Home v. Work: Child Rearing not Worthy of Time and Talents of Intelligent Humans

[jillian]

For feminism to really be true to it's core, then any choice a woman makes, be it to stay home or work should be celebrated by feminists, instead they see only one option that women need to do to be whole as a person.

Oh...I agree with you there. I think the choices are equally valid.

 

[The ClayTaurus]

You don't really believe that, do you?

The providing part is true. Men need to feel depended upon, to some extent. The roads that lead to us getting that feeling differ to some degree, but the provider thing holds true for 95% of men, at least. Not that I have actual poll numbers or anything

 

[Bonnie]

Oh...I agree with you there. I think the choices are equally valid.

You know the grass is always greener over there? :

 

[Bonnie]

The providing part is true. Men need to feel depended upon, to some extent. The roads that lead to us getting that feeling differ to some degree, but the provider thing holds true for 95% of men, at least. Not that I have actual poll numbers or anything

The only problem I have and this is soley my problem is that sometimes women who depend soley on their husbands for financial support and end up with an abusive or cheating husband will find themselves stuck in a bad situation. If women do choose to stay home to raise children which probably is the best way... moms should at least have a degree or trade they can fall back on just in case.

 

[dmp]

You don't really believe that, do you?

Not only do I, I'd guess MOST People who are Truthfull would agree

 

[Annie]

I can't believe ANY woman on this forum would conclude that kids having a stay-at-home mom isn't the BEST solution. 2-working-families 'can' work, I suppose, but is not ideal.

I'm very glad I got to stay home with my kids, but it's something that is hard for many families. We bought a house when I was pregnant with my first. For many families, that would not be possible without 2 incomes. Now I'm not saying that kids cannot be raised in apartments, but it's harder and harder in the Chicago area today, to find a family friendly apartment.

We had enough money for the bikes, preschools (Montessori), and private school when that choice was made. We had enough for them to do soccer, t-ball, ballet, gymnastics, etc. Those would also go by the wayside for many without a second income. Yeah, we had enough for twice yearly vacations, two cars, and lots of other 'luxuries', which made our choices a lot more palatable.

I do think that couples have to weigh the pros and cons. Both before and after my divorce, I held living in an area with top rated public schools very important. The reason being, 1. the kids mine were around had parents more likely to share my values of child rearing and education. 2. Property values.

That value meant living in neighborhoods where there were many 2 income parents, most with 2 substantial incomes. My kids were not going to be the ones setting fashion dictates. Yet, we certainly could afford for them to 'blend in' acceptably. I remember telling my one son that going to Michael Jordan's camp was just not feasible.

After the divorce, it became much harder, but I still managed to send them to at least one activity they really liked and every 'class trip.' It's very hard for kids living in an area where everyone has 'more.' There are reasonable limits parents can and should set, regardless of income, but it is usually too much to choose to have your kid being the only one who can't go on the $15. field trip.

I think I'm making a hash of this, I'll try to clarify later, if others wish to disagree.

 

[The ClayTaurus]

The only problem I have and this is soley my problem is that sometimes women who depend soley on their husbands for financial support and end up with an abusive or cheating husband will find themselves stuck in a bad situation. If women do choose to stay home to raise children which probably is the best way... moms should at least have a degree or trade they can fall back on just in case.

Exactly. Never allow yourself to be in a position of forced dependancy.

 

[dmp]

I'm not saying Working Moms love their kids any less, or are any less dedicated - I'm saying it's not IDEAL for moms to pimp their kids to day care when if they just simplified their lifestyle a BIT, they could be home.

 

[dmp]

The only problem I have and this is soley my problem is that sometimes women who depend soley on their husbands for financial support and end up with an abusive or cheating husband will find themselves stuck in a bad situation. If women do choose to stay home to raise children which probably is the best way... moms should at least have a degree or trade they can fall back on just in case.

I agree - I'm allowing my wife to learn basic math and some reading JUST IN CASE!

