hangover jokes

[hangover]

A hangover is no joke.

Have another Tequila.

 

[hangover]

Jim Bob and Mary Jane were boinking, when Mary Jane said," Wow! You screw just like daddy!" Jim Bob replied," Yeah, that's what ma says too."

 

[hangover]

An American goes to the Netherlands because he heard that the sheepherders over there had sex with sheep, and he wanted to try it. He gets there and asks some sheepherders if they would mind if he could date one of their sheep, and they said, "Sure, go ahead and take your pick." When he came out of the barn, all the sheepherders were laughing at him. He asked what was so funny, and they said, "You picked the ugliest one!"

 

[hangover]

Women don't make good carpenters because they've always been told that this____________is six inches.

 

[hangover]

I can tell how much Billo likes sick jokes, so these are for him.

A Catholic priest and a Rabbi were flying some kids to camp, when the plane's engines went out. There were only two parachutes, and the clergy grabbed them and headed for the door. The priest says, "What about the kids? The Rabbi says, "Fuck the kids!" The priest asks, "Do you think we have time?"

The difference between a refrigerator and a homosexual is, a frig don't fart when you pull the meat out.

 

[ClosedCaption]

What's 12 inches long and makes a woman scream in the morning?


Crib death!

*slow clap* Did not see that coming

 

[hangover]

Republican Motto: Party over Country

Na, it's more like...."Fuck you, me first."

 

[hangover]

The German word for brazier is....keepemfromfloppin

German word for vigin is....goodntite

 

[hangover]

What do you call an American woman with a stump leg?....Ileane.

What do you call an oriental woman with a stump leg? Irene.

 

[ClosedCaption]

What do you call an American woman with a stump leg?....Ileane.

What do you call an oriental woman with a stump leg? Irene.

 

[hangover]

What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean beef

What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef

 

[hangover]

Hallway sex. Two old people pass in the hallway, and one says, "Fuck you", and the other says, "Fuck you too.."

 

[Billo_Really]

A guy is jogging along the beach when he comes up on a crying woman with no arms and no legs. He stops and asks her, "Why are you crying?" She replies, "I've never been kissed before." So he reaches down and kisses her on the lips and keeps on jogging. On his way back, he runs across the very same woman and she's crying again. He asks, "Why are you crying now?" She say's, "I've never been fucked before." He reaches down, picks her up in his arms, chucks her out into the ocean and say's, "Now your fucked!"

 

[Billo_Really]

What do you get when a blonde stands on her hands?

A brunette with bad breath!

 

[Billo_Really]

How do you fuck a fat chick?

You flip through the folds 'till you smell shit, then you go back one.

 

[hangover]

Why do cowboys have brown noses? Looking for love in all the wrong places.

Why are cowboy hats turned up on the sides? So you can fit three in the cab of a pickup.

Why do cowgirls like cowboys? They think the ring in their back pocket is a pack of rubbers.

 

[Billo_Really]

Why do gay guys use ribbed condoms?

Better traction in the mud!

 

[hangover]

Why do gay guys use ribbed condoms?

Better traction in the mud!

What's grosser than that? A hickey on a hemorrhoid.

 

[Billo_Really]

Three guys die and go to Heaven and are met by St. Peter and the Pearly gates. Peter say's, "Before I can let you in, I need to hear your story as to how you got here."

First guy goes, "Well, I suspected my wife was cheating on me, so this morning I acted like I was going to work and doubled back to the apartment. Sure enough, the door was locked and I heard some commotion in there. So I kicked down the door and saw the window was open. I ran over to the window and saw a man running across our backyard putting his shirt on. So I grabbed the nearest thing I could get my hands on, which was the refrigerator and chucked it out the window and tagged the guy. However, the strain of lifting all that weight, gave me a heart attack."

Peter goes, "Okay, now you."

The second guy goes, "Well, I was late for work this morning and was afraid I'd miss my bus, so I cut across this guy's lawn and got hit in the head by this refrigerator.

Peter goes, "Okay, now you."

The third guy goes, "Well, you see, I was hiding in this refrigerator..."

 

[Billo_Really]

Mother Theresa dies and goes to Heaven. She's met by St. Peter at the Pearly gates and he say's, "Before I can let you in, I need to ask you a few questions."

As he is saying this, Mother Theresa looks over his shoulder and sees Lady Diana inside. She interupts Peter and say's, "St. Peter, after everything I've done in my life, why am I out here answering questions, when Lady Diana is already inside with a halo over her head?"

Peter looks around, then turns back to Mother Theresa and say's, "That's not a halo, it's a steering wheel!"