Have to speak candidly, I was assaulted by my wife and she was arrested. Advice please, even to those who disagree with me.

[shockedcanadian]

That a tough position. Women are nearly just as likely as men to be domestic abusers. But typically our Western legal systems still tend to treat women as "the fairer sex". Men reporting abuse is somewhat taboo, and oftentimes the legal system doesn't take these things as seriously as they do with men. That said, you've already stated that this far from the first time. So you knew what you had on your hands. Either continue to deal with it. Or end it. Just remember... The courts favor women in situations like these, and Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. So even if you somehow get this incident swept under the rug; don't discount her possible desire to even the score by getting the law involved. And 9 times out of 10 the man is going to be presumed guilty from the word go. And she certainly knows this...

The level of abuse she has used against me would flatten some people. I tried to hang on, hoping she might get better, hoping my life might be allowed to go forward with a career, but it's not the case obviously.

It's weird, because it's almost a "trauma bond" with her. If not for her gambling, we wouldn't be in this spot.

The longer you stay, the more chance she has to screw you, but not in the fun way.

If she is charged, I will still come to her defense, I am loyal that way. I've been with her 16 years, that's a long time.

Either way I need to consider that we might be finished. If they apply a peace bond we will be finished as well since I don't think she could even see me. Even the time to go to court is apparently a year or so.

It is true, we are all just humans, emotions, hopes, dreams and souls. Unforeseen situations occur.

 

[strollingbones]

sad face all you want...hit her first and hit her hard in court...go totally legal...get a restraining order...dont fool around

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

REAL suggestions for you:

1. Have her admitted to a mental health facility, where she has to live there and be taken care of until she's been deemed "cured". Here in the US, if you have legal custody, and you're married, so you do........you can put them into a home for treatment. If it's the same up there, then I would suggest you take advantage and have her admitted ASAP. Get the order signed by a judge though, so it's absolutely legal and she can't get out of it.

2. If you don't want to divorce her because of your religion, then don't. BUT....there's no laws (legal or religious) that state you HAVE to LIVE with her!! You can wait till she's gone one day, pack up and leave. Get your own little apartment. And DO NOT let her know or her friends know where you moved. Be sure and have your mail rerouted to the new address. I would suggest a different town/city as well.

3. I'm sure your god doesn't want this for you. Divorce would be a logical option. Whether you go to church or not, speak with a religious counselor, or several. See what they have to say. I don't think anybody wants you to end up dead.

 

[Concerned American]

We've both been under a great deal of stress of late, she has been worse due to her gambling addiction, The assaults against me have been going on for years and even though she warned me a number of times if I ever called the police that she would accuse me of beating her, I was forced to call them this time.

I don't want her charged as I believe even after so many attacks on me over the years that, "I married her and took a vow to God" and I try to see it through (my grandfather was the same way). The police said that they are now mandated to charge someone with assault even if they just break a phone!

Due to her extreme reaction when I pushed her away, giving myself some space as I didn't want to be punched by her, I am weary of the aftermath as she came by to pick up her stuff, with police escort and her arm was in a sling. How is it possible for her to be in a sling when all I did was push her?

She stated to the cops that I damaged her arm when they came, but it seems REALLY far-fetched and she attacked me twice while I was lying passively on the couch. Unless it is just inflammation, my suspicions will be firm that it was a screw job at the hospital. There is no way I dislocated her arm for instance, not even if I punched someone am I that strong.

It's ironic too, because after I pushed her away from me, she went around into the kitchen and blocked my way to leaving for downstairs to get away from the situation. She threw a utensil at me and used TWO arms to stab me hard with her cane, which lead to pain to this day (it happened Thurs).

She did not want me to call and pulled the phone out so that I had to recall.

What would one do if the police decide that i am the aggressor and charge me? I am in our home, she is removed. With my bad experienced with the covert ops here, I am never calm even when I know I am in the right,

Sorry, I am not familiar with Canadian law.

 

[MarathonMike]

The level of abuse she has used against me would flatten some people. I tried to hang on, hoping she might get better, hoping my life might be allowed to go forward with a career, but it's not the case obviously.

It's weird, because it's almost a "trauma bond" with her. If not for her gambling, we wouldn't be in this spot.

Get out. She will drain you emotionally and financially with her gambling addiction. My Dad was a gambler and while he was not abusive it created terrible stress with my Mom and our family. She is sick and dangerous just like a drug addict.

 

[shockedcanadian]

sad face all you want...hit her first and hit her hard in court...go totally legal...get a restraining order...dont fool around

It's tough Strolling. I am not violent that way, as my friend said "she knew this and went at you because of it".

I am a fighter, but I am extremely loyal. To a fault obviously.

 

[Calypso Jones]

you need to get some video evidence of her abuse and the more the better, that way if she trys to spin it on you you have a long list of her continued abuse,,

I wish I would have done that with my ex but it was long before the camera phone and the best I could do was a big VHS camcorder

Video evidence would have been great but other witnesses and perhaps even an ongoing list of the number and severity of her attacks against you. Man. I get your adherence to your vows, but God does not intend for you to stick around for abuse until it kills you.

 

[Clipper]

I disagree, because I made the call as I wanted them there, she even unplugged the phone on me so that I had to call back. I felt "I have nothing to hide", once she said her arm was in pain I had no choice.

Now I didn't expect them to charge her, I was expecting a warning but apparently they have no discretion which is absurd IMO.

