THE PENTAGON The Department of Defense announced today that it will not host or sponsor any further events to recognize Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transsexual Pride.
DoD Spokesman Major Phil McTavish made the announcement for the Pentagon in an unscheduled press briefing held in a broom closet on sub-basement C, saying that public outcry over the repeal of Dont Ask, Dont Tell was not a cause for the policy change.
The Pentagon held its first, and now only, gay pride event on June 26 of this year, nine months after the repeal of DADT. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta announced the event in a video message to the troops which also thanked gay and lesbian troops that were already serving. Public reaction to the event was mostly a chorus of shrugged shoulders and the occasional screaming that the military was ruined forever.
When pressed for the cause for about face in policy, McTavish stated the military was pretty much gay enough already.
We obviously dont have anything against gay and lesbian troops in the military. The DOD just doesnt feel the need to make a big deal about it anymore. We feel weve achieved a level of gayness that suits us.
McTavish continued, Look around you, man. All these missiles, bullets, rockets; theyre basically dicks, right? I mean sure, they need to be shaped that way to fly, but think of the subtext.
Military historian and ancient warfare expert Dr. Drew Chalmers agrees.
Its no secret the ancient Greeks had a, shall we say, more intimate expression of their comradely love for one another, said Chalmers. Seeing all these companies and platoons nick-name themselves Spartans and Trojans is fucking hilarious. I mean really, dont these numbskulls know they were buttfucking each other at the drop of a hat?
Dr. Chalmers also cited the symbolism of military ranks. Anyone whos read or seen The DaVinci Code knows that chevrons are a masculine symbol. Essentially, most enlisted ranks are a pile of dicks, some with more decorations than others. Plus Army and Marine chevrons point up implying an active sexual role. Meanwhile, Navy ranks point down. Fill in the blanks.
Noting that Air Force enlisted ranks are of a more convex shape, Dr. Chalmers quickly responded: Pile of vaginas. Do I have to spell it out?
MAJ McTavish also listed a number of ways the military exhibits its inherent gayness. Take hygiene for example. Showering with other naked members of the same sex in a hot, steamy room. Granted, the example in the movie Stripes was pretty fucking hot, cause it was all chicks. But most of the time, its a sausage fest.
Another key example is combatives, the modern term for hand-to-hand combat. Yes, our troops need to be able to defend themselves when unarmed, but really. Its just two sweaty dudes rolling around on the floor and grunting. Pretty fucking gay, said McTavish.
DoD Ends All Future LGBT Events, Declares Military ?Gay Enough Already? | The Duffel Blog
DoD Spokesman Major Phil McTavish made the announcement for the Pentagon in an unscheduled press briefing held in a broom closet on sub-basement C, saying that public outcry over the repeal of Dont Ask, Dont Tell was not a cause for the policy change.
The Pentagon held its first, and now only, gay pride event on June 26 of this year, nine months after the repeal of DADT. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta announced the event in a video message to the troops which also thanked gay and lesbian troops that were already serving. Public reaction to the event was mostly a chorus of shrugged shoulders and the occasional screaming that the military was ruined forever.
When pressed for the cause for about face in policy, McTavish stated the military was pretty much gay enough already.
We obviously dont have anything against gay and lesbian troops in the military. The DOD just doesnt feel the need to make a big deal about it anymore. We feel weve achieved a level of gayness that suits us.
McTavish continued, Look around you, man. All these missiles, bullets, rockets; theyre basically dicks, right? I mean sure, they need to be shaped that way to fly, but think of the subtext.
Military historian and ancient warfare expert Dr. Drew Chalmers agrees.
Its no secret the ancient Greeks had a, shall we say, more intimate expression of their comradely love for one another, said Chalmers. Seeing all these companies and platoons nick-name themselves Spartans and Trojans is fucking hilarious. I mean really, dont these numbskulls know they were buttfucking each other at the drop of a hat?
Dr. Chalmers also cited the symbolism of military ranks. Anyone whos read or seen The DaVinci Code knows that chevrons are a masculine symbol. Essentially, most enlisted ranks are a pile of dicks, some with more decorations than others. Plus Army and Marine chevrons point up implying an active sexual role. Meanwhile, Navy ranks point down. Fill in the blanks.
Noting that Air Force enlisted ranks are of a more convex shape, Dr. Chalmers quickly responded: Pile of vaginas. Do I have to spell it out?
MAJ McTavish also listed a number of ways the military exhibits its inherent gayness. Take hygiene for example. Showering with other naked members of the same sex in a hot, steamy room. Granted, the example in the movie Stripes was pretty fucking hot, cause it was all chicks. But most of the time, its a sausage fest.
Another key example is combatives, the modern term for hand-to-hand combat. Yes, our troops need to be able to defend themselves when unarmed, but really. Its just two sweaty dudes rolling around on the floor and grunting. Pretty fucking gay, said McTavish.
DoD Ends All Future LGBT Events, Declares Military ?Gay Enough Already? | The Duffel Blog