:

 

[rtwngAvngr]

Men and women have different spheres of concern. Men tend to be protective and will keep an eye out for threats. THe purpose of feminism is to get women in places where a man would be better suited for the purpose of protecting the family and even the nation. For instance, a woman would not be as likely to go to war when she should because of her instinct to "work things out". Women can take this risk, because if we are invaded, the women will be spared for their reproductive value, whereas the MEN will be eliminated. Everything's always about sex. Ultimately feminism is about destroying america.

 

[Annie]

Exactly. Never allow yourself to be in a position of forced dependancy.

I'll say this, staying at home, degreed or not, is dependency. Not necessarily forced, but the dependency may lead to the problem Joz referred to on another thread of the 'man' deciding that his 'voice' counts more. I didn't run into this problem, but many do. In my case, the 'man' was narcissitc and more than willing to leave all child related, house related things to me, as long as they reflected well on him.

 

[The ClayTaurus]

I agree - I'm allowing my wife to learn basic math and some reading JUST IN CASE!

:

How... progressive! :

 

[Bonnie]

I agree - I'm allowing my wife to learn basic math and some reading JUST IN CASE!

:

Wow book learnin an all

Your wife is fortunate she has the kind of husband that will always be there for her and the kids

 

[jillian]

Wow book learnin an all

Your wife is fortunate she has the kind of husband that will always be there for her and the kids

Generous of him, isn't it? :rotflmao:

 

[Bonnie]

Generous of him, isn't it? :rotflmao:

He's a sport

 

[jillian]

He's a sport

LOL! Maybe he's got a bit of insecurity going on?

I know I talked about my grandmother ealier (I think it was in the related thread) but I remember my father making my mother learn to drive, go back to school and get a job because he felt she should be able to take care of herself if something happened to him. I always respected that.

Also, as you mentioned, women get trapped in awful circumstances sometimes because they are tied to the guy financially.

Mostly, though, like you said, I always thought what our predecessors fought for was choice... so we could do whatever we found fulfilling...whether it was being a full-time mom, a full-time worker or a combination of both.

 

[fuzzykitten99]

I work because I have to, not because I want to. My desire to have my kids grow up in a house with a yard and friendly neighbors overrides my desire to stay home and have to live in a tiny apartment with no real yard.

However, while I have been on maternity leave, I have been in the process of getting my childcare license so I can start a home daycare. This way, I can bring in money without leaving home, and my kids can stay home as well. Plus my income from daycare will outstrip my income from my job.

I know I will miss working outside the home to some degree. I get stir crazy being inside all the time and daytime TV sucks. But caring for other kids and being able to spend time outside in our newly fenced in yard, while bringing in money weekly, is worth it. I love kids and Nathan will get other kids to play with every day.

 

[Abbey Normal]

Exactly. Never allow yourself to be in a position of forced dependancy.

This was one of the big reasons I went to law school. I saw what life was like for my mother, and I was determined that I was never going to live that way.

 

[Bonnie]

Jillian LOL! Maybe he's got a bit of insecurity going on?

Nah he's a good guy, he's the type of husband that a woman could be secure enough to be a stay at home mom.

I know I talked about my grandmother ealier (I think it was in the related thread) but I remember my father making my mother learn to drive, go back to school and get a job because he felt she should be able to take care of herself if something happened to him. I always respected that.

Sometimes it's just better for the woman to have a little independance.
Also, as you mentioned, women get trapped in awful circumstances sometimes because they are tied to the guy financially.

Mostly, though, like you said, I always thought what our predecessors fought for was choice... so we could do whatever we found fulfilling...whether it was being a full-time mom, a full-time worker or a combination of both.

Exactly

 

[Bonnie]

I work because I have to, not because I want to. My desire to have my kids grow up in a house with a yard and friendly neighbors overrides my desire to stay home and have to live in a tiny apartment with no real yard.



I know I will miss working outside the home to some degree. I get stir crazy being inside all the time and daytime TV sucks. But caring for other kids and being able to spend time outside in our newly fenced in yard, while bringing in money weekly, is worth it. I love kids and Nathan will get other kids to play with every day.

That is a great idea!!!!!