She even admitted to going at me (she grabbed my crotch hard), but said the she "only attempted to", which is a lie. She didn't dispute the throwing of the tablet, the utensil nor the stabbing of me with her cYou're You're

The level of abuse she has used against me would flatten some people. I tried to hang on, hoping she might get better, hoping my life might be allowed to go forward with a career, but it's not the case obviously.

It's weird, because it's almost a "trauma bond" with her. If not for her gambling, we wouldn't be in this spot.


If she is charged, I will still come to her defense, I am loyal that way. I've been with her 16 years, that's a long time.

Either way I need to consider that we might be finished. If they apply a peace bond we will be finished as well since I don't think she could even see me. Even the time to go to court is apparently a year or so.

It is true, we are all just humans, emotions, hopes, dreams and souls. Unforeseen situations occur.

It sounds to me like you want to drop the charges despite the abuse that in your own words has been going on for years. You need counseling as an abused spouse to figure out why you keep putting up with her shit.

Marriage is sacred? Like hell it is. If it was & she thought so she wouldn't be beating on you.

She's a maniac & someday you'll wake up to her beating you over the head with that cane or worse & you'll end up getting hauled away on a slab. Hopefully, she won't kill you. Get out while you can still walk & still have your sanity. Life is too short for anyone to live like that. Best of luck.

 

[shockedcanadian]

It sounds to me like you want to drop the charges despite the abuse that in your own words has been going on for years. You need counseling as an abused spouse to figure out why you keep putting up with her shit.

She's a maniac & someday you'll wake up to her beating you over the head with that cane or worse & you'll end up getting hauled away on a slab. Hopefully, she won't kill you. Get out while you can still walk & still have your sanity. Life is too short for anyone to live like that. Best of luck.

I'm going to assess that after I try and get her off of the charges. She needs help, not punishment. I truly believe she has mental issues and I want to see her get better. It brought tears to my eyes when they took her away.

 

[Calypso Jones]

I think Clipper is right. You can still have a normal life but you have to go for it. NOW.

 

[Calypso Jones]

I'm going to assess that after I try and get her off of the charges. She needs help, not punishment. I truly believe she has mental issues and I want to see her get better. It brought tears to my eyes when they took her away.

that is the worst thing you can do for her. LET the system take care of her. She'll kill you.

 

[sparky]

It's weird, because it's almost a "trauma bond" with her. If not for her gambling, we wouldn't be in this spot.

you need to realize this is cyclical , and you may be being played by the system Shocked one

~S~

 

[shockedcanadian]

that is the worst thing you can do for her. LET the system take care of her. She'll kill you.

I will find out what the courts say to me about my required participation. If I don't have to participate, I won't and will decide if a life elsewhere makes sense.

It's ironic because I just received files I requested in regards to my CPP (fed pension contributions) for my records in case I find work outside the country.

I'm in a bad spot and a bad place emotionally I must admit.

 

[shockedcanadian]

you need to realize this is cyclical , and you may be being played by the system Shocked one

~S~

That's my worry. As much as I want to believe the police are honourable, with my experiences with the covert ops, it has lead me to be concerned.

Americans are different, you live for freedom. In Canada, they live to exploit and I am just cattle.

 

[Blaster]

Happy wife, happy life.

 

[Clipper]

I'm going to assess that after I try and get her off of the charges. She needs help, not punishment. I truly believe she has mental issues and I want to see her get better. It brought tears to my eyes when they took her away.

Uh, no. YOU need help & SHE needs punishment. Getting her off will not help her but it will ruin you. You're not the first person who stuck around in this type of abusive situation thinking the abuser will change or the abused can help them.

Yep. The cemetaries are full of them.

 

[Blaster]

Uh, no. YOU need help & SHE needs punishment.

Maybe she likes rough sex. Some women love it like that.

 

[boedicca]

The level of abuse she has used against me would flatten some people. I tried to hang on, hoping she might get better, hoping my life might be allowed to go forward with a career, but it's not the case obviously.

It's weird, because it's almost a "trauma bond" with her. If not for her gambling, we wouldn't be in this spot.


If she is charged, I will still come to her defense, I am loyal that way. I've been with her 16 years, that's a long time.

Either way I need to consider that we might be finished. If they apply a peace bond we will be finished as well since I don't think she could even see me. Even the time to go to court is apparently a year or so.

It is true, we are all just humans, emotions, hopes, dreams and souls. Unforeseen situations occur.

Unfortunately, the legal system is stacked against men when it comes to domestic violence. Do you have any witnesses that can corroborate that you are the victim?

This isn't the place to get therapy, but it looks like you could use professional help to deal with being the victim of abuse. You are protecting your abuser, which is a difficult thing to get out of on your own.

 

[Calypso Jones]

I will find out what the courts say to me about my required participation. If I don't have to participate, I won't and will decide if a life elsewhere makes sense.

It's ironic because I just received files I requested in regards to my CPP (fed pension contributions) for my records in case I find work outside the country.

I'm in a bad spot and a bad place emotionally I must admit.

I hear ya.

 

[shockedcanadian]

Unfortunately, the legal system is stacked against men when it comes to domestic violence. Do you have any witnesses that can corroborate that you are the victim?

This isn't the place to get therapy, but it looks like you could use professional help to deal with being the victim of abuse. You are protecting your abuser, which is a difficult thing to get out of on your own.

Yeah, I've already reached out. I am aware of the logic of Stockholm Syndrome etc. The fact that I suffer from it now is astonishing to me, I wouldn't have been this way 20 years ago.