Have to speak candidly, I was assaulted by my wife and she was arrested. Advice please, even to those who disagree with me.

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

I'm going to assess that after I try and get her off of the charges. She needs help, not punishment. I truly believe she has mental issues and I want to see her get better. It brought tears to my eyes when they took her away.

If you have her admitted to a mental health facility, once they have her settled in and assigned the programs she needs to go through........YOU can also tell them you want both of you to go through a marriage counseling program.

This way, she gets the help she needs to get off the gambling, deal with her emotions, and learn how to deal with whats going on between you two. And you get to see her in class, and both of you get to air your feelings and emotions, and both of you can get the help you need to work it all out.

This would probably be the best option for you, since you want to stay together, and not get divorced.

Life is hard because we make it hard. These things shouldn't have to happen to you or her. But we are all fallible.
If you have a priest or preacher you admire, seek some advice from them. Or some religious counselors. Like I stated before, nobody wants to see you end up with a headstone because of this.

As a side note........
I've been a follower of psychology my whole life. I can say, from a psychological standpoint from an observer of human nature all my life.......she's probably like this because she doesn't know HOW to put her feelings and emotions into words.
These feelings and emotions build up over time and usually come out as anger and violence. She needs some help to learn how to verbally express whats going on inside her.

It ALWAYS helps to talk to somebody. But for MY opinion of this situation..........have her admitted to a mental health facility, and make sure you also tell them you want a marriage counseling class as well, so you both can work this out under controlled conditions.

Emotions bottled up are not something anybody wants to deal with. And it can come out in a variety of ways. Gambling and violence is hers. And you need to find out why she needs to gamble, since this is an addiciton, it is an escape route for her. But obviously it isn't working for her and its getting worse.

Look for help. Get her admitted. Do what NEEDS to be done, not what you WANT to be done. Both of you will have a much better chance of being happy in the end. AND having a nice life together.

 

[skews13]

We've both been under a great deal of stress of late, she has been worse due to her gambling addiction, The assaults against me have been going on for years and even though she warned me a number of times if I ever called the police that she would accuse me of beating her, I was forced to call them this time.

I don't want her charged as I believe even after so many attacks on me over the years that, "I married her and took a vow to God" and I try to see it through (my grandfather was the same way). The police said that they are now mandated to charge someone with assault even if they just break a phone!

Due to her extreme reaction when I pushed her away, giving myself some space as I didn't want to be punched by her, I am weary of the aftermath as she came by to pick up her stuff, with police escort and her arm was in a sling. How is it possible for her to be in a sling when all I did was push her?

She stated to the cops that I damaged her arm when they came, but it seems REALLY far-fetched and she attacked me twice while I was lying passively on the couch. Unless it is just inflammation, my suspicions will be firm that it was a screw job at the hospital. There is no way I dislocated her arm for instance, not even if I punched someone am I that strong.

It's ironic too, because after I pushed her away from me, she went around into the kitchen and blocked my way to leaving for downstairs to get away from the situation. She threw a utensil at me and used TWO arms to stab me hard with her cane, which lead to pain to this day (it happened Thurs).

She did not want me to call and pulled the phone out so that I had to recall.

What would one do if the police decide that i am the aggressor and charge me? I am in our home, she is removed. With my bad experienced with the covert ops here, I am never calm even when I know I am in the right,

Are you a woman?

 

[Vastator]

Yeah, I've already reached out. I am aware of the logic of Stockholm Syndrome etc. The fact that I suffer from it now is astonishing to me, I wouldn't have been this way 20 years ago.

What you tolerate, trains others how to treat you…

 

[shockedcanadian]

Are you a woman?

I'm just very loyal. It's a flaw of mine and rarely worked in my favour, but it is what it is.

 

[occupied]

By the time things deteriorate to the point of violence the relationship is over. Pay whatever it costs to end things decisively and step away. The relief will be immediate.

 

[Clipper]

If you have her admitted to a mental health facility, once they have her settled in and assigned the programs she needs to go through........YOU can also tell them you want both of you to go through a marriage counseling program.

This way, she gets the help she needs to get off the gambling, deal with her emotions, and learn how to deal with whats going on between you two. And you get to see her in class, and both of you get to air your feelings and emotions, and both of you can get the help you need to work it all out.

This would probably be the best option for you, since you want to stay together, and not get divorced.

