypulpit said:If I had my druthers, I like to see either the mother or father be able to remain at home as a full-time parent. But reality intrudes. For most people, it is simply not possible for one parent to stay at home full-time and have the family keep its financial head above water. And with even mediocre childcare costing as much as it would for a parent to go to college full time, it doesn't get any easier for families where both parents work full-time, unless they have family or friends who are willing and able to watch the children during their work hours.
Staying-at-home tends to wear-down Men. Men are Hunters by nature...and NEED to have a 'providing' purpose.
This was one of the big reasons I went to law school. I saw what life was like for my mother, and I was determined that I was never going to live that way.
Funny, thats the main reason I went to Law School too. I grew up as a latch key kid of a single power mom and swore that my kids would never need to go through that growing up. My wife put me through school and in exchange she can focus on being there for the kids while I am away.
I know I am going to get flamed by this, but does the fear of dependency have anything to do with poor relationships with men?
One thing that I absolutely hate is when I say my wife stays at home and is a full time mom I get looks of scorn from most of the female attorneys in my office, as if I forced her to give up a career and have her chained to the sofa 24 hours per day. I never seem to get that look from the paralegals though, funny.
Linda Hirshman is on Bernard Goldberg's list of 100 People Who Are Screwing Up America.
100 People Who Are Screwing Up America
Funny, thats the main reason I went to Law School too. I grew up as a latch key kid of a single power mom and swore that my kids would never need to go through that growing up. My wife put me through school and in exchange she can focus on being there for the kids while I am away.
I know I am going to get flamed by this, but does the fear of dependency have anything to do with poor relationships with men?
One thing that I absolutely hate is when I say my wife stays at home and is a full time mom I get looks of scorn from most of the female attorneys in my office, as if I forced her to give up a career and have her chained to the sofa 24 hours per day. I never seem to get that look from the paralegals though, funny.
Actually, I applaud you and your wife for making that decision. I grew up thinking, I was going to be career mom, but after my first child was born, I couldn't contemplate going back to work.
Some moms say they need to work for their mental sanity. One mom said when she stayed home after giving birth, she got so depressed that she had to go to work as soon as possible. A lot moms I spoke to said they needed to be around adults.
What I don't like is the way people assume that I am less educated or less intelligent because I am a SAHM. I guess most people don't assume that a mother has an Ivy League education if she stays at home and raises kids...It's a choice though. I feel empowered to make that choice in the same way other moms choose to go to work.
I also don't like the arguments between SAHM's and working moms. Everyone has their own priorities... If it works for your family, fine.
Linda Hirshman is on Bernard Goldberg's list of 100 People Who Are Screwing Up America.
100 People Who Are Screwing Up America
What I don't like is the way people assume that I am less educated or less intelligent because I am a SAHM. I guess most people don't assume that a mother has an Ivy League education if she stays at home and raises kids...It's a choice though. I feel empowered to make that choice in the same way other moms choose to go to work.
I also don't like the arguments between SAHM's and working moms. Everyone has their own priorities... If it works for your family, fine.
Thats exactly my point, I dont understand why my wife is looked down on by my co-workers because she is making the choice to be a SAHM. I am sure we could afford a bigger house and nicer cars if she went back to work, they just dont seem to understand that its worth more to her to raise our kids than the difference between a Honda and an Acura in the driveway.
You can probably understand the look that SAHD's get too then.
and what place is Annie Coultergeist? You know...the woman who said a presidential candidate should be killed in a terrorist attack because she disagrees with his politics.
