Do you often think about your demise

This seems to be in my brains a lot these days

I have quick images of my last breath, my last thought, my last beat of my heart

Very morbid and eccentric I know.

Does anyone else find the heart very GROSS ??
I view death as a rite of passage.
 
I exercise as regularly as I can and try to eat right hoping to ward off problems. Lifting with every muscle group and walking 35 minutes a day with hills. I can't run. I wouldn't run if I could. Running is bad for your joints. I recognize I need to do stuff while I still can to make it easier for my kids. After a certain point, I won't be able to do it. But I do hate the thought of 'closing up shop' before I need to.
 
This seems to be in my brains a lot these days

I have quick images of my last breath, my last thought, my last beat of my heart

Very morbid and eccentric I know.

Does anyone else find the heart very GROSS ??
oh geezus....you are not just a drama queen you are a mega drama queen...
 
Yes. Every day. My health started becoming quirky about 4 years before I hit 50. Now I'm 50 and it is just all so real. You start thinking about how long is this going to take. How much is it going to hurt. How much would my family have to suffer along with me. How much will my medical cost be in the future. What kind of surgeries will I have to have to save my life or extend my life.

My father was very confident with his health until he died at the age of 76. His father and his mother lived to be 101 and 96 respectively. My grandparents and my mother's side live to be 89 and 90. My father said that with his background I'd have nothing to worry about. Now I'm really not so sure. Now I realized that maybe I'll make it to 90 if I quit doing some of the things I do. Maybe even if I do quit doing some of the things I do all die next year or discover I have something that's irreversible. You just don't fuckin know for sure. But one thing you do have to do is start appreciating life. You need to appreciate the good things...including those things that can shorten your life. It makes no sense to be a total abuser or a total teetotaler. In the end I think it's about coming in for a generally smooth landing. It's about kind of planning for your death. And I don't mean just financially. I mean coming in for that smooth landing when you know you're just about out of gas.
 
I don't want to die, but I'm looking forward to it all being over.

When I die nothing that has ever happened will mean a thing. Me and my entire life will be gone and nothing will matter anymore. I am not someone who has or likely will do anything big, when I die my life will have meant nothing. And even if it did, I'm dead.

I'll be glad to stop having to wake up to go to work, wipe my ass, clean my house, cut the grass, do laundry, sit in traffic, put up with stupid people and all the meaningless and mundane shit I drudge through every day of my life.

Sure I enjoy the good times, but when I'm dead they won't have mattered either.

I embrace dying because it's an end to everything and it is inescapable. So no point in fearing it or thinking about it. All I hope is I am lucky enough to die like my grandpa. He didn't feel good so he went to the doctor and when they called his name they thought he fell asleep in the chair but he was dead. Quick and easy.
 

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