Life is hard because we make it hard. These things shouldn't have to happen to you or her. But we are all fallible.
If you have a priest or preacher you admire, seek some advice from them. Or some religious counselors. Like I stated before, nobody wants to see you end up with a headstone because of this.

As a side note........
I've been a follower of psychology my whole life. I can say, from a psychological standpoint from an observer of human nature all my life.......she's probably like this because she doesn't know HOW to put her feelings and emotions into words.
These feelings and emotions build up over time and usually come out as anger and violence. She needs some help to learn how to verbally express whats going on inside her.

It ALWAYS helps to talk to somebody. But for MY opinion of this situation..........have her admitted to a mental health facility, and make sure you also tell them you want a marriage counseling class as well, so you both can work this out under controlled conditions.

Emotions bottled up are not something anybody wants to deal with. And it can come out in a variety of ways. Gambling and violence is hers. And you need to find out why she needs to gamble, since this is an addiciton, it is an escape route for her. But obviously it isn't working for her and its getting worse.

Look for help. Get her admitted. Do what NEEDS to be done, not what you WANT to be done. Both of you will have a much better chance of being happy in the end. AND having a nice life together.

i don't know about Canada but here in the U.S. having someone committed isn't easy unless it can be proven that the person is a danger to themself or others. In fact, it's nearly impossible.

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

 

[Fort Fun Indiana]

I'm just very loyal. It's a flaw of mine and rarely worked in my favour, but it is what it is.

Make a few ultimatums.

"Do this (these) or it's over."

If she does not respect them, then it will be her choice to end the marriage. And you will be mentally prepared to do allow her to do so.

 

[Blaster]

By the time things deteriorate to the point of violence the relationship is over. Pay whatever it costs to end things decisively and step away. The relief will be immediate.

There are warning signs when dating. Avoid these kind of women unless you want to be humiliated.

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

i don't know about Canada but here in the U.S. having someone committed isn't easy unless it can be proven that the person is a danger to themself or others. In fact, it's nearly impossible.

Nowadays it is.

But if you have 3 people that can testify in front of a judge that the person you are trying to get admitted is a violent threat, the judge will usually sign the documents.

 

[CarlinAnnArbor]

What about audio clips and the like? I really don't want her charged, but her reaction to my push was over the top, almost premeditated considering how hard she went at me.

Anything is better than nothing but you really need video evidence. Unfortunately a woman's statement carries more weight than a man's. Wom n are "always" the victim.

 

[Meister]

The very first thing you do is to get her served with divorce papers and be legally separated from her.
Then when she racks up more debt, you aren't responsible for her gambling addiction.

 

[excalibur]

Time to leave that marriage, IMO.

 

[shockedcanadian]

Time to leave that marriage, IMO.

It certainly dawns on me, it's just taking time to process. This is why after many days I decided to post on here as Americans provide more sound advice.

 

[excalibur]

Anything is better than nothing but you really need video evidence. Unfortunately a woman's statement carries more weight than a man's. Wom n are "always" the victim.

In NY state they deal with this in family court and the family court judges are often women.

It is usually who calls the police first. A guy I had an acquaintance with was assaulted and scratched by his wife and he in self-defense shoved her but she called the police first and he ended up in county jail.

They finally allowed him in the home for 10 minutes to gather some personal belongings, accompanied by a police officer.

 

[shockedcanadian]

In NY state they deal with this in family court and the family court judges are often women.

It is usually who calls the police first. A guy I had an acqauntance with was assaulted and scratched by his wife and he in self-defense shoved her but she called the police first and he ended up in county jail.

Prison for shoving her? That's ridiculous.

 

[CarlinAnnArbor]

In NY state they deal with this in family court and the family court judges are often women.

It is usually who calls the police first. A guy I had an acqauntance with was assaulted and scratched by his wife and he in self-defense shoved her but she called the police first and he ended up in county jail.

Something like this happened to me too. She called when she understood I was about to call.

 

[1srelluc]

How the blue fuck are we supposed to know Hoser law?

 

[excalibur]

Prison for shoving her? That's ridiculous.

The family court judge ordered him held in the county jail because he couldn't make bail at the moment. Bail for that? Yep, that's family court in NY.

 

[occupied]

There are warning signs when dating. Avoid these kind of women unless you want to be humiliated.

Been there. It cost me nearly everything to cut all ties and it was worth every penny to rid myself of that bipolar, soul sucking, piece of shit. Somewhat later I met the nicest kindest woman in the world and I treat her like a queen.